Infants not prepeared for daycare

[Busy ECE mommy]

Hello all!
I have 2 little ones that started with me a week ago(12&13mos) I interviewed both families around the 9 month mark, and outlined my expectations of what they needed to do at home to prepare their children for care. Things like: letting child self soothe at nap(no bottles in bed, and no rocking or bouncing) I do use music or white noise to help them soothe. Well, both of them are getting rocked to sleep and bottles to soothe. Jeepers.... I also make it a point to say that children will be eating table food cut up in small pieces, and should be able to attempt to feed with their own fingers(except for messy foods of course) and should be able to hold own sippy cup. Both are still on bottles, not sippy, and can't hold it themselves, and can't self feed, as they are spoon fed puree at home, and have no idea what to do with slightly textured foods) Am I expecting too much here? Never had this many issues with this age before. Feedback/suggestions?

[5 Little Monkeys]

No I do not think you are expecting too much. I have recently made up a little list of tips and suggestions that I now give out to new parents who will be starting with me. I was finding the same as you, some kids were just not prepared for daycare settings and it was getting exhausting! However, I realize all parents will parent differently and most importantly, children develop at different ages and some stages come later for some. I don't stress about it anymore, I have given the parents a list of what/how I do things at daycare and it is up to them to either help or hinder their child. I find within a month or so the child has adapted to my daycare routines and life is smooth again. Here is what my info sheets says to the parents....

Tips & Suggestions for Starting Daycare and Daycare Routine/Policies

Eating/Drinking/Bottles
* I have children's height table and chairs where we eat lunch and snack's (and do art and sensory activities). I have a booster seat available for children younger than 14 months. Having your child practice getting on and off a small chair would be beneficial for them.

* The children feed themselves with a few exceptions (ie. younger child with soup, yogurt, pudding, etc). If they have been exposed to children's cutlery that would be excellent! I don't allow dumping or throwing food and would appreciate if this was encouraged at home as well.

* I serve food in bite size pieces and as they get older, their food pieces get bigger but still appropriately sized for the capabilities.

* I give all children their liquids in the sippy cups provided. As they get older, they will have the opportunity from time to time to drink from child sized glasses. However, for the most part, it will always be in spill proof cups. Bottles will be given at the table. For safety and sanitary reasons, I do not allow bottles in the playpen. If your child depends on a bottle to fall asleep, I would kindly suggest to wean them from this before starting daycare.


Napping
* Nap time is approximately 1230pm - 3pm. All children are expected to nap/lay quietly for at least 30-60 minutes. I am not able to rock children to sleep and because at times, not all children are in the nap room, I am not able to sit in the room until your child falls asleep as I have to be able to monitor all children safely.

* If your child is used to being rocked to sleep, having a person in the room and/or taking a bottle before napping, I would suggest to wean them from this. I am unfortunately not able to accommodate these habits as I have multiple children to care for and can not attend to them all if I have to do these things. I also do not get a break other than nap time and use this time to eat my own lunch and to prep for the afternoon.

* I allow blankies, stuffies and soothers for naptime. Due to safety and sanitary reasons, these things will not be allowed at other times (unless your child is sick and needs a comfort item while waiting for pick up).


Drop Off's
* I encourage drop off's to be as quick as possible (within 1-3 minutes). This is easiest on all the children and allows us to start our day and get right into playing! Please tell me anything I need to know about your child's night/morning and than give a hug and kiss and say goodbye. I will text you pictures throughout the day of your child playing and having fun!

Toys
* I have a "no toy throwing" rule and encourage the children to not put toys in their mouth. If these habits could be encouraged at home as well, I would greatly appreciate it! It also cuts down on the spread of illness!!

If you have any questions or concerns at any time, please do not hesitate to speak to me! I am here to help you raise your child and the more we can be on the same page, the better for your child! Consistency will be key to raising a happy, healthy and well adjusted child :)

[CrazyEight]

This is a really good list! I went over things like this at the interview with my latest newbie, who is 18 months, and even so, when he was dropped off for his first day on Tuesday, mom casually mentions "there's a bottle in the bag, just give it to him when you lay him down for nap."

At 18 months old!! Plus the soother is still permanently attached to the front of his shirt, and if I let him, almost always in his mouth.

A lot of parents, especially first-time parents, tend to "baby" toddlers WAY more than is necessary. I'm not saying I didn't at all, but my kids were certainly not being given a bottle in their beds at 18 months old! They were never given a bottle in their beds at all, as it's terrible for their teeth.

This little guy is in for a rough transition...I think the best you can do is provide a list like the above one - and then hope and pray they actually pay attention to some of it. Most of us will have to do the hard stuff for them, though....transition ing new infants sucks.

[mickyc]

How frustrating!! I would remind all parents of what you do at your home. Send them an email outlining things -
-Children will be placed in their playpen and will be left to CIO/not rocked or given a bottle.
-Children will be fed finger foods and be expected to hold their own sippy cups.
-Bottles (if required) will be fed in their highchair only after the meal has been served. It is strongly recommended that the child learn to hold their own bottle as I do not have time sit with each child that needs a bottle.
-Bottles will be weaned off after a month in daycare.
-Soothers are not allowed in daycare.
-Children over 12 months old will be fed small bite sized foods. If your child is still on baby food please provide junior baby food (not puree) during their transition to finger foods.

Sometimes parents don't realize how demanding having multiple children can be and only see us giving their child 100% of attention. It only makes things harder for their child.

I had a boy start a few months ago that was still on puree/soother/bottles. Soother was NEVER allowed here and we quickly weaned off bottles. The puree took longer but after about a month and a half I told mom to quit sending baby food. If he won't eat what I serve he goes hungry now.

[Fun&care]

I totally have been thinking of coming up with a "daycare readiness" sheet myself for some time too. I personally would probably add something about how kids do much better in daycare when they have been babysat WITHOUT THEIR PARENTS PRESENT at least a few times before starting daycare. I've had a few who were so attached to their mothers and had hardly ever been apart from them start daycare and it was very difficult on them and a nightmare for me. Not sure how I would go about wording it though!

Luckily I have not had a 12 month old still on purée yet but it would probably really bother me to have to spoon feed them at every meal, I would prob wean them from it ASAP.

And don't get me started on rocking/nursing/ bouncing to sleep at 12 months! Seriously parents?!

[5 Little Monkeys]

The babysitting point is a good one too! Unfortunately many parents don't do this before the age of one but it does really help if the child has spent time away from mom and dad. Some parents don't have the luxury of family babysitters or the money to pay for a babysitter while on mat leave so I do understand why some haven't done this.

I would likely say something like " your child will benefit from spending short periods of time away from you before starting daycare, perhaps with other family members or babysitters. This will greatly benefit them and allow the introduction to daycare with no parent present to go smoother and they will adapt to daycare quicker"

[Fun&care]

The babysitting point is a good one too! Unfortunately many parents don't do this before the age of one but it does really help if the child has spent time away from mom and dad. Some parents don't have the luxury of family babysitters or the money to pay for a babysitter while on mat leave so I do understand why some haven't done this.

I would likely say something like " your child will benefit from spending short periods of time away from you before starting daycare, perhaps with other family members or babysitters. This will greatly benefit them and allow the introduction to daycare with no parent present to go smoother and they will adapt to daycare quicker"

I like the way you put it. IMO the most difficult part of transitioning for a 12 mo is getting used to being away from mom. I find it is the #1 most challenging thing about transitioning, everything else IMO is secondary. I find the kids who have had the easiest transitions are the ones who spend a lot of time with family/friends and get looked after by other adults. The ones who don't have family in town and don't socialize themselves with other adults and don't have opportunities to have their kids babysat...you can tell the difference. It's huge. I REALLY wish some parents would realize this and make more of an effort before putting them in daycare. Sigh but what can you do! It is how it is.

[Busy ECE mommy]

I verbally prepped the parents for my expectations, and they're on my website too. It's too bad they didn't follow through. I didn't intend to transition 2 of them at the same time. One changed the start date just a few weeks ago, so no chance to train one into a routine first, and then the other. Is it friday yet LOL???

[MonkeyPrincess]

I am currently transitioning an 11 month old and i LOATHE the transitioning process, especially from kids who parents have been too attached and havent gotten their children ready for daycare. I love the kids, they are all very special to me, but transitioning can be the hardest part of the job. I think the parents did a decent job transitioning this baby, but she is going thru the typical stuff, making strange with her surroundings, not eating a lot, wants to be held, can't be out of sight and screaming thru naps and waking everyone (i did get her to sleep though, 30 min so far, crossing my fingers!). She is not as bad as her older sister was though- I also care for their oldest, who is now 3 and she was one of the hardest kids i ever transitioned. In my opinion, they didn't do a very good job getting her ready for daycare. This child cried for months, vomiting almost everyday, would SCREAM and cry for 6 of the 8 hrs of the day, didn't eat, didn't sleep, was always sick, wanted to always be held/rocked, and was sucking the life out of me. It was obvious that the child was not ready for daycare. She got better at daycare after about 4 mos gradually, luckily, i was ready to give their notice.

[superfun]

No I do not think you are expecting too much. I have recently made up a little list of tips and suggestions that I now give out to new parents who will be starting with me. I was finding the same as you, some kids were just not prepared for daycare settings and it was getting exhausting! However, I realize all parents will parent differently and most importantly, children develop at different ages and some stages come later for some. I don't stress about it anymore, I have given the parents a list of what/how I do things at daycare and it is up to them to either help or hinder their child. I find within a month or so the child has adapted to my daycare routines and life is smooth again. Here is what my info sheets says to the parents....

Tips & Suggestions for Starting Daycare and Daycare Routine/Policies

Eating/Drinking/Bottles
* I have children's height table and chairs where we eat lunch and snack's (and do art and sensory activities). I have a booster seat available for children younger than 14 months. Having your child practice getting on and off a small chair would be beneficial for them.

* The children feed themselves with a few exceptions (ie. younger child with soup, yogurt, pudding, etc). If they have been exposed to children's cutlery that would be excellent! I don't allow dumping or throwing food and would appreciate if this was encouraged at home as well.

* I serve food in bite size pieces and as they get older, their food pieces get bigger but still appropriately sized for the capabilities.

* I give all children their liquids in the sippy cups provided. As they get older, they will have the opportunity from time to time to drink from child sized glasses. However, for the most part, it will always be in spill proof cups. Bottles will be given at the table. For safety and sanitary reasons, I do not allow bottles in the playpen. If your child depends on a bottle to fall asleep, I would kindly suggest to wean them from this before starting daycare.


Napping
* Nap time is approximately 1230pm - 3pm. All children are expected to nap/lay quietly for at least 30-60 minutes. I am not able to rock children to sleep and because at times, not all children are in the nap room, I am not able to sit in the room until your child falls asleep as I have to be able to monitor all children safely.

* If your child is used to being rocked to sleep, having a person in the room and/or taking a bottle before napping, I would suggest to wean them from this. I am unfortunately not able to accommodate these habits as I have multiple children to care for and can not attend to them all if I have to do these things. I also do not get a break other than nap time and use this time to eat my own lunch and to prep for the afternoon.

* I allow blankies, stuffies and soothers for naptime. Due to safety and sanitary reasons, these things will not be allowed at other times (unless your child is sick and needs a comfort item while waiting for pick up).


Drop Off's
* I encourage drop off's to be as quick as possible (within 1-3 minutes). This is easiest on all the children and allows us to start our day and get right into playing! Please tell me anything I need to know about your child's night/morning and than give a hug and kiss and say goodbye. I will text you pictures throughout the day of your child playing and having fun!

Toys
* I have a "no toy throwing" rule and encourage the children to not put toys in their mouth. If these habits could be encouraged at home as well, I would greatly appreciate it! It also cuts down on the spread of illness!!

If you have any questions or concerns at any time, please do not hesitate to speak to me! I am here to help you raise your child and the more we can be on the same page, the better for your child! Consistency will be key to raising a happy, healthy and well adjusted child :)

Do you mind if I borrow/use this as well? I haven't had this problem until I my newest addition to daycare. He's so tiny, and I have a hard time remembering that he's as old as he is. I am guessing his parents still treat him like he's quite young.
He is very behind in a few different ways, and I can tell that it's frustrating for him that he's expected to do things that should be normal for his age. On the other hand, I can tell that he'll be an awesome kid once we've worked out the eating behaviours (he's 15 months and still doesn't chew or swallow food properly) and the other things that he's behind on.

[Fun&care]

I verbally prepped the parents for my expectations, and they're on my website too. It's too bad they didn't follow through. I didn't intend to transition 2 of them at the same time. One changed the start date just a few weeks ago, so no chance to train one into a routine first, and then the other. Is it friday yet LOL???

I hope things improve soon. I'm sure they will. I transitioned two 12 mo this summer only 2 weeks apart. It was hard at first but now they are fully transitioned and I can breathe again! I also verbally prep parents during the interview process and I cover everything but for some reason it doesn't sink in. I had one of the parents start sleep training one week before starting daycare...*sigh* I think I might try a Daycare Readiness handout in the hopes that maybe in writing it will have more effect.

[Busy ECE mommy]

I'll give it a month of full time care, and then term if needed. I've had kids scream 4 months straight before, and I vowed I'd rather be short on money than do that again. The rest of the group suffers, so maybe some kids need a 1 on 1 nanny at home. Hopefully it will improve.

[5 Little Monkeys]

Superfun...of course, go ahead!! :)

I verbally told parents most of what is in my list but like others, found it just didn't sink in. I also find that parents (especially new ones) are overwhelmed as they are usually looking at multiple daycares and being told a lot of info. I like to send them home with written (or emailed) info about how my daycare runs so they can sit at home and read it and let it fully register. It's also the number one reason I email my contract before even meeting in person. It allows both parents to read it in detail and come prepared with questions specific to my daycare and not just general questions that are already answered in the contract. Saves so much time!

BusyECEmommy....I hope things get better soon! I agree with everyone, transition sucks!! lol

[bright sparks]

Sounds like there are a few of us transitioning right now so I'd like to say how happy I am to read that people are filling spots considering the dry spell of enquiries I have had over the last year or so and the amount of providers posting similar stories. I filled my 3 day a week boy who left when his mom went on mat leave with a 12 month old girl. She is really strong willed and stubborn. Yesterday was day one...today is worse. When I interviewed her parents they were really open and honest about how they parent her asking for advice and I gave them the pointers that 5LM said and some more in depth with regards to food as she was still on pureed. They weaned her totally onto table food and zero puree for her starting here and I couldn't be happier. That being said the transitioning is killing me. She is not a tactile child, not even with her parents so its not like I'm even faced with the challenge of a child constantly seeking comfort by being held, quite the contrary. If I pick her up she squirms, and if I put my arms out she crawls away lolol I don't take it personally but it does make it very difficult to try and calm her down. She honestly does the best if I ignore her. She has not been socialized at all with other kids or even been out much as her mom didn't have a car during maternity leave. The crying was OTT this morning but thank god she sleeps. She sits with her soother and cries intermittently, and will not take her bottles or eat anything...except today she had a yogurt which is a plus.

I transitioned 2x 1 year olds at the beginning of the year, one AP and it was really tough taking a good few months to have them totally settled. I said I'd never do it again, but when you rely on the income and other options are scarce, sometimes you have to just grin and bare it.

[torontokids]

I mention all the readiness stuff at the interview but I also email the parents one month before care (for the 12 mos olds I sign on early) and check in re: the readiness stuff. I will ask specific questions e.g. "how's Mike doing with the sippy cup?" "is he soothing himself to sleep yet?" etc. This has helped tremendously and has helped parents I think feel connected to me and to the daycare before their child starts.

[bright sparks]

So my little one got up from nap screaming....hasn't stopped. Won't be held, won't eat, no water, no bottle. Only thing that gets her to be quiet is placing her in a playpen. She gets angry if I put toys in with her throwing and crying. Gets mad if any of the kids even look at her. If I talk it sets her off. Jeez let's hope there is some improvement over the next week otherwise I don't know what....

This is a great example of how a child having zero socialization for the first year of their life can be a major issue in group care.

[Fun&care]

That sounds rough brightsparks! I don't think I've ever had one that bad, I hope she comes around soon. Just emphasizes how important socialization really is! I so wish parents would realize this. So many parents drop their kids off at daycare at the 12 month mark and hope the kid adjusts.