Parent with scent sensitivity

[JennJubie]

I have a dcm who has a scent sensitivity. This came to light a few months ago, (even thought dcb has been here for 7 months). It was never mentioned during the interview, or in any of the play visits mom and dcb attended before starting. I have Scentsy warmers in my house, and one of the dcks had an extremely smelly poop one morning, so I turned on the warmer to help the smell. Dcm with the sensitivity arrived that morning and informed me of her sensitivity upon smelling it. She asked that I would not use the warmers the days her son was here. I said of coarse. That should have been the end of it, yes? I have kept my word, as soon as I knew there was a sensitivity issue, I didn't turn it on again. This morning, weeks after she initially asked me not to use the Scentsy she asked if I had been turning them on again. I said no. She said she could still smell them and asked me if the ceramic warmers are located in my living room. I said yes, but I haven't turned them on. I think she expects me to remove them from my home... How would you ladies approach this?

... on a side note, this same mom came in the door this morning, sat on my floor and talked for 20 min. Then she made a comment about how there was salt, (ice melt), at my front door, and that her son kept picking it up, hinting that she thought I should clean it. The salt was tracked into my house when they came up the steps and came in, and I hadn't had time to do anything, because she sat right down and talked while others were coming in.

[33 Daiseys]

NOSY WI##H.
SHOULD MIND HER BUSINESS OR FIND OTHER CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!
I am personally sick of when i interview people not understanding that this is my home.
WHERE I LIVE.
NO, I will not take down my children's photos, no i will not take down my wedding pictures, no I will not change my wall colour's, no I will not avoid cooking with children are napping, no i will not redo my child's bedroom to suit your child's likes.
FFS, it these people want a sterile environment, go to a center. If you want a warm home environment use home care. Not that difficult.
The nerve of some people

[Lee-Bee]

I think your response needs to be something along the lines of..."while my home is not scent free, and never will be, I can attempt to limit the use of scented products on the days your child attends. If your allergy is serious enough that you need to look for a new, scent free daycare I will understand, otherwise hopefully a quick drop off and pick up will be enough to further limit your exposure."

As for the salt, just point out that they are sitting there preventing you from doing your usual routine, of sweeping up the salt after the last parent has left. Also note that her child doesn't typically sit at the front door for 20minutes, that her sitting there is putting her child in proximity of the salt.

[3rdtimesacharm]

Uh that is so annoying! I would not stop using the scentsy in your home. Especially since it was never mentioned at interview. You are being very accommodating not using them on the days dcb comes. If she mentions it again, just reply with a straight face "no, I have not had them on today since he is here today. But I do turn them on in the evenings and days he doesn't come." And just leave it at that. I dare her to ask you to do anything about it. And if she does, say "I personally like them and have always used them, I think I'm doing enough of what you ask of me, but I'm not willing to stop all together."

As for the salt, my kids often pick them up off the front carpet as well. I usually vacuum the rug once all drop offs are done. I would have said, yes, I like to get that cleaned up as soon as all the drop offs are done and parents leave.

[bright sparks]

NOSY BIT#H. SHOULD MIND HER BUSINESS OR FIND OTHER CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!
I am personally sick of when i interview people not understanding that this is my home. WHERE I LIVE. NO, I will not take down my children's photos, no i will not take down my wedding pictures, no I will not change my wall colour's, no I will not avoid cooking with children are napping, no i will not redo my child's bedroom to suit your child's likes.
FFS, it these people want a sterile environment, go to a center. If you want a warm home environment use home care. Not that difficult.
The nerve of some people

Hold on a minute....do you mean to tell me you have had people ask you to take down pictures and change your wall colour because that sounds ridiculous and highly unlikely! I don't think she is being a nosy at all. If she is irritated by something it is her perogative to make enquiry, that doesn't make her a bad person, I think your name calling is extremely harsh and completely unnecessary!

The sitting in your house for 20 minutes and comments about the ice melter are a separate issue and yes it can be irritating when a parent makes comments and we take it a certain way. It does not mean it was meant with any ill intent though, it's all about perception and I'm not convinced by the little info in this post that she meant to be awful and perhaps her nitpicking was nothing more than a bad morning which all humans have. Some things we should let go. Perhaps she felt irritated and wanted to confirm that it wasn't being used again and enquiring as to where it was located might be her simply thinking out loud and making enquiry in order to establish how much of a sensitivity she really has given that they hadn't been burning and their proximity when off. I understand her being cautious of them being on days that her son is in care in the event that his clothing may bring home the irritant, it seems the OP is too, given that she made this allowance for the mother.

I would just reassure her that they are not and will never be used during the hours that her son is care as you are understanding of her situation. And leave it at that. If she trusts you she will not ask again, and otherwise just leave her to her wondering as if they are off they are off and you don't have anything to worry about.

[JennJubie]

Bright sparks: There's more too it than just the re asking. My son is diagnosed ADHD and ODD, and she made a point of mentioning that artificial scents are linked to ADHD, autism,,, etc. Very, very out of line.

[JennJubie]

And to be very clear, I don't ever turn the warmers on when her son is here simply because I know it irritates her. I don't want to take the chance that it might irritate him, too or that he might take it home in his hair or clothing. But she's making claims that he's coming home smelling like the Scentsy even though I have not been turning it on.

[5 Little Monkeys]

Personally, I think she was out of line. Asking once, fine. Asking twice? It would bother me and shows she doesn't trust me. If the scents bother her that much than she needs to do quick drop off and pick ups or find a scent free dc.

I myself am scent sensitive (just get headaches) but can't imagine asking someone to not use scents in their own home!!! In this case, your home is a business she utilizes, if it's not matching her needs she needs to find another business, not expect you to change it for her. Self entitlement...expect ing you to change instead of fixing the problem herself.

I find it hard to believe her though if she stays 20 mins chatting....

[Fun&care]

Tough issue....I myself am sensitive to scents. I guess i will play devils advocate but I really, really hate perfumey/smelly stuff. I've also read articles that said indoor air fresheners are linked to a bunch of illnesses such as allergies, asthma etc...so I NEVER use air fresheners ever because I don't feel they are safe enough to use around kids nor are they really necessary and I choose to clean with natural cleaners. So maybe that's where this mom is coming from?

As for the salt issue I wonder if again it's just a matter of her feeling uncomfortable with her child coming into contact with chemicals. I don't necessarily blame her, although you can't be expected to clean up 24/7, salt is just a part of living in Canada in the winter.

[33 Daiseys]

yes i have, my room is painted a warm terracotta red, and is for the wee one's in playpens. a mom i interviewed last week, asked if i planned on changing the colour since red is linked to anger. Had parents say that they don't like a boy sleeping in a girls room, can i redecorate it to make it more gender neutral. had potential clients comment abut all the family photos, and how it will make their child uncomfortable since there won't be any picture of said child in the main part of the home( i do have random pic's of dkc in the playroom mind you).
this has been in the last 2 weeks, so i am very very sore about it, and am getting a bit tired of people not understanding that this is my home.
I never vent, and this is something that is very personal and a real sore spot. Sorry if it offended you

[torontokids]

I have a slight sensitivity to scent as well which I find gets worse the more I am exposed to scents (which could explain why her's is worse). Also, the winter can be worse for people with this sensitivity just for reasons like the windows always being closed etc. I think you just need to do as Lee Bee and others suggest. Tell her you will not use the scents on the days their child is in daycare and if their sensitivity is still triggered you would understand them needing to find alternative care. I also don't use scents around children for the above mentioned reasons.

[bright sparks]

Bright sparks: There's more too it than just the re asking. My son is diagnosed ADHD and ODD, and she made a point of mentioning that artificial scents are linked to ADHD, autism,,, etc. Very, very out of line.

I'm sure there is, there always is but I was simply stating my opinion that it is not okay to be name calling and even more so without all the facts. My comments were not aimed at you.

[bright sparks]

yes i have, my room is painted a warm terracotta red, and is for the wee one's in playpens. a mom i interviewed last week, asked if i planned on changing the colour since red is linked to anger. Had parents say that they don't like a boy sleeping in a girls room, can i redecorate it to make it more gender neutral. had potential clients comment abut all the family photos, and how it will make their child uncomfortable since there won't be any picture of said child in the main part of the home( i do have random pic's of dkc in the playroom mind you).
this has been in the last 2 weeks, so i am very very sore about it, and am getting a bit tired of people not understanding that this is my home.
I never vent, and this is something that is very personal and a real sore spot. Sorry if it offended you

I never said, nor implied that I was offended by your vent. This is the exact place where venting is allowed. What I did say was that my opinion was that it is not okay to name call and I made a comment that I highly doubt that those things were said, not that they weren't or that you were lying but that I found it hard to believe. Sounds like you have had a steady stream of unbelievable potentials coming through your door so explains why you are sore, but it's a little different than someone with a scent sensitivity. I also don't like to paint everyone with the same brush.

[Rachael]

How would you ladies approach this?

Like you, I would offer to minimize the scents on the day her child is here. Then when the second comment came, I think I would have been a bit miffed, esp as I would have honored the promised I made.

I think now all you can do is state that you don't use when he's coming/in the day care which is the commitment you made when made aware of the issue. However, yours is not a scent free home. As a home owner, you enjoy the scents you choose for your private space. If she is still finding the scents too strong, then all you can suggest is she limits the time chatting in your home as you have no intention of eliminating scents from your family life beyond the promise you have made and kept.


... on a side note, this same mom came in the door this morning, sat on my floor and talked for 20 min.

That would never have happened. I'd have interrupted long before 20 mins and said that I needed to get on with my day, I'll see her out as I want to lock the door behind her and get activities going.



Then she made a comment about how there was salt, (ice melt), at my front door, and that her son kept picking it up, hinting that she thought I should clean it

I would have said "That's just come in with you. Once you leave and I get the children settled, that will be cleaned up when I get to it. But I can't chat, supervise and clean at the same time.

[SillyGirl_C]

Oh lord. 33 Daiseys...I think we see why this question hit home. Sounds like an interview from hell. Some people are so over the top and self centered you wonder how they make it through life. Geez. I am irritated just thinking about it.

JJ, I think when accommodations for actual issues is realistic, it is good customer service to do. Which you have....and good naturedly too in light of the parent's less than steller approach to the matter.

If she is still finding it an issue, Lee-Bee has it dead on. This is your home, it is not an institution. She may need to find other care in order to manage her medical needs. Not personal, just reality.

[Lee-Bee]

yes i have, my room is painted a warm terracotta red, and is for the wee one's in playpens. a mom i interviewed last week, asked if i planned on changing the colour since red is linked to anger. Had parents say that they don't like a boy sleeping in a girls room, can i redecorate it to make it more gender neutral. had potential clients comment abut all the family photos, and how it will make their child uncomfortable since there won't be any picture of said child in the main part of the home( i do have random pic's of dkc in the playroom mind you).
this has been in the last 2 weeks, so i am very very sore about it, and am getting a bit tired of people not understanding that this is my home.
I never vent, and this is something that is very personal and a real sore spot. Sorry if it offended you

Wow...what a funny group of people you've interviewed!

I often wonder what my DCG thinks about the fact here are a bunch of large photos of our daughter and myself and husband hanging over her crib! She lies there staring at them everyday! But never would I remove family photos from our walls to make a child more comfortable!!??!! That's some serious parent guilt at play... removing photos from a wall won't make any child feel more at home.

I have read research on the impact of wall colour on children's behavior (it was actually part of our ECE curriculum) and red is indeed linked with negative behavior, so while I wouldn't paint my house red...no parent can expect you to change the colour in order for them to sign up. If they don't like it, they need to go elsewhere. But maybe that's why they were asking if you had planned to change it, because it is a deal breaker for them and they wanted to ensure it was staying red?

[JennJubie]

Thank you everyone for your input. I understand that scent sensitivity/allergy is very serious, and can make a person feel very ill, which is why I took her request so seriously. I absolutely respect the fact that on top of being my home, this is my business, and if a reasonable request is made, I should do my best to accommodate that request. Which I assure you, I have.

I make most of my food from scratch, I clean with natural products, (vinegar, baking soda, tea tree oil, etc). I have one small guilty pleasure, and that is my Scentsy. The only reason I even turned it on the morning in question is because one of the kiddos had a really smelly poo, and I was not feeling well and the smell was bothering me. Other than that I don't use it around the kiddos, and I never wear perfume.

I feel that dcm made a mountain out of a mole hill. As soon as she said something, I promised her it would never again be turned on on a day when he was to come. I am a woman of my word, and I have not. I suppose I didn't like that she questioned me again, because I had no reason to be questioned again. I understand that sometimes people can be insensitive to such issues, but I am not, and I didn't like being treated like I was taking it lightly when I was not.

[MsBell]

There is nothing nastier than to have nasty smelling poop from someone elses kids linger around your house for hours. I don't use air fresheners on a regular basis, however I do have one on hand for those days when someone lays down something so foul it gives me dry heaves. I will continue to do so, and even if this situation occured, I would explain, that in the event that it happens again, I will do something to eliminate the odor, because I have to stay in the house, she can leave quickly.
I too have had parents at interviews ask some pretty rediculous requests, one didnt like my "main daycare area" on the top level (I have a raised bungalow, upstairs is the playroom, kitchen, napping, the oly time the kids go downstairs is in the winter time to get dressed to go outside) so she asked if I could put the daycare downstairs, that way her baby has no chance of falling down the stairs!!!!! (stairs that are blocked off with a baby gate!) Needless to say, she did not become a client. I also had a parent ask me to never say "no" because it was such a negative word....I said no lol

[33 Daiseys]

the funny part it that it is the most beautiful shade. I wish i could post a picture.. Its more like a deep redish- orange. This is in my bedroom, an i picked the colour because it honestly helps me sleep. The rest of my house is done in sage, tan, creams such. I spent 6 months deciding on warm calm peaceful colours, and a ton of money and effort to make our home look like a home. And its makes me want to cry sometime the lack of respect we get towards our homes from daycare parents and children. Eg the other poster who was talking about dcd using her table to take of kids boots. I would have tossed them out and been done with them. My husband bought me my dining room set for my 30th birthday.
The basement/ toy room daycare room is done in pink , blue, yellow with all white ikea furniture. I then have the coloured square foam pads, with the 6 ikea mats on top ( you know the ones that look like car race tracks and such. I then have decals and pictures all over the walks.

[33 Daiseys]

I ve also had parents start opening dresser drawers, open my fridge to smell my milk, one dad even lay down on my bed if he could have a nap, while the mom and i talked. Needless to say i ended that interview then and there. This is over the 6 years mind you, It just amazes me the lack of respect we are show, as if we are 200 years ago, and nothing but the "MAID", or something

[5 Little Monkeys]

Ummm what?!?!

You've certainly had your fair share of different ones 33daiseys!!

[mattsmom]

Oh my gosh, 33daiseys, laying on your bed? Never mind me getting mad, my husband would have lost it and told him to leave.

As far as the scent issue, I would let her know that you have stopped using them when her child is there, but you are not going to stop all together or get rid of them. If it was that bad, I don't understand why she didn't mention something at the interview.

[MonkeyPrincess]

I ve also had parents start opening dresser drawers, open my fridge to smell my milk, one dad even lay down on my bed if he could have a nap, while the mom and i talked. Needless to say i ended that interview then and there. This is over the 6 years mind you, It just amazes me the lack of respect we are show, as if we are 200 years ago, and nothing but the "MAID", or something

Pardon my acronym but WTF?????

[MonkeyPrincess]

Oh my gosh, 33daiseys, laying on your bed? Never mind me getting mad, my husband would have lost it and told him to leave.

As far as the scent issue, I would let her know that you have stopped using them when her child is there, but you are not going to stop all together or get rid of them. If it was that bad, I don't understand why she didn't mention something at the interview.

my thoughts exactly!

[Lou]

OMG Daisy!!! That's insane, wtf is WRONG with people???

Luckily, I haven't had that sort of breed come through me yet, lol. The most outrageous demand I had was "We will sign with you if you raise your household temperature to 24 degrees" *blink* *blink* Next!!!

OP- I'd be miffed too (and that's not just the Scentsy consultant in me! LOL), you were incredibly respectful of her sensitivity and now it feels like she's accusing you of lying. A coupe of the ladies have great suggestions and I think an email or follow up conversation is appropriate to set things straight.

[Rachael]

I'm reading these and I can't believe some of the nut bars some of you have for interview.

Do you not do a telephone interview first, run though your policies, your day, your expectations and then, only if you are sure they are a good fit and respectful, do you hand out your address? I tackle interviews this way, so then coming here and meeting me and seeing the day care, is just a formality. I've eliminated disrespectful people. I've eliminated those who don't communicate openly. I've eliminated those who aren't a good fit.

It's 30 mins MAX to come in, meet me, review police checks and other papers, see the place, and LEAVE.

Don't you vet people before they come out?

[dodge__driver11]

I do very much so, if you do not "pass" the phone interview I email and tell you

[Lou]

Sometimes "the crazy" doesn't come out until you meet in person, lol.

And no, I do not do telephone interviews first. When I find I do need to advertise (I've been lucky to fill mostly through word of mouth), I host all the interviews on one weekend day and then choose among the applicants. I actually, don't do well on the phone and am much better in person where I can read someone's body language. My interview process is email, ask a few basic questions...send and have them read my policy handbook/contract and they can book an interview from there. But it's all done through email before we meet face to face and this has always worked very well for me.

[5 Little Monkeys]

Sometimes "the crazy" doesn't come out until you meet in person, lol.

And no, I do not do telephone interviews first. When I find I do need to advertise (I've been lucky to fill mostly through word of mouth), I host all the interviews on one weekend day and then choose among the applicants. I actually, don't do well on the phone and am much better in person where I can read someone's body language. My interview process is email, ask a few basic questions...send and have them read my policy handbook/contract and they can book an interview from there. But it's all done through email before we meet face to face and this has always worked very well for me.

I agree with you!! Crazy sometimes gets hidden and doesn't come out until they don't get their way!!

I do almost the same as you. I send them my contract and policies via email, if they like it we meet. If I like them I offer them the spot and they have 2 days to think about it. If they pass or I don't offer them the spot, I go on to the next interview. This has cut my interview process down SO MUCH!!! My time is important to me just as it is to everyone else.

Last time I interviewed I did it my old way and met a few families and than was going to make my decision. The last one wanted to sign on then and there and I really liked them so they got the spot. I had told the others to let me know if they wanted the spot and a few got back to me and said yes and I unfortunately had to say no to them. It makes me feel horrible saying no though so back to my new way it is!! (One at a time )