Only child syndrome?

[Frogsandrabbits]

I have one little girl, 11mos, she is an only child, no siblings. She really is sweet. However I'm struggling a little bit as she seems to have these little tantrums for lack of a better word, whenever another child is near her. The other child could just be walking by and brush her leg, or another toddler comes to see the toy she has etc and she royally freaks out. My attention to this at first because she was new, was to sit on the floor (as I do most days!) and try to help her adjust. She's been here a month now. The problem now is I CANT sit on the floor because the kids all want to sit on me or right near me and they will all have a melt down! Lol. So back to the only child. She cries a lot. I've tried giving her a toy and the other child so they can sit together and play in each others company. She needs to get used to this environment. Is there any other suggestions from others with experience here with only-child syndrome? It will pass I'm sure. Some days it really breaks my heart how she's desperately trying for my attention and to pick her up and "save" her :( I've told her repeatedly she's ok, I talk to her ALOT, use her name ALOT etc. what can I try next?
Thanks so much!!!

[AmandaKDT]

Perhaps try backing off, not saying her name or talking to her lots - atleast until she gets over her transition. Be present, but not available for her to use as a security blanket. If she comes looking for you to pick her up or gets upset by another kid in her space, try to do a quick redirect with a toy and a "you're okay, go play", then move away.

[Frogsandrabbits]

Perhaps try backing off, not saying her name or talking to her lots - atleast until she gets over her transition. Be present, but not available for her to use as a security blanket. If she comes looking for you to pick her up or gets upset by another kid in her space, try to do a quick redirect with a toy and a "you're okay, go play", then move away.

That was my next step, just wasn't sure if I should! Thx!

[torontokids]

I agree, I don't coddle the kids when they start. They need to learn to play on their own and they are redirected. They get cuddles too but I try not to pick them up when they are crying just to be held.

[mickyc]

I have never allowed kids to sit on me while we are on the floor. I agree I think you are still providing her with too much attention. She needs to learn she isn't the only one you have to care for so she needs to learn her own coping skills. She is still young so it will take a bit.

[babydom]

I've had this many times and I find just that works. Back off. Lol. If I ignore the cry out they tend to figure it out themselves. And start to fit in. After a min or two of crying from a far I'll say ur ok ur ok and ignore again. Seems to work well here :) good luck.

[Frogsandrabbits]

Thanks for the insights. I am totally for the cry-it-out routine for sure. I know she's still young as she's under a year slightly. This is new to her as well. I know they need to understand and adapt and it will happen in time. I don't want to coddle her and am trying not to as much as possible but there have been 2 or 3 occasions where I've had to so that I keep my cool! Lol. Sitting in the floor has ended for sure, my 3 year olds are good because they know, we sit for stories and circle time but not anymore! Lol.
After naps I will try the removal and replacement and work on that for a while. I know it takes time. I have a 10mos old myself so this is good for us all! Cheers to you all for the advice, opinions and insights!

[5 Little Monkeys]

She's still quite young and new to daycare. It will take some time to adjust. She could just naturally have a bigger personal space bubble too. I have a few kids like that and sometimes have to remind the others to give xxx some personal space.

We cuddle a lot here!! It's one of my favourite things about home dc vs centre dc. If I'm on the floor there is usually a child on me or around me. They take turns and it's never been an issue. It's a great way to create those special bonds IMO. I can't imagine having a rule that no one is allowed on my lap but that is just me. You will find the right balance that works for you and your group!! However, I do think that too much cuddling can be coddling and that is when issues arise.

Good luck!! :)

[Frogsandrabbits]

Thank you I totally agree. And that is one of the reasons parents choose home daycare, for the little extra lovin! The nonlap issue is only a temporary thing in part because my little guy is learning as well to share his mommy. I really believe in getting down to their level as much as possible. I have been helping my two year old as well, telling her to take one step back etc and let the child have some play space, it works well. The parents of this child are very quiet, low key, gentle people so naturally I see it in the child. I know she will adjust, we all have to help :):):)

[mickyc]

The reason I had to no sitting on my lap rule is because I reserved that as a special thing for my daughter only. She was 10 months when I began daycare and she struggled with sharing me. This was the one thing that was reserved only for her. Other kids were held when needed, cuddled, hugged etc. I would sometimes pick up the little ones and put them on my lap but I was the one who allowed it and not because a child asked. My daughter is now 5 and I find this is still our special bond when she feels the need and is tired of the little daycare kids. It wasn't her choice to have daycare so I find it important that we have our little thing even if it is just her being the only one who is allowed to sit on me.

[Frogsandrabbits]

That's definitely understandable to have that special time with your own child! I allow my little guy too sometimes and as well teaching him that sometimes he has to share me. Lol