At a loss

[jodaycare]

So I have an almost 3 yr old boy in care. His Mom got pregnant last fall then she lost her job in January. So she dropped him down to two days a week from four. He has been extremely upset pretty much every morning at drop off since Mom got pregnant. It doesnt seem to matter what I do or say he still has a rough time. Mom had the baby 3 weeks ago and I thought he would improve but nope. All day long he asks where Mom, Dad, baby etc are or says he wants to see them etc. i am truly at a loss. I am tempted to say that it isn't worth upsetting him so much and suggest that they take him out. But would that be mean?

[mickyc]

Part-time is hard on kids especially since mom is home with baby. This is one reason I don't take part-time anymore.

I would ask that he be moved to full time or you find a replacement.

[jodaycare]

I have been thinking the same thing but I know they can't afford full time and I have no idea how to suggest they pull him. The little guy will be going to school next Sept and I dont know whether they are planning on bringing the baby once Mom finds a new job. They currently live about 45 minutes away but Dad works in my city and Mom used to work about 20 minutes away. So everything depends on where Mom finds a job I guess.

[torontokids]

I would just be honest and let them know that he isn't adjusting well to being at daycare with reduced hours and knowing that mom is at home. I would give them a months notice and fill his spot with a full time child. It does not make sense to hold onto this spot for this family in case they might send their 2nd baby to you.

[mickyc]

It doesn't matter if they can afford the full time spot or not. Why are you taking a cut in pay to accommodate them? Honestly if you don't want to deal with it just tell them you need to fill the spot with full time as a business. Then the ball is in their court - full time or they pull him. Either way will help. Boy will get into routine if full time or be gone. Win win. Don't worry about the baby possibly coming. Families come and go and you have to look after you.

[jodaycare]

Thanks for all of your help. The boy has been with me since March of last year and never cried at drop off till Mom got pregnant. I honestly think it is attention seeking behaviour. I just don't know how to get him out of it. I will give it till Sept, then talk to his parents. Business wise I could really use a full time child.

[playfelt]

Sometimes you can explain things to the child in a way that they understand. Sometimes mommy gets extra tired because the baby wakes her up at night so she needs to take a nap in the daytime therefore he gets to come to your house and play because he isn't a baby anymore that needs two naps a day so baby and mommy are at home taking naps and daddy is at work and he is being a big boy with no morning nap playing with his friends.

[jodaycare]

I like that playfelt! I have tried the Big Boy thing but never thought of putting it that way. We talked about it today and he promised no tears on Thursday, so we will see.

[Van]

Tell us about it on Thursday and I hope there is a change soon ,good advice Playfelt

[Suzie_Homemaker]

I find lot of children struggle in day care when days dropped for mat leave. I not take PT children but I used to allow current FT children to reduce days for mat leave if return FT after. I no longer allow.

Routine home very different than here. Routine with new baby at home, very different. Older child struggles with back and forth two different routine esp if alternating week days between two places because child has no routine at all then.

Now, the option for mat leave parent are stay FT or leave completely and welcome to return if have FT place when they need it.

I can no longer hold their unwanted days as it big financial burden on me but it only way I can be sure there place for child to return to. I can no longer have disruption of unsettled child with no routine.

It not my issue if parent can't afford to stay FT for mat leave. It is my issue to operate at a certain capacity, to have a safe and calm environment for all client, and to make sure all children happy here, is learning socially, developmentally, educationally. That where my obligation ends.

[jodaycare]

Well, so much for the "big boy" talk. Little one is upset again this morning, i held him for 15 minutes but he won't be consoled so I am just letting him talk to himself since he won't listen to what I am saying. I am on holidays next week so I will consider my options then.

[playfelt]

Talk to mom about how child is doing with the baby at home. If he is feeling left out and sibling rivalry type behaviours are starting at home it will be escalated by making him "go away" to daycare. It may be that it becomes an every day thing or a not at all thing. I have done some maternity leaves where the child came 5 mornings so they got the benefits of "school", and mom spent the morning with baby bath, cleaning house, napping and errands so that when child went home baby went down for a nap and mommy and child had private cuddle time.

[Suzie_Homemaker]

If child on less day, is it one day home and one day with you?

Lot parent want social interaction for child and alternate days between home and daycare but that is hard on child with always changing routine. Would Mom consider having his days with you being consecutive days? Yes, might be extra upset first day back if had 5 day home but next day will be better.

[jodaycare]

If child on less day, is it one day home and one day with you?

Lot parent want social interaction for child and alternate days between home and daycare but that is hard on child with always changing routine. Would Mom consider having his days with you being consecutive days? Yes, might be extra upset first day back if had 5 day home but next day will be better.



He comes on Mondays and Thursdays because those are the only days that Dad finishes work within my operating hours. I have not seen Mom since she had the baby 3 weeks ago.

[jodaycare]

Talk to mom about how child is doing with the baby at home. If he is feeling left out and sibling rivalry type behaviours are starting at home it will be escalated by making him "go away" to daycare. It may be that it becomes an every day thing or a not at all thing. I have done some maternity leaves where the child came 5 mornings so they got the benefits of "school", and mom spent the morning with baby bath, cleaning house, napping and errands so that when child went home baby went down for a nap and mommy and child had private cuddle time.

Thanks playfelt, he seems to be the most upset in the morning, he cries at every transition - going outside, coming inside, sitting at the table for lunch. After nap, he is perfectly fine.

[torontokids]

One of my DCB's is like this since his mom got pregnant. It also coincided with him getting older/more aware (18 mos) so it could have been a result of more awareness that mom was not with him.

His parents want him with me fulltime during her mat leave and I don't know how he'll do. It is one thing to be able to tell them that "mom is at work" but for him to know mom is one street over with his new sibling, might be hard.

For you situation I would replace with a full timer. This gives you an out as he's not adjusting and hopefully when baby #2 needs a spot you have one but there wouldn't be hard feelings if there isn't.

[kindertime]

Thanks playfelt, he seems to be the most upset in the morning, he cries at every transition - going outside, coming inside, sitting at the table for lunch. After nap, he is perfectly fine.

I know this started before the baby was born, but... he miserable in the am and fine after nap, right? Is he exhausted? Is the baby keeping him up too. I don't know your schedule, but I would be trying to get him to nap in the am too. Just a thought.

[jodaycare]

I know this started before the baby was born, but... he miserable in the am and fine after nap, right? Is he exhausted? Is the baby keeping him up too. I don't know your schedule, but I would be trying to get him to nap in the am too. Just a thought.


Thanks but he doesn't arrive till 9 am and he is almost 3 so if I put him down when he gets here he wont nap in the afternoon. I have however had him lay on his cot to calm down. I talked to Dad last night and he doesnt understand why he is crying at drop off, I asked if he was staying up late or not sleeping well but he said he has been going to bed at 8:30 and getting up at 7. So I still have no ideas other than he is just needing more attention.

[playfelt]

Drop off time could be the problem if he is getting up earlier. If he is up say at his usual 7 then eats, lounges in jammies, watches tv or plays with his favourite truck then all of a sudden dad says ok today is a daycare day get dressed and let's go - child is upset about the transition which you mention was a problem. Child would do better to be brought as soon as he gets up as if was a normal daycare day like before or the idea of before he starts into his day as if was a stay at home day so the first play he does is at your house. Makes a huge difference.

[jodaycare]

I agree, when he was here full time he was dropped off by 7 am so he was up at 6 probably since they have a 45 minute drive. Dad says the days that he doesnt come he sleeps till 8. So all of the changes in routine are taking their toll I think, however he has been coming at 9 and the same 2 days a week since the end of January so he should be used to it by now. And he has been in my daycare sonce March 2014.