Is mom asking too much?

[thenest]

I began sitting for a family four months ago and everything was great. This family gives me their childcare dates ever Sunday for the week of as her dates always change. I have always accommodated them. I even accommodate all of her requests: provide her child with her supplied teething rings, change her into her pjs at nap time, provide her with crackers or toys while walking in the stroller etc.

This baby (17 months) is very strong and has been aggressive since the day she started. She bites, pulls hair, hits and kicks every child. Mainly she picks on my son who is 17 months as well. I inform mom every time she picks her up if it was a major incident. Everytime it's my fault. She bit someone because I didn't have her tethers available, she hair pulled and kicked in the stroller because I didn't provide her with toys or food and she was probably starving (I feed her breakfast 45 minutes before we leave to drop off at school). Every day I provide the parents with written reports, I daily blog with their activities and pictures and we do crafts, play outside and they're provided with a preschool program.

The other day mom asked me to start a journal with the time, what her child was doing before, during and after the incident. She has blamed the other children for her actions that they may be provoking her when they are no where near her and she also tried to blame my school age son the other day. I charge ten dollars less than anyone in the area and I feel like I give so much to this family, but it's never enough.

I feel like I want to terminate because mom is always adding new things to my list and is never happy. Am I over reacting or is she really asking a lot?

[bright sparks]

This woman seems like a piece of work. Let me ask you a question though....Who's business is this? Is it yours. Because if it is then you set your rules and she follows them,not the other way round. If she doesn't like they way you do things, then she can find someone else. Obviously in this case she thinks she is your boss, but where will you draw the line with these demands? I'd have a sit down conversation with her about what's going on, explain that a journal isn't necessary if she trusts you because she should take you at your word and trust your ability to manage caring for Children including behaviour issues and if she needs to analyze where you are clearly letting these incidents happen in her opinion, then yes you should terminate. She clearly has no respect for you or your word and likely trying to resolve things with this woman and her frame of mind would be a huge waste of time

[cfred]

Yep...buh bye! The parent with the faultless child is not a parent you want on the roster. You'll never win. I'm guessing this is an only child. Mum should probably stay home with her own little snowflake as her demands are, in my opinion, quite excessive. If she's not on board to help resolve these issues, or at least support you...forget it.

[Fun&care]

First off, yes this woman is asking too much because YOU LET HER. Your daycare, your rules! I would not be taking requests from parents to give their child crackers in the stroller because we have a set snack time as is. And changing into pjs at naptime? No way. Send your child in clothes that are comfortable enough to sleep and play in and there should be no need to change them.

She doesn't seem to be taking you seriously about her child's aggressiveness. I would say flat out no for the journaling and having a sit down chat with her about your expectations and what you are doing and your side to change this and what she should be doing at home and that if you don't see improvement in this child's behavior within 2 weeks (or your chosen time frame) then unfortunately you will not be able to provide care for them. You have a responsibility to look out for all the other children in your daycare and it's not fair to the other families to be dropping their child off in an environment that is unsafe and unpleasant. And to be honest-it sounds like you would be better off without this client. One of the most important things if you want to stay in the daycare business for a while is to have boundaries and stick with 'em. If you don't, families will walk all over you and take advantage of you.

[mickyc]

I agree - this is your business and you need to stand up to her.

In my daycare we eat when everyone eats, no teething rings and I am constantly on the little ones to keep things out of their mouths, changing the child into PJ's for nap - really!? 17 months old is old enough to be able to wait to eat and old enough to no longer need a teething ring.

Personally I would just discipline the child yourself and not bother telling mom of the behaviour issues. She obviously doesn't agree with you and likely won't change things at home.

I say give it a few weeks of you dealing with the issues yourself, if you don't see any improvement then terminate. Stop catering to this woman and her child.

[thenest]

I totally agree! It's difficult for me to terminate, because two of the families I sit for are her neighbours and friends. I know its ridiculous, but I accommodated her at first because she was a nervous first time mom. After all of these conversations with mom I feel really defeated as a provider and wanted to throw in the towel. She sent me text messages for over an hour and told me I should have informed her daily of every minor incident as well and she was disappointed in me that I didn't.

[mickyc]

Don't worry about who her neighbors and friends are. Put your foot down and be your own boss.

[thenest]

I definitely discipline with time out, redirection and explaining to the baby. She is very verbal for her age and does understand. Half the time she laughs or does it out of spite. I think its that time...

[Lou]

I'm afraid that would be it for me too. I would be issuing a 2 weeks notice based the aggression, and Mom's need to blame anyone but her child. It is no longer working out.

[CrazyEight]

Holy crap, this mom is WAAAY over the line! She is treating you like her private nanny. She's just making stupid excuses for the baby's behaviour and blaming it on you. Toys or snacks every time she's in the stroller? PJs for naps? Specific teethers at specific times? She's not teaching her child proper manners or interaction with other kids. I don't mean "please and thank you" but at 17 months she's plenty old enough to know not to bite and pull hair. If mom is making excuses for this now instead of teaching her child social rules, and expecting you to do the same thing, this kid is going to get worse and worse.

I agree with the above - your daycare, your rules. She's treating you like her own personal nanny service. She's grown accustomed to "extra" perks - changing schedules, breakfast, and all the crazy requests. For my own sanity, I wouldn't do ANY of those things. If she wants a nanny, she can go pay for one and boss them around to her heart's content (until they quit on her, of course)

I'd terminate immediately. Say you can no longer accommodate her needs re: hours, changing schedules, and a major difference in discipline styles. Get her out now before the baby starts getting worse - because she will - and before mom tries to take even more liberties with what she is asking you to do.

[thenest]

According to mom she doesn't display this behaviour anywhere else. She used to hit her parents in the face, but I guess she doesn't now. Her mother said she is always at play groups and play dates and never does this. She has also claimed she is so intelligent for her age she cannot get her needs across and gets frustrated.

[Spixie33]

You are not her employee. She is treating you as though she is your boss.

You provide a service - but you are self employed. You choose what you do and where you draw the line.

Snacks and toys in the stroller sound like a nightmare alone -crumbs in the seats, attracting bees and toys dropping every few min that you have to stop and pick up.

Nap time pajamas - WTH? It's only 1.5 hours. That's a lot of extra work for you

Nevermind that the behaviour is not good.

I think you need to take hold of the reins of your business and let mom know that you are in charge and kids and families have to follow your guidelines and rules

[Spixie33]

According to mom she doesn't display this behaviour anywhere else. She used to hit her parents in the face, but I guess she doesn't now. Her mother said she is always at play groups and play dates and never does this. She has also claimed she is so intelligent for her age she cannot get her needs across and gets frustrated.

That sounds like mommy denial :)

Of course daycare is different than being one on one with a parent. Suddenly a child has to do what the whole group does and go with the flow rather than get catered to her individual wishes.

[Other Mummy]

No doubt, as others have posted, it is time to terminate. If you are worried that she might bad mouth you to others, I would word the termination letter to the effect of

"....Dear DCM, it is with deep regret that I must terminate our contract. Special Snowflake is obviously gifted and at this point, I must recommend she be put in another more advanced preschool program. I cannot meet her needs. Regretfully,..."

Then smile and deliver.

[thenest]

No doubt, as others have posted, it is time to terminate. If you are worried that she might bad mouth you to others, I would word the termination letter to the effect of

"....Dear DCM, it is with deep regret that I must terminate our contract. Special Snowflake is obviously gifted and at this point, I must recommend she be put in another more advanced preschool program. I cannot meet her needs. Regretfully,..."

Then smile and deliver.


Seriously? She would kill me lol

[mickyc]

Yes I think she is totally serious. She is going to be upset that special snowflake is being terminated so it likely won't go well but you need to do something!

[5 Little Monkeys]

I'm the odd one out on the PJ's LOL...I even change some of them if I feel they are in uncomfortable clothes for nap. The parents don't ask me too, I just do it out of my own preference. I don't want to nap in jeans so I don't make them lol. Anyways that's besides the point.
It's your daycare so your rules. (just a pet peeve of mine....I am not a babysitter so I don't expect parents to treat me like one)

The aggression itself would be enough for me to terminate but mom's attitude wouldn't help. I would write up a note explaining why you are terminating. I have physical aggression as an immediate termination in my contract but if you don't, I would give her the notice that was agreed upon. She won't be happy but so what...YOU WILL!! and that's all that matters in this situation. You have to look out for yourself and your son and the other children in your care. Be strong!!

[CrazyEight]

You make a good point, 5LM, I will let a dck sleep in their diaper and shirt if the pants are too tight or uncomfortable for naptime (super-skinny jeans on an 18-month-old? really? for example) or strip them down to just the diaper (if it's warm enough) if they're in a scratchy dress or something. I've been known to toss them in some of my kids' old clothes for nap/throughout the day if what they're wearing isn't appropriate...and that happens way more than I'd like!

I think that mom demanding the kid sleep in pj's though is a bit strange, and when coupled with all the other requests it would move from strange to ridiculous. :)

[daycaremom9]

I began sitting for a family four months ago and everything was great. This family gives me their childcare dates ever Sunday for the week of as her dates always change. I have always accommodated them. I even accommodate all of her requests: provide her child with her supplied teething rings, change her into her pjs at nap time, provide her with crackers or toys while walking in the stroller etc.

This baby (17 months) is very strong and has been aggressive since the day she started. She bites, pulls hair, hits and kicks every child. Mainly she picks on my son who is 17 months as well. I inform mom every time she picks her up if it was a major incident. Everytime it's my fault. She bit someone because I didn't have her tethers available, she hair pulled and kicked in the stroller because I didn't provide her with toys or food and she was probably starving (I feed her breakfast 45 minutes before we leave to drop off at school). Every day I provide the parents with written reports, I daily blog with their activities and pictures and we do crafts, play outside and they're provided with a preschool program.

The other day mom asked me to start a journal with the time, what her child was doing before, during and after the incident. She has blamed the other children for her actions that they may be provoking her when they are no where near her and she also tried to blame my school age son the other day. I charge ten dollars less than anyone in the area and I feel like I give so much to this family, but it's never enough.

I feel like I want to terminate because mom is always adding new things to my list and is never happy. Am I over reacting or is she really asking a lot?

Wonder why her child is showing this behaviour?!:rolleyes : I would say "Next!"

[daycaremom9]

I wouldn't believe that! If it's happening at daycare it's happening elsewhere!

[5 Little Monkeys]

You make a good point, 5LM, I will let a dck sleep in their diaper and shirt if the pants are too tight or uncomfortable for naptime (super-skinny jeans on an 18-month-old? really? for example) or strip them down to just the diaper (if it's warm enough) if they're in a scratchy dress or something. I've been known to toss them in some of my kids' old clothes for nap/throughout the day if what they're wearing isn't appropriate...and that happens way more than I'd like!

I think that mom demanding the kid sleep in pj's though is a bit strange, and when coupled with all the other requests it would move from strange to ridiculous. :)

Yes, demanding ANYTHING wouldn't sit well with me!! Ask me nicely and I'm more willing to accommodate :)

I usually have a spare set of clothes for each child in their drawer so I just use those for nap. I am with you...skinny jeans on children don't make sense to me either, especially for at daycare. To each their own though but I don't make the child suffer through nap in skinny jeans lol. Makes you wonder what parents think we do at daycare all day hey?? haha.

[thenest]

Thanks ladies! I appreciate the feedback. Unfortunately I do not think mom will realize how good she has it, until she leaves. I feel there is nothing else I can do and the request list will continue to expand. Her husband is away for the weekend, and she called in "sick" after her accusatory texting, so I am assuming she may weed herself out before I have the opportunity.

[thenest]

Yes, demanding ANYTHING wouldn't sit well with me!! Ask me nicely and I'm more willing to accommodate :)

I usually have a spare set of clothes for each child in their drawer so I just use those for nap. I am with you...skinny jeans on children don't make sense to me either, especially for at daycare. To each their own though but I don't make the child suffer through nap in skinny jeans lol. Makes you wonder what parents think we do at daycare all day hey?? haha.

She's always dressed comfortably. She's worried she will be too cold unless she wears her fleece pjs.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I've had those kind of parents....who expected me to bend over backwards for them and when I didn't they chose to leave. No skin off my back! I MUCH prefer when they leave on their own so I don't have to be the bad guy and terminate. They will quickly realize that life with you was pretty darn good and maybe they will realize that they are in the wrong for some parts of it....or maybe not? But luckily she won't be your problem anymore!

[playfelt]

I have had the jammies for nap request before too as it is now recommended no blankets be used so child needs the extra layer - ie fleece jammies equals a blanket. For an under 15 month old I will do it. After that there is no reason they are not fine with the regular daycare bedding.

[cfred]

What???? No blankets now? Oh, for god's sake....aren't the 'experts' getting just a tad ridiculous? Perhaps we should just wrap kids in bubble wrap and feed only baby food....just in case.

Gawd. Every year it's a new (stupid) rule.

[SillyGirl_C]

Hmmm...I think I am going to be the odd one out on this. That said, I do think that the mom is over the top with her requests. Do NOT do the journal.

'Special Snowflake' (I love this reference) sounds typical to me. Kids hit and act aggressive sometimes. Not a bad kid, just more challenging. As the daycare provider, you are well within your rights to discipline and redirect as needed. Tell the mom that you are going to try 'new ECE' practices which include (blah, blah) for all the children. Advise that you are confident this situation can be resolved and that a journal is simply not practical given the demands on your time.

The mom sounds like she is in denial over negative associations with her child. She could be embarrassed, or scared that admitting it is true makes her child less perfect.

Feel free to terminate at some point, but due to the intertwining of your clients, you might want to let this one blow over first and find a neutral reason at a later date.

My 2cents.

[Rachael]

If you don't control your business, it will control you.

I know that sounds harsh but you do not have 6 bosses for 6 children, you have clients. They signed up for your service as it was outlined to them during the meeting and in the contracts. They do not get to add tasks to what is already a hectic day.

Go back to your contract and do what is in those. Any additional workload can be denied as outside the scope of the agreement or can be agreed to as an additional task which therefore requires an additional fee. I'll bet she will be less inclined to insist on this never ending extra list.

She is not your boss. She is not there to mico-manage your day. You are not obligated to get into a text exchange with her during business hours when your work commitment include more children than just hers. Who does she think is watching and interacting with these children whist she's texting you? Would she be happy if one of your other parents pulled you away from caring during business hours?

In terms of the aggression, I'd be having a meeting and clearly laying out that you have a responsibility to keep all of the children in your care safe. It's not about excuses and reasons for this child's actions - it's about finding a resolution to stop this risky behaviour. Is she willing to work with you to resolve this so her child can remain in your day care or is she just going to keep talking about the potential reasons it might be happening? Again, I am sure if her child was on the receiving end she'd have a very different point of view.

Some clients are not good customers. Some clients are users. These are not the clients you want to bend over to accommodate because it always ends up being at the expense of everyone else. It's one thing to go out of your way to assist in an issue with a good, respectful, client who takes on board your comments and is open to suggestions about how to resolve issues and work together for the success of their child. It's quite another when the parent is demanding things from you but not putting forth any effort themselves.

Don't be afraid to send her on her way and close the door firmly behind her.

[thenest]

If you don't control your business, it will control you.

I know that sounds harsh but you do not have 6 bosses for 6 children, you have clients. They signed up for your service as it was outlined to them during the meeting and in the contracts. They do not get to add tasks to what is already a hectic day.

Go back to your contract and do what is in those. Any additional workload can be denied as outside the scope of the agreement or can be agreed to as an additional task which therefore requires an additional fee. I'll bet she will be less inclined to insist on this never ending extra list.

She is not your boss. She is not there to mico-manage your day. You are not obligated to get into a text exchange with her during business hours when your work commitment include more children than just hers. Who does she think is watching and interacting with these children whist she's texting you? Would she be happy if one of your other parents pulled you away from caring during business hours?

In terms of the aggression, I'd be having a meeting and clearly laying out that you have a responsibility to keep all of the children in your care safe. It's not about excuses and reasons for this child's actions - it's about finding a resolution to stop this risky behaviour. Is she willing to work with you to resolve this so her child can remain in your day care or is she just going to keep talking about the potential reasons it might be happening? Again, I am sure if her child was on the receiving end she'd have a very different point of view.

Some clients are not good customers. Some clients are users. These are not the clients you want to bend over to accommodate because it always ends up being at the expense of everyone else. It's one thing to go out of your way to assist in an issue with a good, respectful, client who takes on board your comments and is open to suggestions about how to resolve issues and work together for the success of their child. It's quite another when the parent is demanding things from you but not putting forth any effort themselves.

Don't be afraid to send her on her way and close the door firmly behind her.

They're fabulous people, but cannot face the fact that their child is the only instigator and aggressive child. I think they're both beyond frustrated, but taking it unknowingly out on me and the other children. If I put myself in their shoes, I wouldn't know what to do. However, if I was the parent of the other children, I wouldn't want to send my kids here.

Thank you for all the feedback. I will definitely put your advice to good use!