Vent: Clothing

[AmandaKDT]

I don't usually vent, but I had something come up this morning that upset and stressed me.

I casually mentioned to a dcm that I would like her 2 year old child to continue coming in pants despite the warmer weather because I am hoping to prevent her getting scraped knees. She just turned 2 at the end of December and trips and falls easily when we go for walks.

Well mom got all upset and said she just bought her all her summer clothes and they are all shorts. I tried to explain again about protecting her legs from scrapes, but got interupted by another child and when I looked back the parent had left without even saying good bye to her child.

A little while later I got this long email from her saying that she is a single parent and can't just go buy new clothes on a whim. That she had already bought the shorts and pretty much doesn't care if her child scrapes her knees.

I responded back that I never asked to her buy anything, just that she continue wearing the pants she already owns for the next few months. It IS only the end of April.

I just felt this over reaction was uncalled for, along with the suggestion that I myself can just buy whatever on a whim because I am not a single parent. In fact we are having to be very careful with our own family budget as I am having to run my daycare with less kids due to my chronic pain problem. I had to sell stuff just so I could buy my kids birthday presents this year.

So, yeah, just wanted to share my unhappy start to a day. I have only about 2 months left of doing daycare, and I wish it could be all over right now,

[playfelt]

make sure to save a pair of pants from the child's bin and keep them at your house - hide them now if you need to. Then pull them on the child over the shorts anytime you are going outside. It will be too wet/cold on the ground for shorts till end of June anyways and I always remind parents of that too that no matter what the air temperature is that it is the ground temperature we need to be concerned about because the child sits on it.

[bright sparks]

I wouldn't let it stress you out too much. Remember this woman is responsible for her emotions and her reactions. Perhaps you got her at a bad moment and she took it the wrong way. Just like you are upset and stressed out over it now, it could be just the same with her. I think playfelt has a great idea. I see no reason why you cant just hang on to a couple pairs of long pants to throw over her shorts for outdoor time. I wouldn't really like someone telling me to dress my kid a certain way to be honest, although your reason is valid, I'd be a bit frustrated had I just been out and bought a whole summer wardrobe to then feel like I had to go and buy more stuff.

It does sound like you have both had a miscommunication issue. She has clearly not understood what you were asking her in terms of continue sending her in the same long pants not what she thought she heard which was to buy more long pants. I wouldn't make a fuss out of it if you are closing soon, it isn't worth it and like I said, just throw long pants over shorts for outdoor time until it warms up.

[3rdtimesacharm]

That is rude of her to just walk out without saying goodbye and when you had not resolved the clothing issue. Does this child come in short now?? Where are you located, here it was 8 degrees this morning so not yet shorts weather!! I like the little ones in tights, legging, or capris when they are fairly easily stumbling. Nobody wants to deal with skinned knees all the time, that poor girl!!
Your reply was good saying that you don't expect her to buy new clothing, and her playing the single mother card was not necessary.

I have a clothing vent today as well, 2.5 year old and 1yr old siblings arrive this morning with no coats. Just rain boots, (which the 1yr old cannot walk in. I had to borrow another sweater off another boy for the 2.5yr old to wear and we had to go out during the 1 year old's nap as I had nothing for him to wear! We couldn't go for a walk, so it was just backyard play. So frustrating! I sent a message asking for hats,n mitts and proper coats tmrw. I think it was just a monday rush thing and mom probably just forgot, but last week they didn't have hats, mitts, slush pants, just the rain boots and windbreakers. Thankfull it is getting warmer all this week!! :D

[AmandaKDT]

make sure to save a pair of pants from the child's bin and keep them at your house - hide them now if you need to. Then pull them on the child over the shorts anytime you are going outside. It will be too wet/cold on the ground for shorts till end of June anyways and I always remind parents of that too that no matter what the air temperature is that it is the ground temperature we need to be concerned about because the child sits on it.

This was why I mentioned the clothing now, I try to be proactive as much as possible. I am always very specific about the clothing for daycare and always have good reasons for why I make my requests. I feel alot of time the daycare parents don't think about the fact their child will be actively playing outside for a couple hours everyday, that the clothes they wear for their short walk to the car or for a stroller ride need to be different for coming to daycare.

[AmandaKDT]

BrightSparks - Thanks for your input, I try very hard to not take anything personally. It just through me off guard and I have already been going through some stressful times so it wad hard for me to just brush it off like I usually do.

But I don't think asking her to continue wearing pants is any different than asking for rubber boots or splash pants. I try to keep open communication and ask for things as it is needed in order for the day of outdoor play to go smoothly as possible.

Perhaps if she hadn't walked out the door in the middle of our conversation it would have been resolved right there on the spot.

[AmandaKDT]

That is rude of her to just walk out without saying goodbye and when you had not resolved the clothing issue. Does this child come in short now?? Where are you located, here it was 8 degrees this morning so not yet shorts weather!! I like the little ones in tights, legging, or capris when they are fairly easily stumbling. Nobody wants to deal with skinned knees all the time, that poor girl!!
Your reply was good saying that you don't expect her to buy new clothing, and her playing the single mother card was not necessary.

I have a clothing vent today as well, 2.5 year old and 1yr old siblings arrive this morning with no coats. Just rain boots, (which the 1yr old cannot walk in. I had to borrow another sweater off another boy for the 2.5yr old to wear and we had to go out during the 1 year old's nap as I had nothing for him to wear! We couldn't go for a walk, so it was just backyard play. So frustrating! I sent a message asking for hats,n mitts and proper coats tmrw. I think it was just a monday rush thing and mom probably just forgot, but last week they didn't have hats, mitts, slush pants, just the rain boots and windbreakers. Thankfull it is getting warmer all this week!! :D

It isn't warm enough yet for shorts, but it is supposed to be 22 degrees here in Winnipeg by the end of the week. People here go crazy as soon as it gets moderately warm and I am predicting that at least some of the kids would show up dressed like it is August already.

[superfun]

Oh my gosh, I would be shocked if a child came in shorts in this weather! Last week we were still wearing mitts outside in the A.M. It was warm enough in the afternoon, but mornings are so cold.

[5 Little Monkeys]

yikes, we're still in splash pants somedays!!

[mickyc]

Has this parent already sent the child in less than appropriate clothing?

Personally I can see the moms point of view. All my kids wear shorts here in summer. I have never ever told anyone not to. I have never had issues with scraped knees for any child. Even with the warm temps I don't ever worry about my kids wearing shorts until June. My basement is cool as well and my parents realize it.

Only thing I am firm on is no backless shoes and hats must be worn everyday! Also if they come wearing socks they keep them on all day.

[Lou]

Yeah...I think I'm with Mom on this one. Kids get scrapes, no biggie. I get where you're coming from, but I think I would have just made the suggestion of wearing pants to protect her knees, then the Mom could take it or leave it. It's not like it's a ridiculous situation where it's snowing out and she's wearing sandals or something neglectful like that. She's definitely entitled to dress her child in shorts in warm weather- I'm not sure I would receive that well either.

[Suzie_Homemaker]

I think you over-stepped the boundaries.

Kids get scraped knees, so what? And single parent or not, a small child needs new clothes every season because of their growing and it's expensive. I can totally understand her upset having invested in summer clothes to now being stressed about providing alternatives. Winter pants that she's wearing now will not be appropriate weight for summer.

[torontokids]

I think Amanda just did what a lot of us do, myself included (I loath flip flops!). The same way you request splash pants etc she just mentioned "can you please continue to send DCG in pants?" I know there are other providers that say "no overalls" or "no dresses." I think once mom said she had already bought her clothes then that is when you say "OK, no biggie" and deal with it or keep some of her other pants available and on hand. Who knows, the kid may start being more careful when walking once they fall a couple of times. I have some uneven concrete on my backyard patio. The first few times a kid is playing back there they fall for sure then they learn to be more careful.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I ask for weather appropriate clothing. I have to admit, scraped knees wouldn't even cross my mind as I do allow shorts in the summer. Each child has a drawer of spare clothing here and I would have put pants on her and sent her home like that and told her she needs to send replacement pants for the drawer. MB weather is not shorts only in the summer so guaranteed mom has some pants she could send as back up if needed.

[AmandaKDT]

I think you over-stepped the boundaries.

Kids get scraped knees, so what? And single parent or not, a small child needs new clothes every season because of their growing and it's expensive. I can totally understand her upset having invested in summer clothes to now being stressed about providing alternatives. Winter pants that she's wearing now will not be appropriate weight for summer.

I absolutely don't think I over stepped my boundries. The pants she has been wearing all winter have been light weight stretchy pants since I have been potty training her. She has tonnes of them and I wasn't asking the mom to buy anything at all. I wasn't meaning that she should wear sweatpants in the middle of an August heat wave!

And I think that if I can prevent scraped knees by just asking this little girl to continue wearing pants while she is gets her footing in her first year really doing any active outdoor play then I am not doing anything wrong. My group is all over 2 years old and when we go out they all walk, I rarely use a stroller. So the chances of tripping on a sidewalk are quite high. It is no different than asking for waterproof winter mitts to prevent frozen fingers or a summer hat to prevent sun burn.

I actually really dislike little kids wearing shorts at daycare and I really dislike having to deal with a little child screaming and crying because they have a bloody gravel filled scape that could have been prevented. My day is busy enough, I try to be as proactive as possible.

I tell the parents what type of clothes to send every season, right down to the type of foot wear. Do you not do this?

[AmandaKDT]

Lou - It was intended to be a really casual conversation, I just wanted to mention that I would prefer to continue with the pants to try to prevent scraped knees if possible and then it turned into a big thing. I really wasn't expecting mom to get all upset and blow it up into something it wasn't.

But the mom never responded to the email that I sent her and acted like nothing had happened when she picked her child up yesterday. So I guess she realized it was no big deal? I don't know. I am not going to bring it up again.

[Lee-Bee]

I don't it is unreasonable to have a parent adjust their ways in order for you to maintain care of a group of 5 young children. Skinned knees at home is one thing but skinned knees with 5 kids running around means you have to direct attention to the skinned knees and not the group. If you can easily prevent the skinned knees then it is reasonable to do so. It's not like it is extremely hot, you are transitioning into a new season...kids going from padded snowpants straight to shorts will inevitably skin their knees. That layer of pants helps wonders until the kids learn their footing and figure out how to manage bare pavement.

Obviously if they truly don't have any pants (even some that fit but are small) then their child would have to have skinned knees. Perhaps the mom would see your point when the child is bloody at pick up each day. But it is such a simple request for the mom to accommodate.

Hopefully you just caught her at a bad moment and she comes around.

[mickyc]

For myself I offer suggestions of what I would like. I send it my monthly newsletter. Maybe mom felt singled out because you talked to her directly? I personally don't see the issue with pants vs shorts. Those thin pants aren't going to do much good either if they fall and will just be in the way if a scrape happens IMO. I likely wouldn't have been happy with your request either.

I just sent out my newsletter. It says all kids are required to bring hats daily, that I prefer the kind that covers their ears and even better if it ties under their chin. I also mentioned no flip flops allowed, sandals need to be Velcro, to make sure they check their box to switch out weather appropriate clothing that stays here. Also I ask that a sweater gets left here. I have a boy already with a ball cap. I don't like it as I have to worry about his ears getting sunburnt but whatever. It is what it is.

[Suzie_Homemaker]

I absolutely don't think I over stepped my boundries. The pants she has been wearing all winter have been light weight stretchy pants since I have been potty training her. She has tonnes of them and I wasn't asking the mom to buy anything at all. I wasn't meaning that she should wear sweatpants in the middle of an August heat wave!

And I think that if I can prevent scraped knees by just asking this little girl to continue wearing pants while she is gets her footing in her first year really doing any active outdoor play then I am not doing anything wrong. My group is all over 2 years old and when we go out they all walk, I rarely use a stroller. So the chances of tripping on a sidewalk are quite high. It is no different than asking for waterproof winter mitts to prevent frozen fingers or a summer hat to prevent sun burn.

I actually really dislike little kids wearing shorts at daycare and I really dislike having to deal with a little child screaming and crying because they have a bloody gravel filled scape that could have been prevented. My day is busy enough, I try to be as proactive as possible.

I tell the parents what type of clothes to send every season, right down to the type of foot wear. Do you not do this?

That is fine. You posted in public forum for views. I gave mine. I really not care if you agree with mine or not. This isn't a dispute. This isn't an argument where there is a "winner". You asked for views, you have mine. Take it on board or ignore it but this back and forth about whether or not you agree with me is irrelevant unless you were asking for people to just confirm your view.

No, I do not go down to details. I feel an adult who was old enough to have sex, and to have a child, is the parent and if they make poor choices it not my place to micro manage.

I tell parent that we go outside all seasons. That they need weather appropriate clothing for the season because if they come in flip flop in December feet will be cold and wet.

[Lou]

So, then I think the matter was handled in a great way. You expressed your suggestion and instead of getting upset with you in person in front of the kids, she let it stew for a bit, couldn't let it drop and instead expressed her feelings via email where she could get her point across, and then she dropped it and moved on. No grudges, no awkwardness just moving on.