What to do when nothing is working?

[Poppy]

Hello! I had asked for advice regarding terminating care for a dcg who had just started 3 months ago. She isn't toilet trained and mom was sending her in too small diapers. Well, mostly because of financial reasons I decided to give her a chance. I wanted to terminate but couldn't really afford to lose the income.

I have been really dreading every day and have been starting to think that I had chosen the wrong profession.

Well, yesterday was the worst day ever. Nothing worked. Rewarding positive behaviour, removing price ledges, time outs. Nothing worked. This child was literally jumping up and down on my furniture, throwing toys across the room, pushing children, hiding from me. She wouldn't sit in a time out and sleep time was more of a nightmare than usual. What do you do when nothing works? I've used everything I've got.

I think I have finally decided to terminate care. I really can't afford to. I have been advertising for months and haven't been able to find anyone else to replace her.

How to I terminate care? I've written up a letter saying that I will provide care until Friday (the date they paid up to). Do I give it to them today at pick up? I'm sure this won't be a surprise to them as the mom often says "you're going to get kicked out if you do this, then we'll be in big trouble". I honestly think that's partly why she's doing it. I think she thinks she will get to stay home.

Anyway. I'm mostly venting but also wondering what behaviour management do you use when nothing else works. And how should I terminate. I'm nervous! :)

[Crayola kiddies]

Well you have to give whatever notice you have stated in your contract .... Mine says two weeks. I would write a letter very short and to the point such as
Dear xxxxx

This letter is to inform you that due to ongoing behavioural issues i am terminating care for xxxx as of oct xx 2014.
Regards poppy

I would tell her in person and then hand her the letter and say this is for your records I would also wait till after she has paid her next two weeks fees unless you really don't want her two more weeks and think she will just pull but don't provide care without payment first In Other words if you give her two weeks from today but she is only paid up till Friday then make sure you get full payment for the remaining days before Monday or she doesn't get to stay

[mickyc]

Agree with Crayola.

My contract says that notice may be anywhere from immediate to two weeks notice. That way I can terminate immediately if I have to. Make sure and give proper notice according to your contract, make sure they pay for any remaining days they attend your daycare. If you just want them to leave then tell them payment is not required in the event they choose not to send their child in the time frame you give them.

Good luck.

[Poppy]

I have a very descriptive parent handbook that states that care can be terminated at any time if the child's behaviour negatively impacts the other children in my care. I just noticed that there is no mention of any time frame in the actual contract for disruptive behaviour. The contract does state that a month's notice is needed if either party wishes to terminate the contract. Can I still terminate care today if it's just written in the Parent Handbook? They have paid up until Friday so I was going to let them finish out this week. I don't think I can handle any more than that.

[Poppy]

I came up with the plan that I would wait until Fridat, after they pay for their next two weeks and then give them two weeks notice instead of terminating care this week. But after today, she isn't welcome in my home any more. She spent the last hour of quiet time running around my house, trying to hide, jumping on my couches and waking everybody up. I picked her up to out her in a time out and she hit me (not hrs obviously as she is 3). She used to respond to time out and praise and rewards, but not any more. She thrives on negative attention. I am an ECE but I just can't figure this one out. The parents have paid for this week so I guess I will let them have until Friday but I don't know how to keep my sanity until then. I have zero control over her this week. Nothing is working. Well, the only thing that does actually work is if - when the other children are awake, I let them do something that she wanted to do. She will then lay quietly on her bed because it's like she realizes that she doesn't get to do it any more because of her behaviour. Actually saying that I am taking away the activity doesn't work. She needs to see the other children doing it.

[torontokids]

Based on the behaviour and the fact that she hit you, I would terminate immediately. You can either choose to keep the rest of the money for Thurs and Fri or my preference would be to just refund it (so you don't have to deal with them anymore) and have it ready at pick up with a termination letter.

[torontokids]

I would actually go a step further and call them for immediate pick up if you don't think you can safely finish out the day.

[Crayola kiddies]

yup......refund the last two days ....have a term letter ready and her things at the door.....today should be her last day

[mickyc]

I agree with Crayola kiddies! A child would never ever hit me! Mom would have been called immediately when that happened.

[Rachael]

Can I still terminate care today if it's just written in the Parent Handbook?

Will depend on your contact wording. Legally, the contract is the only part that is enforceable. Anything outside of those pages is not enforceable or binding.

I too have a handbook with my policies detailed so how I handle this is on the actual contract itself I have a statement which says "The Handbook which further explains policies relating to this business is also considered to be part of this contract. Signature of this contract indicates receipt and acceptance of the policies explained within the handbook in addition to the Terms of Service detailed below."

And I too agree with the above - If a child hit me, it wouldn't matter how hard, they would be leaving within the hour.

[Secondtimearound]

It's not worth the money ! I can't stand that dread when the doorbell goes off and you know it's going to be a day . I would term immediately for hitting . I dislike when parents ,"joke" about the child's behaviour in front of the child !! You can tell right away when a child is "empowered" by parents ! I have one who tells mom stories about her day and mom advises and then child acts out !! Ugh like so and so was mean , then child comes and powerhouses everyone and says my mom says you be nice to me !!
I would not be able to put up with the day you have described !!
Personally I wouldn't but I realize our situations may be different !!

[Poppy]

Thank you all for the advice. I have decided to have my letter ready to go and their refund for tomorrow and Friday ready. When she was acting out at sleep time I told her she could play with a certain you she liked if she rested quietly on her bed. So of course it came time for free play and I wouldn't let her play with the toy she wanted. Well she just had a screaming tantrum for the last 45 minutes. She's upsetting all of the other children.

I feel better about my decision already. Worrying slightly about the lack of income but the money isn't worth this stress. I haven't been able to do any planning. I thunk there are way bigger issues here than I am trained to deal with so hopefully they can get some help for her!

[Poppy]

So many typos because I'm typing quickly and I'm upset. Hopefully you can make sense of it. Sorry!

[Sandbox Sally]

Sorry you've had to deal with this. I had a similar situation about 18 months ago, and I am so happy I terminated. The child was hurting other kids, and hit me in the face with a truck, leaving a welt on my cheek.

Unfortunately, the parents didn't see it my way, and the mother smeared my name all over my small town. She wrote a longwinded letter and posted the link to it on a local Facebook group with over 5 thousand members. :O Lucky for me and my family, it didn't seem to slow my business down any.

I hope the parents don't give you any grief, and for what it's worth based on what you've written, I think you've done the right thing.

[Poppy]

I did let her go the same day that I posted that. Thank you all again for your advice. I packed up all of her things and had them outside with us, so that when she got here, they could just leave. I had a letter ready and a cash refund for the two days left that she had already paid for. She was so angry. She stormed off yelling, "now I'm SOL"....no apology about her daughter's behaviour, no acknowledgement of that at all, actually, which I supposed explains a lot.

Anyway....I have signed up a new little one for January, already, and it's amazing the peace that comes after making a decision like this. It was immediately a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. I wish I had done it sooner and hadn't waited so long. Thank you all again!

[Secondtimearound]

No big surprise why you had issues with the child then !! I'm so glad it's over for you !