Toddler hitting/see's hitting at home

[FS2011]

I have a dcb that is about 2.5yo and he hits constantly all day. When he first started a couple months ago it wasn't as bad as it is now. He is always slapping, using his hands or toys to hit people. His parents use spanking at home as discipline. Which in my opinion just seems counter productive. He is easily frustrated and doesn't yet have the ability to communicate with his friends in these situations. He will talk up a storm in his own play but when he is with others it's all hitting and screaming. I have talked with his parents on my forms of guidance and discipline (when they asked me to only spank their child!) which include redirection, separating from the situation, time outs when needed and encouraging kind words etc. Not really sure how to handle this one. I think my encouraging to not hit at daycare gets confusing when mom and dad then hit him at home. Yesterday at pick up the child was having so much fun that he became disobedient to moms asking him to gather his things and come to the car. No no no, typical things and it resulted in mom(very passive) spanking his bum. I don't feel it's an excessive spanking, abuse type of situation. More of a lack of parental knowledge. Like I said mom is quiet, timid, passive etc. Dad is pretty much the same maybe more authoritaive then mom in the household however.

[mamaof4]

hmm how frustrating! can you say you have a blanket no hitting policy in your home?

[playfelt]

You won't be able to change their minds but at least at your house you can set limits for both the child an the parents. I'm old fashion in the sense that I still believe there is a time and place for spanking as a last resort because there are some things that are not negotiable, fixable, changeable, just has to be my way or else type of things. Safety is one area for sure where we do whatever it takes to keep a child from continuously going into an unsafe situation. But as I said it is the method of last resort and should not be used as the first or it totally loses it's effectiveness and that is when it escolates to abuse. My own kids knew when they had crossed that line in the sand and they certainly didnt' do it very often. We also have to remember at daycare that we have group support on our side meaning having a child sit out from his friends is far more effective than at home when made to simply sit for some reason. There is no visual support for the consequence of watching your friends still have fun. Making a distinction between what is normal and what is negative for this age might be part of the problem. Two year olds can be among the most annoying obnoxious creatures when they set their little minds to it, lol.

[FS2011]

for this age might be part of the problem. Two year olds can be among the most annoying obnoxious creatures when they set their little minds to it, lol.
Bahahahahaha!!!!!!!! !! ROFL I have 3! You just summed up my life. Too funny!

[FS2011]

I should have used "quotes" that's in regards to playfelts response.

[lori123]

HAHAHA!! That is my life too - my one child likes not only to hit but to bite too.....drew blood on my shoulder with a "playful" bite....sighs!! Redirection, time outs, talking about it ....its all you really can do....its too bad that the parents have other ideas which can totally confuse the child....all you can do is try to be consistent at your house and hope they try to follow suit.

[Skysue]

You won't be able to change their minds but at least at your house you can set limits for both the child an the parents. I'm old fashion in the sense that I still believe there is a time and place for spanking as a last resort because there are some things that are not negotiable, fixable, changeable, just has to be my way or else type of things. Safety is one area for sure where we do whatever it takes to keep a child from continuously going into an unsafe situation. But as I said it is the method of last resort and should not be used as the first or it totally loses it's effectiveness and that is when it escolates to abuse. My own kids knew when they had crossed that line in the sand and they certainly didnt' do it very often. We also have to remember at daycare that we have group support on our side meaning having a child sit out from his friends is far more effective than at home when made to simply sit for some reason. There is no visual support for the consequence of watching your friends still have fun. Making a distinction between what is normal and what is negative for this age might be part of the problem. Two year olds can be among the most annoying obnoxious creatures when they set their little minds to it, lol.

I'm on the same page as playfelt on the spanking issue, if it's your own kids that is. My little one is very aware of her line of scrimmage. Now all I need to do is count 1,2, 3 (I tell her if I have to get to 3 your going to your room, or getting a spanking if it still escalates) we never have to get to 3, if we do (which is extremely rare) its consequence, witch as a parent you always need to follow through with discipline. Or else they will keep crossing the line. With that said that kind of discipline is not for the daycare setting.

Being on the exact same page as these parents is paramount in order to not confuse this poor child. Tell them clearly spanking is not your method of discipline. Ask them what warrants a spanking for them? It really should be a last resort, ask them if they do time outs etc… and work with them in staying on target together!

Good luck!

[Sandbox Sally]

No way would I accept a parent hitting a child in my home. Having said this, I wouldn't accept parents who hit as a form of discipline into my care either. I am opposed to corporal punishment in any form. I wasn't hit, and I don't hit.
I can't imagine how people feel that they are showing a child that hitting is wrong if the child gets hit by the people in the world that he trusts most. No wonder this child is hitting others. It's how conflict is "resolved" in his home, so why shouldn't it work for him at daycare?

[playfelt]

The problem is that is what the child does see is hitting in the home. There is a big difference between constant slapping and hitting and a spanking when a behaviour line has been crossed.

[mom-in-alberta]

Not that I am completely against a swat on the bum; but in my experience, I have seen that it is simply not effective. And if, as a rule and not the exception, that is the only form of behaviour correction that is used; a child learns that if we are not happy with someone, we hit them. And if we hit them for hitting someone else, they simply learn that "I am bigger, I am stronger, so I get to hit you." This sets them up for targeting people smaller than they are. It's just a very upsetting cycle.
If you feel like you can continue to work with the family, then just keep your methods the same. He will, eventually, understand what he can and can't do at your house. If you are really uncomfortable, then discuss it with the parents and let them know that you have a difference of opinion when it comes to discipline. I don't think you have the ability or the right to ask them to change; they are the parents, after all. But if you can't come to an agreement, I know that I wouldn't work with a family that didn't mesh with my personal beliefs.