Kindergarten at age 4.5

[2cuteboys]

Hi there! This got long, I apologize, but thanks in advance!

I'm having mixed feeling about sending my 4.5 year old to kindergarten this year, wondering if anyone might have any input gat could help me make a decision. I know that over there in ON kids go at age 4, so maybe you have some better experience in the matter.

My son was born December 19th, and here the cut off is dec 31st. So he's pretty close to the cutoff. And school isn't even really required until grade 1 or age 6. However, I don't think he has much to gain by staying home. My group is younger than him by 1.5 years and he is easily frustrated by them not playing how he does or how he thinks they should. He is very bright, he did preschool Fridays for 6 hrs last year, and has been to other childcare places (drop in for appointments, gym child minding) and he's never had an issue - no missing mom, always running straight in barely saying goodbye.

Like I mentioned earlier, he does get upset easily and can shut down when it happens. He also has vision issues - very near sighted and has nystagmus (means his eyes kind of wiggle and he can have problems focusing).

I've done some research on holding them back or 'redshirting' and the general consensus from studies I've read is it's no good, but everyone I talk to recommends it! I'm so torn!

[CrazyEight]

Don't hold him back.

I'm in Ontario, so my kids started Junior Kindergarten at age 4. My daughter turned 4 in August and started school in September, but she is very bright, very social, and so definitely ready that we didn't question sending her at all.

My son is 14 months younger than her, with an October birthday. So he started school when he was still 3. At the time, he still had yet to sleep through the night. We were on waiting lists with Children's Mental Health and with specialists to evaluate him for possible Aspergers, ODD, or other disorders because of his behaviour. His tantrums were insane, he needed things to be a particular way, and he was very emotionally distant, almost cold, to the point where he'd do things like push over his newborn sister's stroller (with her in it!) and then just stare at me, sort of stare through me, like he didn't even care.

I seriously considered holding him back - but putting him in school was the BEST decision we could have made. Over the summer prior to school we got in-home visits with children's mental health, the specialists put him on melatonin to help get his sleeping under control, and we learned a lot of tools to help manage his behaviour. He improved dramatically, but I was still very worried about how he'd react to the rules, expectations, and consequences that come along with school, and that aren't set down by mommy, who's buttons he of course knows how to push.

He's completely blossomed at school though, and his teachers say he is extremely polite, well-mannered, and very bright. They haven't had any issues with him at all, and were shocked at his first parent-teacher conference when I hesitantly asked about any behaviour issues. He's had his ups and downs at home, and now that school is out, he's back to colossal melt-downs multiple times a week, but his behaviour at school shows me he CAN do it, and he can excel. I'm sooo glad I didn't try to shield him by holding him back.

I don't want to make this all about me or my son, and obviously every kid is different, but I guess what I mean is that he may completely surprise you. If serious issues come up, you can discuss them with his teacher and go from there - there were a couple kids in the 3 kindergarten classes this year that switched to half-days, or switched classes, 1 that ended up needing a full-time aide at school, but in my opinion, kids don't get a lot out of red-shirting. Parents shouldn't worry about their kindergartner being the smartest academically, they should worry about their child getting the socialization that kindergarten provides.

By all means, research, talk to his preschool teachers, talk to the teachers at school, but think about giving him a chance to be challenged a bit. The social education kids get out of kindergarten has been invaluable to my son. It might do a world of good for yours, too.

I'll stop writing my novel now :)

[AmandaKDT]

A friend of mine just went through this - putting her December birthday 4 year old into kindergarten. She wasn't sure if she wanted to wait and put him in kindergarten the following year, but decided just to go through with it. She found that her son had some challenges with being almost a year younger than many of the older kids and she had to do extra work with him at home so that he wasn't lagging too far behind. But it seems in the big picture that everything went okay.

Just remember that if you find it isn't going well you can always withdraw them from school since it isn't mandatory.

[mickyc]

I am the opposite. My daughter is currently 4 with a birthday in Feb and I would love nothing more than for her to go this year with her friends (I have cared for 4 other kids that are all going to be in the same class this fall - one is her best friend). She is no further behind them (actually a little bit ahead of 2 IMO) but unfortunately I have to wait because she is a month and a half past the cut off!

You know your child best, if you think it would be beneficial to send him this year then go for it. If he will struggle then wait a year and maybe find a pre-school program that he can attend.

[dodge__driver11]

Hi!

We do not have jk or sk here but my son turns six in September, and I did not hold him back, he was "beyond ready" to go and was really looking forward to making his "own set of friends" in kindy.

He is flourishing now in school, and I would not have it any other way...they are actually placing him in a grade 1/2 split next year, because he is excelling in some areas... So it has worked out well for him. But, as others have said, only you know best....

Take care,

Dodge

[madmom]

I will be the devils advocate on this one. My middle son was born Dec 24th. When he started school he was only 3 and in our school board they go full days jk and sk. I wasn't sure about sending him but his older brother (a March baby) did so well we sent him. Big mistake, I ended up picking him up everyday at noon, brought him home for lunch then he would nap 1-4 here everyday. He was not ready at all. At the end of the year he was promoted to SK but we decided to keep him back, it was the best thing we ever did. He is confident, and more on par with his peers now. We also considered what would happen in high school being the youngest. It's one thing to be the youngest in the elementary world but we felt he could be at a total disadvantage physically getting into the higher grades. Who wants to be the shrimp in the boys locker room?
I think parents know their children best and if you don't feel your child is ready you are probably right. Go with your gut feelings

[2cuteboys]

Thanks for the input everyone.

His program is half day, so I think we'll give it a shot. Worse case, I pull him and wait a year.

I also have a close friend who works as a secretary at the school he'll be at, so it'll be nice to have another set if eyes who will tell me candidly if he's not handling it well.

Crazyeight I had the same thought about his behavior. I think he's under-stimulated here, and he behaves for me like he will for no one else - straight up hellion sometimes! Other authority figures say he's "a dream!"

[superfun]

I had the same concerns, I think most parents with kids born near the cutoff worry about these things. My daughter was the youngest in her class, and there's some kids almost a year older than her. There should be a better way to establish cutoff for kinder, rather than the end of the calendar year.
I talked to her teacher the summer before she started kinder, and it turns out the teacher was also born in the same month as my daughter, and she reassured me that it would be fine. She was good all year, and she learned so much, and now she's really excited for grade 1. One of the girls she became close friends with is close to a year older than her, and I can definitely see the difference. I think it just means my daughter has to put more effort in than some of the older kids. I see that as a positive, because it sets her up for a good work ethic in older grades.

[Gloucestermom]

My son is 4.5, and born in January. He is so ready for jk! I'm excited for him, I think he's under stimulated at home. I put him into summer camp this week and he loves it.
My birthday's in December, so I was 3 when I started jk and was always the youngest in my class. I think I turned out ok! :)

[5 Little Monkeys]

I have a Feb birthday so I was part of the older crew. Graduating when I was 18 vs 17 like some of my friends definitely had it's advantages. For some it doesn't matter but I know some of my friends wished they were 18. Something minor but another thing to consider

[bright sparks]

I don't think you can put to much on their birthdate to be honest. My son's birthday is Dec 24th and he went full days and was fine. There were parents with children nearly a year older whose children had a really hard time of it. Each child is individual and a parent knows their child best. I think it was the best thing for my son to be socialized and educationally stimulated more than I could provide for him at home while caring for 5 babies. I think as parents it is more of an issue for us than it is for them to be honest. When the kids are playing together in class, I'm pretty sure they don't care when their birthday is and by the time they get to high school, they care even less. The size of the child doesn't necessarily indicate the child's age these days either so the bully's target could be anyone, plus the smallest and youngest kid could very well be the toughest and smartest so I wouldn't worry to much. As you said its worth a shot and have a good relationship with the kindergarten teacher, let them know your concerns and ask for regular feedback to keep a close eye on how things go.

[2cuteboys]

Thanks everyone! I plan on meeting up with the teacher when I go to register. I'm hopeful that this will be a good thing for him.

[Secondtimearound]

I waited until all mine were 5-5.5 before kindergarten .

[blackcomb]

I put my son in from age 4, only mistake I made was initially putting him in a catholic school that had a nasty teacher who was better suited to older kids! I was angry as it was his first time at school and was meant to be a positive experience not a negative one, so before any damage got done to his well being I removed him after a week, sick of the nasty negative comments she kept writing on him daily (horrible teacher!) I almost reported her to the teachers registration regulation board, his new principle was not much better and didn't listen to my concerns just went into defensive mode on side of the teacher and went off on a tangent about his huge list of rules children had to follow.. shocked I told him, you do realise he has just turned 4 yrs old? They go to school to learn rules not know them already at that age, you act like he's 13 already, honestly, what a prat! Interestingly after I removed him and put him in a far nicer warm and loving public school who cuddled him unlike that first place, the principle of the catholic school on my collecting my sons things hastened me into a room for a quick chat, I told him he was kidding? He didn't want to listen to me so not sure what makes him think I wanted to listen to him.. I have no time for him anymore.. goodbye! I told him and walked out the door (not all are bad I know just that teacher wasn't nice as I found out too late by the locals she was known for being nasty).

On the whole though, he was challenging at home being smart and needing stimilation, a love of learning ( he started out in montessori schools so is very independent and loves to learn) so for him it was the right thing to do, he's so much better behaved at home for it and is now learning to read, as I have work books at home for him to progress during school holidays and daily we do it, a bit at a time, he just loves it. He's one of the youngest in his class, he starts SK in Sept.