Please please help!!!!

[crayolamom]

Hi everyone,
It seems nothing but problems having been occurring with me in my daycare!!


I need help with a parent who I think I maybe terminating VERY soon because I just cant be bothered by her high maintenance attitude. It is pretty bad as some parents have tried to say to introduce themselves to her and she just flips her hair and walks away!!!!!!!! She treats you as if you as you are her slave because she is the one paying you. I have been very calm and always tried to make her happy but at this point she keep pushing and I cant stand her anymore.

We are having an issue in terms of potty training. I am new to the daycare world and have lots of local providers who have helped me and this is one of the things I took their advice on.

Potty Training!!!!!!!!!!

I have been told the child should be accident free AT DAYCARE for 2 weeks before they are allowed to wear underwear to daycare. While they are training pull-ups must be used. Below is word for word the response I got from her.

"Unfortunately, pull-ups do not work for us. Like many children, X does not distinguish the difference between pull-ups and diapers, and while he's had the majority of successful days in underwear, training pants always result in an accident, and he gets very upset. He understands that he wears diapers for a nap, and occasionally for a big outing away from toilets (ie the park), but a full day in a pull-up or diapers is not going to give him any successes. It seems to us that waiting for him to have 2 accident-free weeks is not participating in or supporting his potty training.

If the pull-ups policy is not up for discussion, then we will have to send X to daycare in diapers, which will likely upset him and undo the progress he's made on the potty. This seems unfair to him, given that he's worked on using the potty for three full weeks at this point and made great progress."

Are the other providers wrong that underwear should not been worn and only pull ups or is she wrong. Please help :(

[Busy ECE mommy]

My rule is 2 consecutive weeks accident free in pullups before underwear can be worn, and 1 month accident free in a pullup at naptime.

[crayolamom]

Thank you so much ladies!!!! I will do a most of what she said and what I said right below> :)

Hopefully I went about this the right way and if I didnt well then oh well you live and you learn lol

[crayolamom]

Client: Unfortunately, pull-ups do not work for us. Like many children, X does not distinguish the difference between pull-ups and diapers, and while he's had the majority of successful days in underwear, training pants always result in an accident, and he gets very upset. He understands that he wears diapers for a nap, and occasionally for a big outing away from toilets (ie the park), but a full day in a pull-up or diapers is not going to give him any successes. It seems to us that waiting for him to have 2 accident-free weeks is not participating in or supporting his potty training.

If the pull-ups policy is not up for discussion, then we will have to send X to daycare in diapers, which will likely upset him and undo the progress he's made on the potty. This seems unfair to him, given that he's worked on using the potty for three full weeks at this point and made great progress.

Finally, can you please send us a complete handbook with all of the daycare's policies? This is not the first time that we have been presented with policies without warning or copies given ahead of time, but instead have been told about them as issues have arisen. At the time of the contract signing, we should have been given the policies on sickness and doctor's notes, rigid pickup and dropoff times, potty training, and any other policies for the daycare. If a new policy comes up, we understand, but some notice would be helpful.
Thank you,

Me: Hi X,

That is my potty training policy that I have used and has worked for me every single time.
I ask that you supply pull ups or the heavy cotton underwear training pants. This is to protect my furniture and carpets and to keep the daycare sanitary for the other children. Once X has gone 2 weeks with dry pull ups or training pants, then we will continue on to just underwear. If at any time after this I feel that X needs pull ups again, I will talk to you and discuss this. The goal is to of course stay away from diapers and pull ups after underwear has been worn but sometimes children go through periods of regression and that is normal. Before a child can come to daycare wearing only underwear, they MUST be able to recognize when they need to use the washroom and be able to get their pants down and on the toilet with minimal help from me. This is due to the fact that I am not always able to run and help them in the washroom if I'm dealing with other children or duties. (During the training process, I make myself more available and we scale back our activities so that I can focus more on the child who is training) It is normal to take longer at daycare than at home to be fully trained as there are many more distractions at daycare than at home,The fact that he almost always has accidents in his training pants means to me that there is still much more work that needs to be done before he can just be placed in underwear as per your suggestion Please keep in mind that what you can do at home with X is unrealistic as to what a provider can do with 4 other children.

I also don't appreciate you stating that I am not participating or supporting him with his potty training due to the fact that I won't let him attend daycare in his underwear if he is not potty trained. I always do my best to prepare children for kindergarten. You have also started your potty training process over the holidays, which is why you did not have my potty training policy with you as I was away on holidays as well. During our interview process I made it very clear pick up and drop off times have to remain consistent but I decided to bend that rule for you as X was only attending 1x/week at that time and it wasn't a big deal. I have mentioned this to both you and Matt so I am not sure why schedule times are being brought up in a potty training email.

If you are unhappy with my policy or disagree please give me your 4 weeks notice today and we will go from there.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I was going to type out my policy but yours sounds word for word what I'd say lol.

I have a policy in place and MOST families do okay with it. However, potty training isn't black and white and what works for one kid might not for another and IMO, it's a very case by case situation. If a child TRULY didn't understand that a pull up wasn't the same as a diaper than I'd consider a different approach. For sone kids, it can take months while others take a week. If it was an approach that was taking too long or really disrupting my care to the other kids than I may even consider asking the parents to take 1-2 weeks off and train THEIR child.

Luckily, pull ups have never been an issue for the kids I've helped train

[BlueRose]

I demand pull ups until I hand them a written letter stating that their child can come in underwear. The letter also states that if their child has an accident well in underwear, they have to go back into pull-ups until presented with another letter saying we can try again. (I have had a few families try and say I said it was ok to stop bringing pull-ups when I didn't, so they now get it in writing).

I also have it that if they break my policy and send their child without a pull-up (unless letter has been given) then they have to pay 100% of the replacement cost anything the child's pee touches. This includes my couch, bookcases etc. Lets just say since I started this policy I haven't had anyone not send pull-ups until they got a letter saying its ok to do so. Not that I would actually charge them, but I have the option to do so if I feel its necessary.

Good for you for standing up for your policy and telling them to either fallow the rules or go else where.

[Crayola kiddies]

i do have the two weeks accident free before underwear policy as well ....but in all honesty some kids truly do see pulls ups as glorified diapers and use them as such .....in that case i do use the thick underwear with a plastic cover over top ....i do not dump or dunk the under wear in the event of an accident and they just get rolled up and placed in a bag for the parent to deal with at home .....if the child has been using underwear and is able to tell you that he has to go to the bathroom and hold it for a few minutes beyond that announcement then i would allow the underwear. if the child is still at the point where they are not able to indicate that they have to go and then just soil them selves and then still not say anything then that is not acceptable ....if the parent is just putting the child on the potty every 30-45 minutes ..well that is not a trained child that is a trained adult ....i would say if you want to get rid of this family then then heres your chance but otherwise i would get more info on how potty training is going and offer to give it a shot and if the child just soils himself and says nothing ...even once ...then its pull ups

[babydom]

I'm the same. Two wks accident free IN PULL UPS then can move to underware. And one mth in pull up for nap then underware.
Also this is simple.......YOUR BUSSINESS, YOUR RULES!!!!
If she doesn't like it, then bye bye :)

[5 Little Monkeys]

Side note...I like to put their underwear on than the pull up. I have found this helps them train and feel the mess but the pull up contains it and saves my carpet/couch etc

[Suzie_Homemaker]

I am the opposite and insist on real underwear from day one. However, your policy is different and we do what we each prefer.

The bigger issue is that this parent think your policy negotiable when it not.

I would send message and state that for hygiene reasons, you have the policy that you do. And in your home, where you are having clean accidents with other children present, you not willing have constant urine on floor and furniture. I would let her know that she more than welcome to keep child at home and toilet train herself using own preferred method, but in your house, you have reason for doing it way you do, and it includes consideration for all children present. Ask her what dates she will be training and keeping child home and remind fees due regardless of attendance. Ask how long she think it will take her to complete training and when you expect child back into daycare.

[3rdtimesacharm]

Side note...I like to put their underwear on than the pull up. I have found this helps them train and feel the mess but the pull up contains it and saves my carpet/couch etc
I was going to suggest exactly this. Underwear under a pull up. They still have the feeling of clothing and not a diaper, but the pull up holds any messes. Curious, is this child going poop at daycare? Or accidents with that as well?

[mickyc]

I have the exact same policy. I would also suggest pull-up over underwear. You also allow training pants so I don't see her issue.

That all being said I am struggling right now with one boy. We have been in pull-ups FOREVER!! His 2 older sisters trained using pull-ups but he just doesn't get it. He will poop in the potty but he will never tell me he is wet. They don't use underwear at home at all. He is 3 soon and I really think if we just did the switch he would get it. Unfortunately I am not prepared to be cleaning up pee all over my floor. I guess we just keep at it and eventually he will get it.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I have the exact same policy. I would also suggest pull-up over underwear. You also allow training pants so I don't see her issue.

That all being said I am struggling right now with one boy. We have been in pull-ups FOREVER!! His 2 older sisters trained using pull-ups but he just doesn't get it. He will poop in the potty but he will never tell me he is wet. They don't use underwear at home at all. He is 3 soon and I really think if we just did the switch he would get it. Unfortunately I am not prepared to be cleaning up pee all over my floor. I guess we just keep at it and eventually he will get it.

This would be a case by case situation that I'd look at differently. I'd take a week and go all in! I'd let all the parents know we will be staying in more often and it would be more free play so that I'm available to potty train. Hopefully a week is all that he'd need. The parents would need to be on board too and going full force at home too though !

This would be a good week to stay in! Lol

[mickyc]

5LM - I don't think the family is working very hard on it at home. He is the youngest of 3, parents have 2 very demanding professions, no family close plus extracurricular activities for the 2 older girls. Things look chaotic.

I guess we have half the battle done (poops in the potty). I have been sending him to the bathroom by himself lately to get things started, I then go and switch the wet pull-up for a dry one and then let him dress himself. It will come but they aren't pushing it at home so I am not going to worry to much about it. I do wish they would try underwear at home but whatever.

[5 Little Monkeys]

That's too bad. Everyone has chaotic lives but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. It's the child that looses out...if he's ready to train it's sad that the parents aren't on board IMO.

One of my dcb's was ready to train well before Xmas but mom wasn't ready. Grandma and I were on board and tried to encourage her to do so too but she didn't want to lose her "baby". He will be 3 end of May and now shows no interest in the potty here but I think he is still using the potty to poop at home which is good! I'm hoping by summer he is out of diapers and than I'll be a diaper free daycare!! (Not likely though as chances are I'll have a young one if one if my others leaves on moms mat leave ...it's never ending lol)

[MommaL]

I've been hesitant to post because I was worried about the response that I might get back. But here goes. I can't help but completely understand where the mother is coming from. When my daughter was 2.5 years old, she was at a daycare that had the same policy around wearing pull-ups. When we first learned of this policy, we were completely ok with it. That was until it was time to actually potty-train our daughter. My husband and I would get so frustrated because on weekends when we were at home with our daughter, she wore underwear and was accident free. But at her daycare, in pull-ups, she was not. We too believed that it was because she couldn't distinguish between diapers and pull-ups and almost felt like she had "permission" to pee in her pull-ups but was very conscious about not doing so when she had underwear on. We couldn't take two weeks off from work just to potty-train. We really did need the help and support of our daycare provider, but were on separate pages when it came to how to train her. We ended up having a heart-to-heart with our provider and she agreed to a 3-day trial where our daughter could wear underwear except for naps. It worked!! She was accident free and was allowed to continue wearing underwear. That experience has made me realize that every child is different and what might work for the majority of children, might not work for all. Anyway, I guess I just feel that occasionally we need to entertain the idea of making exceptions. But this is just my personal opinion.

[crayolamom]

Potty Training Update

I wanted to state (specifically for the post above) that this parent was presented with multiple options by me and she came up with an excuse to shut down every single one. I didn't suggest that pull-ups were the only option, I suggested training pants which are invented for the purpose of potty training, cloth training pants (a little different and used a lot by parents who use cloth) and I also suggested wearing underwear and then the pull up over. According to this parent none of those options worked for her. Regardless of the policy or what the decision was made regarding pull ups, training pants, underwear etc. the fact that this child doesn't communicate to me that he needs to use the bathroom is a big no no for me. If he was able to communicate then maybe I would have only had the policy for 3-7 days but he can't. She wants to to ask him numerous times if he needs to go to the bathroom. I have 2 other girls that are currently in the process of potty training so please let me know how I am able to potty train 3 children underwear without turning the daycare into out house. If she needs that kind of attention then she needs a nanny, this is group care and one on one training. Expecting your provider to do at daycare what you do at home is unrealistic and shows me she has no concern for the other children in my care, which I already know she doesn't.


Anyway I sent her a text message later that night asking if she going to stay or leave as I have another family who has been on my wait list and really needs car. She sent me a text stating they dont have any intention of leaving they just need to figure out if they will use diapers or pull ups.

The next day I get an email stating they are terminating care and that it wasn't due to the potty training it was because the mom wont get another job contract for a few months so it doesn't make sense to hold a spot. This wasn't a lie so I was aware of the contract prior to the holidays, the part that gets me is I ASKED her 4 weeks ago if she wants her spot even though she wont be working she said "oh god yes we dont want to give out some away". Wasting my time once again.

Dad drops off money and asked me if DCB had any possessions left. I said I sent everything home to be washed before the holidays but he might have an outfit, he asked me to go get it now, I said umm no I have a child in the parking lot and I dont have time to be running around the daycare you should have asked me last night to have it ready, again wasting my time.

All that I can say is buh-byeI am so happy they are gone!

[Lee-Bee]

Wow, so they just up and left without even a goodbye for the child?

[5 Little Monkeys]

I've been hesitant to post because I was worried about the response that I might get back. But here goes. I can't help but completely understand where the mother is coming from. When my daughter was 2.5 years old, she was at a daycare that had the same policy around wearing pull-ups. When we first learned of this policy, we were completely ok with it. That was until it was time to actually potty-train our daughter. My husband and I would get so frustrated because on weekends when we were at home with our daughter, she wore underwear and was accident free. But at her daycare, in pull-ups, she was not. We too believed that it was because she couldn't distinguish between diapers and pull-ups and almost felt like she had "permission" to pee in her pull-ups but was very conscious about not doing so when she had underwear on. We couldn't take two weeks off from work just to potty-train. We really did need the help and support of our daycare provider, but were on separate pages when it came to how to train her. We ended up having a heart-to-heart with our provider and she agreed to a 3-day trial where our daughter could wear underwear except for naps. It worked!! She was accident free and was allowed to continue wearing underwear. That experience has made me realize that every child is different and what might work for the majority of children, might not work for all. Anyway, I guess I just feel that occasionally we need to entertain the idea of making exceptions. But this is just my personal opinion.

Never feel hesitant to post. We may not always agree with each other but for the most part, we all respect each other :)

I completely see your point and I'm glad you had an understanding and flexible provider!! My most recent child to train was somewhat the same. She pretty much skipped the pull-ups though and because she did so well at home, I allowed her to go with just underwear before the 2 weeks was up. She was pretty much trained in 3 days and by the start of the next week she was napping with no diapers. She had a couple accidents that week but nothing major and I think has only had one since than! Definitely one of the more easier ones I've had...she's a bit of a handful in other areas so I'm glad she went easy on me in this area lol

[5 Little Monkeys]

That is crazy that they left so suddenly!! It's hard to feel that it's not due to the potty training issue.

[babydom]

I've been hesitant to post because I was worried about the response that I might get back. But here goes. I can't help but completely understand where the mother is coming from. When my daughter was 2.5 years old, she was at a daycare that had the same policy around wearing pull-ups. When we first learned of this policy, we were completely ok with it. That was until it was time to actually potty-train our daughter. My husband and I would get so frustrated because on weekends when we were at home with our daughter, she wore underwear and was accident free. But at her daycare, in pull-ups, she was not. We too believed that it was because she couldn't distinguish between diapers and pull-ups and almost felt like she had "permission" to pee in her pull-ups but was very conscious about not doing so when she had underwear on. We couldn't take two weeks off from work just to potty-train. We really did need the help and support of our daycare provider, but were on separate pages when it came to how to train her. We ended up having a heart-to-heart with our provider and she agreed to a 3-day trial where our daughter could wear underwear except for naps. It worked!! She was accident free and was allowed to continue wearing underwear. That experience has made me realize that every child is different and what might work for the majority of children, might not work for all. Anyway, I guess I just feel that occasionally we need to entertain the idea of making exceptions. But this is just my personal opinion.

That's where the, wearing the underware with a pull up over top comes in. Th child feels the underware and so therefore less inclined to pee but if she pees the pull up is there to catch it for the caregiver. Win win for all.

[babydom]

Potty Training Update

I wanted to state (specifically for the post above) that this parent was presented with multiple options by me and she came up with an excuse to shut down every single one. I didn't suggest that pull-ups were the only option, I suggested training pants which are invented for the purpose of potty training, cloth training pants (a little different and used a lot by parents who use cloth) and I also suggested wearing underwear and then the pull up over. According to this parent none of those options worked for her. Regardless of the policy or what the decision was made regarding pull ups, training pants, underwear etc. the fact that this child doesn't communicate to me that he needs to use the bathroom is a big no no for me. If he was able to communicate then maybe I would have only had the policy for 3-7 days but he can't. She wants to to ask him numerous times if he needs to go to the bathroom. I have 2 other girls that are currently in the process of potty training so please let me know how I am able to potty train 3 children underwear without turning the daycare into out house. If she needs that kind of attention then she needs a nanny, this is group care and one on one training. Expecting your provider to do at daycare what you do at home is unrealistic and shows me she has no concern for the other children in my care, which I already know she doesn't.


Anyway I sent her a text message later that night asking if she going to stay or leave as I have another family who has been on my wait list and really needs car. She sent me a text stating they dont have any intention of leaving they just need to figure out if they will use diapers or pull ups.

The next day I get an email stating they are terminating care and that it wasn't due to the potty training it was because the mom wont get another job contract for a few months so it doesn't make sense to hold a spot. This wasn't a lie so I was aware of the contract prior to the holidays, the part that gets me is I ASKED her 4 weeks ago if she wants her spot even though she wont be working she said "oh god yes we dont want to give out some away". Wasting my time once again.

Dad drops off money and asked me if DCB had any possessions left. I said I sent everything home to be washed before the holidays but he might have an outfit, he asked me to go get it now, I said umm no I have a child in the parking lot and I dont have time to be running around the daycare you should have asked me last night to have it ready, again wasting my time.

All that I can say is buh-byeI am so happy they are gone!

That's insane!!! Urgh!! Good ridings. Lol!!

[kindertime]

Just my 2 cents; I personally hate Pull-ups. If the child understands enough not to go in it, they're fine - (but then why not just use underwear?) But, if the child doesn't understand not to go in it and they poop and pee, the Pull-up can't contain the pee and the outer clothes are now soiled too. Once they are pooped in, they are harder to clean up - unless you take the child back to the diaper table, (and in that case, might as well be in a diaper.) I am completely on board with not wanting the house to be peed on and pooped on all the time, don't get me wrong. My couch cushions have been washed many times. But if there are that many accidents, then clearly the child is not ready anyway. Despite my different opinion, I do believe though, the number one thing, for anyone's method of training at daycare should be that it starts at home.

[MommaL]

Potty Training Update

I wanted to state (specifically for the post above) that this parent was presented with multiple options by me and she came up with an excuse to shut down every single one. I didn't suggest that pull-ups were the only option, I suggested training pants which are invented for the purpose of potty training, cloth training pants (a little different and used a lot by parents who use cloth) and I also suggested wearing underwear and then the pull up over. According to this parent none of those options worked for her.

Sorry, I may have misunderstood. I was responding to the mom's original message which just referred to pull-ups (not the other options). And that was what I could relate to.