Limitations of the job

[torontokids]

I am finding this job very difficult at times now that my older daughter has started school. I can't book time off to go into her classroom to observe, join a fun activity or help out, I have her in the B&A program because it is just too difficult to do the pick up and drop off with all the kids and I felt trapped at home just now when I got a call from the school about an issue. The mother bear in me wants to run over to the school and find out more about what's going on but I can't. When I worked out of the home I definitely had more flexibility to take a day off, leave early one day or go in later. I feel so trapped some times.

The issue at school
I got a call from the school to say that my daughter initiated a "choking game" outside at lunch and had herself and 3 friends pin down some boy and choke him. My daughter is 4, I find the whole thing unlikely. Believe me, I don't have rose coloured glasses on about my kid and she is definitely a leader (can be bossy) but she doesn't even know what choking is and definitely wouldn't have called it a choking game. They of course wouldn't tell me the names of the other kids so I am left wondering what's going on. I will talk to my daughter tonight and find out what happened then call the principal in the morning...so stressful.

[Rachael]

I struggled with this when mine were in Elementary. Until opening my day care I worked and volunteered at the schools so I was always there if something happened before lunch and after lunch, I was just literally down the hill in my house and could easily return.

The first time one of my sons forgot his lunch, and I had to pack up 6 toddlers in a wagon to walk up a steep hill was an eye opener in who tied I was and how far away despite the close proximity. Thank goodness my were of an age where I didn't have to worry about meeting them from school and they were old enough to walk there and back home without an adult.

If it's any comfort, mine are 18 and 15 now and it does get better. You just have to get through the hockey years, the baseball years, the football years, the dating years, and eventually, they leave home, allegedly.

[Fun&care]

I've always felt the same in that I wish I could be more involved in my sons school activities. Maybe it's just me and a coincidence but every single client I have had has a pretty cushy job. They are always taking days off here and there "just because" on top of booking time off when I am off plus sick days. I realize not every parent has a job like this but a lot do.

My son had issues at school too his first year and it can be difficult especially for us providers because we are so used to being right there with our kids day in day out and being able to deal with situations directly.

As for the choking incident, all you can really do is discipline your daughter and make sure she understands how dangerous this behavior is and have a firm consequence in place and let her know about it and how it will be implemented should she do it again.

[Rachael]

Maybe it's just me and a coincidence but every single client I have had has a pretty cushy job. They are always taking days off here and there "just because" on top of booking time off when I am off plus sick days. I realize not every parent has a job like this but a lot do.

I think that's likely just a case of the grass being greener. It's easy to think someone's job is cushy based on zero understanding of what they actually do - and just presuming we know what their job involves. Likely lots of people out there view day care providers as having a cushy job - working from home, sets own hours, doesn't have to get own kids up and out super early, etc.

[bright sparks]

My son is 2E and I have to meet multiple times a year to address things mainly because teachers are not sticking to his IEP. It is frustrating to say the least and I feel guilty for taking time off and leaving my families stuck but then I also feel guilty about how I have to put my son 2nd behind other children. I feel your pain, I truly do but for myself it's likely a blessing that I can't sweep in and try to fix it. That would probably be a disservice to my son at his age (12) who unfortunately needs to experience these things without me in order to develop the necessary coping skills that will serve him well in life when mum isn't around to save him. That being said, when I close my doors in July, things won't be a whole lot easier as I will be over 100km away should I need to go to school for anything. Fortunately I have some good back up should my kids be ill and need collecting promptly, but even if there was an incident at school, it's for them to deal with during school hours and then communicate with me to follow up on at home. It may be a blessing in disguise Torontokids although I understand as your daughter is a lot younger she would typically be a lot more dependent on you. Going to school is your instinct but likely not necessary and there probably wouldn't be anyone available to talk with you and give you the full story. Best to schedule a telephone appointment to follow up with the adult who intervened and witnessed the events of recess.

I dropped to 4 days a week for the purpose of not having to take time off as frequently and leaving 1 day a week to try and always schedule these meetings on. This both prevents letting my families down in addition to having that window of opportunity available to give to my children and in school parent opportunities. The only time it doesn't work is if I have a specialist appointment which generally only occurs twice a year and they don't have clinic hours on Fridays.

[torontokids]

I spoke to my daughter last night and the whole situation was totally blowed out of proportion by the VP. My daughter is 4 and doesn't even know what choking is (except in reference to "don't put so much food in your mouth or you'll choke." The VP said my daughter "instigated a choking game" and how she is very concerned about my daughter and her behaviour. The choking confused me to begin with as she doesn't know what that is and the suggestion that this was malicious was the other confusing aspect. Basically what happened was they were playing a game where she and 3 other girls chased this boy to "take his powers" away. My daughter grabbed his neck, he fell and they pushed on his neck. There was no intent to hurt him.

She made my daughter out to be very concerning and was questioning where she would have learned about a "choking game" from. So annoyed.

[torontokids]

[QUOTE=bright sparks;72129]My son is 2E and I have to meet multiple times a year to address things mainly because teachers are not sticking to his IEP. It is frustrating to say the least and I feel guilty for taking time off and leaving my families stuck but then I also feel guilty about how I have to put my son 2nd behind other children. I feel your pain, I truly do but for myself it's likely a blessing that I can't sweep in and try to fix it. That would probably be a disservice to my son at his age (12) who unfortunately needs to experience these things without me in order to develop the necessary coping skills that will serve him well in life when mum isn't around to save him. That being said, when I close my doors in July, things won't be a whole lot easier as I will be over 100km away should I need to go to school for anything. Fortunately I have some good back up should my kids be ill and need collecting promptly, but even if there was an incident at school, it's for them to deal with during school hours and then communicate with me to follow up on at home. It may be a blessing in disguise Torontokids although I understand as your daughter is a lot younger she would typically be a lot more dependent on you. Going to school is your instinct but likely not necessary and there probably wouldn't be anyone available to talk with you and give you the full story. Best to schedule a telephone appointment to follow up with the adult who intervened and witnessed the events of recess. "



I totally agree with you that this prevents me from running in and saving her and this is probably a good thing, especially if I am pissed off. I think what was most frustrating was not having the option to go. Plus this situation was presented to me as something very serious and that they were very concerned about her. They weren't describing my daughter at all. I just felt sick and wanted to see her.

[MonkeyPrincess]

I felt very limited with this career of choice. I feel like I am always bound to the house. I hate winter sometimes because it's too damn cold for my liking. I don't use my van for daycare (Only in the summer when i only have older kids- they use boosters or are car seat free. Toddlers are teacher's children so they are off all summer) so I can't pack up all the kids in my van to get my kids from school, so i have to bundle the toddlers all up (takes 15 minutes 2x a day) to walk 200 feet to the bus stop. :no: I thrive in warmer weather lol :laugh:

I feel like my kids always take a back seat to the daycare kids and i hate it. Now that they are in school, it kind of defeats the purpose of me staying home to be with them eh? I feel like I don't have as much time for them as i have daycare kids here til 5-5:30 and they are all under 5. Then it's dinner, homework, bath and bed. I am tired at the end of the day. My husband is a truck driver and works wonky hours. He is often in bed before the kids so i do a lot alone. When he is off he helps though. I can't drop everything to go to the school if my kids need me. Can't go to concerts/meetings/events etc. Can't volunteer as i always wanted to.

Thats why now i only work 4 days a week. Only one dc family needed me on Fridays and they were flexible with their days so i changed their days. Now i have Fridays off to do whatever i want and i love it. I grocery shop, and sometimes go to the gym. I can go to the kid's school if they need me. After 3 yrs of daycare and virtually no time off, i changed a lot of things and now it works better for everyone.

[AcornsFalling]

I have the same feelings as the other moms on this thread.
I was a teacher before my children were born and since my daughter started K in the fall I have been trying to get hired as a teacher on call in my district. Thankfully it looks like I will be closing my daycare and starting to teach in March.
I have felt guilty that while I am home with my own kids, our time together is not what I would consider quality time, as I'm so busy making sure everyone's needs are met. We can't do the kind of activities I would love to to as they aren't age appropriate for the rest of the group.
I will have to put my son in full time daycare, but I think he will have lots of fun and I have found a great care provider. Our mornings will be much earlier to get my children off to care but it's time for DH to step up and help with the mornings now!
Not to mention the income earning potential is much greater.
Running my own daycare was a blessing so I could stay home with my son and daughter when they were babies and toddlers but now I feel that we are ready to move on to a new phase in life.
I hope you can figure out a way to make things work for your family :)

[bright sparks]

I spoke to my daughter last night and the whole situation was totally blowed out of proportion by the VP. My daughter is 4 and doesn't even know what choking is (except in reference to "don't put so much food in your mouth or you'll choke." The VP said my daughter "instigated a choking game" and how she is very concerned about my daughter and her behaviour. The choking confused me to begin with as she doesn't know what that is and the suggestion that this was malicious was the other confusing aspect. Basically what happened was they were playing a game where she and 3 other girls chased this boy to "take his powers" away. My daughter grabbed his neck, he fell and they pushed on his neck. There was no intent to hurt him.

She made my daughter out to be very concerning and was questioning where she would have learned about a "choking game" from. So annoyed.

That would have me very annoyed. How about documenting fact, not assumptions or ones impression. What a shocking accusation to make against your daughter when the explanation you followed up with makes so much more sense. Okay rough play isn't okay because things like this can occur, but this is innocent and normal child behaviour that just unfortunately ended up with them falling in such a way on the boy. I honestly can't believe this even warranted a call home unless the child was actually hurt and it was just to inform you of what actually happened as a way of following up and following protocol, versus calling to make something out of nothing, put words into your child's mouth and imply that your 4 year old is wild and out of control, which is how I would have received the VP's comments had she said those things to me about my child. I'd be following up with the Principal if I were you on how the whole thing was handled, but unfortunately I do find that whenever I have a concern with a teacher's actions, the principal tends to always have the teachers back making excuses and passing the blame.

[torontokids]

[QUOTE=bright sparks;72129]My son is 2E and I have to meet multiple times a year to address things mainly because teachers are not sticking to his IEP. It is frustrating to say the least and I feel guilty for taking time off and leaving my families stuck but then I also feel guilty about how I have to put my son 2nd behind other children. I feel your pain, I truly do but for myself it's likely a blessing that I can't sweep in and try to fix it. That would probably be a disservice to my son at his age (12) who unfortunately needs to experience these things without me in order to develop the necessary coping skills that will serve him well in life when mum isn't around to save him. That being said, when I close my doors in July, things won't be a whole lot easier as I will be over 100km away should I need to go to school for anything. Fortunately I have some good back up should my kids be ill and need collecting promptly, but even if there was an incident at school, it's for them to deal with during school hours and then communicate with me to follow up on at home. It may be a blessing in disguise Torontokids although I understand as your daughter is a lot younger she would typically be a lot more dependent on you. Going to school is your instinct but likely not necessary and there probably wouldn't be anyone available to talk with you and give you the full story. Best to schedule a telephone appointment to follow up with the adult who intervened and witnessed the events of recess. "



I totally agree with you that this prevents me from running in and saving her and this is probably a good thing, especially if I am pissed off. I think what was most frustrating was not having the option to go. Plus this situation was presented to me as something very serious and that they were very concerned about her. They weren't describing my daughter at all. I just felt sick and wanted to see her.


That would have me very annoyed. How about documenting fact, not assumptions or ones impression. What a shocking accusation to make against your daughter when the explanation you followed up with makes so much more sense. Okay rough play isn't okay because things like this can occur, but this is innocent and normal child behaviour that just unfortunately ended up with them falling in such a way on the boy. I honestly can't believe this even warranted a call home unless the child was actually hurt and it was just to inform you of what actually happened as a way of following up and following protocol, versus calling to make something out of nothing, put words into your child's mouth and imply that your 4 year old is wild and out of control, which is how I would have received the VP's comments had she said those things to me about my child. I'd be following up with the Principal if I were you on how the whole thing was handled, but unfortunately I do find that whenever I have a concern with a teacher's actions, the principal tends to always have the teachers back making excuses and passing the blame.

Totally agree and I did call and speak to the principal. She apologized about how things were communicated.

[innisfildaycare]

I am on the opposite side of the fence on this one. I did daycare for 6 years after my second son was born. I absolutely loved it! I spent every minute with my boys and we enjoyed every second of every day. I always attended my childrens school functions and always walked (30 min) to the school when they needed me, always with my DCK's in tow. We had great times! My former employer called me after quitting 6 years prior and offered me an awesome job and agreed to most of my requests, which included, 2 months off in the summer, 3 weeks vacation during my 10 months of employment + any additional days off to attend any school functions my kids had going on at the their school. It is a very "cushy" job and I honestly have the greatest employers who are flexible and understanding - two of the greatest men I know! I try not to take advantage - so I dont attend ALL functions at the school as I would feel way to guilty doing so, even though that is a part of my contract. BUT I miss my boys terribly. I knew Id have to get up alot earlier seeing as my work location is an hour away from my home. Ive been back now almost 3 years and Im exhausted. My boys are now 10 and 8. The first two years back to work were amazing - i got to dress up, wear make up and heels again. I was excited to get up at 5:30 every morning to blow dry my hair. I felt and looked fabulous. Having been on both sides of the fence, i totally regret ever going back to work. My weekends now consist of cleaning the entire house, doing laundry, cooking, groceries and any other errands that have to get done. While doing daycare, i had at least 2-3 hours everyday while the DCK napped, to clean, and/or get some laundry folded and put away, start dinner, prepare next days lunch etc. leaving me more time at night to spend with my boys and my weekends more free for family outings. I cant remember the last time we went bowling or to a movie on the weekend...im way to busy and then before i know it, im way too tired. Most times our clean clothes are just left in baskets in rooms for everyone to fend to on their own. I use to bake fresh goods everyday, and work hard on our dinners - now we buy or baked goods and eat frozen food 2-3 nights a week. I HATE IT! I had so much more time with my kids at night - now, its home, cook, clean up, homework, bath and bed. Then starts my night of me showering, picking out everyones clothes, preparing lunches, packing bags and so on. And this includes my husbands help. I feel like i dont even know my children. Even when i am asking about their day, i feel like im not even listening because i am busy trying to get things done. If the school calls me for an issue, ex: if they forget their lunch, i cant go and bring it to them. Im an hour away. The whole process of working outside of the home is far more stressful then doing daycare (although daycare is mentally draining) I hate fighting the cold, i hate fighting the traffic and the snow. This summer, i have decided to re-open my daycare and not return to work.

[Fun&care]

It's funny but I feel the same-I don't feel like I know my kids anymore, and I feel like I hardly get to spend any time with them. But I am doing daycare! Because it always seems that the daycare kids take up so much of my time and attention. I hate it because although I am right here, I can never do anything with my son because I am watching the little ones and I am so tired of hearing myself say "not right now buddy, maybe later". I find it more painful that I am here yet always feeling like I am letting him down. I would rather have less time with him but for it to be quality time, without one million distractions. Not to mention that I would probably spend way less time cleaning if we weren't here to mess it up all the time, and dressing 5 kids to go do the bus run in -25 weather just isn't doing for me anymore.

I am currently looking for employment innisfildaycare and your job sounds like a dream! I am hoping though that I can work part time...maybe 6 hour days...well see!

Being a stay at home mom would be wonderful but we can't afford that :(

[bright sparks]

I think it gets easier as the kids get older. My kids are 12 and 13 and I'm coming up to my 9 year mark. It was for sure harder when they were younger, but I think it's been a valuable lesson to them and I'm ready now to get some independence back and get out of the house. My kids have always, even now, been very involved. They changed diapers, read stories, do crafts and snuggle with upset little ones. They have asked me lots of questions and observed how I handle challenging situations with the children and I think this will serve them well in later years. I have learnt in order to have the house be happy, certain things need to be let go of. This expectation of a tidy house all the time is such a huge stress that ultimately it only happened once I stopped caring so much and passed the pressure over to everyone else. When my kids were younger, they were responsible for their mess, learning that at the end of each day, they had to clean everything up so it was in their best interest to clean as they go. Their rooms can be messier and they can just clean that periodically. Laundry is a shared effort, now my kids do their own laundry having 2 days a week to do it. They have also made their own lunches for the last 4 or 5 years. They also do meal prep for dinner upon request. I have a 2nd job on Fridays outside of the home so they have to fend for themselves and they do a great job and it's actually doing them a huge favour me being out of the house so many hours. I had a 3 month break from daycare a few years ago when I moved house and I briefly took a nursing position and the clean house was amazing...I am looking forward to that for sure. My biggest issue with home daycare is that I have lost my identity so much so that even I don't know who I am. I am a glorified maid and caregiver, that is it and it's about to change. I will be a full time student and have a job along with being a mother and a wife. It isn't going to be easier than what is going on now but with good planning and time management it will be fine. Less is more as the kids get older, they need us to be there less in order for them to develop strong independent skills. I think it's harder for us than for them. Balance is hard but fortunately my kids are old enough to understand what's to come with me and that they are more than capable to step up their roles in contributing to the family. These are all life lessons that me being here 24/7 am holding them back from learning.

[torontokids]

Thank you all for your responses. I agree with some that the time spent with your child while in daycare is not the same quality time if you were to be a SAHM. I have recently changed the way I operate in that respect and it has made the world of difference. I am making more time for my daughter during the program. I don't know if I was worried about making the other kids feel badly if my daughter received extra attention or not but now I don't care. The whole program has benefited I feel as my daughter is happier for sure. She gets special privileges as well. She can go upstairs during the diaper changes etc before nap and play with her toys in her room. If she's a good listener before nap e.g. goes potty, settles in to bed when it's time etc then we have a snuggle and a story (she always gets the snuggle but the story is reserved for good listening). I let her play certain games or activities I won't let the other kids do (she is also the oldest so there are reasons for this). One example is I let her play with some plastic dishes in a sink full of soapy water while I'm prepping snack.

My older daughter that has now started school I definitely feel more distant from. I wish I didn't feel I had to have her in the B&A program but it really is a convenience for me. I did B&A with another little boy and even though the school is across the road, it interfered with nap/snacks etc so much that it wasn't worth it. I have been torn with this recently though because I think it would be nice for her to have her mom drop her off and for her to have a shorter day but I just don't think it's feasible.

[innisfildaycare]

I think no matter which way you look at it - its tough being a mom whether you work inside the home or outside. I guess its just a matter of preference of what works best for each family. We will ALWAYS feel guilty for something or another - we will forever think we are not doing enough. The most logical simple, UNREALISTIC solution would be to be a stay at home mom! LOL

[MsBell]

But I am sure there are many "cons" and limitations to being a stay at home mom too. I agree being any kind of Mom is the hardest job ever, and no matter how much we try to explain just how hard it is, it is always an understatement.