Do daycare parents ignore what providers do for their kids?

So I've had my child in daycare, and I have been the day care operator. So I've got a pretty good idea of what goes on.
When questions are asked about daycare, I give honest answers.
Here are some Facts. The babysitter will be the one kissing your child booboos, they will be the one rocking them to sleep, they will be the one calming them when they are upset, they will be ones hearing their funny stories, watching their funny play, and even seeing some of their firsts when they are very young. They will be doing an Immense amount of work to potty train your child. When they colour pictures, a lot of them are made for them, that we encourage to be given to you. They are the ones playing with them, and teaching them. We sometimes get called mom, we get told 'I Love You.'

That is what you want a provider to do for your kids, right?

So, why questions is, why is it whenever I tell people this in my answers, that I always receive sooo many thumbs down?

I'm not trying to start a war, but when a parent is trying to decide between full time work and staying at home, I figure they should get all thier facts first.

I don't understand, do daycare parents pretend they aren't missing out?

Quote:

---

I don't understand, do daycare parents pretend they aren't missing out?

---

Yes, or we at least tone it down.

You are wholly correct in your assessment but as parents, we aim to be very understanding that a Mom often feels guilty about going to work. Many would love the opportunity to be home with their child but simply can't afford to lose the second income. Many don't want to to think about how much they are missing out on.

I'm not saying lie to the parents but there's ways to be subtle and kinder.

You get so many thumbs-down not because it's the truth but because it hurts the parent. It drives home how much the will not see first, something many have to block for their own sanity.

I've lost count of the number of times a very excited parent has told me on a Monday morning that their child took their first steps, unaided. Who does it benefit if I pipe up that they actually did it here on Friday?

The joy in a Mom's face the first time she hears the word "Mama" doesn't need to be shattered by me informing them it's one of the words we practice and that their child has called that to me for several days.

It's not about trying to start a War, it's about being kind and understanding and allowing the parents to have the joy that comes with knowing they are more important in their child's life than their carer. So many insecurities as a parent, especially as a new parent, so why add to them by having a Mom even consider that she's less important to their child than their carer?

We are lucky to have access to these children for more of their waking day than their parents do. Parents who likely wake their child and get them ready for day care in the morning and barely get a few hours with them before it's bedtime.

The way you present your information would make a less than secure parent wonder if their child was more attached to you than her, and even if that's the case, why hurt a parent in such a way by highlighting the fact and all they miss out on.

I as well have been on both sides - as the daycare parent and the daycare provider. I would never tell a daycare parent most of the things that you described. Some tact is needed in these kind of situations, how is it helpful to anyone to tell them that the picture their child drew isn't really for them?

I mostly just tell parents that I provide a safe, happy and fun place for their child to play, a lot of things should go unsaid that would cause anything other than sadness and disappointment for the family.

Are you feeling unappreciated?

I remember the time I said to a mom at pick up how her son walked a lot that day and the look on her face told me that he hadn't walked at home yet like I assumed (because he did it so well that day, I assumed he walked all weekend). She was just about in tears when she told me that she missed his first step!! I felt terrible! Now I would say something like "so has xxx started walking yet at home?" And if they say no than I'd say "well I bet he/she will soon!!" So that later that night they would feel like they got to see the first walk.

There is a fine line to telling parents about their child's successes at daycare. On one hand, no parent wants to miss out on all the first milestones but on the other hand, you don't want to sell yourself short either or the parents may start to wonder what their child is learning with you.

Agreed - I just feel that the way the original post was worded it was almost gloating and I felt if that's how things were really worded, it was very thoughtless and bordering on cruel.

If I am reading this post correctly, I'd have to assume that you are saying that you are telling the parents that milestones happen at daycare?

If so, as a parent who has had her son in daycare, I cannot tell you how much this really hurts. Before I opened up my dayhome I was out in the work force, and as much as I hate to say it DS sometimes did things at daycare that the provider saw first....

Another thing that really hurt was when one of them did not correct when he called her mama, I always make a point to say to my dck's mama is at work... it hurt me to know that another woman was being called mom, and she did nothing to mitigate that.

Just try and put the shoe on other other foot, that's all.

yes I agree with the others- even if a child takes there first steps at daycare I just say he is almost ready to take it so the parents can enjoy the moment at home
also I encourage the Mom to go back to work if they are feeling guilty so they can have a career after their child has started school- then it is a win-win situation for me and the new Mom .....and even the child wins as he has a Happier Mom with a career

I get the feeling that you feel underappreciated for everything you do. Yes I do agree with you that we do all those wonderful things with and for their children but I certainly agree with the other ladies in that I don't rub it in mom's face. I sometimes think parents really don't "GET" what we do all day. They sometimes have issues looking after their one child and we have multiple children all different rules at home, different ages etc. I sometimes think we are very underappreciated. Christmas is coming, lets see who gives a nice card/note/gift etc LOL

I had a little girl take her first steps here. I told mom she was really, really close. Sure enough she took a few steps that night at home. Mom didn't need to know she did it here first.

Well I'm a blabber !!! I wish I had the sense not to tell the parents first thing as the door is opened !!! Lol. At least I have older kids so I'm not spoiling firsts !!! But my parents are so great !!! It's like we are raising the kids together so if something happens at home I get a text telling me and if something happens at my place they get a text !!
My personality seems to be such that people usually get that I'm excitable ! Lol and I'm happy for the child not taking credit for the action ( does that make sense ?)

It's funny because my oldest dcgirl was fully potty trained fairly early, months before the age 2. Mom thinks it was because of me but I assumed it was because of the parents....truth is, the child did it herself pretty much LOL

I have been on both ends of this. I sometimes even ask the parents how they would like me to proceed if they walk or have a first here. Some have said sure just tell us, others have said "can you pretend it didn't happen?" and a few have said "can you please try to film it for us and send it?" so I have done all of the above. I take the parents lead. It is exciting for me to see that the child has done a first but I know how the parent is feeling so I tamp down on my own excitement until they have seen it etc and then we can share in the joy.