Your opinion on waking children before they are ready

[CalgaryMom2]

How do you all feel about parents telling you that their child needs to be woken up at a certain time?

I have these parents who obviously think I work for them. Always showing up late. Which has started to stop because I charge them everytime and told them if this continues to be a problem then they will be terminated. Anyway the mom is always texting me at random times sometimes late at night sometimes on the weekend. Which I don't mind but the others parents have the decency to not do it. They completely baby there daughter so she acts like a total brat when they are around. I'm talking won't eat or sleep for them and has a meltdown as soon as they walk in my door. She eats everyhing I give her at my house and sleeps fine.

Well the mom seems to be blaming me for her daugters sleep issues. I put the kids down to nap at 1 sometimes 12:30 if they are really tired but not usually. There daughter is a great sleeper and sleeps anywhere from 2:30 on a bad day to 4:00. I don't believe in waking a child up before they are ready because they are always grumpy and that personal time I get to spend with my son in the evening I want him happy. Last week the mom asked me to always make.sure her daughter is up my 3:30 which she usually is so it wasn't a big deal. However on Tuesday I woke her at 3:30 and she was incredibly grumpy and tired. Now mom texts me this morning saying this

We are having major sleep issues right now, if you arent already, can you make sure she's up by 3 that would be awesome!

I really don't think this is going to help there situation as I think it's a behavior issue not a sleep issue and I don't want to have to suffer with a grumpy miserable child just cause mom thinks she will sleep better if she has a smaller nap.

I would love all your opinion on this, should she be woken up early and I need to suck it up or is the mom putting her issues at night on me?

[playfelt]

I would not let a child that old sleep till 4. Yes she may be tired but it is because she isnt' sleeping at night and it becomes a vicious circle. So agree that limits need to be placed. A two hour nap or up no later than 3:15 is what most parents expect so that there is the same 4-5 hours to bedtime as there is from get up time to naptime at daycare.

[CalgaryMom2]

She is only 20 months you think 2 hours is a long enough nap?

[MommaL]

As a parent, I know that if my little guy sleeps past 3-3:30, it means he won't be ready to sleep again until late that night. Then since he has to be up early in the morning, he wants to have an extra long nap in the afternoon to catch up on sleep. That might be what's going on with this child. While initially she might be cranky when you wake her up, hopefully it will only last a few days until she gets into a new routine. Or, she might just naturally start waking up on her own around 3:00 if she's sleeping longer at night.

[Suzie_Homemaker]

I would not let a child sleep to 4pm. A 20 month old child is typically in bed for 7pm maybe 8pm and that's too long to nap too late in day and will mess up bed time.
My children go down at noon. My older children I wake up at 2pm. My under 2's I will let sleep until they wake but no later than 3pm. They normally all awake by 2.30pm until sick and then if Mom said they have bad night, I might leave until 3pm. We have afternoon snack and other things to do. My parents would be very cross if a child sleeping until 4pm.

Maybe think about max 3 hours and possibly move to noon so it not so close to bedtime when they get up from nap?

[Dreamalittledream]

When they come to me at a year some are still on AM naps as well...if so, I usually make it a short one (a 1/2 hour); then usual time in the afternoon. They usually grow out of needing that morning nap within 3 months (so, by 15 months old). So beyond that, unless they are feeling under the weather (that usually involves a conversation with parent at drop off to just let them nap as long as they need) I do limit rest time to 2 hours and wake any still sleeping. For those that are nearing school time or are transitioning out of naps I do still require them to lay down (& stay) on their cot for those 2 hours but make books and a stuffy available to them.

[CalgaryMom2]

I would definitely consider moving nap time to noon, might be hard on the older kids but hey would adjust. I don't think there is anyway 2 hour naps will cut it for her though. Even if the parents do pit her down at 7 or 8 she gets to my home at 630 am so is probably getting up at at least 6:00am

[Busy ECE mommy]

I do 2 hr naps here, maybe an extra 15 mins for the infants/toddlers. They are all up by 3pm at the latest.

[Lee-Bee]

What I would do in this case it tell the parents how you feel about waking children and what you are observing when you wake their child. Remind them that sleep begets sleep and cutting naps short with a child that struggles with bed at home usually just leads to a sleep deprived child. Sleep is crucial for brain development and growth and behavior.

Then tell them you will do are they request and wake the child at 3pm (no earlier). Tell them you want them to touch base with you in a week as to how it is going at home. If the child proceeds to show signs that they need more sleep with you and things have not improved at home then you will resume longer naps.

Hopefully this is enough to show them you are willing to try...and for them to see that shorter naps likely isn't helping on their ends.

I have found that pointing this out to parents and them seeing a shorter nap didn't magically help means they are more willing to resume longer naps. Another thing i have found useful is to inquire about is whether the child's evenings are better on weekends when they control the naps. I have had parents truly believe that my shortening the child's nap would mean easy nights then when i ask if they nap long on weekends (never as they only sleep when rocked) and if their evenings are better the parents suddenly realize crap no weekend nights suck just as much! They then usually tell me to let their child sleep as much as they will with me because they clearly need it.

I have worked with many, many children that nap till 4pm that still go down no problem at 7-7:30. If they have good sleep habits at home and are used to it it does not impact their ability to go down easy.

The easiest thing on your end is to get the child down earlier. Does she sleep in a different room than the others? Can you pop her in bed right after she eats lunch then finish up with the nap routine of the others to buy her extra time?

All things aside...I am with you on this. You don't wake a sleeping child (especially a child that wakes miserable and that sleeps poorly at home) and 3-4hr naps are perfectly fine and sleeping till 4pm is perfectly fine BUT this isn't your child so aside from standing by your set minimum nap time (typically 2 or 2.5hrs) you should honor their wishes of trying a shorter nap. BUT make sure they understand you will wake at 3 but won't start waking at 2:30 next week and 2pm the week after. Try to get them to see what you are seeing on your end and to give them the chance to see if a shorter nap magically resolves things on their end. If it does then the child should soon adapt to a 3pm waking as they will be getting that much more sleep at home. But odds are they won't see a change and will move on to blaming the next thing they can for the poor sleep habits.

[Suzie_Homemaker]

I would definitely consider moving nap time to noon, might be hard on the older kids but hey would adjust. I don't think there is anyway 2 hour naps will cut it for her though. Even if the parents do pit her down at 7 or 8 she gets to my home at 630 am so is probably getting up at at least 6:00am

For my early arrival who little, I do power nap in morning. 8am until 9am, then we have morning snack and go out. Your child older than I would normally do it but maybe this solution?

Even if need to do 3 hour nap, it not so bad at noon until 3pm. I think it the 4pm that every parent would not be happy about. I wouldn't not do power nap and three hour mid-day nap though. If this child who need lot sleep, either power nap and 2 hours later, or max 3 in afternoon. I'd be really cross paying for child be involved in daycare to find 4 hour of day child asleep. And I do think it would affect bed time.

[CalgaryMom2]

For my early arrival who little, I do power nap in morning. 8am until 9am, then we have morning snack and go out. Your child older than I would normally do it but maybe this solution?

Even if need to do 3 hour nap, it not so bad at noon until 3pm. I think it the 4pm that every parent would not be happy about. I wouldn't not do power nap and three hour mid-day nap though. If this child who need lot sleep, either power nap and 2 hours later, or max 3 in afternoon. I'd be really cross paying for child be involved in daycare to find 4 hour of day child asleep. And I do think it would affect bed time.

Let me be clear on average she sleeps between 1 and 3 to 330 but sometimes does sleep till 4 which is only a 3 hour nap. That's 2 and a half hours she sleeps even though she arrives at 630 am. All my children nap for at least 2 hours some days more some days less because they are people and sometimes need more sleep. The way my arrivals and schedule work I would not put her down for a nap in the morning. I will definitely move nap time till noon and see if that helps at home however the parents have seen a sleep consultant who told them it's a behavior issue so I doubt what I do here will make any difference at home. They tell me she gets up 10 times a night and walks into there room and they go rock her, cuddle her and put her back to bed everytime.

[mickyc]

I think the issue here is inconsistency on everyone's part. Here nap is from 12:30-3. Sometimes (rarely) if lunch runs a bit late it can be from 12:45 or 1 but all kids are woken up at 3. No matter what.

If both of you stuck to more of a consistent routine I think the child's sleep schedule would work itself out. If kids wake up cranky oh well, we have a schedule to keep. If the child is in need of extra sleep that is up to mom to incorporate that into the child's night schedule.

My nap schedule is what all kids follow regardless of age. When a child is 4 I will go get them up after an hour if they are awake. I wean out morning naps (30 min long) for young ones within the first month.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I agree with mickeyc, more consistency on everyone's part sounds like is what is needed.

I sometimes change up nap too (put down earlier, get up earlier) but that is because I have good nappers right now and they usually are all in sync. If I had a child having sleep issues, I'd keep it consistent.

Mine are down between 1230/1 and woke up at 3. For the little ones (or in your case, the early drop offs) I just nap them first thing in the morning for a quick 20-30 minutes and this helps them make it until afternoon nap. I agree with most others that 4 is too late for most kids.

I do agree with you that there are probably things they can do better at home to help her but I don't necessarily think that we work for them or them for us....we work together in raising their children :) They are asking something that I think is quite reasonable and can be accommodated. Hopefully she gets into a better sleep routine and it will benefit everyone!

[Van]

I change diapers at 12 and then it is nap time so they sleep from 12.20 to 3 at the latest so they can sleep at home that night- sometimes the parents ask me to wake them up earlier than 3 then I just move the child's mat out of the nap room so the parents are happy and I am fine about it

[Crayola kiddies]

theres a simple solution .....put her to bed earlier ....we do lunch at 11:15 and all kids are in bed between 11:45 and 12:15 .....everyone is up by 3:15

[Lou]

I wouldn't let the ids sleep until 4 either (though it's tempting on a bad day! ha!) They go down at 1 and are woken at 3/ 3:15.