Bereavement time

[Busy ECE mommy]

Do any of you have bereavement time specified in your contract, and if so how much? My own parent is very ill and dying. I gave the clients advance notice about the situation. Most were very understanding, but one parent told me that if we had a funeral on a weekend, then I should only be entitled to 2 days off, and told me I better not take a week off. I was so offended I didn't know what to say. It will be taken out of my allotted holiday time, so it's no extra time beyond the normal contract. I was previously at a child care centre where we got 3-5 business days depending on what degree of relative it was.
What do you think is fair? It can take days just to organize the funeral/paperwork/food/flowers etc, let alone time to regroup afterwards.

[Wonderwiper]

First, I am very sorry you are going through this.

Now, for me, if a client ever told me "I better not take a week" I would close the door on them immediately and mail them their belongings. I would never have someone like that as a client.

I realize it is not realistic for most people to take as much time as they need. I don't think a week is unreasonable though.

I also wouldn't take this time as my alloted vacation time. This will not be a relaxing break for you.

[bright sparks]

I am so terribly sorry you are going through this.

I, like Wonderwiper, would not allow this daycare parent to return. Immediate termination is in my contract for blatant disrespect of daycare provider or other people on premises. This is exactly what this is and I would enforce this immediately. What a horrible person!

Take as much time as you need, obviously, the nature of this job makes it difficult to take time off, but if you need a week, take a week, if you need more, take more.

[childcare]

I don't usually respond to posts but I had to when I read this! I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. If I was in your situation I would do exactly what the other ladies said. Terminate this mother immediately as she has no right to say that! That is the most disrespectful thing I have ever heard! I'm sure once you terminate her, you will be able to take the time you need and the existing families you have will understand. God bless!

[BlueRose]

I am sorry, you are going through this.

First off - take whatever time YOU need. Your clients will figure it out.
2nd - that client was rude and disrespectful. If possible I would terminate care. If not tell her you will close your business for as long as YOU need and she doesn't get a say in the matter.

I have it written that I get whatever time off I need (within reason) with pay. I don't have a set number written down. 5 days is very reasonable for the lost of a parent.

[kindredspirit]

So sorry to hear you're going through this! In my contract, I list bereavement under personal days (same as family illness), and I give as much notice as I can and can take whatever I need, unpaid. My father in law passed away unexpectedly in January (previously healthy, 60s, septic knee). We piled the family in the car and drove 15h overnight to get get to my MIL. I called/texted families from the car explaining the situation. I had to close all week because of the funeral being 5 days later. Thankfully I didn't get any response from parents aside from condolences and reassurance to take time with my family. My husband is only entitled to 3 days bereavement leave, but with the circumstances and travel (plus he never asks for anything) they gave him 8 days off!

I think you should take whatever time you need, and let them figure it out. And you should call out that parent on being hurtful if they make anymore rude comments. I'd say term-but you probably don't want the stress of interviews and transitioning new children.

[Peacefulbird]

I'm so sorry for the pain you're going through. I lost my mom in a car accident. It was unexpected and still hurts deeply.

Take the time you need. I personally would use the family/sick days (five in my contract with pay; which in my years of doing daycare have never claimed, keeping them just in case of an emergency).

And if you need.more time take it (obviously parents aren't expected to pay for those).

Just for guidance; agencies policies are, parents pay when the caregiver is available. In my husband's work they give just one day and three max. If it is a very close relative.

Also being sensitive to others, maybe your clients do not have jobs that allow them to have extra sick days. Not all work for the government with greater benefits. Some are like us self employed and need to make their ends meet. They might need to pay someone else to care for their child so they do not loose on working days. I would just probably let them be at least they will be there when you come back.

[ebhappydc]

Sorry to hear you're going through this. A few years ago my dad passed the exact same week I started 2 twelve month olds. I didn't take time off as funeral was on weekend but I should have. Take what u need.

[CherryBlossom]

First let me say I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. I lost my dad to leukaemia just 3 months after his diagnosis, and it was terribly stressful and painful to watch him go downhill.
As for that rude client and their comment, well who are they to tell you how to operate YOUR business? Especially if the days are coming out of your allotted holiday time, but even so, if you need extra personal time off during this difficult time then take it!!
Personally if a DCP couldn't understand why I might need to close for a while at a time like this then they wouldn't be clients I would want to have. How disrespectful and cold-hearted can they be! Jeez.
I can understand though that you might not want to lose the client and the income, or have the extra stress of having to interview for a replacement right now.

All I can really say is take whatever time you need for YOU. You need to, not only for the sake of yourself, but also the children in your care.
Explain again to that particular parent, if you haven't already, that you need this time to grieve a little and then to refocus on taking spectacular care of their little one as per usual. If it's easier, write it in a letter and give one to each family.

Once again, I am so sorry you are going through this, it is never an easy time.
:glomp:

[bright sparks]

Also being sensitive to others, maybe your clients do not have jobs that allow them to have extra sick days. Not all work for the government with greater benefits. Some are like us self employed and need to make their ends meet. They might need to pay someone else to care for their child so they do not loose on working days. I would just probably let them be at least they will be there when you come back.

Regardless of the parents situation and circumstances, her bad attitude, blatant rudeness and disrespect are completely unacceptable. She could have absolutely got her point across to the OP of difficulties in finding alternative care in a much nicer way, although how inappropriate and selfish to make this all about her. Suck it up, figure it out. These are exceptional circumstances and the OP is actually doing her a favour by forwarning her of what's to come which most people don't have the ability to know. Also after the fact that this parent said what she did and in the manner she did, nobody would have my sensitivity towards their situation. If I was in the OP's situation, I wouldn't give a toss about anyone else, I'd simply be consumed by the fact that one of my closest family members was going to pass away.

I don't have anything in my contract, I'd take it unpaid because I have a contract that states if I close for any reason then the parents don't pay. It is irrelevant what an agencies policies are unless you are signed up with an agency. My entire family is in the UK so I'd likely have to close my business down as I'm the one to have to sort out everything and that would take significant time and then afterwards is when I'd likely crumble and need additional time just to be...

[Peacefulbird]

[QUOTE=bright sparks;85968]Regardless of the parents situation and circumstances, her bad attitude, blatant rudeness and disrespect are completely unacceptable. She could have absolutely got her point across to the OP of difficulties in finding alternative care in a much nicer way, although how inappropriate and selfish to make this all about her. Suck it up, figure it out. These are exceptional circumstances and the OP is actually doing her a favour by forwarning her of what's to come which most people don't have the ability to know. Also after the fact that this parent said what she did and in the manner she did, nobody would have my sensitivity towards their situation.

I don't have anything in my contract, I'd take it unpaid because I have a contract that states if I close for any reason then the parents don't pay. It is irrelevant what an agencies policies are unless you are signed up with an agency"

You are absolutely right, clients like this one should not have our empathy. I used to think absolutely like that. Until I become aware of certain kind of psychological conditions. And I do not know the scientific names for those, there are people that are emotions less, their brains can not read others emotions therefore can not feel or act with empathy, some also suffer from the condition of saying things without thinking or not thinking of how this will affect the other person, it is all rooted in their brain. Or also makes you think how this person was raised as a child sadly to say, maybe was emotion less, sometimes it can also be rooted in their childhood.

Us as caregivers, we have to deal with all this kind of issues. We never know. But working in this field makes us more resilient.

I'm sorry if I posted an agency policy and my husband's work, I thought you were looking for a comparison or guidance on what others do in this kind of situation. It was mentioned that in a centre is three days.

[Busy ECE mommy]

Just an update on my client who was being difficult about me taking time off when my dad died.
So he died just before the weekend, and I continued to work through my day just hours after finding out he died(didn't feel it was enough lead time to give my clients notice of closure-middle of the night death)
So I tell the parents at pickup that I will be closed for 3 days to grieve/funeral etc. The one difficult parent called me an hour before opening(6 am and woke the whole family up) on day 2 of my time off to ask if I was open. OMG. Needless to say I was quite blunt and probably sounded rude, but who cares at this point. There are no words.... Apparently 1 day is enough to grieve for a parent.... I don't know how much more of this stupidity I can take...

[lemondrop]

I'm sorry about your dad, Busy. As for that parent, I would have termed on the spot during that phone call for blatant disrespect.

[bright sparks]

Just an update on my client who was being difficult about me taking time off when my dad died.
So he died just before the weekend, and I continued to work through my day just hours after finding out he died(didn't feel it was enough to lead time to give my clients notice of closure-middle of the night death)
So I tell the parents at pickup that I will be closed for 3 days to grieve/funeral etc. The one difficult parent called me an hour before opening(6 am and woke the whole family up) on day 2 of my time off to ask if I was open. OMG. Needless to say, I was quite blunt and probably sounded rude, but who cares at this point. There are no words.... Apparently, 1 day is enough to grieve for a parent.... I don't know how much more of this stupidity I can take...

I am so sorry for your loss Busy...I understand that you want to do right by your families, but forgive me for being so blunt, but the longer you allow this family to walk all over you, the more you are sending the message that it is an acceptable way to treat you. I think your comment about not knowing how much more you can take hits the nail on the head. How much more can you handle because in all likelihood it isn't going to stop until you make it and put a stop to it. Best of luck with everything. A bad family is hard enough for anyone to deal with let alone when you are going through your own personal struggles. I hope you have lots of supportive people in your life to help you through this difficult time and that you are able to take the next steps towards what is best for you by cutting these kinds of people out of your life. You deserve better and they don't deserve you.

[JKR]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I recently went through something similar as my sister was dying, very quickly, of cancer. I do not have anything in my contract for bereavement, but I will now.

As for that parent, I agree with the other posters, kick her/him to the curb. They clearly have zero empathy. You don't need to deal with someone like that during this difficult time.

I was very lucky that all of my families were very understanding. I took five or six days to care for her and for the funeral. I managed to get a fellow ece to supply for two days, I did not charge for the days that I was closed. However, I know that's not an option for everyone. I wish you all the best.