Bad Table Manners

[mamalucia]

Hello there: I am new to the forum but not new to the daycare business. I have been providing child care for over 20 years! Right now I have a group of very energetic boys (and one girl). Two of the boys are bothers and fairly new to my licensed family daycare home (I'm in BC) and they are sooooo loud in everything we do. I'm having an especially difficult time with them at the table for snacks and meals. Their table manners are horrid and since they've been coming, the others in my care have adopted their behaviour as well. No matter what I say they continue to try to grab and the food, never say please or thank you, pretend to burp every time they take a sip of water, call each other names....the list goes on. My husband also works from home and whenever he is in the kitchen area to make himself a snack, they all call him by his first name and try to find ways to make fun of it. I've told them now that they must call him Mr. *** instead of his first name. Other providers have suggested I segregate the more troublesome of the group and have them eat at different times. Sorry, but that is way too much of a hassle. Help! Any suggestions?

[33 Daiseys]

I would put them in baby seats facing the wall. If you choose to eat like a baby, and make a show of it, then you can sit in a baby chair and entertain yourself. It might help to hang a shower curtian because they will throw food at the wall. When they do, they are done and have them wait until snack.

[Suzie_Homemaker]

I would do similar too. If you going behave silly like a toddler, then you be treated like a toddler and can sit in booster seat with tray on floor, in different corner of dining area from sibling, and facing away from other children. If you can use manner, and eat nicely, then you can join the group. But we not want hear lip smacking, slurping, burping, or see your food being chewed when we eating.
I would also up the grown up factor on the well behaved children. Make like game for restaurant. Have towel over arm like high class waiter, get little plastic stemmed glasses from dollar store for their milk/water, have napkin for their lap and go over top on nice eating manner at table.
If the sibling want play our restaurant game at meal time, they have behave nicely like if out for nice meal. If they want be foolish, then they can eat in toddler seat and away from audience including each other.

[babydom]

I remove them from the table all together and if really bad they go in time out. I have very little patiences for bad table manners it's my pet peeve next to whining. I dont allow any of it. If u want to act like that then ur really not hungry and just want to play so they get down. They are only allowed to eat if they sit and actually eat not play around or burp etc.

[Lee-Bee]

How old are they?

I would really play hard ball here. Tell them tomorrow morning that the new rules are no burping, no grabbing, (list everything). As soon as they do ANY of those behaviors they get ONE warning. After that if any behavior is repeated all food is removed and they wait till the next meal. If possible remove them from the eating area and put them in bed early (if lunch time).

I would start this at morning snack so they have a chance to pull it together in time for lunch. But...expect they will go home really hungry.

I would prewarn the parents. Let them know that due to poor behavior that is spreading to other children this is what will happen at meals from now on.

It shouldn't take long before they chose to pull it together for food. You will likely speed things along by serving foods they very much enjoy (it is more 'painful' to have food you like removed than food you don't care for).

I would expect their behavior to get worse briefly (you remove food and they resort to acting really poorly while the others finish eating). Do your best to put them somewhere safe where you can ignore them completely.

Before each meal give very clear reminders of all behaviors that will result in their losing their meal. Over praise EVERYTHING. If they behave for 15 seconds comment on it. But as soon as they do one of the listed behaviors they get the warning and then lose their meal.

This should be easier for the children that were well behaved but have come to join in the poor behavior. By having them warned of also losing a meal they will likely stop joining the negative behave giving further reason for the siblings to pull it together.

[mamalucia]

My group (6 of them) range in age from 2-1/2 to 4-1/2.

[Suzie_Homemaker]

Age not matter. My daycare children age 20 month to 3 1/2 and I have expectation for manners. If I give child meal and they not say thank-you, plate lifted back up off table until they remember.

Lee-Bee has good idea. Only one thing I would not do and that give warning before act since explaining to child expectations.

We have 4 boys of own. In any family, one child more challenging than sibling. When our son begin school, his teacher have system in class. If child misbehave, she write name on board. If misbehave second time, they get check mark alongside name. Three check mark in one day and child go down to office.

When my husband and I go to parent teacher meeting, teacher complain that every day, our son has name and two check mark. Every single day.

My husband laugh and tell her that he might be handful but he not stupid boy. Her system give him permission to misbehave three times every day before consequence and so our son using that to the limit. When he see that second mark go up next to his name, he know that one more fooling around mean he in trouble. Some children just push boundary to edge. She not think about it that way. She change her system so there consequence immediately her class rule broken and she never have issue with him do this again.

[BearBear]

LOL, I love your disciplinary tactics @suzie. I remember growing up as my mom and dad was just like you guys. I grew up with that way. I applied to my kids and working out so well. Be a tough cookie but let the kids know that there's a lot of love in that as well.

[mamalucia]

I guess I'll have to get a little tougher. They usually know that I mean business and don't often give chances after I've told them what my expectations are, but when it comes to their behaviour at the table, I probably haven't been "tough" enough.

[Busy ECE mommy]

I would separate the child from the rest of the group. Also give rewards to those doing a great job(ie be the first one to get out of their seat/first one to get dessert etc) Don't tolerate that behaviour!