2nd child and mat leaves

[torontokids]

So one of my DCB is going to be a big brother. I have known for a while and assumed he would be leaving. I learned today that they want to keep him in DC for the year but may not be able to afford this but will definitely keep him in for 3 mos post birth of new baby. I am blown away. I have 4 families lined up for his spot as I started advertising. The reason I found out so soon was they were asking about an "additional spot" for baby #2 and I was so confused and asked where DCB would be going...just shows you never know.

[kindertime]

I can understand a month or so at the beginning, but why, when you are home, keep sending the older one? It is my biggest issue with doing daycare!!

I have had this happen to me, only to have them pull the older one out just before sending the younger. I feel for you.

So are you going to keep dcb? If they think they may be leaving anyway, would you consider just giving them an end date now? Saying, sure, I'll keep him till xx day. Will you have two spots next year for them both to come back?

[Suzie_Homemaker]

I have lots of pregnant Moms over the years. I ask outright what the plan is. Do they intend staying full time? Do they intend leaving ? And how soon after baby due are they going? I then advertise.

If parent not know, I ask them to let me know a couple months at least before hand so I'm not stuck losing income due to empty place. Then I fill based on their information. Sometime they want few months to adjust. Sometimes children stay FT. Sometime they wish for PT but I don't offer that so it's all or nothing, just need to know when.

[Busy ECE mommy]

All of my past pregnant moms have left the older one in part-time after the birth for 3-6 months so they can get some sleep and spend time with the baby.

[SillyGirl_C]

I am actually scheduled to start maternity leave next month and have decided to keep my eldest in daycare. My reasons are that a) I need the sleep and bonding time with the new baby, b) I can afford it c) I know from research that keeping kid 1 in a consistent routine will help her adjust to having a sibling and d) quite frankly, she LOVES daycare and would be less challenged at home all day. That said, I am curious why Kindertime as a DC provider, has this as a pet peeve? Not judging, just curious as I though my DCP would love that they don't need to source a replacement for my daughters spot.

[Lee-Bee]

I believe often the best thing you can do with a young child that is in daycare is to leave them in daycare (at least part time) when a new sibling is born. It provides consistency and stimulation...which they aren't likely to receive at home when sleep deprived mom tends to a new born. For many month home will be all about keeping up with baby care. It is so easy for a toddler to get under stimulated and to develop behavior issues as they struggle to get attention and socialize while home with sleep deprived mom and infant.

It is hard on daycare providers, for sure, as their income may change with little notice but I wouldn't find it unusual at all for a parent to want to keep their daycare space and I would never assume that just because they are expecting another child that they plan to give up the daycare space of their older child.

[superfun]

I have a mom right now that is home on maternity leave. She doesn't want to risk losing her spot. The older child loves the days he comes here to see his friends. And I think it's wonderful that she wants to keep him enrolled.

[torontokids]

I was just surprised, and welcomed the news he would be staying. I hadn't started interviewing and wouldn't have until I knew of their plans but I had my ad up on here advertising for September. I guess because daycare in Toronto is so expensive, I didn't think it would be affordable to anyone. It definitely wasn't an option for me if I wanted to choose that route.

I loved having my older daughter home with me when my 2nd daughter was born. I had children so I could be with them (which is why I opened a HDC) and it was an amazing year. Your second and subsequent maternity leaves are definitely different then when you had only one baby. When you have one baby, you are focused on just that little life but having a second child forces you to do things differently and i think it was for the better for me. With my first baby I stayed home in my PJ's in the beginning or spent my days cuddling with my child. With my 2nd I would be out of the house by 9 and off for a walk, to the park or whatever. I would take my eldest to a mommy and me gymnastics class with my 2nd daughter in a carrier. We would do swimming lessons, story and singing classes and the baby tagged a long. I took both my girls just 5 wks and 23 mos on a plane by myself (with a stop over) to visit my parents in Florida. Would I have done that with baby #1, probably not as confidently anyways. Sure it is harder, but I loved every minute.

[kindertime]

I am curious why Kindertime as a DC provider, has this as a pet peeve? Not judging, just curious as I though my DCP would love that they don't need to source a replacement for my daughters spot.

I don't look at it in terms of replacement spots. You know... I tried to write this out a bunch of times, to put it in rational terms but it wasn't working because I guess for me it is entirely personal. I do daycare because I love working with kids. I really can't imagine doing anything else. I don't have any of my own and I'm never going to. So what I don't understand is when people have children, why not spend as much time with them as possible?

[CrazyEight]

I completely understand where you are coming from Kindertime. I can understand not wanting to lose a spot, especially with Bill 10 restrictions coming, but I know providers who have dckids with parents on mat leave, and these parents are the first to drop off, right at opening time, and the last to pick up, not a minute early, 5 days a week. I've had previous clients who were working but seemed to be able to take a TON of time off, and would always brag to me about having a nap, going shopping, whatever, while their kid was with me. I get it, everyone deserves a break, but why have kids if you don't want to spend time with them? And while an older child may love coming to daycare to see his friends, I would think that he may also get jealous of getting carted off to daycare while baby sibling gets to spend all day with mommy alone.

I think a middle ground would be the best option - if the parents want to keep the child in daycare while on leave, then obviously they can afford it, so either work out a part-time option with the provider, or pay full fees but only send the child 4 days a week, or pick them up early a few times a week, SOMETHING to show the child that they are not missing out or getting replaced by a new sibling.

I've never had a client on leave still sending their older child to me, but my feelings about it would really depend on their behaviour - do they take advantage of every second that I am open to dump their older child with me? Or do they occasionally pull the child out for the day, pick him up early, make an effort to show him (and me, frankly!) that they still understand that time with him is important, and time between the siblings is important too?

I'd be wary of taking these clients at their word torontokids, as they've already said they may not be able to afford to keep him in for the full year. Perhaps see if they will commit to pulling him after 3 months, or at least have a waiting list ready to fill his spot in the event that they leave.

[superfun]

I think you're right. My mat leave family is always the first to pick up, always right on time, and he's not here every day. I think that's why this situation has been working so well for us.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I've had one mom leave to have a baby. She wanted to keep the older child in dc, even for at least 3 months, dad didn't see the point. They pulled him out and now have asked if I'll have room for them this September....I likely won't. Had they stayed, they would still only have one spot though. (Which actually would have worked out because they found preschool for the oldest one)

When I hear that parents are considering/wanting another child, my first thought is that they will pull the older child. Even though I can understand why some want to keep them in dc, I just don't think that many can financially afford it on EI. I also think it's a great opportunity for the parent to have some extra time with their children. Soon they'll be in school full time and that little window of "toddlerhood" will be gone!

I don't care either way what they do but in the future when a parent is pregnant, I will be asking what their plan is so that I can make my plan!

[SillyGirl_C]

Kindertime, I can see where you are coming from. I guess from my perspective, I want my child to be as happy as possible. Being stuck at home and away from routine will make her nutty and resentful of the baby. By keeping her in care, I can spend quality time with the baby, get some sleep, and have a happy toddler that doesn't feel her world was turned upside down. I miss my girl all the time I am at work. But her happiness is more important than mine.

[SillyGirl_C]

CrazyEight you make a good point. I agree that balance is needed and frankly, you are right, why have kids if you don't want to spend time with the? That said, I have already signed my eldest up for activities that 'mom and her' will do together sans baby. One program runs in the morning and so I will either be keeping her home those days or dropping her off late to daycare (with their approval). Thanks to the TorontoKids for opening up this conversation. It is really great to see all the points of view.