Sticky situation with daycare mom....

[babydom]

Wwyd?
I have a single mom in my care with an 11-month-old boy that started last August so I had him since he was six months. I'm afraid I have crossed the line between client and friend. I invited her to church because she was searching, I've invited her to stay for dinner because she was lonely. She moved from far away and doesn't have friends family here. Now 4 months later it's getting too much. Some days I look forward to 5 o'clock to end my day to spend time with my family and kids and get my break. But she now just comes in at pick up time and takes her boots and coat off and makes her self at home. With traffic it takes her over an hr to get home so she always asks to come in and feed her son dinner before traveling home. But I just cleaned my house from snack and the day. Things are put away I don't want to continue to listen to her crying child I just want my day to end. It's not my fault she lives far, she can go to a close by restaurant. Does that sound mean? Probably. I want to continue to b a help and a friend to her. But it's cutting to much into my personal time and I just need space but how do I tell her to leave and not come in. Sigh. Sorry that was a long vent. Just feeling frustrated. I don't want to be mean I just want my space a bit u know?:unsure::unsure :

[mattsmom]

That is the problem with this business. It is very easy to befriend the moms, especially since you have such a big part in their children's lives and see each other everyday.

I would just have the mom let you know when she is on her way and have baby ready to go when she gets there. At the end of my day, I am usually ready to have dinner on the table so you can use that as a deterent for her to stay. Or just have an honest conversation, explain that you need your time with your family at the end of the day and if she would like to make a date to have coffee or something that would not be right after a long day of work, then that would work better.

[Lou]

Maybe she could pack his dinner and you could give it to him 1/2 hr before he arrives "so we can both get on with our evenings at the end of the day". Solves the problem and gives her a big hint. And if she "forgets" and asks to come in and feed him, say "sorry, it's not going to work out we have somewhere to be shortly".

[SillyGirl_C]

I would be honest. Tell her you love her kiddo and having her as a friend, but you need your 'you' time as well. Plus you would rather your time with her be special and not crammed into a busy day. I think Lou's suggestion is a great one that helps solve the problem as well.
Tough conversation, but might lead to peace and a good buddy.

[Van]

I suggest to feed the child before she arrives too and then you can say its fine he is fed
maybe leave some of lunch left over for him so you are not relying on if she brings his supper or not
or even crackers and cheese so he can have something to eat with her later
start the hard talk with ,,,,,, you don't mind if at the end of the day he is ready to go as I need to feed my family or have family time
good luck

[babydom]

Feeding him supper would help the problem but it just creates another problem.
with five other kids that are in the kitchen wanted to eat too and I just can't do a whole other meal in the kitchen once it's cleaned up for the day after snack. he's still spooned fee because he's a baby so it takes me away from watching the other kids. :(

[Rachael]

Just be honest with her.

Although you understand that she's away from family and although you extended the arm of friendship, it's getting too much. At the end of a long day, you are looking forward to winding down and spending time with your own family just like everyone else and so it's too much for her to come in and sit down on a daily basis.

Sorry but it's really not convenient to come in and feed her son before travelling home especially as that extends beyond your business hours and encroaches on your down time.

Stop feeling guilty about "helping a friend". She isn't a friend. She's a client. You aren't being mean. You are running a business not at charity or a drop-in centre. Explain to her, firmly and clearly, where your boundary is and begin enforcing it. And don't mistake a client for a friend in future. It always complicates the issue and normally for the provider who gets taken advantage of. If a client realizes that you consider yourself a friend, then some will expect you to act like one and do favours which oddly are always at your expense and never theirs.

[babydom]

Well said. Thanks Rachel. I'll be having a talk with her in the new year. I also provide overnights and evenings because she played her single mom card but I'll also be saying sorry no more overtime. I need time with my own kids and it's getting to b to much. Wish me luck :)

[5 Little Monkeys]

It's tough as Some clients mistake our friendliness for friendship!! I really like what Rachael said....it's always us that end up doing the favours in the "friendship"!!

I try very hard to make sure that the parents are comfortable here, like me and feel like they can talk to me but I don't let them overstep the boundaries. Staying here after hours to do whatever (chat with me, feed child, etc) is not something I would allow. I can see why it happened though and I wish you luck on fixing it!! If she is a friend and appreciates your service, she will understand!!

[Crayola kiddies]

Have him ready at the door for when she gets there and let her know you fed him extra snack so he will make it to dinner ... That is their time together ... Dinner .... He's spent enough time with you during the day

[mickyc]

It is hard for sure. I have made friends with some families over the past years. Our children are friends, we go to each other's birthday parties, our children will go to the same school. It is a fine line though that you cannot cross. I had one mom who would often spend a good 30-45 minutes visiting some evenings. Some days I didn't mind it but others I just wanted to go. I usually would just keep things short and say that I have to go and get supper going or I would run and get the mail after work so it looked like I was going somewhere.

I would just have an honest conversation with her and you have things you need to do in the evening.