Help with Sensory Issues

[AmandaKDT]

My 2.5 year old daughter has sensory issues and I am looking for some advice. She is advanced for her age, talks like a 4 year old and understands so much. But the sensory issues are truly stressing me out, especially now that it is cold outside. I was dreading winter because of her issues.

In her ideal world she would live in her Princess Sofia sleeveless cotton summer dress and nothing else. It is a battle to get her to wear pants and socks, all she wants is to wear a dress. She can't stand anything tight on her neck and this is causing some major problems with winter wear. She of course needs to have her head and neck covered, but hates the feel of her hat tied under chin. I tried a different winter hat that had a loose Velcro strap under her chin and she SCREAMED for the whole time we were outside, saying it hurt. I have tried just having her hat loose on her head, but it just falls off and she gets cold. Our Manitoba winters are COLD and she needs to be covered. I tried one of those balaclava type hats and she freaked out about it.

I seriously don't know what to do. It isn't that she is just being difficult with me - she can't stand the feeling of her nose being runny, her socks falling off, her shirt sleeves bunching up when I put her coat on or a million other things that the other kids could care less about.

Maybe we should just move to Hawaii, no snow there! :-)

[33 Daiseys]

I had this issue with my 4 year old last winter. I'm going to get my ass chewed out on here, but I called CAS. I explained the issue to a lady, and she was lovely about it. She actually took the time to come to my home, and explain to my daughter that if she is outside with out being properly dressed, I and her daddy could get into very very big trouble.
This was after trying 5 different hats, different jackets, boot, snow pants ect. And not only us having problems bu the school. It was insane!!!!!
She explained that I had said I was going to take her shopping that evening, and that she had to make a choice about what she would wear based on my selection. The lady also said that if she were to stop by school, and m were not wearing her winter wear, that they would have to have another discussion.
I was so impressed and touched that she took time to help make something so difficult into something that now take no time and struggle.
M does have to tuck he pants into socks before putting in snow pants, and boots, and she has to hold her longsleeved shirts to have them not bunch up.

[bright sparks]

Surely there are plenty of winter hats that don't have any kind of under chin fastening that stay on?? I have 4 under 3 at the moment and only one has a hat that fastens under the chin and none of their hats fall off. If she is wearing a coat then put the hood up too to further secure the hat. Why not make a fun experience out of it and go to walmart or target and try lots on in front of a changing room mirror and see what she likes. Other than that, while I get the sensory issue, and obviously I don't know how these incidents really play out, but I'd be really careful not to feed into this by reacting minimally to her meltdowns. Sometimes a genuine issue can be made bigger with reinforcement even if us as parents are not intending too or aren't aware of it.

Maybe there should also be a period of withdrawl from dresses all together. I know all children are different and it is so hard for me to comment on this not knowing you or your daughter, but I'd be inclined to try and deal with this head on by eliminating the sources of anxiety which to me are the choices she has. If there is no dress to be worn then there is no choice and perhaps minimizing or eliminating the dresses and gradually building up to being in snugly outerwear will just mean a rough go of it until she starts to become desensitized to these uncomfortable feelings. Kind of like an exposure therapy. How about introducing a sensory basket/tub into your daycare full of hats and gloves. That's what I have every year doubling as a dramatic play opportunity and sensory activity. Maybe even make sensory activities a daily thing in your group in the hopes of desensitizing her.

Not sure what else to suggest. I understand some children go through this and it's not bad behaviour, but some things they just have to get used to even if it means daily tantrums. They will eventually get used to things. In the real world outside of the family home without you there she is going to have to deal with it, so best to try and nip it in the bud now rather than have this become a bigger issue for the both of you. It's hard but I'm sure she will get there. Good luck!

[bright sparks]

I had this issue with my 4 year old last winter. I'm going to get my ass chewed out on here, but I called CAS. I explained the issue to a lady, and she was lovely about it. She actually took the time to come to my home, and explain to my daughter that if she is outside with out being properly dressed, I and her daddy could get into very very big trouble.
This was after trying 5 different hats, different jackets, boot, snow pants ect. And not only us having problems bu the school. It was insane!!!!!
She explained that I had said I was going to take her shopping that evening, and that she had to make a choice about what she would wear based on my selection. The lady also said that if she were to stop by school, and m were not wearing her winter wear, that they would have to have another discussion.
I was so impressed and touched that she took time to help make something so difficult into something that now take no time and struggle.
M does have to tuck he pants into socks before putting in snow pants, and boots, and she has to hold her longsleeved shirts to have them not bunch up.

I think that's fantastic. I think there is a huge lack of support for families in this country and really a family dr lacks the training for these kinds of issues but who else is there to turns to??

In the UK there are health visitors assigned to every child at birth until age 18. They are there for every possible question a caregiver has whether it be health issue or behavioural issue. They are there to support families and help children. I really missed having that when I came to Canada and it still really narks me off now that I don't have anyone to turn to for support with everyday parenting concerns. It's a terrible disservice. I think what you did 33 Daiseys was great and thank goodness for people like that CAS woman who stepped up to help!

[AmandaKDT]

Surely there are plenty of winter hats that don't have any kind of under chin fastening that stay on?? I have 4 under 3 at the moment and only one has a hat that fastens under the chin and none of their hats fall off. If she is wearing a coat then put the hood up too to further secure the hat. Why not make a fun experience out of it and go to walmart or target and try lots on in front of a changing room mirror and see what she likes. Other than that, while I get the sensory issue, and obviously I don't know how these incidents really play out, but I'd be really careful not to feed into this by reacting minimally to her meltdowns. Sometimes a genuine issue can be made bigger with reinforcement even if us as parents are not intending too or aren't aware of it.

Maybe there should also be a period of withdrawl from dresses all together. I know all children are different and it is so hard for me to comment on this not knowing you or your daughter, but I'd be inclined to try and deal with this head on by eliminating the sources of anxiety which to me are the choices she has. If there is no dress to be worn then there is no choice and perhaps minimizing or eliminating the dresses and gradually building up to being in snugly outerwear will just mean a rough go of it until she starts to become desensitized to these uncomfortable feelings. Kind of like an exposure therapy. How about introducing a sensory basket/tub into your daycare full of hats and gloves. That's what I have every year doubling as a dramatic play opportunity and sensory activity. Maybe even make sensory activities a daily thing in your group in the hopes of desensitizing her.

Not sure what else to suggest. I understand some children go through this and it's not bad behaviour, but some things they just have to get used to even if it means daily tantrums. They will eventually get used to things. In the real world outside of the family home without you there she is going to have to deal with it, so best to try and nip it in the bud now rather than have this become a bigger issue for the both of you. It's hard but I'm sure she will get there. Good luck!

Forgot to mention the reason her hat doesn't stay without being tied on - my girls are biracial and have massive curly hair. So winter hats literally pop off their heads. I use a winter head band for my older daughter, but my younger refuses to even put it on her head.

I know she has a strong minded personality and I don't let her get away with it mostly (pick my battles). I try my best to ignore her temper tantrums when they happen, but also try to plan in advance to try to avoid them from happening. I truly hope it is something she will grow out of.

Sometimes I wish she wasn't so sensitive, but other times am glad she doesn't let snot just run all over her face! Lol

[bright sparks]

Forgot to mention the reason her hat doesn't stay without being tied on - my girls are biracial and have massive curly hair. So winter hats literally pop off their heads. I use a winter head band for my older daughter, but my younger refuses to even put it on her head.

I know she has a strong minded personality and I don't let her get away with it mostly (pick my battles). But I was hoping someone out there had some ideas or support.

I just had a bad morning...

Yes I'm sure that makes a huge difference, still I'd be inclined to go shopping and make it fun to try on hats and see if she maybe finds something she is ok with. Got to be worth a try??

[torontokids]

Whenever I would work with kids with sensory issues you would do as Bright Sparks suggested. Find something that works for them and slowly desensitize them. Difficult for you for sure as winter is now upon us. The expectation would still be the same as the other kids though. One boy I had in my daycare had some major sensory issues. I would start at the beginning of the season (before it got super cold) and he could choose to wear the hat/mitts etc or sit on the stairs and not participate. He was used to wearing his stuff before it got really cold. He would also throw a fit if his mitts got wet or were forgotten and he had to wear his back up ones but he eventually had to get it.

It is much, much harder with your own kids! I'll be the first to admit that. If I am struggling with something my daughter is doing my husband will ask me "what would you do if one of your DCK's was doing that?" Usually works!

[AmandaKDT]

Whenever I would work with kids with sensory issues you would do as Bright Sparks suggested. Find something that works for them and slowly desensitize them. Difficult for you for sure as winter is now upon us. The expectation would still be the same as the other kids though. One boy I had in my daycare had some major sensory issues. I would start at the beginning of the season (before it got super cold) and he could choose to wear the hat/mitts etc or sit on the stairs and not participate. He was used to wearing his stuff before it got really cold. He would also throw a fit if his mitts got wet or were forgotten and he had to wear his back up ones but he eventually had to get it.

It is much, much harder with your own kids! I'll be the first to admit that. If I am struggling with something my daughter is doing my husband will ask me "what would you do if one of your DCK's was doing that?" Usually works!

She was mostly okay with wearing mitts and a hat when the weather wasn't that bad. I never let her have a choice about whether she could wear them or not. But now that it involves it fitting closely around her face and neck she absolutely hates it and she is just wearing me down. I don't give in and it results in some major screaming fits (like this morning where she cried and scratched at her face the whole time we were outside, upsetting the new girl I have and making her cry too). It was just too much for me this morning, hence my need to post about it.

For sure it is harder with your own kids, I often wonder how my little girl would do if she were in someone else's daycare.

I guess I will just have to keep insisting on it, and bear the tantrums. *sigh*