1 yr old screamer-help!

[kindredspirit]

A 15mo dcg has developed a habit of screaming-a high pitched shriek, where it hurts my ear to pick her up. It's usually when tired-yesterday it was first thing in the morning and when I was making lunch, today I did lunch much earlier and she started screaming partway through lunch. What can I do to nip this in the bud? I have a 12mo starting next month and I need this dcg to be more independent by then!

[kindredspirit]

I should add, she's been here for 3 months. Starting out she cried all day, wouldn't feed herself and needed her bottles held. Now she plays independently, eats well, and I've just switched to a sippy cup for her milk/formula. The shrieking is new, and I desperately need it to stop, but don't want to term because she's come so far from where she started.

[Lee-Bee]

Can you tell if it is an intentional "if i shriek like this i get attention" versus a "I am over tired and have no control over myself" shrieking?

15 months is still young BUT it is old enough they can learn. So if you have already bumped lunch forwards on their behalf you can consider a simple "no screaming", pick her up and plunk her into bed approach (with the thought that if she screaming she isn't eating anyways, and the others deserve a peaceful meal). Change her diaper before meal so she is ready to be put down for nap. Another idea is a playpen away from everyone and every single time she does it pick her up, give a simple "no screaming" and plunk her in it until she stops, "you are done screaming now you can come back to the group".

The point being for her to connect that the screaming leads to her getting no attention. Before the times you expect it to happen remind her "if you scream you will go to bed/playpen".

If it isn't just an attention seeking thing and you feel she truly has no control and doesn't know what to do with herself then this may not be the best approach for her BUT sometimes even if it isn't the best learning approach for the child it is still the best approach for you and all the other children's sake so you can use it to nip the problem in the bud THEN once it is under control work on teaching calming strategies etc.

[lemondrop]

Exactly what Lee-Bee said. I had a little one like this a few years ago, and 'no screaming' and putting her in her playpen every time are what worked for her.

[kindredspirit]

In the high chair today was 100% an 'I'm done with this' purposeful scream-no tears. I apologised to the others, and let them leave as they finished (normally everyone stays til the end). I sat in front of her just looking at her until she stopped, then took her to get changed, she started again, and continued until I popped her in the play pen. At least she has 2 decent naps-gives my ears a chance to stop ringing!!

I'll try your advice Lee-Bee, on Monday I'll change her before her usual scream times, so it can be an instant scream=bed! She does cry when overtired, but a sobbing snotty-teary-face pressed up against the glass door while I warm her milk kind of deal. That doesn't bother me, because I feel like she can't control that yet.

[Lee-Bee]

In the high chair today was 100% an 'I'm done with this' purposeful scream-no tears. I apologised to the others, and let them leave as they finished (normally everyone stays til the end). I sat in front of her just looking at her until she stopped, then took her to get changed, she started again, and continued until I popped her in the play pen. At least she has 2 decent naps-gives my ears a chance to stop ringing!!

I'll try your advice Lee-Bee, on Monday I'll change her before her usual scream times, so it can be an instant scream=bed! She does cry when overtired, but a sobbing snotty-teary-face pressed up against the glass door while I warm her milk kind of deal. That doesn't bother me, because I feel like she can't control that yet.

Lol, yes at that age there is still come crying that is just normal and uncontrolled. But, other types of crying is purposeful and often fed/fueled by other caregivers so they need a very consistent firm approach to realize it isn't tolerate in group care. It really isn't fair to the other kids for a child to ruin their meals by screaming like a banshee because they don't want to sit any longer or wanted different food etc. So the calm, quick removal to a playpen or off to bed will bring that message home very quickly (for most).

Best of luck!

[kindredspirit]

She started screaming while I made lunch today. I whisked her off the her playpen so I could finish, and she settled (her soother is in there, the only place she's allowed it here). I brought her down for lunch and she did just fine, and went down for her nap just fine afterwards. A good start! I'm going to stay consistent on it, hopefully it stops soon!