Is a 20 month old too young for time outs?

[bonnie]

Hello,

I have two 20 month olds along with older kids. The older kids no better than to hit so they are pretty good when it comes to this. 1 of the 20 month old has started hitting, pushing, and has tried to bite. Whenever this happens, I get down to eye level and firmly tell him that we do not hit. We say "no thank you" or "excuse me", etc. All done. Please show so and so some gentle touches to show them how you can be gentle. Most of the time, I do take the toy away depending on the situation. But he will still hit/push again and it happens 2 to 5 times a day. After the first time, he will hit again eventually and then do gentle touches right after but do it again eventually. Today, he hit the other 20 month old with a hard toy pretty hard on the head. I did give him a time out for that one. He is an only child and is not around other kids at home but his parents tell me that he does hit them and they firmly tell him that he cannot hit. I sometimes feel like my method isn't working and I don't want the other 20 month old starting to hit too. Is he too young for a time out?

TIA

[Suzie_Homemaker]

It's not uncommon at this age to go through this phase and I do give time outs when it happens but I do it slightly differently than you.

Any intentional hurting I have zero tolerance for and so, I'm more of a sharp action then I normally ever take which shocks them because it's rare. It gets their attention and it's clear.

I instantly say "No" in a firm voice. I pick them up and I put them on the time out chair. No discussion, no explaination, no reasoning. Only after their time out do I do what you do - down to the child's level and clearly and directly state that "we do not hurt our friends". Every.single.time. Intentional hurting is the only thing I give time out for with no redirection first.

You also need to get the parents on board if you have that relationship with them. Consistency is going to be key in making this lesson as short as can be. Explain to the parents that because it's now becoming an issue with children being the target, that maybe they could also agree to do the same at home.

[bonnie]

Thank you Suzie_Homemaker! What do you mean by intentional hurting? In other words, if the child is hitting, isn't it always intentional?

[Suzie_Homemaker]

Thank you Suzie_Homemaker! What do you mean by intentional hurting? In other words, if the child is hitting, isn't it always intentional?

Intentional hurting = hitting vs tapping on their friends arm to get their attention, biting, pushing to get someone out of their way vs walking around them.

Unintentional hurting = when toddlers have a bit of a tug of war over a toy and one releases their grip resulting in the other smacking themselves in the face because they weren't expected no resistance, walking around not looking where they were going and tripping and landing hard on a child who was playing on the floor, trying to pull their friend up resulting in their arm being yanked, knocking over their friend because they were rushing and not looking where they were going so two children collide, a toddler throwing a toy that lands on another child, a toddler using another child to lean on to stand up and unintentionally pinching them when grabbing the clothing to get their balance.

Intentional is they took an action that directly resulting in someone being hurt vs unintentional meaning someone was hurt as a byproduct of the action they took.

[bonnie]

Thanks for the clarification. I have been trying your method the last couple of days and it seems to be working. Although it may be too early to tell and he could have had good days. But I will continue and see how it goes. Thank you again!