Letter to the New Dayhome

[Shannie]

Hello Ladies. I have been posting about a dhb who's parents are separating and his behavior is getting worse and worse. Last week, after a terrible day full of tantrums (one lasted 45 min), I told the dad at pickup that I was at a loss with him. The mom text me that evening saying that dhb would be spending the next day with relatives. After drop off the following day she called me and gave notice (I had a termination letter ready to go). This is the best for both sides.

Yesterday mom asked if I would be willing to write a letter to the new dayhome explaining DHB behaviors and how I deal with them. I am not even sure where to begin.....any advice?

[Van]

Write down what works for you so she can try it over there too . Remember that Mom and Dad will be reading this letter too

[Lee-Bee]

I would keep it positive and simple.

List a few behaviors and what you find useful. Maybe list a few things that he is great at:

Little johnny is great at washing his own hands and putting his coat on. He can struggle with X and I have found it useful to ____. When he is having trouble staying focused (for example, getting dressed to go outside) he responds well to ___.

If you tried some things that didn't work you can mention it. Johnny really responds to my ____, I discovered this after first trying ___ and ____.

Just keep it factual and simple.

I don't think I would go into detail about the things that he is still struggling with that you haven't been able to work through and i wouldn't get into detail about reasons why you think he is acting up etc (unless it is behavior before meals and nap - I wouldn't lay blame on the divorce or parents etc).

[Discoveries]

I think I would want him to go with a fresh start. He may behave completely different in a new environment with a different provider. If the provider has been made aware he has been let go for behavior issues and feels prepared to enroll him, then she likely has her own tool belt of tricks she works with.

I think the time for recording the poor behaviors and techniques used to curb them has passed, seeing the child is leaving. Especially, if these are the same parents that would walk away from you at pick up while you are trying to explain their child is having behavior concerns.

[Shannie]

I think that what I will do is have mom pass along my email address, then if the new provider has any questions for me she can contact me that way. I am not comfortable writing down everything that I have tried with this boy. Especially since I haven't found a way to effectively deal with his behaviors myself.

[Van]

I think that what I will do is have mom pass along my email address, then if the new provider has any questions for me she can contact me that way. I am not comfortable writing down everything that I have tried with this boy. Especially since I haven't found a way to effectively deal with his behaviors myself.

That does sound like the best fit in this situation- good for you

[kindertime]

There is something about this request that is rubbing me the wrong way.... doesn't it seem like the parent is asking you to do her job for her? Although it might be nice in a different world if we could "warn" other providers about possible behaviour issues, that really isn't our job, is it? Was this family willing to work with you at all in dealing with the issues? If not, and now they are leaving, it seems awfully unfair to then ask you to write out, what is essentially a guide to dealing with this child.

Discoveries is right, I think. Let him have a fresh start - who knows how he'll be at the new place. Maybe, if you did put in all that effort, and give your ideas, they wouldn't even work for the new dayhome anyway.

If it were me, I think I would tell the parents that I think the best thing for them to do is to talk to the new person about the issues the child had here, and for them to find out if the new dayhome provider has strategies to handle those issues.