Wish me luck folks!

[bright sparks]

I've actually been high strung all weekend with apprehension of this girl coming back today after the constant hysterical screaming last week. So I have set some boundaries for myself and this situation.

If I see zero improvement this week then Thursday I will give two weeks probation. If it's causing me this much stress then I have to listen to my inner voice that says bubye. I want it to work, but this isn't an issue with what I am doing or not doing, it is who I am not and only time will tell....but I can not let this time be limitless when it is causing me stress and disrupting the entire group. End of the probation period would be 5 weeks total which in my experience is more than enough time to see at least some baby steps in the right direction. I certainly don't have any unrealistic expectations during that time but I have to draw the line some where.

She screams when I stand in front of the gate at the daycare room door. I can't put her down as that starts the whole thing off. So I'm going to put her in a high chair in the middle of my kitchen and let her watch me pottering around. It's right next to the playroom so I can keep a close eye on the three boys who play really well independently. My hope is that she will be happy having that one on one without the other kids, and I can gradually move away from her and also move her within eyesight of the rest of the group, kind of like a gradual entry into the environment. Do I think this will work, honestly no but I have no other tricks. I'm also fully prepared to place this child in a playpen in a dark room every morning if she is hysterical to calm down and give us all a break.

She was picked up Thursday at 2 because she was going nuts and I spoke with her mother for 20 minutes while she was strapped in her car seat. She kept taking her dummy out and smiling at me. I don't think her teeth are bothering as much as I had originally suspected because the Tylenol did nothing to calm her down or bring her relief that I noticed and her temperament was really chilled when her mother was here. She is a completely un socialized child with severe separation anxiety. I have asked mom to leave her as often as possible like when she visits her sister or parents, even if it's 10 minutes and she just drives to the store and back without getting out. She needs to be socialized desperately otherwise the next daycare setting will just be the same.

Anyone else got any suggestions on how I can help her?

[Rachael]

I think this is a matter of time.

One of my current baby cried loudly when she first started. She came in April when she was 11 months old. Although I've had this situation before, never in the past has it continued for as long as it did with this little one.

She screamed every time I put her down and she became absolutely hysterical if I left the room even though my home is open plan and she could still see me. Her grandmother picks her up from here at the end of the day until parents finish work, and even she was dealing with the same issue.

I never, ever, pick up new children just for crying. If they are hurt or have reason to be upset, that's different but not for crying to be picked up - and this little one would stop the second she was picked up to be carried into the dining room for lunch/snack and scream again the second she was placed in the high chair.

I'll admit, it was rough. Knowing the grandmother was dealing with the same issue did help some. Initially, every time she started crying, she would set off all the others but gradually even they tuned her out. Like yours, she would grin at me periodically but the crying was more common.

I had discussions with the Mom who claimed that they didn't carry her around all the time at home (I'm still not convinced that was true - but feel the Dad was the biggest culprit because if she so much as squeaks or pouts, he fawns all over her).

It took until 2 months ago for her to stop so a full three months of her in full-time care. Now she is happy and one of the biggest personalities in the group. She still has her melt-downs but they are much better. They now only happen if an unfamiliar Dad picks up or drops of their child - the unfamiliar Moms don't seem to bother her. It still happens if we have a play date with another carer and that other carer gets closer to her than I am.

One thing I did have to do - after discussion and agreement from her Mom - was once she became hysterical, to place her in her crib - until she'd either calmed down through exhaustion or fallen asleep for a little while. That certainly helped to have that option as a last resort, if only for the others to have a bit of a break from her hysteria.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I wish you luck!! I agree with you, 5 weeks is a long time especially if you see NO improvement. I hope you do see improvement though and she can adapt to your daycare and to you.

I did the same thing with my 24/7 crier....the playpen. It only took 2 weeks though and I remember how stressed I was so I hope for your sake it doesn't take the full 5 weeks.

Hope you have a good day!!

[bright sparks]

If you look back at my previous post about this child, it's not your typical crying and rough transition that you have described which I think is very normal and common where a child gets upset when you aren't holding them or starts to cry when you leave their side or leave the room. That's not the case with this child. This child also doesn't really cry all the time. She screams and then gets herself hysterical which is the point when the tears start no it is regardless of what is going on. It is constant shouting and screaming. I could manage with what you described Rachael and have done numerous times. This child will not stop for anything. Just stands at the gate screaming. If I change the layout so she can't access the gate to look for mom and dad she just sits or stands and screams somewhere else. She hasn't made any attempt whatsoever to play, or observe and take pleasure in just watching the others while she starts to get used to her new surroundings and can't be comforted with books, toys, whether it be one on one with me, or left alone with no attention. She is to busy screaming. She won't stop when she is held except upon entry in the morning if I walk around with her, but obviously I can't do that and won't anyway because it's counterproductive. Also after nap, which she also screams through in its entirety stood up in her play pen, when I pick her up and carry her downstairs she will have a nibble at snack and a few slurps of her drink but only if I'm holding her, and then she is right back to the screaming. She is stubborn, and angry when she is screaming you can see it in her face. She can't be comforted by being held, sung to, won't even be bribed with food lol

She came late this morning due to lost keys and then I had to run out to school with a forgotten lunch for my daughter :-/ she has been here 20 minutes and she is in a high chair in front of Sesame Street as sometimes this has given us some respite. She is crying, screaming and has snot all over her face. She is intermittently crying when she is interested in something on the box but the starts up again. TV isn't part of my regular daycare routine at all, but you do what you've gotta do. That being said I'm not about to make this a daily thing just to get her to be quiet...that's not teaching her anything. I've had kids in the past with little socialization and they have never been even close to as bad as this child. I think it's a combination of her personality and zero socialization with either other children or adults.

[bright sparks]

I wish you luck!! I agree with you, 5 weeks is a long time especially if you see NO improvement. I hope you do see improvement though and she can adapt to your daycare and to you.

I did the same thing with my 24/7 crier....the playpen. It only took 2 weeks though and I remember how stressed I was so I hope for your sake it doesn't take the full 5 weeks.

Hope you have a good day!!

My AP child at least stopped to eat and sleep so it wasn't constant. Also the cause of his separation issues was the attachment method at home so once his mum made changes there, changes in him were almost instantly noticeable. Damage is already done with this one, not sure what they can do to rectify things.

[bright sparks]

Haha mom put some English chocolate in with payment which I only just noticed lol might make the crying a bit more tolerable for a little while ;-)

[5 Little Monkeys]

That doesn't sound fun at all BS :( I hope you are able to last the 5 weeks! The chocolate should help! Lol. That was nice of mom....but also makes it harder if you decide to term!

[kassiemom]

Stay strong girl. That is rough, has she been socialized at all? do the parents speak a different language at home?
Maybe if mom or dad can send in a favourite snuggly, blanket or even one of their sweatshirts for her. *Kids are like puppy's they like mommys scent! * lol bad example but its true! also perhaps mom could put together a little photo album of family pictures that she may like.
We are all here in spirit with you!!!

[5 Little Monkeys]

Those are good ideas!

[Dreamalittledream]

My screamer's family,after much debate over the weekend decided on their own that it was best, for now, for her to stay home with a Dad (who is not working). Although I am down a child now, I am so relieved. My Mat leave Mom actually is going to send her other son 3 days a week to somewhat fill that space; yay! Today has been a breeze! We were able to play outside all morning (I had been staying inside because this child would cry the entire time outside). I honestly didn't realize until she was gone today what a stress she has caused with myself and my group. Ahhhh! It all ended exactly as I hoped it would; amicably, no shock, surprise or bad feelings. I so feel for you!

[Gloucestermom]

Good luck! :)

[Secondtimearound]

ugh !! seriously cant do it !!!! I would say the crib in a dark room to stop all extra stimulation is what I would do. I cant remember the dck age but that is the route I would go. I only had one who screamed and I did it for a month , only 2 days a week and I couldnt function . Circle time, crafts ugh how could you concentrate ?
Im supporting giving the notice , prob because I would !!

[SillyGirl_C]

Bright Sparks...if she is different than any other transitions you have done, is it possible that she may have a medical issue? Could she be slightly autistic? I am just thinking that comparatively, maybe you are seeing something the average person is not simply because of your extensive child experience.
I feel bad for you, the child, and the parents. No one is happy.

[bright sparks]

Bright Sparks...if she is different than any other transitions you have done, is it possible that she may have a medical issue? Could she be slightly autistic? I am just thinking that comparatively, maybe you are seeing something the average person is not simply because of your extensive child experience.
I feel bad for you, the child, and the parents. No one is happy.

No not at all. As I said previously, this child has had absolutely no social interaction. Her mother had no car all through the 12 months of maternity leave and apparently wasn't within walking distance of a store or a park so she was basically home all day M-F and weekends was sometimes visits with family, but mom was always by her side. No opportunities at early years centres for play group where mom could sit back at a distance and allow her to learn to play independently. Mom had no friends with children so had very little social interaction herself. She grocery shopped in the evenings once her husband was home. Pair this with a child who has a very stubborn and hot headed temperament. She also acts like this somewhat at home if she doesn't get her own way or wants mums full attention but doesn't get it at that very second. She is your classic separation anxiety child with additional attachment issues as she has spent the majority of the first year with only 1 person with very minimal variance.

[bright sparks]

So as an update I am seeing some improvements. She will be held now which is a relief to a certain extent so when she gets hysterical she will snuggle with me and stop. She will also sit on my knee and read. Eating is sporadic but she has napped to some extent each day this week so far. This is all I can ask for during a difficult transition. Hope....I am actually a bit relieved although sometimes the screaming is just insane and seemingly for no reason at all, but she is gradually getting there. I wont hold her constantly, goodness no, but I do know that just complete disconnect from her makes things worse so we are doing a gradual detachment. Yesterday I managed to sit her on the floor next to me. She screamed for a bit but I got her to lay her head on my leg and she stopped and started talking. After her nap she sat with my daughter, 13, who read her a story while I used the washroom and there were no tears so I am hopeful now that things will only get better even if its slowly but surely.