Child starving herself

[Fun&care]

So I've had this dcg with for 2 1/2 years. She's always been a picky eater, but she is getting worse with time, not better and I'm getting worried and frustrated. Today I made her sit at the table for an hour but she wouldn't touch her lunch, and when I said it was naptime she smirked as if to say "I won"....gah!

She will eat the carb portion of the meal, and knows that if she asks for more I will tell her to eat her veggie/fruit/meat portions first. Because she is so picky and will not touch anything else on her plate, she'll say she's done or full and leave the table. But we are having more and more days where she hardly eats at all and as soon as mom walks through the door she runs to her and asks for a snack ( there is always one waiting in the car). For example today we had oranges and Cheerios for am snack, she only ate the Cheerios. We had pasta with broccoli and rosé sauce, and she didn't touch it at all. I am planning on making smoothies this afternoon and I know she won't have any because she's never had a sip the whole time she's been with me. So all she will have had all day is just a handful of Cheerios.

I always tell parents when she has a day like this, the response varies but overall the parents don't seem to think its s big deal and have even admitted that they don't eat much vegetables at home so that's probably why she doesn't eat them here. She's told me before that mommy and daddy make her "Kraft" noodles while they eat chicken and rice etc....

To top it all off, even her mood depends on what we are eating. She will ask me before EVERY snack or meal what we are having and if it's something she doesn't like, she pouts and walks away and if it's something she does like she starts jumping up and down with excitement. It drives me crazy. But I think Im going to put a stop to this and not tell her what we are having anymore, she will have to wait and see.

I'm closing at the end of June so on the one hand, I am tempted to just let it go, but on the other hand I am genuinely worried about her not eating. She looks hungry by the end of the day and just waits for her parents to pick her up. Ive seen picky kids before but this is just beyond, and usually my "tricks" work at least some of the time...not on her!

And I should mention that everyone else has seconds and thirds at almost every meal so I know it's not my cooking!

Thanks in advance!

[Lee-Bee]

So I've had this dcg with for 2 1/2 years. She's always been a picky eater, but she is getting worse with time, not better and I'm getting worried and frustrated. Today I made her sit at the table for an hour but she wouldn't touch her lunch, and when I said it was naptime she smirked as if to say "I won"....gah!

She will eat the carb portion of the meal, and knows that if she asks for more I will tell her to eat her veggie/fruit/meat portions first. Because she is so picky and will not touch anything else on her plate, she'll say she's done or full and leave the table. But we are having more and more days where she hardly eats at all and as soon as mom walks through the door she runs to her and asks for a snack ( there is always one waiting in the car). For example today we had oranges and Cheerios for am snack, she only ate the Cheerios. We had pasta with broccoli and rosé sauce, and she didn't touch it at all. I am planning on making smoothies this afternoon and I know she won't have any because she's never had a sip the whole time she's been with me. So all she will have had all day is just a handful of Cheerios.

I always tell parents when she has a day like this, the response varies but overall the parents don't seem to think its s big deal and have even admitted that they don't eat much vegetables at home so that's probably why she doesn't eat them here. She's told me before that mommy and daddy make her "Kraft" noodles while they eat chicken and rice etc....

To top it all off, even her mood depends on what we are eating. She will ask me before EVERY snack or meal what we are having and if it's something she doesn't like, she pouts and walks away and if it's something she does like she starts jumping up and down with excitement. It drives me crazy. But I think Im going to put a stop to this and not tell her what we are having anymore, she will have to wait and see.

I'm closing at the end of June so on the one hand, I am tempted to just let it go, but on the other hand I am genuinely worried about her not eating. She looks hungry by the end of the day and just waits for her parents to pick her up. Ive seen picky kids before but this is just beyond, and usually my "tricks" work at least some of the time...not on her!

And I should mention that everyone else has seconds and thirds at almost every meal so I know it's not my cooking!

Thanks in advance!

The best way to get past a picky eater is to stop caring. Serve what you serve and ignore what she does/doesnt eat. Do not make her sit an hour. When the meal is over for the other kids the meal is over for her. Don't comment on what is left on the ate just tell her the meal is over.

If the parents are bringing her snacks for the ride home then she isnt starving and she won't magically eat what you serve because she knows the 'good stuff' is waiting for her.

You won't win in a battle over food so all you can do is remove the battle so she isn't winning. Serve the meal, clear the meal, wait until the next meal. No comments on anything food related. Do no praise her when she does eat, do not scold her when she doesn't. Talk to her, just not about the food! You control what food is served she controls what she eats. Personally I serve enough of the food I know the picky child will eat that I know they won't be so hungry as to have poor behavior as a result of being hungry. But when they ask for more I just respond with "if you are still hungry eat whats on your plate" then change the subject.

[Suzie_Homemaker]

You are fighting a losing battle. She isn't starving, she is choosing to only eat the food she want to eat and parent is enabling. Yes, she likely hungry but she know come end of day, her parent will show up with snack that she like so child is not concerned.

You will not win this battle while parent gives in to her whims. And by making it a battle, you are just enforcing child's understanding that she is in charge.

Stop making it a battle. You cannot win it with parent undermining your effort. Just serve your meal, understand she will eat the part she wants and be hungry until her parent comes and gives her what she wants. When you remove the battle, you might actually discover she try something - maybe, maybe not.

Let her pout and walk away. You can't win this one.

[ebhappydc]

I don't make eye contact during lunch as I found they would look at me for a reaction to their choices. I feign yawning during eating time. When they ask in morning what are we having? I say 'your favorite - called wait and see" they stopped asking. When I serve something different I ask them for a 'polite bite' which has worked on a few, but if not, no issue. Most of the kids eat seconds, but a few turn up their nose. Sometimes I say, oh looks like your done, let me get the washcloth, they start to eat. It's not easy as you don't want them too hungry for naptime.
Offer, but rest is up to child and parents.

[Fun&care]

I dont usually make a child sit at the table unless it's my own kids. I was especially frustrated today because chicken, broccoli, and pasta are her favorite, but I think it was maybe the sauce that put her off. I figured though that if she sat long enough she would eventually at least try some...I should have known better.

A part of me knows there isn't much I can do. But it's frustrating nonetheless and I honestly worry, because I am the type that will get dizzy and lightheaded if I don't eat regularly so I find it hard to watch her starve herself like this. At the end of some days she looks weary and genuinely hungry.

It sucks to see a child get WORSE despite my best efforts and despite the fact she's been with me so long. But yes, it's a losing battle when she knows she will get what she wants as soon as mommy and daddy show up :(

[5 Little Monkeys]

I am exactly like you!! It bugs me knowing that I'm putting my picky eater to bed with nothing in her belly. It makes me feel terrible!!

However, I agree and do exactly like the other ladies have said. If she eats, great! If not, oh well. It has gotten easier on me and I don't stress as much about it anymore (but some days it's sooo frustrating!!) I know if she'd at least try some things, she would likely like it!!

[mickyc]

I have had my share of picky eaters. I just keep putting the same meal in front of the child. I quit fighting about it. Also for the ones I know will just eat the carb portion I only give the fruit/veggie and when they are done that then they get the carb portion. You don't eat that then you don't get the other. No more fighting, no more sitting at the table forever. Also only those finished are excused from the table. Those that don't eat sit until the last kid is done.

Now if only I could get past the kid holding food in his mouth!!! Lol. He's still doing it and then gets upset when I take his full plate away but whatever, mealtime is over!

[adaycarelady]

Picky eaters drive me crazy! Seems like there are more of them these days and that is probably cuz kids these days are so hooked on processed foods. I had this one kid who was so picky he ate nothing except bread....sure makes a person wonder what the parents are feeding their kids at home! When I was serving pasta once a drop of butter fell onto the side of the plate and one kid actually didn't want to eat cuz of the drop of butter on the rim of the plate (and yes I told him it was just butter). I used to put so much effort into cooking hot lunches and now I'm noticing I serve alot more cold lunches these days. I'd rather sweat over a hot stove for my own family who appreciates my cooking!

[ebhappydc]

An important thing providers do need to ensure is that kids don't get dehydrated during the day, especially the ones that can't talk yet. I have water available to my bunch at all times in their own non spill cups.

Also, if a child wasn't thriving wouldn't we notice that in things like dull hair, or bad nails/teeth? Seems like even with the crappy diets they still appear to be doing fine living on air!

[mickyc]

An important thing providers do need to ensure is that kids don't get dehydrated during the day, especially the ones that can't talk yet. I have water available to my bunch at all times in their own non spill cups.

Also, if a child wasn't thriving wouldn't we notice that in things like dull hair, or bad nails/teeth? Seems like even with the crappy diets they still appear to be doing fine living on air!

Lol that's because they aren't living on air- they are living on grilled cheese or peanut butter sandwiches at home! Lol.

I had one older sibling tell me her mom didn't like when I fed the kids peppers or tomatoes. I said oh? Why is that? She said it's because his diapers get so stinky. This is the boy who only eats peanut butter sandwiches at home. Oh well I said. Good grief.

[ebhappydc]

Lol that's because they aren't living on air- they are living on grilled cheese or peanut butter sandwiches at home! Lol.

I had one older sibling tell me her mom didn't like when I fed the kids peppers or tomatoes. I said oh? Why is that? She said it's because his diapers get so stinky. This is the boy who only eats peanut butter sandwiches at home. Oh well I said. Good grief.

Wow. Not eating veggies to ward off stinky diapers!

I don't get how a lot of kids who grow up on hotdogs and KD, as did the kids in my neighbourhood (not mine - just occasionally), are functioning fine? How does that not affect them - they all look okay to me. But I wonder how they'll be when they're older and their body's building blocks were basically fillers and sodium... I guess the vitamins they add to processed food somehow helps.

[5 Little Monkeys]

Lol, that's funny because I will sometimes ask what they had for breakfast because their child's morning poop was stinky!!! I had an African American family whose child also always had smelly ones....I never did find out what caused it. If I remember right, mom said they ate a lot of curry dishes.

There was a family from India in the last centre I was at and he always smelled so spicy!! It was horrible haha....but I'd never expect them to change their eating habits because of that lol

[Fun&care]

Lol, that's funny because I will sometimes ask what they had for breakfast because their child's morning poop was stinky!!! I had an African American family whose child also always had smelly ones....I never did find out what caused it. If I remember right, mom said they ate a lot of curry dishes.

There was a family from India in the last centre I was at and he always smelled so spicy!! It was horrible haha....but I'd never expect them to change their eating habits because of that lol

Lol I lived in a very multicultural neighborhood a few years back and some cultures defitnetely have distinct "scents"! I think they cook with a lot more spices than we do.

The DCG in my original post, on top of eating processed food, has always been a really big "milk girl"...she drinks a LOT of it from what I can tell. In fact, she used to drink so much of it as a toddler that her poops were always very whitish (gross I know). I always attributed it to the overconsumption of milk not that I could prove that for sure! I think she has learned to fill up on milk and then only eat a few select foods.

[kindertime]

The DCG in my original post, on top of eating processed food, has always been a really big "milk girl"...she drinks a LOT of it from what I can tell.

I apologize in advance this is so long...

Well, yes, I think that would be a clue too. Milk has calories and can be quite filling. I am a big believer in milk for everybody, but I think by the age of two keeping in line with the food guidelines (2 cups/day) is best. That includes the milk in the cereal too. I limit milk when we are eating, they can have more if they clean the plate. But they only get 1/4 to 1/2 cup at each sitting, that's 3x per day because I figure they will be getting some at home too.

Slightly off topic, but it seemed to me from the OP that the dcps might feel they are "winning" too. There will always be people who are in competition with you. You might not even know it, either. But if you are good at something, someone, somewhere will be jealous. If you are good at getting dcks to eat veggies, for example, and the dcps aren't, they may feel they are "losing" to you. So to compensate, they stuff her full of 'fun food." You also don't know what they are saying at home. "Oh, you don't like fun&care's lunches? Well you don't have to eat them."

Slightly more off topic, I have been surprised a couple of times over the years when parents are surprised that I care about their kids. Me, "I will miss him when he leaves for school." DCM, "Really?!?" Well, yah! That's why I do this. That's why I spend a lot of "off" time cooking healthy meals, why I don't use a lot of chemicals in my home, why I live this job every day.

Fun&Care, I believe you wrote the OP because you really do care and it's hard when the parents won't help with that. So, then there's nothing you can do about them. All you need to worry about is you.

Have you tried the opposite of ignoring the problem? And by that I mean focus on food? Talk about it all the time, read books about nutrition, look at grocery flyers, plan the menu with the kids, get them to help choose and prepare foods. In other words, make everything you do about understanding healthy food. You could have vegetable day, or fruit day. Buy 1 of each of 10 fruits or veg and they each get to try a small piece. Make a chart of who likes what and who doesn't. The don'ts get a marker X and the likes get a sticker. I'm sure the Health Canada food guide site will have some resourses that might help too. Do they have printable coloring pages?

I think I would try to get her 'into' food, first before giving up. And BTW, I hated vegetables when I was a kid but now I love them. So there is always hope!

[Fun&care]

I apologize in advance this is so long...

Well, yes, I think that would be a clue too. Milk has calories and can be quite filling. I am a big believer in milk for everybody, but I think by the age of two keeping in line with the food guidelines (2 cups/day) is best. That includes the milk in the cereal too. I limit milk when we are eating, they can have more if they clean the plate. But they only get 1/4 to 1/2 cup at each sitting, that's 3x per day because I figure they will be getting some at home too.

Slightly off topic, but it seemed to me from the OP that the dcps might feel they are "winning" too. There will always be people who are in competition with you. You might not even know it, either. But if you are good at something, someone, somewhere will be jealous. If you are good at getting dcks to eat veggies, for example, and the dcps aren't, they may feel they are "losing" to you. So to compensate, they stuff her full of 'fun food." You also don't know what they are saying at home. "Oh, you don't like fun&care's lunches? Well you don't have to eat them."

Slightly more off topic, I have been surprised a couple of times over the years when parents are surprised that I care about their kids. Me, "I will miss him when he leaves for school." DCM, "Really?!?" Well, yah! That's why I do this. That's why I spend a lot of "off" time cooking healthy meals, why I don't use a lot of chemicals in my home, why I live this job every day.

Fun&Care, I believe you wrote the OP because you really do care and it's hard when the parents won't help with that. So, then there's nothing you can do about them. All you need to worry about is you.

Have you tried the opposite of ignoring the problem? And by that I mean focus on food? Talk about it all the time, read books about nutrition, look at grocery flyers, plan the menu with the kids, get them to help choose and prepare foods. In other words, make everything you do about understanding healthy food. You could have vegetable day, or fruit day. Buy 1 of each of 10 fruits or veg and they each get to try a small piece. Make a chart of who likes what and who doesn't. The don'ts get a marker X and the likes get a sticker. I'm sure the Health Canada food guide site will have some resourses that might help too. Do they have printable coloring pages?

I think I would try to get her 'into' food, first before giving up. And BTW, I hated vegetables when I was a kid but now I love them. So there is always hope!

I am the opposite on the milk issue, because of my own personal experiences with it. As a teenager I had bad acne and one day a naturotherapist told me I should stay off dairy and sugar and sure enough, acne vanished. Fast forward to me having my first child. He developed baby acne at the age of one month. He was exclusively breastfed, when I quit dairy...bam acne gone.

I know I am going off topic a bit but just wanted to explain that I don't share the same feelings on the milk issue and in fact, I've noticed that the kids I've had who drink less or no milk are less picky than the ones who drink moderate to excessive amounts. I can remember as a 12 month old, parents would send two 8oz bottles for her to have at daycare, she had one before coming and at least one after and would wake up at night so they would give her another. That's excessive to me, tried suggesting to cut back but they wouldn't budge. I know that has played a huge part in her becoming so picky.

Thanks for the other suggestions. I might give them a try. I always emphasize the importance of eating our veggies because they make us grow big and strong etc and try and drill it into their heads lol.

[kindertime]

I completely understand on the milk issue. I grew up on a dairy farm. Drank milk straight from the cows, (well not really, but close.) I still drink it everyday. But...when it comes to intolerance, I treat it like anything else. If your body can't handle it, then no, we'll do an alternative. I've had kids here who get constipated on Homo milk. The doctor says no, that's not the cause, but...give them 2% and they're fine. So, why argue with sucess. As far as this DCG is concerned, she's getting way more than she needs and so of course it's filling her up. Good luck!

[Dreamalittledream]

Now if only I could get past the kid holding food in his mouth!!! . Oh Imso feel your pain on this! I have one too (my first!). I've had her for 2 years and she stopped recently for about 3 months and now has gone back to it! I am soo soo sick of sweeping the food from her mouth before every single nap...eww. I've tried reward, tiny portions and now just don't react at all. Let me know if you find the solution!