New baby unconsolable

[Heather4]

I have an 11 month old that has been transitioning with me to start full time Aug 31st. All he does is CRY!
He is all smiles and comes right to me when his mom hands him over. The moment she's gone….hes crying. And not fake cry, real, hard, red blotchy face cry. The first 3 times he's come he's been here a half day and we've made it through and the last time he was starting to venture out and explore my daycare. Today, he is unconsolable. Even holding him isn't helping.
It's been a while since I've had a super young one and I know their first few days are hard but I've never had one have such a hard time.
Any tips or encouragement?
I've tried distraction with toys, even food etc…not working! HELP!

[Fireyesblue]

Hold strong!
Transitioning is HARD. I think part of the problem, is its happening too soon before the child becomes FT. I transition just the week before their official start date (From my knowlede, most do) is ther any way you can push back untl the week before? Once he starts FT it will be easier. Not less hard at first but having him FT helps him wean from mom and be able to find comfort in you and trust. Its separtion anxiety. I honestly think if you can implement a gradual transition the week before it will be smoother. Mon: mom and baby for 1 hr. Tues: baby stays for 2hrs with no mom. Wed: baby stays through lunch (no nap) Thurs: all of the above plus nap and Fri: full day. This can be tweaked. Its so hard on them at that age but transitioning is usually for the mommy :) Stay strong! Come FT it will be easier!

[fivelittleones]

I've had 3 infants start with me with the same situation. Two of them started at 10 months and one at 11 months. It's a self soothing issue. I would leave him/her to play independently for 10 minutes at a time and then I would come back and play with them for 10 minutes and so on throughout the day. Sometimes I would put the others in their highchairs with some music and crayons while I was trying to train to self sooth.

It did help but it took almost one week of doing this throughout the day. It's a lot of work and dedication. They will go to the gate and cry, but they need to realize that you are there and they will be okay by themselves for a few minutes. Some providers might be against this method, however, it really worked for me. Ten minutes can seem like forever when their screaming and crying but just stick to it and he'll learn. It also gives them confidence in themselves. I do the same thing for nap. let them cry it out. Have a set time to give them, for me it was 30 minutes. They usually fall asleep from crying. It a HUGE adjustment, spending a whole year with mom by his side.

My advice is to be careful with mom. They are still emotional (hormonal) and feeling guilty for returning to work at one year. Try not to make her worry, give a positive comment for a negative one. If she feels worried, she will be hesitant at drop off and he will feel it - that will make it a lot harder for you. But you also want to be honest, so I would say that he is crying throughout the day, but you are working on it and maybe something positive (he's eating well or he's happy when he's playing, etc.) Hope that's helpful. I feel like an expert in this department, as I had 3 transitioning in this age group - all at the same time. I was interesting to say the least!:rolleyes:

[fivelittleones]

I agree with Fireyesblue when it comes to transitioning. I do the same, but no sooner than 1 week before.

[Lee-Bee]

As others have mentioned I found the best way was one week of transition. Monday 1hr (not parents) Tuesday 2hrs, Wednesday half day with lunch, Thursday stays through nap (parents on call for pick up when child wakes), Friday full regular day.

Also, have the child arrive after all the kids have come for the day. This way they don't have random adults showing up and disappearing and they have other, calm children there to see.

Do you think mom would be open to changing the transition plan? Tell her that he is comfortable and exploring by the end of his time with you but he is regressing and starting over when he comes back days later (it sounds like he is not coming daily right)?

[Heather4]

He hasn't been coming daily. He's come 2 half days…up until lunch for two days one week and then this week he's come two full days 8:30-4 and Friday he will be coming another half day.
I like the idea of him coming after all the other kids show up though because them coming does upset him.
When mom starts up work Aug 31st he will be coming Mon-Wed 7:45-5:15 so its a long day.
Today was another difficult one. He has been venturing off and playing a bit which is nice but when he is crying he is scream crying…not a nice whimper whiney cry. lol
I will talk with mom and see if we can revamp our transition schedule a tad bit for next week to help him and her out.
It's also a tad difficult to come in and abide by our schedule too….however, at a normal licensed facility, it would be the same.
Thanks for the tips…its been a while since I've had such a small one and I've always been lucky. My others have all transitioned quite well!

[Lee-Bee]

Something I always tell our babysitters is: level of loudness doesn't mean level of seriousness! My 2.5yr old has only every had 2 noise levels. Silent and extreme. Everything about her cry is fierce, loud and intense - luckily she was never one to cry all that often. The level has nothing to do with how upset she is or how big of a deal the situation is...it is purely just her!

Keep that in mind when he is crying!!

[Suzie_Homemaker]

He hasn't been coming daily. He's come 2 half days…up until lunch for two days one week and then this week he's come two full days 8:30-4 and Friday he will be coming another half day.
I like the idea of him coming after all the other kids show up though because them coming does upset him.
When mom starts up work Aug 31st he will be coming Mon-Wed 7:45-5:15 so its a long day.
Today was another difficult one. He has been venturing off and playing a bit which is nice but when he is crying he is scream crying…not a nice whimper whiney cry. lol
I will talk with mom and see if we can revamp our transition schedule a tad bit for next week to help him and her out.
It's also a tad difficult to come in and abide by our schedule too….however, at a normal licensed facility, it would be the same.
Thanks for the tips…its been a while since I've had such a small one and I've always been lucky. My others have all transitioned quite well!

It too infrequent to be helpful. And time between visits too far apart.

Most my client come 10-12 month old. I not do phase in as normal due to ratios. But if parent really want, I not do more than 2 week before FT and must be at least half day, every day. So far your baby have much more time at home than with you so like back to start each visit.