Feeling somewhat guilty

[chenderson]

Long story short, I had a little 1 year old who pretty much cried and whined almost non-stop for 11 weeks. I finally decided I am not able to adequately provide him with what he needs as well as care for the other children enrolled. That and his mood was really affecting me and the rest of the kids as he was always crying or in some distressed state no matter what I did or tried. So after A LOT of though, I gave the family notice (they knew the situation). I gave 1 month notice to the family and his last day is scheduled for Aug 8th. Now of course I feel terrible every day when he reaches out for me at arrival and is a happy smiley little guy. He still has his moments but today was particularly lovely with him.

Obviously I do not want to waver back and forth as the poor family probably despises me (the dad agrees he is a whiny baby and it drives them crazy too but the mom now gives me the cold shoulder and I don't blame her). I just feel bad. I know I made the right choice based on how he is the majority of the time and he needs more 1 to 1 attention but I'm so afraid the next little guy I get will be worse just in spite of it all. Ugh.

Just needed to vent... :)

[mickyc]

Vent away.

I totally understand how you feel. I am surprised the family has actually stuck around. For myself if my child was not adjusting well to a daycare to the point the provider gave notice I certainly wouldn't want to put him through that and would move on as quickly as I could.

Good luck and yes I agree it would not be a good idea to go back on what you have already done. Let them go and carry on. No guarantees with the next child unfortunately.

[5 Little Monkeys]

Unfortunately, we never know when the transition period will end. Kinda sounds like this little guy needed more time to transition but you have made your decision and there is nothing wrong with it!! Try not to feel guilty. If you feel that this little one will not integrate into your daycare than the best thing for all is for the parents to find another daycare.

Hopefully the next one will transition quicker!

[SecondAve]

I kept a little guy like that for 8 months, he never transitioned in and the crying was draining on all of us. Outside time was the worst, he would cry non-stop the whole time we were out there. It didn't matter what was done to console him, he wouldn't stop. Even the neighbours would come to the fence and "joke" about it, to try and ease the mood.

I also gave one months notice to the family. They understood and did stay the whole time. Everyday I felt guilty. Still do, honestly. On the last day there were hugs and the mom even cried. She only had words of gratitude. The family truly was a class-act. It just didn't work out. And the days after the little guy left were smooth and enjoyable. Even though I felt guilty, I don't regret it. It had to be done.

[daycaremom9]

I was in the same position a few months ago and also had to terminate. I had the same feelings as you but kept thinking of all the circumstances leading up to the decision to terminate. The last day in particular was hard because the child was very affectionate and was behaving well. I think it's typical to have second thoughts. But since he's been gone , I've noticed the time that is freed up for the other children not to mention stress! Don't be so hard on yourself and have faith in your decision, you probably didn't make it in haste!

[CrazyEight]

It's always uncomfortable when children stay for the full notice period after termination. I let a pair of siblings go this past winter for uncontrollable behaviour, all-day tantrums, hitting, screaming, etc, and the parents kept them in until the very last day they could.

Then again, the kids' behaviour didn't get any better in those last 2 weeks, so I didn't feel guilty that way, but I'm a people-pleaser and felt like I was admitting I had failed. Dad gave me the cold shoulder every day at pickup and made comments about how I was "obviously overwhelmed in this career" as if his childrens' behaviour was all my fault. It was terrible, and I spent most of that time questioning my decision even though the proof that I had made the right one was right on the floor in front of me, screaming their heads off because I made them put shoes on to go outside!

Don't beat yourself up! You are your own boss, and well within your rights to give notice if you feel it is necessary. The fact that you are feeling guilty means it took a lot to drive you to the decision in the first place (I hung on through 8 months of hell!) and it was the right one.

Those first few days after they leave feel like a dream...it will be worth it in the end.

[chenderson]

Thank you ladies so much for the words of encouragement. I know the decision was the right one (especially since he's been having a terrible day today) and I really did do everything I could and he just isn't a good match for the other little guy in my care. It is a strange feeling that I let the family down, but it was completely out of my control. The dad is great and freely admits they cannot stand his constant whining and totally understands my choice. Mom has taken a more cold stance but such is life. And it is her baby and I've essentially told her that her baby is a handful. Lol. I think there may be other issues as well and the family is in a bit of denial. Either way, I don't feel too bad. I know it is the right decision in the long run for both me and the children here, as well as for the family. Just sucks to have to be the bad guy and have the child remain for the month. But like you said CrazyEight I need to be good to myself and I know what is right for my business. I already have another little boy registered and am looking forward to a change in the mood of the house. :)