Difficult 17 MO

I'm having some issues with a 17 month old boy in my care. He's been here for a few months now and has settled in so far as he likes me, plays well and seems to feel at home here. I was warned at signing that he's a difficult child in some ways. My biggest struggles with him are eating and sleeping. In fact, he's driving me a little nuts :woot:

The eating we're working through. This child just doesn't eat....ever. If I put his food in front of him (no matter WHAT it is), he'll just sit and look at it. If I spoon feed him, I can get a little bit into him, but it's still less than 1/2 of what I give others his age. Fair enough, I'll feed him and I'll keep working on this with Mum and Dad.

Sleeping is a big, big, big problem. He started off sleeping 3 hours here, no problem. For 2 weeks now, he might make it 30-40 mins. There's absolutely no way he's not tired...no way! He wakes in the middle of the night for his parents and is often up around 5-5:30am. He yawns all morning, rubs his eyes, etc. By the end of lunch, he's starting to nod off in his chair. I made the dire mistake of allowing him 20 mins of nap in the stroller one morning....that'll never happen again because then he won't sleep even 5 minutes at nap! I've made it clear to Mum that he will not be brought out early. Nap time is non-negotiable and the others need to rest. Unfortunately, there's another little guy down there with him. So far, he's only been woken a couple times as I have the dehumidifier on as a sound blocker. At this point, I've simply stopped going down to put him back under his blankets. He's in a PNP, has diaper changed right before bed (he's never had a dirty or overly wet diaper during these wakeful times). It seems to me that he WANTS me to go down and check on him and that maybe I'm reinforcing this behaviour. I don't know.

Has anyone had experience with this? This is the first time in my ECE history that I've encountered so many issues with one child. I have to say though that termination is not an option I'm willing to look at. I'd rather work through the issues. I really like this family and they're very, very good to me....this is the mum that shows up every morning with a big old coffee for me :) She's on board and wants to help in any way she can, so I'm not facing an obstacle that way. I need some behaviour modification advice.

Anyone??????

Do the parents feed him at home? Tell them to stop! I have a very small 23 month old boy and it's been a battle over the last year for me to get him to eat. I want him to finish his food because he's really slow, so many times he's still at the table finishing while everyone else is getting ready to go outside or for nap, etc. It's frustrating, but at least he's eating. I used to have to put a bite into his mouth every time I flew by him cleaning up or whatever but I stopped. I think it was making him lazier.

As far as the naptime, sorry I can't help.

Find out what procedure parents use if he wakes in the middle of the night ie do they get him up at 5 when he wakes or do they just ignore him and leave him in bed. They need to teach him too that it is ok to wake up but that it is not getting up time so no amount of fussing will get attention. Then he will test it a few times at daycare but realize the same applies.

When you go to him he assumes it is time to get up and then gets upset when he realizes it isn't. He slept so now expects to get up.

That's a hard one. On the one hand kids that age need to be acknowledged to feel secure but on the other hand if it's allowed to continue it'll get worse! Certainly find out what the parents do at home but I wouldn't let him get so worked up that he can't go back to sleep anyways. Maybe you cold try letting him fuss for 5 min. and then just poke your head in and let him know that you're still there but that he needs to go to sleep. I'd avoid picking him up or catering in anyway. If he continues, wait a little longer and then poke your head in again... And then ask for an Extra large coffee because so much for your break time! :)

He arrives at 6:45am and never eats beforehand. His mom is terribly frustrated and worried as he eats sooooo little...even at home. I've deduced that he prefers things with strong flavours. He ate his risotto and brown beans today (with me feeding him), but didn't seem to like the quinoa salad. Fair enough....I don't like it much either to be honest. I'm hoping that my 'cheering' technique might take hold soon and he'll start feeding himself. Like you, Momof4, I shove a mouthful in every time I walk by, though he often has the last bite chipmunked in his cheeks. At least there's a little progress and I hope to stop feeding him in the next few weeks, with effort.

The sleeping....I may have just answered my own question. I finally went downstairs after he'd been awake for about an hour. Firmly told him 'No thank you! It is time for sleep!"....popped his soother back in, covered him up and I think (THINK) he's gone back to sleep. Boogerstink! I guess I'll just keep up ignoring him, till he gets too loud, then be forceful. Hopefully that will do the trick. Thanks ladies! My sanity's hanging by a thread today! Had to resort to a soft shoe routine to 'Beyond the Sea' and singing loudly, badly and in a very animated way to 'Paradise by The Dashboard Lights' to put a stop to the incessant whining of ALL the children at lunch. It seems that jazz hands and making an ass of oneself is the key to toddlers' hearts.

Oh so dignified.

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Originally Posted by cfred

Had to resort to a soft shoe routine to 'Beyond the Sea' and singing loudly, badly and in a very animated way to 'Paradise by The Dashboard Lights' to put a stop to the incessant whining of ALL the children at lunch. It seems that jazz hands and making an ass of oneself is the key to toddlers' hearts.

Oh so dignified.

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And prospective parents wonder why we don't like them to come and hang out with us - um I am not going to perform for anyone but a captive audience sorry. Glad your song and dance routine worked.

Sleep begets sleep and I would bet my last dollar he is so over tired that the neurons in his brain simply can not settle long enough for him to get any sort of quality length of sleep.

If he were here I would put him down to sleep the second he gets here. 8am, tops. I would have him sleep at least an hour, and yes, you might have to allow some extra time for him to CIO until he actually goes to sleep and sleeps for an hour. So, if that means as soon as he gets there then so be it. And then nap him again in the afternoon.

He sounds like the classic over-tired kid. If you get him sleeping MORE and on a more frequent basis I will bet that before long he will be an awesome napper.

He did wind up sleeping for a total of about 2 hours in the end. He, I would imagine, got bored of sitting in the dark staring at nothing and just went under. I'm hopeful that if I continue to ignore his demands, he'll just give up. He doesn't really cry much....just complains really.

LOL....Judy, I have no issues with CIO. I used it with my kids and continue to coach parents who are following my lead. I've spent many texting conversations with parents as they sat outside their nursery door agonizing over their crying kids, encouraging them to hang in there. So far, every one of my families has been astonished and grateful.

I think earlier I was just feeling terribly frustrated. Thanks for reminding me ladies :D

I agree with Judy too. Try a short morning nap around 7:30/8. You mentioned arrival was 6:45? Awake sometimes 5-5:30?
All of my kiddos (including my own son) are between 11-17 months. ALL still HAVE and NEED a morning nap. I time them within 2 hours of wake time. All of my arrivals are between 6:45-7:30. We do an hour 8-9 (give or take a half hour) then go outside, lunch at 11, afternoon nap again 12:30-2:30/3. I am very lucky! I have tried cutting out morning nap and having one nap 11:30-2:30 but that didn't go very well they all slept horribly. I would much rather get an hour nap in the morning so they sleep better in the afternoon.