Cheap parents

[sandylynn]

Has anyone had parents that were sooooooo CHEAP...ie, they actually go around there house to try and dig up someone OLD and USED to give their daycare provider for Christmas! Seriously? This leaves such a bad taste in my mouth.....I have had everything from a tube of USED self suntanning lotion to a spice jar from a restaurant they used to own 5 years ago! Is it me? or am I missing something huge here....I also have a parent that counts the money out to me EVERY TIME HE PAYS ME.....I've told him.."please just put it in an envelope and leave it on the table"....like I need this crap! I think the best way to get rid of these people is to SUPER UP THEIR RATES! :laugh: YA....GONE!

[5 Little Monkeys]

I totally recommend counting the money in front of you!! I have had a few parents over the years pay cash and it's never been a problem but a couple pay days ago, a mom was short $40 and I didn't notice until she left. I texted right away to ask and mom apologized and said she had the $40 in her pocket (which is what I thought happened because I saw the way she took it out of her pocket) it could have been bad though because she could have said she gave me the right amount and it would be my word against hers. Thankfully she's not like that but you just never know!!

As for the other stuff....yes I'd find it weird and would have a laugh over it but in the end, I'd chalk it up to money issues or just being raised differently lol. It's the thought that counts right?? Lol

[sandylynn]

I GUESS you are right 5 little Monkeys...it probably is a money issue....heck...if they spent 20.00 on a Christmas gift for their daycare provider (the person who looks after the most precious and important person in their life for 10 hours a day)....they wouldn't have been able to put those hardwood floors in their home....gone on the Disney cruise....that they just returned from or bought the new car 3 months ago....ya...hm...mus t be a money issue!

[5 Little Monkeys]

Some people aren't gift givers...or not great at it! Lol

I don't give gifts to every service provider in my life so I can't really blame them for doing the same.

Maybe they can afford those things for themselves because they don't "waste" money on others. Maybe they don't budget for gifts outside of their family?

Really we will never know how/why people choose to give us what they give us.

Also, you have to look at the bigger picture....are you doing this job to receive gifts and bonuses from parents or because you love children and enjoy owning your own business?

[3rdtimesacharm]

Sandylynn: omg that would irk me beyond words!!! I had one parent who had money issues, she still provided gifts (for my 3 kids, nothing for me). She got movies for each of them (with her husband's work discount as he works at a big box store.) And she got them each an outfit, which she told me she got off ebay. So it was probably $1-$2 per piece of clothing. So, she may have spent $20 in total but at least she went through the effort and time picking something for them personally! I appreciated it and was not annoyed by the dollar amount, but that she put thought into it.
Your family who gave u lotion!? Wow. That's just an insult as I would feel I am not worth a minute of her time to think of a gift that I would use/appreciate.

[Fun&care]

I also agree that counting money is a GOOD thing. It can avoid awkward situations for sure.

But I disagree that us providers are just lumped in with other service providers...I don't think we are in the same category at all. I get that some people aren't great at gift giving, I can't say I am great at it myself but even if money was an issue a cheap card with some nice words in it is pretty budget friendly and would mean more to me than any gift.

I don't even know what to think about a bottle of used self tanner...I mean why even bother at that point?

[3rdtimesacharm]

Some people aren't gift givers...or not great at it! Lol

I don't give gifts to every service provider in my life so I can't really blame them for doing the same.

Maybe they can afford those things for themselves because they don't "waste" money on others. Maybe they don't budget for gifts outside of their family?

Really we will never know how/why people choose to give us what they give us.

Also, you have to look at the bigger picture....are you doing this job to receive gifts and bonuses from parents or because you love children and enjoy owning your own business?

We are not the mail carrier or your hairdresser, I think we should not be grouped into the same category as "every service provider".

Also, of course she is not doing this for the gifts and bonuses. It gave me a chuckle to hear about her "gifts" hehehe! Just one of the perks to being a part of this forum, we get to hear about others stories and experiences.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I get the fact that our service is pretty special and very personal but the fact of the matter is that some parents just view as a service provider. It's a bit different because we don't pay teachers but think about all the gifts a family would have to give for a school aged child. There are lots of professions that deal with children (drs, dentists, counsellers, swim teachers, dance teachers, coaches etc etc). Parents have to draw the line somewhere and sometimes we are the ones who get cut off the list unfortunately.

Trust me, I would definitely think a used bottle of anything was an odd gift and would much rather appreciate just a card with a thoughtful comment too! However, I'm trying to let things that I have no control over not stress me out :)

As a side note, even family members give crazy gifts. One year my husband got one pair of socks (out of a package) from one of my crazy aunts. We still giggle over who got the other pairs lol.

Thinking about service providers...I wonder if vets and animal daycare providers feel the same way? Some people view their pets as family and people in those industries would be very attached to your pet as well like we are to the dck's in our care.

[sandylynn]

Thank you 3rdtimesacharm....we should NOT be grouped into the same category of the hairdresser or mail carrier....I don't spend 10 hours a day having my hair done....and for that matter I do tip my hairdresser very well at Christmas....however ...5 little monkeys...I do love children....and am not spending 50 hours a week to get gifts and bonus's from these people...HOWEVER.... giving me a used tube of self-sun tanning lotion is nothing more than a complete INSULT...it's just WRONG.....nothing would have been better....I am paid for my work...yes...but please....parents... .don't toss me what was going in the garbage....for a Christmas Gift.....seriously! It just changes my opinion of you...just sayin

[sandylynn]

p.s. It honestly DOES NOT STRESS ME OUT....I learned a looooong time ago....this kind of thing comes with the job...guess I am just hoping that if only 1 parent reads my message...it's 1 daycare provider that JUST MIGHT NOT BE INSULTED AT CHRISTMAS! And that's a "gift and a bonus"...in itself.....

[kindertime]

I'm not sure many of us have been so lucky to get a used tube of anything. But self tanner? Maybe you were looking a little pale. lol Whenever I get a gift from a parent, I write a thank you note telling them what I'll do with it, or whatever. "Thank you so much for the old spices, I will be sure to include them in lots of daycare meals!"

[5 Little Monkeys]

That's good you aren't bothered by it. I read your post as if you were bitter or angry about it and just wanted to offer some reasons as to why they'd give a gift like that. Sorry, I misinterpreted your tone!! :)

[bright sparks]

I have had some pretty awful regifted gifts before but I just shake my head and move on. There is no obligation to buy any service provider a gift so expect nothing and you won't be disappointed, maybe a little confused at a used bottle of tanner, but the only person it bothers is yourself if you get wrapped up in feeling awful about it. If they want to go to Disney or put hardwood floors in and buy me a POS for Xmas, then that's their prerogative to do so. They pay me for my service and nothing else is required. No sense in getting upset over what should have been or happened. Also counting cash is a smart move on the parent who does it religiously for you. I'd see that as a positive thing not a negative. Generally speaking in life we do not see things clearly about what's going on with other people. I like to say, don't assume to think you know what's going on. The tanner gift is ridiculous but laugh it off and don't let it stress you out. My gifts have gone in waves and I am the only one who can control my happiness and I know my worth without the need for extra gifts so gift or no gift or even crappy gift doesn't bother me anymore as it's more a reflection of the other person and their circumstances versus my self worth.

[5 Little Monkeys]

You said it better than I did bright lol. I agree with you

[bright sparks]

I get the fact that our service is pretty special and very personal but the fact of the matter is that some parents just view as a service provider. It's a bit different because we don't pay teachers but think about all the gifts a family would have to give for a school aged child. There are lots of professions that deal with children (drs, dentists, counsellers, swim teachers, dance teachers, coaches etc etc). Parents have to draw the line somewhere and sometimes we are the ones who get cut off the list unfortunately.

Trust me, I would definitely think a used bottle of anything was an odd gift and would much rather appreciate just a card with a thoughtful comment too! However, I'm trying to let things that I have no control over not stress me out :)

As a side note, even family members give crazy gifts. One year my husband got one pair of socks (out of a package) from one of my crazy aunts. We still giggle over who got the other pairs lol.

Thinking about service providers...I wonder if vets and animal daycare providers feel the same way? Some people view their pets as family and people in those industries would be very attached to your pet as well like we are to the dck's in our care.

I'm trying to do that to, not get stressed over things I have no control over.

My father in law gave my husband tea towels for his 30th birthday...lol...he said that it was because when he came back from walking our dogs we never had any in the kitchen. We used to hide them because we were in the back garden one day and saw him through the window returning with the dogs and wiping the sweat from his face on one and then hanging it back up EWWWWW!! LOL

I've recieved a used candle once...barely as the wax seemed fine but it had been lit lol

Nought as queer as folk

[sandylynn]

Thanks 5 little monkeys....it was one of those things...I was really just curious if anything of this nature had happened to anyone else....I appreciate any or all of the gifts I have received over the years from my parents....I really do....it was the actual gift we are talking about ...the capper of the whole story here was....the self suntanning lotion came from a family that I would not have believed that they would have EVER used this product in a million years!

[5 Little Monkeys]

LOL...that is totally something my FIL would do too!!! Gross for sure! Lol

I can't think of any odd gifts I've received...definitel y received some that I just regift though lol

[sandylynn]

Thanks brightsparks...well said

[mickyc]

I will admit I am ticked when I don't get some sort of acknowledgment of appreciation at Christmas. I have had my share of unappreciative parents but I don't let it bother me too much.

I luckily have never had a bad gift - one that I don't like or need or is useless to me but they have always been new

[MsBell]

I have been pretty lucky with gifts from DCP, they have all been very considerate. I did have one mom, that worked 1/2 days a lot (split shifts), and I used to have a half day rate, but it worked out that she would pick up right before lunch, and always say how good lunch smelled. then one day she asked her boy if he just wanted to stay for lunch (yes he did) next thing she asks for some. I was a little taken of guard, but also flattered that she wanted my cooking (my kids, well you know, they act like I'm trying to pioson them) anyways this started to become a bit of a habit, so I started to serve the more "kid friendly" stuff, think she wont want that....she did! then she admits "I would rather eat here, its cheaper for me then going out" and that was the end of that, and the end of the half day rate.
talking about bad gifts though, one year, my MIL (ex MIL now) gave me her used kinky lingere for my birthday!!!!It was a set of crotchless panties and a nipple-less bra.......Oh, I know they were hers, because she said "They don't fit me anymore, so I thought you could have fun with them"

[Suzie_Homemaker]

am I missing something huge here....I also have a parent that counts the money out to me EVERY TIME HE PAYS ME.....I've told him.."please just put it in an envelope and leave it on the table"....like I need this crap!

This not for reason you think it is.

I have some cash pay client and I ALWAYS count the money, in front of them, immediately. It not to do with being a jerk. With new notes, they stick easy but regardless, if error made, it easier to address before client leave house.

Little while back one Mom gave me $40 too much. New client who got her husband to take out money on his way home from work. If I not counted that, and if I just put away, then they might have thought I dishonest.

Same if money is short by mistake. If client leave in envelope on table and I not know money missing until later, when I call them, that could be awkward. They might be sure they gave right money when they did not.

Much more sensible to count in person, so both agree correct and no misunderstanding or awkward conversation later.

This is learned to do many year back and good practice. Stand me in good stead over years. More than one error corrected very simply by do this straight away in sight of client. No misunderstanding - ever. Good thing.

[5 Little Monkeys]

Omg msbell!!!!! Both your stories gave me a good laugh....lol!!!

[Suzie_Homemaker]

I GUESS you are right 5 little Monkeys...it probably is a money issue....heck...if they spent 20.00 on a Christmas gift for their daycare provider (the person who looks after the most precious and important person in their life for 10 hours a day)....they wouldn't have been able to put those hardwood floors in their home....gone on the Disney cruise....that they just returned from or bought the new car 3 months ago....ya...hm...mus t be a money issue!

Wow. I think this harsh.

It not for us to say what client spend their money on nor how much is acceptable.

Some my client very generous, some not so much. But not my place to determine their priorities. End of day, I am service provider to them and they pay for my fees. Sure, I look after their babies but just because I have big responsibilities not expect big gesture based on my expectation.

I would be annoyed if my garbage collector, hairdresser, book keeper, car mechanic, all decided that the money for their bill not enough and that they all entitled to Christmas gift and they all entitled to decide what is acceptable expense of it.

Maybe be less disappointed if adjust expectations to be realistic. LOL Young family allowed to spend their own money on hardward floor and vacation if they choose. Not up to you to decide that if they can afford these they should be giving you gift too. LOL

[Suzie_Homemaker]

Thank you 3rdtimesacharm....we should NOT be grouped into the same category of the hairdresser or mail carrier....I don't spend 10 hours a day having my hair done....and for that matter I do tip my hairdresser very well at Christmas....however ...5 little monkeys...I do love children....and am not spending 50 hours a week to get gifts and bonus's from these people...HOWEVER.... giving me a used tube of self-sun tanning lotion is nothing more than a complete INSULT...it's just WRONG.....nothing would have been better....I am paid for my work...yes...but please....parents... .don't toss me what was going in the garbage....for a Christmas Gift.....seriously! It just changes my opinion of you...just sayin

But you understand that is your view. Does not mean every other carer has same view. Does not mean parents have same view. That is point some trying to make.

Just as you entitled to feel your way, parents entitled to feel their way. Seem that we expected to be understanding of your view but you too have to be understanding not all same.

[Suzie_Homemaker]

p.s. It honestly DOES NOT STRESS ME OUT....I learned a looooong time ago....this kind of thing comes with the job...guess I am just hoping that if only 1 parent reads my message...it's 1 daycare provider that JUST MIGHT NOT BE INSULTED AT CHRISTMAS! And that's a "gift and a bonus"...in itself.....

IT seem to stress you a lot if you making post about Christmas gift in March. LOL Bit passive aggressive way to express it by posting strong view in hope one parent reads and feel bad.
Maybe 40 parent read and think what a big expectation to have?

If YOU have issue with YOUR client so upsetting that you choose to be insulted, your need address direct with client. I think you don't because you deep down know it not reasonable expectation.

[Emma H]

There are lots of professions that deal with children (drs, dentists, counsellers, swim teachers, dance teachers, coaches etc etc). Parents have to draw the line somewhere and sometimes we are the ones who get cut off the list unfortunately.

I don't even think we should be grouped with the above mentioned as those professions also deal with all kinds of other clients and ages. Their jobs are not specifically targeted at young children only. Not saying they don't deserve anything for their hard work lol and I am not saying that we are obligated to receive anything but if someone is to gift something at least gift it properly. I know a few days ago I posted a thread about baby shower gifts and not one of you mentioned you would re-gift your used baby clothes to someone. We as providers go above and beyond (sometimes even more than teachers) and I know we give so much so I think if someone does choose to gift us, it shouldn't be their used garbage.

[bright sparks]

I have been pretty lucky with gifts from DCP, they have all been very considerate. I did have one mom, that worked 1/2 days a lot (split shifts), and I used to have a half day rate, but it worked out that she would pick up right before lunch, and always say how good lunch smelled. then one day she asked her boy if he just wanted to stay for lunch (yes he did) next thing she asks for some. I was a little taken of guard, but also flattered that she wanted my cooking (my kids, well you know, they act like I'm trying to pioson them) anyways this started to become a bit of a habit, so I started to serve the more "kid friendly" stuff, think she wont want that....she did! then she admits "I would rather eat here, its cheaper for me then going out" and that was the end of that, and the end of the half day rate.
talking about bad gifts though, one year, my MIL (ex MIL now) gave me her used kinky lingere for my birthday!!!!It was a set of crotchless panties and a nipple-less bra.......Oh, I know they were hers, because she said "They don't fit me anymore, so I thought you could have fun with them"
A big old WTF!?! Lmao

[Suzie_Homemaker]

No relationship, business or personal, should doing tasks keeping score of what owed and what repayment they feel is just.

If you do favor, expecting one in return, or do good job expecting additional reward, you be sorely disappointed many times.

Do favor because you want to, with no score keeping. Do good work because you have sense of pride in yourself, with no expectation of gift at year end.

Have much happier life, with fewer dissappoints if you approach life this way.

No one is entitled to gift - ever. Not friend, not family, not business relationship. When get gift, view as unexpected bonus not entitlement.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I don't even think we should be grouped with the above mentioned as those professions also deal with all kinds of other clients and ages. Their jobs are not specifically targeted at young children only. Not saying they don't deserve anything for their hard work lol and I am not saying that we are obligated to receive anything but if someone is to gift something at least gift it properly. I know a few days ago I posted a thread about baby shower gifts and not one of you mentioned you would re-gift your used baby clothes to someone. We as providers go above and beyond (sometimes even more than teachers) and I know we give so much so I think if someone does choose to gift us, it shouldn't be their used garbage.

Sorry, I meant all of those professions as children only professionals....I understand why some think we're different but I also understand why some think a service provider is a service provider is a service provider.

[bright sparks]

I don't even think we should be grouped with the above mentioned as those professions also deal with all kinds of other clients and ages. Their jobs are not specifically targeted at young children only. Not saying they don't deserve anything for their hard work lol and I am not saying that we are obligated to receive anything but if someone is to gift something at least gift it properly. I know a few days ago I posted a thread about baby shower gifts and not one of you mentioned you would re-gift your used baby clothes to someone. We as providers go above and beyond (sometimes even more than teachers) and I know we give so much so I think if someone does choose to gift us, it shouldn't be their used garbage.

I don't see giving my children's old clothes as a baby shower gift. I hand their clothes down but would buy a new shower gift for anyone who invited me to the actual shower only.

[kindertime]

I have been pretty lucky with gifts from DCP, they have all been very considerate. I did have one mom, that worked 1/2 days a lot (split shifts), and I used to have a half day rate, but it worked out that she would pick up right before lunch, and always say how good lunch smelled. then one day she asked her boy if he just wanted to stay for lunch (yes he did) next thing she asks for some. I was a little taken of guard, but also flattered that she wanted my cooking (my kids, well you know, they act like I'm trying to pioson them) anyways this started to become a bit of a habit, so I started to serve the more "kid friendly" stuff, think she wont want that....she did! then she admits "I would rather eat here, its cheaper for me then going out" and that was the end of that, and the end of the half day rate.
talking about bad gifts though, one year, my MIL (ex MIL now) gave me her used kinky lingere for my birthday!!!!It was a set of crotchless panties and a nipple-less bra.......Oh, I know they were hers, because she said "They don't fit me anymore, so I thought you could have fun with them"

OMG!!! Best story ever. I'm still laughing!!! I think I would prefer the used tube of tanner than have that image rolling around my brain. You made my day, thanks for sharing.

[3rdtimesacharm]

So how is giving teachers gifts at Christmas time any different than a daycare provider?? Apart from the fact they they would receive 30 gifts opposed to 5.... I think these professions are viewed similarly in regards to a small token of appreciation. Again, it is NOT the dollar amount, but, like mentioned here before, a simple cards with some kind words etc. I think a large number of students, especially in younger grades don't think twice about a teacher's gift, and from my experience it is the norm to do the same for a daycare provider.

[3rdtimesacharm]

MsBell: that is a riot!!! And gross!! Did she honestly you would feel sexy wearing something she wore intimately with your (ex) FIL??? Barf!! Thanks for the laugh!! :D

[Emma H]

:unsure:
So how is giving teachers gifts at Christmas time any different than a daycare provider?? Apart from the fact they they would receive 30 gifts opposed to 5.... I think these professions are viewed similarly in regards to a small token of appreciation. Again, it is NOT the dollar amount, but, like mentioned here before, a simple cards with some kind words etc. I think a large number of students, especially in younger grades don't think twice about a teacher's gift, and from my experience it is the norm to do the same for a daycare provider.



EXACTLY! I remember as a child my mom would get my teachers something every year for Christmas. People do this to show appreciation to the one person who looks after the most precious gift in their lives. No one said they expected anything or that they do this job because they expect gifts. The whole point in this thread is that the women got a bottle of used tanning lotion and people are attacking her HOW DARE YOU EXPECT GIFTS...calm down ....If money was an issue I'm pretty sure there is a dollar store that sells card for a buck..

[bright sparks]

So how is giving teachers gifts at Christmas time any different than a daycare provider?? Apart from the fact they they would receive 30 gifts opposed to 5.... I think these professions are viewed similarly in regards to a small token of appreciation. Again, it is NOT the dollar amount, but, like mentioned here before, a simple cards with some kind words etc. I think a large number of students, especially in younger grades don't think twice about a teacher's gift, and from my experience it is the norm to do the same for a daycare provider.

Thing to consider is that a new mum comes to daycare and drops of child, sometimes another parent drops off at the same time, sometimes not so they don't see what is brought into daycare and what isn't. A lot of parents go to school to drop off child, especially in kindergarten. They see other parents and kids at large showing up with gifts. This reinforces the norm and tradition of giving teachers gifts. Also teachers gifts are marketed and advertised whereas daycare provider...well maybe occasionally hallmark will have a specific card for daycare, but it isn't common and wont jump out at someone. These are significant reasons why it is not always the norm to gift daycare providers. And norms are at least in the GTA a lot less generalized with the high population of immigrants coming in daily. Culture differences effect whether someone thinks to give a gift or send nice words. I am happy if a parent follows their contract and pays me on time. Anything else is an extra.

I think there is a huge amount if not the majority, and more so in the younger grades, of kids who do NOT even think about teacher gifts. It is a parent thing, we have set those standards. My kids have certainly never ever asked me to buy a teachers gift. I am pretty sure for me it was the first Xmas that my daughter was in JK where I saw parents dropping off gifts in the morning and I have gone out that day and bought something to gift at pick up. For me I would have never have bought a teachers gift at Xmas and the end of the year. I would send in a card naturally to thank a teacher for their hard work at the end of the school year, especially if my child was not going to have that teacher again, but I would to anyone who went above and beyond. It's kind of like the mandatory tipping of any service, primarily in the hospitality industry. If a service provider of any kind goes above and beyond then in my mind they deserve a tip but just doing a great job as you have employed them to do so, why the obligatory tip or gift? I have never understood it but that is because I am coming from a very different country where this kind of gift giving and tipping is done completely different. Yes I understand servers make less money, but that isn't my fault and shouldn't be my job to make up for. Shitty service, shitty tip= no tip. I think we should not have any expectations, then if we are given something like a POS crotchless pantie set lol or a bottle of tanner we can laugh it off and not feel so hard done too. I think it takes years to get to this though, after all we are human and those norms I speak of with regards to teachers and their annual stack of gifts, can sometimes poison minds. Only I can make me happy...stuff doesn't last very long. My favourite gifts are the cards including heartfelt words...even more so than the weeks wage someone has given me for a Xmas gift. That letter will be something I can look at time and time again knowing that the particular parent took the time to write me kind words of gratitude and appreciation, but it doesn't mean the person who gave me nothing isn't as equally appreciative.

[bright sparks]

:unsure:



EXACTLY! I remember as a child my mom would get my teachers something every year for Christmas. People do this to show appreciation to the one person who looks after the most precious gift in their lives. No one said they expected anything or that they do this job because they expect gifts. The whole point in this thread is that the women got a bottle of used tanning lotion and people are attacking her HOW DARE YOU EXPECT GIFTS...calm down ....If money was an issue I'm pretty sure there is a dollar store that sells card for a buck..

Nobody attacked her Emma we just gave our different opinions. That is how this forum works, we don't need to agree, we are allowed to object, it's how we learn and grow by gaining perspective from other peoples opinions. Also how a thread starts out can naturally focus more closely on some areas than others. I think the OP came on here for opinions and that is what she got. If you don't like a response then ignore it, but you don't need to be defensive if you don't like what's said. I also don't recall anyone saying "HOW DARE YOU EXPECT GIFTS"

[Emma H]

Christmas is a time for giving ...If I had a child I don't need some advertisements to show me that I should buy my child's teacher or daycare provider a gift. Its something people do to show that person they appreciate them for the hard work they do. It doesn't have to be an item it can be a card which you stated yourself even though you didn't think to buy your childs teacher a gift you would still get a card...A card is a gift...a candy cane is a gift....it doesn't have to be anything be just a little something to say thank you

[5 Little Monkeys]

I mentioned the teachers because for me, I would not be able to give to one teacher and not the others (sometimes children have multiple staff or staff they are closer too than just their main teacher) it is easier to just give to none. Lots of parents did this in the centres I worked at. Some would give individual gifts to the staff their child was with or had a special connection too, some gave group gifts but more often than not, parents gave nothing.

I don't think anyone is attacking anybody! Just because we have different opinions or can see more than one side to it, doesn't mean attacking is going on. (Lol, just read your response bright, was typing at same time)

Bright, I agree with you in regard to tips and I was even in the restaurant environment for years...my family owned one.

[Fun&care]

:unsure:



EXACTLY! I remember as a child my mom would get my teachers something every year for Christmas. People do this to show appreciation to the one person who looks after the most precious gift in their lives. No one said they expected anything or that they do this job because they expect gifts. The whole point in this thread is that the women got a bottle of used tanning lotion and people are attacking her HOW DARE YOU EXPECT GIFTS...calm down ....If money was an issue I'm pretty sure there is a dollar store that sells card for a buck..

This is how I was raised too. My sons teacher and bus driver always get a little something for Christmas, and at the end of the school year too (even though they are already paid for their service!) Usually 10-15$ gift card and a card to say thank you. It just seems natural-they spend a lot of time with my child and they are providing a service that, to me, deserves to be appreciated and acknowledged above and beyond a pay cheque.

I don't expect gifts, but Ill be honest and say that I think very highly of people who take the time to show they appreciate the service I am providing.

[MsBell]

I am happy to share my "bad gift" moment with everyone, and yes, lets just say, I was so NOT in the mood for a long time after that one lol
One of my favourite gift was just this Christmas, one of me 3yr olds gave me a lip balm, melon flavour, (winter is hard on me, I get dry skin and chapped lips), the best was when I unwrapped it she says "I got you melon, you must like melon, cuz you give it us all the time, and its not my favourite" hehe, actually I'm cheap...melon goes a long way

[Emma H]

Like you stated people have their own opinions and in my opinion I feel like she was attacked by a few people....just because you don't think that doesn't mean I am wrong...no one said you had to agree with everything, did I say that? I don't think so....."How Dare You ......I didn't mean literally....If I don't like something I will speak my mind we don't all need to ignore everything

[5 Little Monkeys]

I do have to admit, gifts are nice. However, a gift not at a holiday means more to me than a Christmas gift. But those who don't give gifts don't mean it as an insult I don't think?

One of my past single moms gave a small angel ornament one year that looked like it might have been regifted or from the dollar store and because I knew money was tight, I appreciated it very much even though it was something I didn't like. When they left my care, the grandma (who was very involved) and mom wrote 2 beautiful messages in a card and gave a $50 gift card (by leaving, mom saved $560 a month!!) I still read that card monthly!!

I get that gifts are nice but like mentioned above, I try not too expect one.

[bright sparks]

Christmas is a time for giving ...If I had a child I don't need some advertisements to show me that I should buy my child's teacher or daycare provider a gift. Its something people do to show that person they appreciate them for the hard work they do. It doesn't have to be an item it can be a card which you stated yourself even though you didn't think to buy your childs teacher a gift you would still get a card...A card is a gift...a candy cane is a gift....it doesn't have to be anything be just a little something to say thank you

But for those who have not grown up accustomed to that, then they would not automatically think to do it. I think you'll also find that a lot of people are not card people so they would not consider it as a gift. It is open to interpretation. I think of a gift as in "A card and a gift, two different things" that is an example of how different people view things differently. I also think that sending a card because it is the done thing is false too. I appreciate honesty and sincerity and if that is in the form of a thank you and have a great Xmas at the door which everyone seems to do, then that is good enough for me.

Some people don't celebrate Xmas, Christmas to religious folk may not buy into the whole commercial factor and those who do and have large families or limited cash flow for any reason may have set some boundaries which work for them and their current circumstances which include drawing a line somewhere.

Also as far as teachers go, my daughter has 7! She has rotary as do most kids so how do I justify who deserves a gift more than another? I have to set boundaries so I gift to the homeroom teacher in addition to any other teacher who has gone above and beyond in their position. Do I gift to a teacher who has been nothing but a burden and a massive obstacle to my child's learning that year? I have had one teacher who has really screwed my kids needs up, cost me a bunch of money in lost wages to keep having to attend meetings because they aren't doing their job adequately and I have had to pay thousands of dollars for a private assessment for one of my kids because the school system and the principal including homeroom teacher have failed to meet my child's needs. Should I still buy them a gift because it's the "right" thing to do. Everyone has different reasons for how they live. It doesn't make them bad people. Some are setting healthy boundaries and yes some just have poor judgement. Regardless, if those teachers expect a gift, that is a reflection of them not the families of the children in their class.

[bright sparks]

Like you stated people have their own opinions and in my opinion I feel like she was attacked by a few people....just because you don't think that doesn't mean I am wrong...no one said you had to agree with everything, did I say that? I don't think so....."How Dare You ......I didn't mean literally....If I don't like something I will speak my mind we don't all need to ignore everything

We also don't need to accuse every difference of opinion as an attack and tell people to I quote, "calm down"

[Emma H]

If you don't like my post why don't you just ignore it ?

[bright sparks]

If you don't like my post why don't you just ignore it ?

I can have a difference of opinion without getting all defensive so I don't need to ignore it. We can agree to disagree that's just fine....many of us do but we can still all contribute and get something out of it.

[MsBell]

I do have to admit, gifts are nice. However, a gift not at a holiday means more to me than a Christmas gift. But those who don't give gifts don't mean it as an insult I don't think?

One of my past single moms gave a small angel ornament one year that looked like it might have been regifted or from the dollar store and because I knew money was tight, I appreciated it very much even though it was something I didn't like. When they left my care, the grandma (who was very involved) and mom wrote 2 beautiful messages in a card and gave a $50 gift card (by leaving, mom saved $560 a month!!) I still read that card monthly!!

I get that gifts are nice but like mentioned above, I try not too expect one.

Yes! a Surprise coffee in the morning, or fresh flowers picked in spring, early pick up.....LOVE those gifts!

[Emma H]

Well then don't tell me that I should ignore everything. There are a few users on this site that are extremely rude (I don't think you are rude in anyway). I wasn't getting defensive I just felt like some people weren't as nice. My point was teachers and daycare providers as amazing people and it doesn't have to be Christmas to show them you appreciate.

[5 Little Monkeys]

Yes! a Surprise coffee in the morning, or fresh flowers picked in spring, early pick up.....LOVE those gifts!

Yes, love all those...especially when the late child has early pick up lol.(that happened yesterday :) amazing how even being done just 15 mins is so lovely!) I've also had a mom remember my birthday (it's on the bday wall....which I actually took down because I didn't want parents to think I wanted a gift lol) and bring a gift and another couple moms knew what and when ECE week is and brought in treats/gifts. Another mom brought flowers for no reason (she was one of my handful moms so that really threw me off!! Haha)

Sometimes I think we view gifts as validation and when we don't get one, we wonder why and feel resentful. I know that's how I am sometimes and I have to consciously remind myself that that's not always the case! Even just a random "thank you for all you do" is appreciated and sometimes means a lot more than a gift card that was just bought due to societies "norm".

[bright sparks]

Yes, love all those...especially when the late child has early pick up lol.(that happened yesterday :) amazing how even being done just 15 mins is so lovely!) I've also had a mom remember my birthday (it's on the bday wall....which I actually took down because I didn't want parents to think I wanted a gift lol) and bring a gift and another couple moms knew what and when ECE week is and brought in treats/gifts. Another mom brought flowers for no reason (she was one of my handful moms so that really threw me off!! Haha)

Sometimes I think we view gifts as validation and when we don't get one, we wonder why and feel resentful. I know that's how I am sometimes and I have to consciously remind myself that that's not always the case! Even just a random "thank you for all you do" is appreciated and sometimes means a lot more than a gift card that was just bought due to societies "norm".

I have a parent who brings me starbucks, regularly. I feel so guilty because it is so pricey lol Her sister works there I have now discovered and she gets it for free. I am just grateful that she shares this wonderful perk with me as I love starbucks but would literally have to downsize to be able to feed that habit so I try to avoid it. Yesterday they were 10 minutes late picking up due to the rush hour snow storm which was horrific in Niagara Region, as were every other parent. The dad called me as soon as he left work and text me at 30 minute intervals to update me on his progress. Honestly that is all I could have asked for, that level of courtesy and consideration really made me happy that I had this family as one of my clients. This morning mum apologized tenfold and gave me a bag of starbucks ground coffee!!! Alrighty then :)

I also have another daycare parent who brings me food...whenever she tries new and healthy meals she brings me a serving:) In the spring and summer her kids pick my flowers and give them to me and say all sorts of heart warming cute things.

[Suzie_Homemaker]

Christmas is a time for giving ...If I had a child I don't need some advertisements to show me that I should buy my child's teacher or daycare provider a gift. Its something people do to show that person they appreciate them for the hard work they do. It doesn't have to be an item it can be a card which you stated yourself even though you didn't think to buy your childs teacher a gift you would still get a card...A card is a gift...a candy cane is a gift....it doesn't have to be anything be just a little something to say thank you

I disagree that a teacher or day care provider should be bought gift!

I never bought teacher gift. Did not occur to me that is expected. Teacher does job, teacher gets paid. Really, never bought a teacher gift. Like tipping in Tim Horton's drive through - I order coffee, I pay for coffee. Does person really need tip for pouring and passing through window? Can't think of job where so little done for a tip. Maybe 5 seconds of work which being paid to do. Very odd.

And yes, Christmas is a time for giving NOT for expecting to receive. Whole message lost if some is demanding that Christmas is time for giving, with their hand out to receive. LOL

Message double lost because giving not about materialistic items. It is about giving thought, appreciation, kindness, thinking of others. So, in true meaning, a heart felt thank you for all you do, is all that is required.

Your family tradition might be to give physical gift, others to give home-made gift to reflect time invested in though and preparation of gift. But just as you opted to give gift and felt almost obligated to do so, other families do not. And that's perfectly okay. In fact to me, make more sense. I bet any teacher is rare that every single child in class give gift which suggest that although most do, there are some different view.

If it just needs to be words, then why associated for Christmas?

[Suzie_Homemaker]

# 41 - If I don't like something I will speak my mind we don't all need to ignore everything


# 45 - If you don't like my post why don't you just ignore it ?

LOL So if you don't like someone statement, it okay for you to state that and it okay for your personality type to not ignore and instead be moderator. Yet, anyone else must ignore and not comment on your post if they don't like?

Have I got that right?

Only you can have difference of opinion stated but anyone else state difference of opinion then they are attacking?

You say "calm down". You say "How Dare you" but you are not attacking and just stating difference of opinion that no one else may do?

As my nephew would say "The irony of that has to burn".

[5 Little Monkeys]

Aww, that is awesome bright sparks!!

I've actually only have had 2 drinks from Starbucks and one was from a dcm. I'm too cheap to pay the price...plus it's too strong for me lol

[3rdtimesacharm]

I have two families that regularly bring timbits for the kids and coffees for both me and my husband! Love those gestures of appreciation, makes my day!

[Emma H]

I can have a difference of opinion without getting all defensive so I don't need to ignore it. We can agree to disagree that's just fine....many of us do but we can still all contribute and get something out of it.


I received your message but its not letting me write back!!! I just wanted to let you know I read it and agree !! Sorry about the confusion :)

[Emma H]

LOL So if you don't like someone statement, it okay for you to state that and it okay for your personality type to not ignore and instead be moderator. Yet, anyone else must ignore and not comment on your post if they don't like?

Have I got that right?

Only you can have difference of opinion stated but anyone else state difference of opinion then they are attacking?

You say "calm down". You say "How Dare you" but you are not attacking and just stating difference of opinion that no one else may do?

As my nephew would say "The irony of that has to burn".

As I recall that was never talked about but thanks :)

[Suzie_Homemaker]

As I recall that was never talked about but thanks :)

I can help with the lack of recall.

Post #34
EXACTLY! I remember as a child my mom would get my teachers something every year for Christmas. People do this to show appreciation to the one person who looks after the most precious gift in their lives. No one said they expected anything or that they do this job because they expect gifts. The whole point in this thread is that the women got a bottle of used tanning lotion and people are attacking her HOW DARE YOU EXPECT GIFTS...calm down ....If money was an issue I'm pretty sure there is a dollar store that sells card for a buck..[/B]

You're most welcome.

[sandylynn]

Suzie_Homemaker....s eriously....it has not been stressing me out since December....you are reading waaay too much into this....yes...I was making a point....As I said if you read back...yes...I am paid for my job....the only point I was trying to make was....it's one thing for someone to receive a gift that they may not like or use..and ya ...regift it! But to actually give someone a tube of USED self suntanning cream! Seriously...I don't expect gifts from the parents....and neither do I expect them to unload THEIR GARBAGE on me EITHER! That's just wrong...It's an insult...honestly... would you give that gift to someone....anyone?

[sandylynn]

Hmmm...expectations ....there are none....but certainly don't expect to have their garbage unloaded on me as a Christmas gift...KEEP THE GIFT...and put it in the garbage!

[Emma H]

Suziehomemaker since you need an explanation for everything here it is...HOW DARE YOU wasn't meant in its literal context......calm down was directed for people who look into these threads a little too much...I felt in way people were being mean so I wanted to defend her as I would you if someone was mean to you even though I cant stand you...

I will not respond to you anymore because there is no point

Wine well needed

[sandylynn]

MsBell...a lip balm....nice...I would love to receive a lip balm...I wish EVERYONE WOULD UNDERSTAND THE POINT I WAS TRYING TO MAKE....the point I was trying to make was the fact that it was USED...YOU DON'T GIVE PERSONAL PRODUCTS TO PEOPLE WHEN THEY ARE USED...IT'S WRONG....

[sandylynn]

ABSOLUTELY...MsBell. ..those are the gifts that mean a lot to me....

[sandylynn]

it seem to stress you a lot if you making post about christmas gift in march. Lol bit passive aggressive way to express it by posting strong view in hope one parent reads and feel bad.
Maybe 40 parent read and think what a big expectation to have?

If you have issue with your client so upsetting that you choose to be insulted, your need address direct with client. I think you don't because you deep down know it not reasonable expectation.seriousl y? We need to shut this thread down real quick....I do apologize for starting it....

[Suzie_Homemaker]

Suziehomemaker since you need an explanation for everything here it is...HOW DARE YOU wasn't meant in its literal context......calm down was directed for people who look into these threads a little too much...I felt in way people were being mean so I wanted to defend her as I would you if someone was mean to you even though I cant stand you...

I will not respond to you anymore because there is no point

Wine well needed

I think that good idea since it seem okay and justified to you to defend imagined slights but your are first to insult and make situations personal. Maybe you apply own expectations to own behaviours.

I not need explanation nor ask for one. I just pointing out where you contradict yourself repeatedly to justify your words.

You claim not to recall, then you claim not to have really meaning the statement you make, you claim it okay for you not to ignore comment you over-react to but you not allow anyone else same right?

Why are we to blame when you contradict yourself and point it out or when we think you mean what you actually write? Surely you are at fault for poor logic and vocabulary? I guess easier to deflect blame and make victim shouts of attacks and meanness. Like teenagers. LOL That not on us, that on you.

I add you now to "ignore" list since you not really honest person with any accountability. :-)

[sandylynn]

I have been pretty lucky with gifts from DCP, they have all been very considerate. I did have one mom, that worked 1/2 days a lot (split shifts), and I used to have a half day rate, but it worked out that she would pick up right before lunch, and always say how good lunch smelled. then one day she asked her boy if he just wanted to stay for lunch (yes he did) next thing she asks for some. I was a little taken of guard, but also flattered that she wanted my cooking (my kids, well you know, they act like I'm trying to pioson them) anyways this started to become a bit of a habit, so I started to serve the more "kid friendly" stuff, think she wont want that....she did! then she admits "I would rather eat here, its cheaper for me then going out" and that was the end of that, and the end of the half day rate.
talking about bad gifts though, one year, my MIL (ex MIL now) gave me her used kinky lingere for my birthday!!!!It was a set of crotchless panties and a nipple-less bra.......Oh, I know they were hers, because she said "They don't fit me anymore, so I thought you could have fun with them" Hmmm...gee...I wonder why she is your "ex" MIL....LOL

[SevenwatersDaughter]

Gifts are nice, but I certainly don't expect them.

[sandylynn]

i don't even think we should be grouped with the above mentioned as those professions also deal with all kinds of other clients and ages. Their jobs are not specifically targeted at young children only. Not saying they don't deserve anything for their hard work lol and i am not saying that we are obligated to receive anything but if someone is to gift something at least gift it properly. I know a few days ago i posted a thread about baby shower gifts and not one of you mentioned you would re-gift your used baby clothes to someone. We as providers go above and beyond (sometimes even more than teachers) and i know we give so much so i think if someone does choose to gift us, it shouldn't be their used garbage.thank you emma h

[Lou]

I expect gifts- HA!

And a used bottle of lotion? That's insulting no matter what you do.