Trouble with a Mom

Just had to text a Mom about 3 hours ago regarding, reminder of having to pick my daughter up from basketball practice at 5pm, these parents pick up by 5:30. The baby is 6.5 months old. I text her to let her know I have a carseat and would need to take her with me to get my daughter,be back to the house by 5:20 at the latest. 5 miles up the road. She texts me back and says, her daughter is over the limit for infant car seat and didn't want her in innapropriate seat. ( I think it may be more of a control thing rather than the seat itself, she seems to be bothered when something is not up to her or in her control) anyway, I check my infant seat and sure enough it's for 26 inches or up to 22 pounds. the baby is 6 months old, about 24 inches long and can't weigh near 20 pounds yet. The Mom texts me back and says, she is fine THIS time but will have to think about anything in the future. Is it wrong of me to want to respond to her by saying she needs to pick her child up before 5 from now on and not even let her "think" it's up to her? I have had so many great parents through the years, but every once in a while I get one of these, "I control you" kind of people who seem to think I have no right to have any time for my family when I am taking care of their "precious" child. If I'm wrong, set me straight.....what would you do?

Show her the seat and what it says. Also remind her that you are a professional and wouldn't risk life, limb or liability by putting anyone in a seat not designed for their size. Some mothers think only they can do something right...Those are the types of moms that (usually) need to stay home and do everything right themselves. Don't let her knock you around. If she's not happy with the seat then she can either provide you with one that she is, or pick up her child before you need to leave

First off, is this parent ok with you driving her child around? Did you discuss this with the family when they signed on with you?

If not, and she's not comfortable with you driving her daughter around, I would tell her that she needs to pick up her child by 5 p.m. so you can do things with YOUR FAMILY!

All of the above ladies...at pick-up the Mother says, "first off, sorry I didn't give you an answer right away, but I had a splitting headache and about 6 people waiting for me" wanted to say, oh no, problem...I just had your daughter and my daughter was waiting for me! Then she goes on to say: "My Husband and I were talking on the way here and we both agree that when we decided to bring her here, it was to be safe and cared for in your home, not going out and about." to that I did say: "I completely respect your point of view, some parents don't mind their child being out with me and others don't feel comfortable, but you do need to respect that I stay home to be a good Mother to my two kids, and because they are older, they are involved in such things as sports and I feel I need to be there for them. Not to mention I have personal things I sometimes need to do before the end of the days" I ultimately told her that IF she wasn;t comfortable having me transport her daughter, she would need to pick up before I left. :) she then said, PRACTICES would be fine, but if I could call her during bad weather, she would come early. Still irritated, why is it so hard for people to understand WE TOO, have lives. It just seems like she still isn't getting that I have to do things sometimes, like when they first came to me they understood it to be to have their daughter cared for IN MY HOME ONLY!? so I have to be some SUPER WOMAN who never gets sick, needs to go to the dr., I have been given a hrd time when my back is out and have to go to the chiro, what am I supposed to do? I couldn't imagine if I had to cater to ALL my parents like they expect me to for them? It would be near impossible. Should I just tell them I will close at 5 on those days?

Was this an emergency pick up? I'm not sure why you had to text her and tell her rather then get the authorization this morning... or last night at pick up. She may have felt obligated to let you take her daughter and uncomfortable about it all at the same time.

I dont' transport kids in my care with me anywhere! I had once issue where I had to get something done, it was urgent and important and the only time I could do it was during hours open. So I let the client know 3 days in advance that this was going on. It gave her time to talk it over with her husband and they ended up being ok with it. They installed the car seat in my vehicle and I let them know when we were home safe and sound.

You may have blind sided her... that's how I read it at least... maybe I'm misunderstanding.

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Originally Posted by apples and bananas

Was this an emergency pick up? I'm not sure why you had to text her and tell her rather then get the authorization this morning... or last night at pick up. She may have felt obligated to let you take her daughter and uncomfortable about it all at the same time.

I dont' transport kids in my care with me anywhere! I had once issue where I had to get something done, it was urgent and important and the only time I could do it was during hours open. So I let the client know 3 days in advance that this was going on. It gave her time to talk it over with her husband and they ended up being ok with it. They installed the car seat in my vehicle and I let them know when we were home safe and sound.

You may have blind sided her... that's how I read it at least... maybe I'm misunderstanding.

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Yup, that's how I'm reading it too.

I tell parents when I'm interviewing that I don't bring the kids in the car with me. That's another insurance thing that I just won't do, and don't feel safe doing. Parents have chosen me because I don't bring the kids out and about in a vehicle. It's just a personal thing.

I would re-write the contract for this parent (and any new family that comes on). STATE to them during the interview that you do have to sometimes transport their child around in your vehicle. I know of some providers that provide the car seats, and other providers ask for a car seat from the family.

I would definitely have pulled my child from your care if I knew that you were going to transport my child without consulting with me first - especially if you knew about needing to pick-up your child in advance. Sorry, but that's my own thoughts on it.

I do have a transportation authorization form in my package that gets signed when they sign the contract, that being said I also let my parents know that I would probably never take their child out in my car and never without let them know first. I don't have room in my vehicle for 6 car seats. I live in the country and we don't travel.

I'm confused. Did you already have agreement from the parents about taking their baby in your vehicle?

Yes I do transport kids, not on a regular basis, but I have a VERY close nit group of clients (except these ones) everyone has been with me for years, I call to remind of my kids sched or ask them in the am and they all respond with a "of course, you know we don't care".....they trust me and like I said they have all been with me a long time, (since before my kids were at the age of afterschool activities) It has NEVER been an issue until now. These "new" parents, new to me and also new in the sense their daughter is a baby and first child, are more gaurded. Of course, and I completely understand, however...they have to understand I sometimes need to do things with in day care hours, doctor appt, dental appt, kids dr and dental, chiro appt, and last but def not least....my kids are older, in sports and such. I try to find other people some of the time to help out, but also feel, I stayed home to be a better Mom.....can't do that when you are tied to the house with other peoples kids all day until 5:30. I have transported this baby before, and a few times actually gone out of my way to drop the baby off to her mothers work (at the Mothers request) because my back was out and had to go to chiro at 5pm. the mother chose to stay at work and asked me to drop the baby to her on the other side of town. (thats where it gets me confused, when they say they didn't want me transporting her and wanted me to stay home all day, assuming for safety sake) but asked me to drive her to the other side of town rather than pick her up early? I do see that I need to add to my contracts an agreement to transport (i dont have one now) never needed one to this point. Honestly? I dont want to transport everyones kids to my daughters basketball, and feel I would short my own kids not to be there. If you dont transport kids...what do you do when you need to go somewhere during the day or have a child of your own who needs you on a regular basis through the school year?

I completely agree, on the Blindsiding! I can see that once I put myself in her place..... I had it posted this week on the front door, reminding parents of basketball starting and the need to pre-arange transportation or early pick-up. I notice though, alot of parents don't read my notices, that's why I try to remember to talk with them as well....just busy some mornings and these parents in particular, are not chatty to say the least....he is friendly but I am lucky if I get a "have a good day" out of her. :)

I don't have appointments during daycare hours. If it is something that can't be scheduled in the evening, then I book off the time well in advance and close the daycare early that day (it hasn't happened to me yet, but I would if I had to). I let parents know in my interviews that I do sometimes drive the kids in my van, but only when I have kids away so numbers are down and then it is for the purposes of a fun outing such as a museum for a special treat. I don't run errands or do anything of that sort during daycare hours. I have to drop-off and pick-up my son at the bus stop for school, but parents know about that and we walk. Other than that, my husband takes the kids to appointments etc. When my kids are older and if I feel I need to take them to activities etc, I will either make my daycare closing time earlier or check with parents during interviews about this. Perhaps they are upset because it seems it is becoming a regular thing rather than a once in awhile and that is not what they understood when they signed on with you?

I always make sure parents are aware at the initial interview that I take the children on outings in the car. Sometimes it's frequent, sometimes it's not, but we do it. If parents aren't comfortable with that, then they can look elsewhere. The kids and I enjoy trips to restaurants, provincial parks, conservation areas, reptile exhibits.....tonnes of stuff. I'd never take on a client who would deprive all the other kids of those experiences.

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Originally Posted by Starshine

I'm confused. Did you already have agreement from the parents about taking their baby in your vehicle?

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This is where I'm confused too

I tell all my parents that I drive with their children to playgroups, parks, library etc. They all sign an agreement. If I have to go get my daughter at 5pm and knew for SURE I'd be back before the parents are due to arrive I would NOT text them. The child is in my care from x?am to 5:30pm so if I am out and about until 5:29 that's part of MY business that they agreed to.....there should be NO issues.

no sunny days, only transported her three times so far. two where picking up my kids and one was a chiro appt. I really don't want to transport, especially that age. I have had her for almost 4 months, thats less than once a month.

Thanks Guys! After a lot of thought. I have decided to meet in the middle. I have asked my Father in law to "play Mommy" and pick my daughter up most days, but about 4 days through the month I have decided to close at 5pm and have them pick their daughter up 30 minutes early so I can support my daughter on those days. I do completely understand the issue of not wanting their daughter transported and hope this agreement will work with them. I refuse to take a child in my vehicle that a parent is uneasy about....I have NEVER had this be an issue before, for years I have been trusted and parents have had no worries. I hope the "trust" doesn't become more of an issue. Thanks for all your input. :)

Haven't read the replies, but it is TOTALLY within your rights and you are absolutely morally correct to insist that if she has a problem with you transporting her kid, she MUST be available for pickup before 5.

WTF??? :no:

Also, now that I live in the suburbs, there is no way that I could get around transporting daycare kids, unless we stayed in my yard all day every day, and oh, didn't pick the kids up from school. LOL

We have worked everything out, this Mom I think was more "worried" than anything. This is her first baby and she seemed very edgy and questioning the first 3 or 4 months. It has been about a month since this post and she has mellowed dramatically.....I no longer transport or ask her to transport her child. Just as she was "new" with the whole daycare thing, and "trusting someone else" issue, I was also trying to get used to my kids new school and just my kids going back to school. Now we have a routine, my husband is home for the winter, and the schedule is worked out so she will pick up early on the days my daughter has basketball games. This Mom has become very friendly and seems to have much more "trust" in me. Things are good. Thanks ladies

I may be totally crazy - probably am....but I don't think it is unreasonable that a parent expects us to stay home with the daycare children until the daycare closes.

I consider that I am WORKING during the daycare hours and just like I could not do personal things during an office job - I can't do them during my daycare. I have to treat it professionally unless it is something I have special permission for or it is an emergency.

If the parent has never discussed the arrangement with you or been made aware that there could be days for dropoffs etc then it may have been the first they are hearing of it.

I have my kids in activities 3-4 days a week but I make sure everything is after daycare hours. I would NEVER take a daycare child to drop off for ballet or swimming or want them there. THat is my time to focus on my kids. I wouldn't want it and I doubt parents would want it. That is why I made my daycare have an early close at 5 and I pick activity times very carefully.

I have never heard of a provider taking daycare kids with them in my area.

YOu asked about personal days where you have appts....for days like dentist appts, doctors etc - I book those usually weeks in advance and notify parents that I am closing for the day or a half day. Again...those are personal things and there is no way I would want to drag a daycare child plus my own kids around for those.

Now if something happened at school - like I had a all home that one of my kids was hurt or sick then I might have to drive with a daycare child but I have authorization ahead of time and it gets discussed during the interview process but I would not like to. I would probably have my husband come from work and go to the school rather than me do it with daycare kids....especially since I don't have a van. :)

I think that providers just have to think of what they think they would/could do in every situation, what the options are and then discuss this with parents in the interview or face to face at drop off at pick up time if it is a new thing.

I hope everything went well with the mom though and everything is good between you:)

My parents do not permit me to drive their children anywhere, and I don't have car seats or extra car insurance anyway. In case of an emergency, I would call 911 and let an ambulance transport the child. The parent would be notified to meet the ambulance at the hospital. I agree with Spixie that I am at work when the daycare is open. If I need to go somewhere, I would get backup or close the daycare. I use a quad stroller for outings to the park and early learning centre. I am not comfortable driving other people's children around, and I don't want the expense of the extra car insurance. I'm sure it must be very high since it turns your vehicle into a commercial vehicle with added liability responsibilities.

Glad you found a compromise that works Kidlove.

I am another one who discusses the fact that I do field trips and outings during the phone interview because I would not want to bother having an in person interview with someone who is uneasy about their child being off site as outings are a large part of my emergent curriculum ~ being able to go out and investigate the community we live in hands on ... my clients all sign consent forms for off site trips via walking, public transit and/or my vehicle with a specific section on the car seat position their child is currently 'eligible' for and this gets updated everything their child changes so rear facing to forward facing to high back booster options.

As for attending appointments during the work day ~ if you give your clients a vote on if they were rather their kid tag along for a 10 minute appointment or you to CLOSE entirely they will almost always choose to send their kid to care and have them tag along to an appointment because unlike working in an 'office' where you taking a day off has minimal impact on anyone closing our childcare programs means THEY also have to take time off work or find alternative arrangements with a ripple effect.

Communication is key as always ~ I always give my clients a heads up if I have an appointment that cannot be rescheduled for after hours but that is not so 'personal' that having the crew along is an inconvenience and I have never had a client object and opt for the keeping them home.

Do you actually take the kids to your doctors appointments? I think you might need to think about your job and that although you did this to stay home it is still professional JOB. I would be pissed if you were taking my kids to your appointments or shopping because your job is to be with my kid.

I totally understand a school pick up or something like that but something about you saying that you HAVE to do stuff during daycare hours just doesn't sit right with me. I would never take my cliens children to appointments. There is always a way to make it work or a close early and thats that

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Originally Posted by Cadillac

Do you actually take the kids to your doctors appointments? ...

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For appointments that I have CONTROL over booking the time and date I either choose after hours if the office is open or I book them ALL on the same day and take a personal day ... so the annual eye doctors, physical, dentists and so forth.

But when I do not have control over when the appointment is booked and 'rescheduling' will mean months longer to see someone than yes I have and do ~ I give my clients the OPTION to have their kid tag along if it is something quick and typically my mother or aunt joins me so that she can watch the kids at the park or take them for a timbit if the weather is not nice while I run in to the appointment and than we carry on with our day ~ if they do not want their kid tagging along they are free to come and pick them up and keep them home for sure! If I cannot get someone to 'help' me that day than I book the day off!

As most of my appointments the kids have tagged along to in the past were 'specialist follow ups' like the dermatologist and endocrinologist so not something I have control over booking and they take like two minutes for the Dr to ask a few questions and go over test results or to refill an annual script .... so to me it is a financial hardship and an inconvenience to clients by taking a whole day off or a half day for something so minor that takes less than 5 minutes out of the day ....if I worked out of the home this is something I could do on my lunch hour or break without inconveniencing anyone but as I am self employed I have to find balance ~ I save my time off for when I am too sick to actually work so that I pose minimal inconvenience to my clients ~ and they all seem to appreciate that about me ;)

For me it is about finding a 'balance' of professionalism ... one of the largest cons any client choosing between a home based program and a centre program will share is that in home childcare the 'unreliability' of the provider and needing too much time off work is what makes them choose 'centre' care over our model ~ I want to minimize that con for clients where I can and be seen as professional in that I am THERE for the clients and if that means they agree to have their kid tag along to something so be it.

I have peers who take their daycare kids to the school concerts and even on school field trips so they can be 'there for their own kids' while still not having to close and inconvenience their clients ~ personally I think that is an awesome compromise as long as the clients are cool with it ... one of the great things about home childcare is its 'flexibility'!

These are all practices I make clear during the interview so obviously a potential client with your concerns would not sign a contract with a program like mine and that is cool ~ awesome thing about home based childcare is everyone is able to have a different business model so that there are options out there for every clients values ... no need to be cookie cutter childcare where we are all the same ;)

I do have a transportation authorization that the parents do sign but in all honesty I don't go anywhere with them. I have it in case there was that one in a million chance that I only had one child for the day and I could go to a beach or splash pad or museum or something like that. But when the parents sign on they know that we spend our days here cause I live in a rural area that would require transportation to go anywhere. so if parents want their child to go to play groups, library, parks, OEY Centers this is not the daycare for them cause I don't drive a bus. I book my own appts for evenings and weekends as well as swimming lessons ect. I don't volunteer at my kids schools, or go to parent teacher meetings ( do them over the phone or hubby goes) cause I work .... It would be no different if I worked in an office I wouldn't be taking days off to go see a school concert.
I think I am one of the rare people that is not doing this job for my children .... I'm doing it for me .... Because I enjoy this and I need to have an income and because any job I have had before netted me less money and then I had to pay daycare, gas, lunches, clothes, my time sitting in traffic, ect. I make more money now then I ever have and I don't have to pay daycare or anything else and my commute is 15 steps.... I can't wait till next sept cause my youngest will be heading off to full day jk and my daycare will finally be mine because my child challenges everyone of my parenting skills.

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Originally Posted by Crayola kiddies

...I think I am one of the rare people that is not doing this job for my children .... I'm doing it for me .... ....

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You are not alone ~ I do not have any children at home and am doing this solely for ME .... I left working in centre care to work at home in order to have more control over my work environment, work life balance and health which is for me and benefits my family as well because I am well a BETTER HEALTHIER ME as a result ;)

Like you after 20 years in the field I realized that I was working 100 times harder in a more stressful regimented environment caring for more than double the children and dealing with more STRESS and for much less money in my pocket at the end of the day.

I love working from home for ME in a happy enjoyable environment that is more authentically in tune with my child rearing and early learning philosophies than a 'centre' could ever be and not to mention that IMO my clients get a better individualized service for LESS than they would working in a centre ... yes their child might tag along on the occasional appointment but in exchange they have the same consistent caring caregiver from open to close and never have to worry about arriving to a 'stranger' they have never met caring for their child or not being able to communicate with someone who actually 'cared' for their child at pick up or drop off like regularly occurs in centres when staff take time off work for appointments ;)

I am glad that this situation worked out for you....
I personally cannot take in anyone who is NOT okay with me transporting when necessary.I have older kids, and sometimes we have to leave the house. I offer the use of my carseats, but will use theirs if they are more comfortable. I have extra liability insurance on my vehicle, and have them sign a transport waiver. But all of this is discussed up front. I can understand why someone may feel upset if it wasn't talked about. Although it sounds like they aren't reading the notices, etc and that is not your fault!