Loosing My Patience Please Help Me

[TinyTwigs]

Hi everyone happy Friday!!!

I have a 22.5 month old who has been coming here for almost a year now. She cries/screams EVERY morning. She stops soon after BUT now we started doing something new and I can't handle it anymore. This has been happening for a month now. WHENEVER she doesn't want to do something she will make herself vomit. She does it in the morning and 2 weeks ago she threw up on me 3 times in a row while I was holding her. If she doesn't want to eat and it's lunch time she will make herself throw up, if it she wants to sleep at 9-10 am (bc she partied all night long and her parents don't make her sleep if she doesn't want to) she will make herself throw up, if I have to change her and she doesn't want to be changed she will make herself throw up. I just finished changing and put her down and she threw up all over the floor.

I am getting so sick of it! I am always cleaning my floors, cleaning her up, cleaning myself up etc. and it just takes so much time away from the other kids.

I have a 12 month old starting on Monday and I am sooo nervous bc she just takes up so much of my time and she should be okay by now.

She can be a great kid at times but this throwing up thing I can't handle

Please help :(:(:(:(:(:(

[Lee-Bee]

Is she doing it at home? What do they do when she does (reward her by giving in?).
While this can be a 'normal' phase for some kids it sounds like she is doing it a LOT.

You'll need to decide if you can handle it. I can handle poop all over but vomit is just really, really hard to stomach! Cleaning it up that often would be too much for me! I'd also be living in fear that my every move would make the kid purposely vomit to get her way.

I think it might be legit to terminate. The amount of time and effort put into cleaning up her vomit takes away from the other children.

Hopefully some other ladies have experience in putting an end to this behavior...otherwise ...

[TinyTwigs]

At home, she rules everything! They will reward her at her slightest cry or "throw up" just so she feels better and stops crying. totally wrong but they won't change... trust me....
Shes been a good kid here and listens to when I say no (when her parents say no she smacks them and then they give her treats) and I figured since it was a new behaviour it would go away but my guess is shes been doing it as home and learned its been working in her favour.
Now im trying to figure out if there is anyway around it as I don't want to terminate but may have to..

[Lee-Bee]

That's why I asked. I almost never expect things to change at home...but if it was only happening at daycare then it might be solvable but if it is being "rewarded" at home then it is really going to be hard to end it at daycare because she is being taught it gets her what she wants (at least at home).

If I were in your position I would likely give a letter home noting that while this behavior can be normal, it has gone on too long and too frequently which generally implies it is being rewarded...making it near impossible to end without everyone cracking down. Give them a time frame. If she continues termination will take place. Tell them after EACH throw up the parents will be called for immediate pick up in that time frame. So, give 2 weeks for the behavior to have stopped, during that 2weeks they will come for pick up the first throw up each day. Give them the expectations for the behavior to be deemed corrected (no throw up for 3 days straight (or whatever). If you see progress in that time frame make a new probation time with your expectations -eg only one throw up in 2 weeks and immediate pick up after that throw up. This puts the onus on them to crack down or they get terminated. But gives you an easy out if they chose not to crack down. Good luck!

[Kellybelly83]

Have you discussed the issue with the parents before? I'm sorry if you already said you did I may have missed it lol.

If you have, and they don't seem to care- I'd consider telling them this is their 2 weeks notice or whatever is in your contract. Or like lee bee said, have them pick up each time. It's highly unsanitary to have her vomiting all over you and your home. That's something they encouraged, they can deal with it. I'm not sure how you lasted this long! :(

[kindertime]

Absolutely agree, the parents have to take the lead on this, and as you indicated, since they won't you may have no choice to terminate. However, for the time being, to get through your days... do you have a highchair and a washable floor to put it on?

Obviously, if she vomits where others are playing/walking, you have to clean it up. But other than that, I wouldn't. This is a behaviour. You want to change her behaviour so you have to make it unsatisfying for her. So, she vomits, she goes in the highchair until she agrees to "whatever." You don't clean her up and if she vomits again on herself, leave her as is. I guarantee it will be horrible the first (second, third...) time, but soon, she will realise that vomitting gets her put in a highchair, and she has to sit in her mess.Of course, when she's agreeable again, she gets out, gets cleaned up and you go on with your day.

[mickyc]

Do you call for pickup when she throws up? Here if a child throws up they go home bottom line! Doesn't matter why. I don't have the time or patience to be cleaning up puke constantly. Parents would be so annoyed with having to pick her up they would likely change daycares (ya for you - you don't have to terminate!!).

[TinyTwigs]

I was texting with the mom and asked if this happens a lot at home and she says it doesn't but I know she is lying to me because the other week I told her she threw up because she didn't want to eat lunch and asked if she does it at home and she admitted and said yes but never told me because she didn't think that she would do it here.

This child can be sweet don't get me wrong BUT she can be so hard to handle. If she doesn't want to do something she will cry and now vomit. It is disgusting and it just ruins my day. I have another daycare parent who told me their daughter goes home and says the name of the daycare child who cries and says she says "sally cry cry and cry more cry" Lol so I know I'm not going crazy.

I want to try and help before I terminate but I really don't know how because nothing has worked. She also parties all night long, if she doesn't sleep she gets to watch movies so when she comes here she tries falling asleep around 9:30-10 am and when I say no sleeping until nap she will start to cry and then vomit. Giving her two naps isn't an option at all as she's almost 2 and it would just ruin out schedule.

I'm just a little sad because for the first time I don't see any options. :(

[TinyTwigs]

I sent her home today because we were making progress all week and she threw up right after I changed her. She was trying to fall asleep and I said no you have to wait until nap and she started crying and after I changed her threw up all over herself and my floor. She's a little sneaky fox because if she is laying down we won't do it and she will always hunch over about half a mile bc she doesn't want to get in on her clothes. She is a manipulative child and her parents know this very well. Now I fear for my sanity on Monday bc I sent her home and when she saw her dad she was bouncing in her stroller so I think I just rewarded her behaviour

[mickyc]

You cannot have a child throwing up all over all the time. You have other kids to think about as well.

I would honestly terminate. Just tell the parents it is not working and maybe a different provider/setting will work better for her. I terminated once for a child who screamed bloody murder from the second he was dropped off until the second I called mom for pickup 5 hours later. I couldn't take it and miraculously his next daycare was fine. Who knows but there is no way I would continue with this!

[Lee-Bee]

I sent her home today because we were making progress all week and she threw up right after I changed her. She was trying to fall asleep and I said no you have to wait until nap and she started crying and after I changed her threw up all over herself and my floor. She's a little sneaky fox because if she is laying down we won't do it and she will always hunch over about half a mile bc she doesn't want to get in on her clothes. She is a manipulative child and her parents know this very well. Now I fear for my sanity on Monday bc I sent her home and when she saw her dad she was bouncing in her stroller so I think I just rewarded her behaviour

No worries...yes you rewarded her behavior but in doing so you punished the parents. It will get old really fast for the parents.

I've seen kids in JK do this. Daily. Don't like the activity, bored with sitting "I'll throw up and go home" they need to end this now. Keep sending her home. It will put enough pressure on the parents to either change her behavior or change daycares...either way you win!

[TinyTwigs]

Thank you :)

When I call them again to pick her up because I know she will throw up again, what should I say when they say "why do we have to pick her up, she isn't sick and in your policy it stats if they are sick and vomit they get sent home and you know she's not sick and doing this because she doesn't want to do something"? Then what do I say lol

[Lee-Bee]

Thank you :)

When I call them again to pick her up because I know she will throw up again, what should I say when they say "why do we have to pick her up, she isn't sick and in your policy it stats if they are sick and vomit they get sent home and you know she's not sick and doing this because she doesn't want to do something"? Then what do I say lol

You need to send a letter home with her asap noting that in order to keep the daycare sanitary for the other children and to keep your focus on the group as a whole you will be calling them for immediate pick up after each vomiting incident. Doesn't matter that she isn't sick it is still a health issue and you can't be dealing with this nonsense. But they do need to be informed in writing.

[TinyTwigs]

Okay I will do that on Monday :) But why do kids do this? She has been here for almost FULL year and if anything she's getting worse?!

[Kellybelly83]

I would just say that you're sure they can understand how unsanitary it is and that when it's several times a day how can you provide proper care to the other children? Also ask how they would feel if it was another child vomiting all over and you just let them stay there. I bet they wouldn't like that very much.... I have a feeling they may not argue with you.... They are probably surprised you put up with it this long.

[Lee-Bee]

Okay I will do that on Monday :) But why do kids do this? She has been here for almost FULL year and if anything she's getting worse?!

Kids are weird! They like to be in control and do weird things to gain control. This is working, as unpleasant as it is. She could also be upset that you aren't giving her what she wants (like home does) so is upset enough to throw up (but it sounds like she is doing it on purpose).

My 2.5yr old nephew (about a year ago) got so upset at his home daycare provider he held his breath and passed out. Ended up at the ER with a ton of tests to be told it was jus this way of getting what he wanted. The doctors nephews were prone to doing the same thing! Anyways, once they got back home my brother showed up at his daycare providers house with chocolate, wine and flowers. My nephew tried that act once more but quickly learned it wasn't worth it. Not sure what all they did to help end the behavior but you can imagine how hard it would be for parents to watch their kid hold their breath and black out...but my brother and sister-in-law still decided to take control and NOT give the child what they wanted...or the kid would be doing this forever. Sometimes parents just need to be "mean" and be parents and be in control. If they aren't then their kids do more and bigger things to keep in control.

Hope it ends quickly for you!! I can imagine it is confusing for a not yet 2yr old to rule the world at home and not in daycare...but they do typically figure out the very different expectations in each location. Some kids are just harder to "break"!!!

[mickyc]

It's going to be difficult to train mom and dad because you have allowed the throwing up. Had you nipped it in the bud right from the start they wouldn't have questioned why you were now asking for pickup. It is not sanitary and not something you should have to deal with. If they end up pulling her so be it. Then by the time they go through a few day ares who call for immediate pickup when she throws up they will realize they have an issue and deal with it.

I had a boy throw up once because he didn't want to eat what I was serving. He was sent home. It happened one more time and again sent home. Not sure what was said to him at home but he never did it again.