Trouble at Drop Off & Pick Up Time

[ladybugacademy]

I have a dcb here (will be 3 in November) and he is a bit of an instigator. When he arrives in the morning he will immediately come in and start hitting or grabbing toys from other children, even before his shoes are off. Then, the other kids get mad and a spat happens all while mom is standing in the doorway.

When other children arrives he runs to the door and has to be right in there face causing trouble. Sometimes when someone knocks I will tell him to go sit at the table, but he thinks it's a joke and as soon as they arrive is up and at the door.

At pick up time when his mom or dad come to get him, we are usually outdoors and he will take toys and deliberately start throwing them over the fence, will climb and stand in the water table, takes off with riding toys down the driveway as soon as mom/dad open my back gate and has even gone into the street.

It always seems to be this chaotic production and I'm at a loss as to how to manage it. Sometimes when mom/dad arrives I take him outside the back gate and close it behind me so he can't act out with the toys in the yard, but then he will climb up on mom and dads car while they laugh.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I am considering putting a gate of some kind at my front door. My baby gates aren't wide enough though. I'm at a loss.

Things I tell him "NO" to during the day he does immediately as soon as parents arrive because he "knows" they will let him get away with it and it drives me crazy!

[Van]

sounds like a very annoying child so keep the good byes short and sweet as that is the time that he has figured out you are not in charge and neither is Mom and Dad so he is acting on it - Maybe stand at the gate and you be in charge of it you open it and let Mom and Dad in and take his hand and lead him to them
same in the morning and just take him before he takes a toy and just sit him down to do his shoes as he will act up more if Mom is slow at doing them

[Crayola kiddies]

gate the entranceway for sure ....don't be afraid to discipline him in front of the parents and if they laugh say something to the parents ....ive been noticing that johnny has been acting out at drop off and pick up ...like throwing toys over the fence, taking toys out of other childrens hands hitting and these are not behaviours i want in my daycare ...he doesnt seem to listen to me when you are here so i would appreciate it if you could correct him when they occur.

[Suzie_Homemaker]

It very hard when Mom and Dad just laugh at his antics. Pick up and drop off is hard for some child with two authorities there - you and parent. If you have more structure than home, lot child misbehave at this time and it almost like child flip bird at you because they know parent not going correct.

I have in my handbook that parent expected to respect my rules when they here and if they not discipline their child, then I will.

I would speak to parent and explain that pick up and drop off foolishness very disrespectful and disruptive. I would tell that if they not willing to control their child on my premises then I will. They need to ensure exchange is prompt to minimize this silliness and next time their child behave in this way, they will be placed in time out, and parent will have wait until that time passed.

I would speak with child too and let him know that he fully aware that this not okay and if he going do it when Mom and Dad here, he will get same treatment that would happen during daytime and Mom and Dad will NOT be able rescue him from consequence. Fully expect him to test and see if you mean what you said but a couple times of you enforcing your rule and not allow parent intervene should help a lot.

[mickyc]

Been there done that!! I had one that was a compete handful! I ended up putting him in timeout in front of mom one day! The look on both his face and moms was priceless. It didn't help though as she would just threaten him that I would put him in timeout, not sure why she couldn't! Obviously because he was in control over her. Children like this are soul sucking! They take every ounce out of you.

I went through a very low time while I had this child and another destructive boy. I wanted to quit daycare so badly! I had the 2 boys together for 2 years! Since they have been gone I once again enjoy my job!

I would love to say to terminate although we all know that is easier said than done. Honestly if the parents laugh they really don't get it and never will. Just do your best while he is in your care and hope it's not for long!

[bright sparks]

I agree with a lot of what Suzie says but I wouldn't say that if they don't discipline then you will. That gives them an out for growing a pair and parenting. Also allows child to misbehave for a few seconds or minutes prior to you deciding that it is time to intervene. In my house, also in writing in my contract, a very simple policy is in place. "My house, my rules" It is not about undermining the parents authority, it is about having consistency and teaching a child very early on what the expectation is and that there will be no playing one authority figure off against another. At pick up, if a child misbehaves, time out, if I am talking to a parent and they are tugging and interrupting, I ask them to be quiet and wait for us to finish talking. If they are running around and playing inappropriately, I will tell them to stop and time out again for them if they do not stop. If a parent does not like this method, then they need to not sign up with me or leave if the reality is something they can not handle. I find with my method though, behavioral issues at the door, which almost ever kid goes through at some point to some extent, is nipped in the bud very very quickly, and if it isn't, it is as a result of parents not collaborating with me and my policy.

Stop asking parents and start telling parents that this is your expectation of the child and of them. If they do not play by your rules, in your home and your business then terminate because for sure you are fighting a losing battle. Gate off your entryway so the kid can not run off. Upon entry take the child's hand so he can not run off. Focus on the child more versus the parent and take control of the situation. If you have his hand in yours then he can not get into conflict with the others. At pick up, have him sat waiting for his parents on one spot. Have the parents collect at a consistent time and make sure he sits until you answer the door for pick up and discuss with parents the importance of taking the child's hand upon answering the door to restrain him from climbing on cars, are you freaking kidding me!!!, and just give them a brief goodbye. If this child can not cope with pick up outside with the others playing and can not be trusted, then change it to indoors. If this is not possible, get a wrist link and make him stay by your side until he can be trusted.

Don't get stressed, just don't accept this behavior, restrict him, restrain him and don't ask anything of him or his parents. Set rules and strict expectations and where the child does not comply, offer consequences. Where parents do not comply offer probation and finally termination. Life is to short and this kind of kid needs boundaries set by adults in his life otherwise, really who can blame him for being a little bugger!