Daycare dad arrested

[kingstonkids]

Hi, I am looking for some advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation or has any thoughts.

I have a relatively new daycare baby. He has just fully settled in and I was very happy with the situation.

He did not attend today because he was sick with a cold. I have now found out though, that the father was arrested last night for assaulting the mother and the baby was hurt as well.

Normally the mother drops off and the father picks up. The mother is now obviously saying that the father is not allowed to pick up the baby and her mother (the babies grandmother) will be doing pick ups.

Unfortunately, the mother will not be able to afford me on her own, so it is unlikely that she will be here longer than 2 weeks.

But I am quite nervous. I have never had a situation like this in my 9 years of home daycare. And of course the baby is picked up at a super busy time, when parents are coming and going, so I will need to make them lock the door behind them. I just don't want the dad to show up. I don't know if he will, but just the thought of it makes my stomach turn.

Has anyone dealt with something like this before? How did it pan out? Is there anything I can do to prepare myself?

Thanks

[torontokids]

He has already been arrested and if he was released he would have bail conditions that would include not being around the mom/baby.

You need to be careful and remain alert but I wouldn't stress too much. Lock the door at all times, check the peep hole when a parent knocks. If he comes, don't open the door and call the police. Express your concerns with the mother and ask her where things are at e.g. does he have supervised visitation with his child?

[flowerchild]

What a mess!

Is there a no-contact order in place? Could mom give you a copy of that to have on hand? If CAS isn't already involved, they will be soon, so they'll probably be able to have something in writing for you. (I'm just thinking it would be handy to have something in writing that he can't pick up, in case he shows up and you end up calling the police)

Is there a section in your contract that specifies which parents the child can be released to? If there is and it currently says both parents, I'd get the mom to refill out a new contract immediately.

I think keeping your door locked for the time being is a good idea. Chances are he won't show up, but just in case, then you're covered. Do you have a peep hole or a window you can check before you open the door?

[torontokids]

Also, inform the other parents that there will be increased safety precautions in the coming weeks. You could say there have been reports of a prowler in the neighbourhood, not sure what else you could say without scaring them too much/breaking confidentiality of the family.

[kindertime]

This is such a horrible situation- for everyone, especially the baby. I don't envy your position.

My first suggeston to you is right now, before pick-up time, call the police station or, if you have a lawyer friend and ask what is legal. I have been told by the police (in Que.) that the parents (no matter the custody situation) have the right to get their child. This also includes anyone who has been given permission in writing to pick up.

So even in this situation, if it were here, I would be required by law to allow Dad to get the child. If I refused, I could be accused of kidnapping.

You or course have to also consider yourself and the other children. Safety first. Yes, keep the door locked. You can tell Dad you don't feel comfortable inviting him in but wait one minute, you'll get the baby. If things get out of hand, which, likely they won't, you call 911.

Have you talked to Mom yet? If you know what time Dad usually comes, could Grandma come a little earlier?

[torontokids]

What a mess!

Is there a no-contact order in place? Could mom give you a copy of that to have on hand? If CAS isn't already involved, they will be soon, so they'll probably be able to have something in writing for you. (I'm just thinking it would be handy to have something in writing that he can't pick up, in case he shows up and you end up calling the police)

Is there a section in your contract that specifies which parents the child can be released to? If there is and it currently says both parents, I'd get the mom to refill out a new contract immediately.

I think keeping your door locked for the time being is a good idea. Chances are he won't show up, but just in case, then you're covered. Do you have a peep hole or a window you can check before you open the door?

Yes! Without the paperwork, you really are required to release the child to him. Get a copy ASAP.

[Suzie_Homemaker]

Be careful. Is all this information coming from the mother? Without any paperwork, how do you know if it is true?

I know you want to make sure the child is not hurt and that the Dad is not a risk to you or anyone else but until you have court paperwork telling you different, right now, you just have one person's word - and that Dad has the same rights as the mother until he doesn't. You can't just deny a Dad access without paperwork just as you couldn't deny the mother access without paperwork.

What a mess.

[kingstonkids]

Thanks for all your advice!

@suzie I was feeling the same way about the situation. Not that I don't trust the mother but you have to guard yourself.

I called the police and they have confirmed what you all said, that I need some form of no contact order or a copy of his bail restrictions.

I just spoke to the mom and she doesn't have anything yet. He went up this morning and she is still waiting for them to call to say if he was released or not.

I don't have the baby here today, but he should be back tomorrow. I do have a window and will keep my door locked even when other parents are here.

Thanks again everyone.

It is such a horrible situation apparently the baby is pretty banged up :((

[torontokids]

Maybe you need to tell the mom that you can't take him back until you have the paperwork because this puts the baby at risk (you would have to release him to the father) or you (if you refused to hand him over). Not to mention the other children in your care!

[5 Little Monkeys]

What a messy situation! That poor mom and baby :(

You've been given some great advice. I hope you figured out what you wanna do. I'm surprised the baby is even still in moms hands right now. Hopefully (if moms story is true) the dad won't have any alone time with his baby and hopefully he's not going to be a dick throughout this process!!

Good luck to you all!!

[mamaof4]

Personally--
I would prefer if baby did not comeback until there was some order in place and you had a copy of it. Once you get it- I would call the PD and alert them of the situation and ensure they know you have a copy of the order.

[mamaof4]

Posting anonymously for a member:


kingstonkids - if you come back to the forum, I was wondering what happened with this situation.

Because... I found out this morning that the same thing happened last week with dcm and dcg. Dcm was apparently holding dcg (1yo) when there was an incident. Didn't get (or ask) for the details but CAS is involved and charges are being laid, etc. Dad lives far away (1.5 hrs) and has never been to my house but he does have my address. So dcm says he may show up. He's not supposed to but I told her that if he's determined. And of course I would call her.

It's all well and good to say, in theory, that if there's a court order in place preventing him from taking her, I can refuse, but the judge isn't sitting at my front step. And the cops aren't either. If I refused to send dcg out, and he were determined enough, he could break down my front door and after that...?

[flowerchild]

Posting anonymously for a member:

Is there a real concern that the dad will come for the child? If so, I think you can keep your address on file with the police or there maybe some way to have it flagged in their system so that if he shows up and you call them, they'll come ASAP. Or maybe they could list it in the no-contact order as well so he wouldn't be allowed to be at the family home or at the child's daycare?

I don't know all the details, but have you talked to mom and/or CAS about your concerns?

[Suzie_Homemaker]

I sorry. I lead a quiet drama free life. I don't break laws. I don't mix with people who do. I keep mind my own business and try to do the right thing.

But this whole situation not one I would like. I sorry but am responsible for more than one child. I understand the Mom or child not do anything wrong but if there is a risk that an aggrieved parent come banging on my door demanding access to a day care child, then that not situation I am willing to be placed in.

Yes, I can call police but I can also tell client that I don't think I can provide the protection they implying child might need. One thing to make sure a child not choke, not break their neck, not play unsupervised but potentially angry adult at my door, no thank you. This not just place of business, this is my home.

My family live here. This is my safe place. This is where my family comes as a soft place to fall. This not somewhere for angry jail person to come making demands and scaring me in my own home and scaring the children who come here. No way. I would be telling them no.