Will she always cry?

[whatahoot]

Hi all. Longtime lurker here. I need to know that this situation will get better?

I've had a little girl (now 12 months old) in my dayhome for about two months now. She is part-time (3 days/week). Her parents rock her to sleep at home and get her up as soon as she wakes/cries. I made it clear to her parents (when they signed) that I don't rock kids to sleep and I've been sleep training her here since she started.

Two months later and she still cries for at least 15 minutes before falling asleep. I have a mandatory 2-hour nap/rest period and she never makes it to 2 hours. Some days, she wakes after only an hour and then cries/screams the remaining time. I have her separated from everyone else right now (each kid has their own room) but am hoping to eventually have her share a room with at least one other child. Is she always going to be a crier? Is there anything I can do to help her (without rocking, I can't do that with other kids that tend to come out of their room at nap time). Every Monday I feel as though I need to start from scratch again because she spent all weekend being rocked/picked up the second she cries. Parents are not willing to change habits at home.

TIA.

[kindertime]

Welcome to the forum!

Oh, this is hard. Been there too. It does get better, if you're willing to put in many more months (maybe years?). (At least that's what I experienced.) In my case, it wasn't rocking but never letting the baby cry and bringing her to their bed if she did during the night. It expanded into the daytime crying too. I found that this child was completely incapable of calming herself. Even at 3.5, if she would get upset she'd cry like the end of the world for hours. She would stop instantly if I said, anything, like that's enough, you're okay. But if left to calm herself, wouldn't happen.

Obviously we can't never pick up a crying baby, but the balance is there somewhere. Different for all families. For me, personally, this is how I look at it. The child is not mine and all the things I might think are wrong really aren't up to me to decide (although I might complain a lot) so let them raise a mess. I just do the best I can with what I've got. I wouldn't terminate the contract for this kind of thing.

You, maybe feel differently. If it's unworkable for you, do what you have to do. It will get better, even if that means you wait till the child leaves for school!

Oh, and the dcg I was talking about, at about 18 months, she was my best sleeper ever in 9.5 years it was the waking hours that were tough. lol

p.s. I have all kids in the same bedroom, almost completely pitch black and with a CD of waves crashing on the rocks playing all nap time. Works 95% of the time. Good luck!

[Lee-Bee]

From my experience the families that do the bedsharing, the rocking to sleep, the nursing to sleep, the running the second the child cries are somewhat incapable of changing. It is soooooo ingrained in what they do that they just CAN'T (as in won't) change. I'll note I bedshared, nursed my daughter to sleep...BUT I phased this out around 8months when sleeps habits become ingrained...I taught her how to self soothe and put herself to sleep so she was prepared to do it on her own when needed. Frankly we've never done cry it out with our daughter because we taught the skills needed before she had bad habits that needed to be broken.

I learned to just accept that the child in these families will have 2 very drastic sets of expectations. Children are adaptable and figure it out in due time.

It SUCKS for you and SUCKS for the child in the early stages as the parent essentially do undo all your work. But in time the child will learn what is needed. They may not like it, may cry about it but eventually they just learn to follow suit.

I personally feel it is a waste of time to lecture the parents to change to follow my 'way of doing things'. When they ask for info give it. When they are mentioning the troubles on their end give the knowledge you have. But don't expect them to change.

I have a 2.5 yr old that is still rocked (I suspect nursed as well) to sleep, bedshares and wakes after one sleep cycle to repeat. The family is exhausted the child is sleep deprived. What I've started doing recently is giving very clear text noting how the child was too exhausted to have fun, is begging for sleep and is just staring into space. I send these texts before lunch. Then after nap (she sleeps a good 1.5hrs+ here) I send a text noting how the child is now chatty, playful and full of life and energy.

I can't change their ways but I CAN point out that their way of doing things is making their child miserable and that after she gets the sleep (that she needs and begs for) she is actually functional. All I can hope is that after hearing the impacts of their way of doing things they MAY decide to do what is clearly needed for their child to be healthy. But, after almost 1.5yrs working with them I don't hold my breath!

Keep your routine incredibly consistent. These children lack routine and expectations so set a simple but consistent routine before sleep and don't deviate. I had like a 10 step routine for this child (simple steps like close the blind, turn on fan, turn off lights etc. She now does more than half the routine herself each day and she tries to climb into the crib herself. She will still often cry for 5min but then is asleep and MOST days when she wakes she lies there calmly and quietly until I come get her.