First Week...Red Flags?!

So I had a new family start last week. They are part time, but full days, which, other then b/a school are, is the main demand in this area. Anyhow, pick up times vary: if mom picks up, I was told 4:30, if dad picks up, I was told 5:15. I am open to 6 regardless, however, in my contract, I say that, even though I am open, I am expecting you at the pickup time that you have provided. For one very specific reason, if I know that my last child is leaving at 5:15, I will make plans with the family.

However, this is their first real week and yesterday I needed to close early due to a doctors appointment. The dcg was not originally scheduled for Wednesday, but the moms schedule got switched around and asked if I can accommodate her, so I did, but only if they can arrange pick up by 2:30 THE LATEST. The dad picks up at 2:35 mumbling sorry, he had dropped his keys in the snow.

Today, she was my last child scheduled to leave, and even though he is suppose to pick up at 5:15, I assumed, just in case, that he would pick up at 5:30. So I told my boys after the last kiddie goes, we can go to the library before dinner.

5:15 came and went. 5:30 came and went. Heck 5:45 came and went. He finally shows up at 5:50, walks in and says "sorry, but sometimes I am on a roof and cant drop what I am doing to be here on time." WHAT?! I told him, that it is not a big deal, as I am open to 6:00, however, I was expecting him at 5:15, because of the information that his wife provided.

He told me that she should not have said 5:15 as it changes every day (he is in construction). He can get off as early as 4:30, or very late.

I told him that from now on, I will assume that she will be picked up at 6:00pm on his pick up days, instead of the 5:15. He basically comes back with saying, that he will TRY to be here by 6pm.

NO NO NO NO. I dont care for late fees or excuses. I am CLOSED at 6pm. I have a family. I am open for a 12 hour day. I would like to sit down to dinner with my boys. I told him, that I am NOT open past 6. He mumbled something and left.

Red Flags?

Major red flags !!
If you made a contract and have an agreed time then I would expect them to adhere to it.

And you have a really long day - your own family needs you and you have every right to put your family first.

I would definitely write them a note or email or have a stern word with them both that they are going to HAVE TO make sure it is never beyond 6 because you have your own family time and dinner or else they will get a hefty late fee.

It is not fair that they expect you to work around their schedule. I do a 10 hour day and every minute gets painful at the end of the day....I have no idea how exhausted you must be after 12 hours!!!

If they lied to you about schedules and pick ups then they may not be the right fit for your daycare. I have turned away people who wanted until 5:30 because I only offer until 5:15. I know I need my own family time and my kids have activities.

People are usually on their best behaviours the first two weeks. Do you have a 2 week probation period in your contract? I do and it seems like people are very nervous those first few weeks not to make a misstep. It's not a good sign if people would already be waivering on a contract the first few days/

I'd talk to both mom and dad and let them know that as per the contract you close at 6pm...if they are unable to pick-up each and every day before that time then they should look for care elsewhere.

If they are 'opps'-ing this much during week one it will be a slippery slope downwards. Stop the slipping now or you'll get sucked in without even knowing it!

Huge red flags. Disrespect for you and your hours right from day 1.

I would watch carefully and not let them get away with anything.

I'm the same, no late fees, I simply don't allow latest.

Oh, and I have 2 clients in construction and they

Make it here by 530 every day.

Yes, I have a dad that does snow plowing, which can mean long and varying hours in winter. But they are never late picking up, if he can't make it in time they find some family member that can do it. I charge late fees, but they come with the understanding that is not okay that they are late.

Ummm no!
Major red flags here!
I have been there with 1 family which is why I changed my business hours - it began to interfere with my own familys time and was WAY too long of a day for me.
I would send out a notice to them only and give a month, say that as of "xxx" your hours will be changing to 5:15pm. You know that he can accomodate that.
At least you know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. In the meantime if you are feeling like this arrangement is becoming too much give your notice. Family comes first!

I think this is definitely a red flag but I wouldn't give up on them just yet. Sometimes parents who aren't familiar with daycare rules assume that we are happy to spend every waking moment with their child and don't really see that we have a business arrangement and are not simply caring for their children out of the kindness of our hearts. Turn the tables and assert your power and control over the situation. I'm not a fan of just sending out a notice - I would rather speak to the parents in person or on the phone and then re-iterate the conversation on paper to drive the point home. You can just explain that you have obligations outside of work and that your own children deserve time alone with their mom. I would also stress that closing at 6 doesn't mean that they can rush in at 5:59 to pick up their child, especially in the winter when it takes longer to get the child dressed, in the carseat and out of your driveway.
I had to have a very unpleasant conversation like this with a parent who was consistently rushing in 1-2 minutes after I closed. I basically told him what I said above and he has been here 5-10 minutes before closing every pick up. I felt guilty about it for days and questioned whether i was over-reacting, but in the end, his rushing in here just as i close was becoming very stressful for me because i was never sure if he would actually be here on time, which would mean that i woudl have to change my plans for the evening, etc.
Good luck and keep us posted!

Thanks everyone! After talking with him yesterday at pick up, I still did not get the feeling that he 'got' what I was saying. I understand that YOU can not drop things at work and be here, but you need to understand that I can not drop my family life to accommodate lateness.

Not satisfied with his response. I sent a notice home via email last night , reiterating that I close at 6pm and am often leaving the house right behind them for other obligations. No exceptions. No excuses.

I think you handled it well. If they show up late again, give them the choice between agreeing to come at 6 at the latest, or giving you notice. They will probably promise that they will be there by 6. Have a term letter written up, and hand it over the very next time that they are there at 6:01 or later.

WOW! Um.....NO! He can't just use you like a nanny. This is not acceptable in any way.

So, whatcha gonna do if he comes after 6pm one day? I hope you have a plan because unless he either 100% gets it, OR, you terminate, it's gonna keep happening over and over again.

Can't the mom just pick up every day? I would tell her that the dad's coming and going at odd times do NOT work for you and that she is basically gonna lose her spot unless she does the pick ups.

SO here is the update of what happened. After I talked to him, I sent an email to all of my daycare parents stating that I am CLOSED at 6 and not a minute later, due to me leaving the house, almost daily at close for family obligations.

This particular family did not address the email. So a couple of days later, I messaged the mom about the scheduling changes in a couple of weeks due to her work trip. Instead of DCG being here 2-3 days per week, she was suppose to be here 5 with the father picking her up. But instead, for that week they are going to find alternate care because the father can not guarantee pick up by 6pm.

From now on, the mother is making her schedule to ensure that she only works open shifts and thus she is the one to pick up DCG. Which works fine with me.

Excellent - glad to hear they are taking the necessary steps to make sure she is picked up on time.

Perfect! Good job standing your ground. :)

I had a family just like the one you describe, where the father was in construction and somehow thought that because he was a supervisor and could not leave the site for legal reasons, that I should "understand" his arriving at 7 pm instead of 5 pm with no texts or notification. After all, he was in the construction business and had a "very important job"......bla bla

Mine did not seem so important to him and after many conversations with both him and the Mum, it was obvious that they had had this problem with other daycares (mine was #4) and had "conned" me into believing that they would respect my opening hours. One of my first families and I learned fast!

After a confrontation with the father one night, when he again showed up extremely late, he started yelling at me on my front porch. That was it....abuse is something specified in my contract as immediate reason for termination and I did. Gone on the spot...followed by abusive e-mails from the mother. So it was only a matter of time and they had no intention of honouring their contract.

The take-away from this is that the parents' occupations is an important question I now ask during the interview process. I look for parents in stable, valued jobs with good incomes (doctors, engineers) who have the financial stability to pay my fees long-term and are committed to good care and have regular work hours.

The second thing I have learned to do is to ASK the parents to commit to the hours they need on an application form, rather than relying on their "verbal hours" which seem to miraculously vary (usually extend) as soon as they start, or sometimes it gets picked up in the home visit, AFTER they have committed by phone interview. If the hours they need are not in writing on an application form, signed by them, then they can say they never asked for those hours, despite the fact that they signed a contract with those hours specified and upon which the daycare provider has based her rate ( based on the application form).

The third thing I have learned is to have 2 rates: one for my core hours of 8 hours and one extended hour for staggered pick-ups. They choose either the 8 hour rate (and must deliver and pick-up within the 8 hour period, or if they require the 9 hours then they pay a higher rate. That way they do not assume they can leave the child there to the very last minute. They have specific pick-up and drop-off times specified in the contract. I am EXTREMELY adamant that I do not do long days, ie more than 9 hours, so if they need more, they should look at other options. I they continously do not respect the 8 hour core hours they said they needed and would honour, they get bumped up to the higher rate permanently and the contract is reissued at the new rate. Lesson learned...and they no longer take me for granted.

So I have learned that I do not need to beg for business. I have taken my time to fill my spots (it only takes 5 families or less with siblings) and because I have fantastic parents whom I have chosen very carefully (I tell them in advance I am very picky and they may not get in) I have a very low-stress experience with them.

Many of you may not be in the position to wait...but it is very worthwhile. For example, out of 25 enquiries since January I have only accepted 3 new children from 2 families. One more spot to fill and I am full again...long term and hopefully no more gruelling, time-consuming interviews until this group "graduates".

The bottom line is: I always remain in control. I do not come across as desperate for anyone's business. My fees are my fees...questions about "negotiation" on fees or vacation or sick days, or stat holidays, other than clarification on policy and they are out the door, and are told why.

I sense that in this job the type of personality of care givers (kind, loving, generous and sensitive) lends us to being manipulated. You must think of this as a business, first and foremost or you will end up frustrated and angry at yourself and short-sell your family. No one can force their way into your business, so build up a bit of financial back-up so that you are not in a situation where you are financially constrained to accept anybody, on any timeframe, no matter how many red flags. you know those situations are a ticking time bomb and take a huge toll on your health and attitude.

Do I come across as a tough cookie? Maybe but I don't care. I am here for the children and I know that the stress that their parents cause for me only gets passed down to them when I am stressed, no matter how hard I try to not transmit it. You all know I am telling the truth here.

So look after yourselves, first and foremost and the rest will fall into place.

Good luck