Drawn out pick ups/drop offs

[k8who]

WWYD?

I have a fairly new DCF and the mom drops off and picks up and nurses her LO at drop off and pick up. This makes for about a 10-15 min process both sides. I have NO issue with breastfeeding so that's not the issue here, this was one of her requests right from the beginning and I had no problem with it. HOWEVER it has become a habit for my son (3.5years old) to completely act out during the time that she is nursing. I feel like such a failure and like she thinks I can't control my child. (i don't blame her thats what it looks like). He is a sweet child but does seem to have problems when DCP are around. i know he's just trying to get attention.

Unfortunately it isn't an option to separate him from the pick up area as we use a separate part of the house as the daycare playroom and its just one big room. And of course this parent picks up around 3pm (first pick up of the day) so I have my hands pretty full at that point.

I guess I could bring him up to the main part of the house and stick him in his room... but that would be a lot of shuffling around at a busy time.

so what would you do? I feel like i can't ask her to stop nursing her child at pick up/drop off because that was one of her requests from the start. I can't get rid of my child. I have tried having him doing an activity when she arrives but he just totally ignore me and acts like a maniac. I've tried telling him he must sit and read a book and not speak. I've tried engaging in activities with him..but 15 mins is a long time to keep his attention on me and not on acting out in this circumstance.

STUCK BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE AND FEELING FRUSTRATED! :unsure::mad:

[5 Little Monkeys]

Could you tell her that you agreed to do this thinking it would be a non-issue but it is disrupting your son's (and therefore everyone's) day so unfortunately you will have to ask her to stop?

Or is there another place in your home that she could breastfeed? Why does she do it at daycare, just curious?

[mickyc]

I agree with 5LM. I would just tell her that it is disruptive as your son tends to act out when parents are there.

This also seems like a very odd request to me. I would never have agreed to it in the first place. There is no reason she can't breastfeed her child at home or even in the car for that matter if it is that important she does it right then and there.

[Lee-Bee]

Do you trust her to nurse outside of the daycare area? Just explain that your son is acting out, it is out of character for him and in order to keep things running smoothly you will need to have her out of sight.

I had one mom that nursed upon pickup, but it only lasted a couple weeks then I commented that when she was ready to let me know and I would help her make the switch to waiting until they got home to nurse. The mom was actually quite happy to make the switch, after a long day she just wanted to get home but she had fallen into a pattern of nursing and didn't know how to change the pattern. She just texted me minutes before arriving, I had her child dressed and ready to go and I passed her over as soon as mom arrived...the girl asked to nurse and mom just said "when we get home" and ran off. She never nursed here again.

I have had children that just cannot handle other adults in the room. It can throw off even the best of children...most parents understand this and will be accommodating when you explain you need to make a change to benefit all the children.

I think asking them to move to a different part of the house still meets their request to nurse, and is also a step towards their no longer nursing at daycare.

If that doesn't work would having all the other children at the table for snack at 3pm work? Will that keep your son busy?

[k8who]

thank you all for your kind support. I often am unsure if I am "out of line" with things like this as I am fairly new to the daycare provider world and have only experienced daycare from a parents perspective so I find I am very sensitive towards parents.

Since it's such a gong show at pick-ups and drop-offs I'm thinking to email her instead of trying to talk to her in person..

[Lee-Bee]

As well written as this letter is I think you have left her in complete control of saying "no, I want to nurse in the daycare".

I think you might need to be clear, you can email but you need to say that her presence in the daycare is setting your child off and in order to keep a calm and smooth running program you need to have her nurse outside of the daycare. Let her know that you are willing to still allow her to nurse before leaving, but that it will have to be upstairs out of the program.

This will show that you know what is best for your daycare, and therefore know what is best when her child is in your care as well. It also makes it clear that your child's behavior is a result of her presence...you made it seem like you weren't sure why he was acting up, when you clearly do.

[mattsmom]

I'm not understanding why she needs to nurse at dropoff and pickup at all? Does she live that far that she can't wait until she gets home to nurse the baby? I can see a newborn maybe that would have to nurse often, but if it's a child that is old enough (I'm assuming a year or older) why can't she nurse in the morning and then when she gets home after?

That would a great inconvenience in my opinion. I mean, I never have had a mom ask to give a baby formula in a bottle at drop off and pick up, I definitely wouldn't let that happen, so I wouldn't with a nursing mom.

[k8who]

Well she responded this morning that she will nurse in the car. So hopefully she truely understands. All I can think is that she will think I can't "handle" my child. But not much I can do about that. I got the outcome I needed so that's good.

[mickyc]

Excellent!! I agree with mattsmom. I have never had a mom ask to give their child a bottle at pick up so I also find it odd that this mom can't wait. I did have a mom who had a bottle in the car for their child when she left at the end of the day. So there is no reason it can't be done in the car. Glad you got the outcome you needed. From now on I wouldn't allow it at all with any future parents.

[torontokids]

I've had a 2 moms ask and "whip them out" at pick up. They were both first time moms and they got anxious when their baby starts to fuss. Plus their breasts are usually pretty full by the end of the day too so the mom obliges. They really only do it once or twice when their kid first starts then they stop. I think they feel guilty that they left their child but also want to reconnect with them once they see them. I think they catch on that a private moment at home is usually nicer (I only have childrens chairs so they also have to sit on the floor).

[5 Little Monkeys]

Oh that's a good point Toronto! I never thought about the moms needing to bf due to full and possible sore breasts!

[k8who]

Yes TK same here... they only have the floor to sit on or the shoe bench... anyways I will definitely be writing this into my contract somehow! Anyone have a section about quick drop offs/pick ups in their contract? I'm sure its been brought up before so I can probably have a search through here.

thanks everyone!

[Rachael]

Anyone have a section about quick drop offs/pick ups in their contract?

Arrivals and Departures
It is normal for some children to have some difficulty separating from parents and they may cry when being dropped off, especially when this is still a new and strange environment.
Please be very brief (no more than 5 minutes) during drop-off times; the more the departure is prolonged the harder it becomes for both the parent and the child. If you are nervous, anxious, upset, your child will pick up on this and mirror your emotions believing there is reason for concern. A smile, cheerful goodbye kiss, and a reassuring word that you will be back are all that is needed. In my experience, children are nearly always quick to get involved in play or activities as soon as parents have left. Please be assured that if your child is having a difficult time settling down and is crying for a prolonged period of time, I will contact you.

Please be brief during collection/pick-up times also. This is a testing time when two different authority figures are present (the parent and the provider), and some children will test to see if the rules still apply. Please help by showing your child that you respect me, the rules of my house and my property by reminding them that the rules still apply when you are
around. When you are here with your child, you are expected to discipline your child when their behaviour warrants it. If you do not correct him/her, I will enforce my rules.

Please remember that although you might like to chat at the end of the day, I am still working and responsible for the other children who remain here waiting for their parents. It is not convenient for me socialize at pick up and drop off so please, once you have the information about your child's day, allow me to return to the other children promptly, without placing me in a situation where I need to be blunt and remind you that I have other priorities.

[daycarewhisperer]

There is no reason whatsoever for her to nurse in the daycare. She lives a few minutes away. She can nurse before she drops off and right when she gets back home. She just wants to hang out at your house so she gets more time in the daycare. She is doing it because she doesn't want to be alone with her kid any more than she has to and she likes hanging out to watch you work. She wants attention for free.

Tell her it isn't working and that you will have her child ready to scoot out the door quickly when she arrives to pick up and will greet her quickly at the door at drop off so she can hurry off to work.

[Polkaroo]

I agree, no reason for her to nurse at dc. This is different but I had a parent that would take 5-10 min to say his goodbyes in the morning. Taking me away from the group, I didn't like this. So I wrote a general note to all parents in my daily report asking to say their goodbye before coming to the door. It took a second reminder but he's much better now. I don't think you should give too much thought about what she thinks, you're doing what you need to do to make sure your business runs smoothly. Nothing wrong with that.