Dilemna with trying to change daycares

I'm hoping that someone on this forum might be able to provide some suggestions for me. My 3 year old daughter has been going to the same home daycare since she was 1 years old. However, we are currently searching for a new provider for various reasons. We weren't planning to tell our daughter or give our 4+ week notice to our current daycare provider until we found someone that we like and know when our daughter will be starting there. The problem is that most daycare providers understandably want to meet our daughter during the interview. However by having her come, I think it's going to cause her much confusion. She is obviously going to start asking questions about why we are looking at other daycares. And knowing that we are doing so is going to be upsetting to her as she likes it where she is. Plus, I'm sure she will end up telling her current provider which will make the whole situation even more awkward. We know that these are discussions we are eventually going to need to have, but it's much easier to do so when something is already in place versus when there are lots of unknowns.

Any thoughts for how I can deal with this? Should I ask the DCPs that we interview if it's ok not to bring out daughter (at least initially)?

I assume your reasons have nothing to do with the quality of care, because she's been there for 2 years and she likes it. I would suggest being honest with your provider. Whatever your reasons are, they must not be a problem with her personally. "I wanted to let you know we're looking for childcare closer to home (or whatever the reason is), and wanted to let you know so you didn't hear it from anyone else"
She'll probably appreciate the extra time she has to look for a replacement family.

A quality provider will want to meet your daughter before signing you on. You could ask if you could meet the "new" provider at the park one day. That way your daughter thinks your just meeting up with other kids and the provider gets to meet yours.

I'm sorry but I wouldn't interview without the child being present. For me, that part of interview process. I want see how child react to instruction, if parent step up when needed and redirect, if she has tantrum when asked stop whatever she doing and if parent cave to it. I want know if child is disrespectful to my house, going jump all over my couches, run around the house, torment the cat.
I understand too your thought that maybe exclude child for initial interview but really, how many interview level you expecting? I work long hours - 9 with children in my home, a couple more cleaning and prepping for next day when child gone. Add in interviews too, most often after hours and it long day. My time is precious and I'll be honest, someone who expecting to come out once for initial interview and then return and take another evening from family time to bring child, is what we refer to locally as a time vampire.
I know it big decision for you, but it is potentially two of our evening gone when it really only need be one.
One side issue to think about too - If you not planning to tell your provider until last minute and not give her any clue that this might be coming after she cared for your child for so long, then really it does give other provider's an uneasy feeling. Reality is, even with 4 week notice, it usually take longer than that to find new child. When a child leaves, it's rare that a new client is lined up and there's no loss of income. We always welcome a heads up or little longer notice and we've all been hurt in past where a client we believed we had a great established relationship with, gives us minimum notice. A new carer seeing this pattern might be a little wary of entering into relationship with you.

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Originally Posted by Suzie_Homemaker

I'm sorry but I wouldn't interview without the child being present. For me, that part of interview process. I want see how child react to instruction, if parent step up when needed and redirect, if she has tantrum when asked stop whatever she doing and if parent cave to it. I want know if child is disrespectful to my house, going jump all over my couches, run around the house, torment the cat.
I understand too your thought that maybe exclude child for initial interview but really, how many interview level you expecting? I work long hours - 9 with children in my home, a couple more cleaning and prepping for next day when child gone. Add in interviews too, most often after hours and it long day. My time is precious and I'll be honest, someone who expecting to come out once for initial interview and then return and take another evening from family time to bring child, is what we refer to locally as a time vampire.
I know it big decision for you, but it is potentially two of our evening gone when it really only need be one.
One side issue to think about too - If you not planning to tell your provider until last minute and not give her any clue that this might be coming after she cared for your child for so long, then really it does give other provider's an uneasy feeling. Reality is, even with 4 week notice, it usually take longer than that to find new child. When a child leaves, it's rare that a new client is lined up and there's no loss of income. We always welcome a heads up or little longer notice and we've all been hurt in past where a client we believed we had a great established relationship with, gives us minimum notice. A new carer seeing this pattern might be a little wary of entering into relationship with you.

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I get that most of the members on this forum are childcare providers. And as a childcare provider, you have to look after yourself and what's best for you. I understand that. However, I'm writing as a parent whose number one concern is first for her child and then secondly for the daycare provider. Attacking me for even suggesting that I might want to meet a potential daycare provider twice or assuming that I'm not giving enough notice to our current provider is not helpful. I signed up as a member today and this is the first time I'm posting. I was just hoping that someone might provide some support or tips about how to make this as stress-free as possible for my little girl, especially when it could still be a few months before she actually changes over to a next daycare (depending on how soon we find one and when a spot becomes available).

Why not just be honest to your caregiver and say we are looking for a new daycare in the future and just want to give you the heads up and we have not found one yet and it is not you but we need longer hours or closer to work etc
then you will feel comfortable to bring the child , to the new daycare and if your child talks about the new daycare you have nothing to hide = less stress :)

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Originally Posted by Van

Why not just be honest to your caregiver and say we are looking for a new daycare in the future and just want to give you the heads up and we have not found one yet and it is not you but we need longer hours or closer to work etc
then you will feel comfortable to bring the child , to the new daycare and if your child talks about the new daycare you have nothing to hide = less stress :)

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I guess my worry is that if I give my current daycare provider a heads up now, can she then somehow terminate us if she finds a replacement before we have found a new daycare? After all, you'd think she'd want to look after herself and start looking as soon as she hears that we are planning to leave.

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Originally Posted by lisapisa

I get that most of the members on this forum are childcare providers. And as a childcare provider, you have to look after yourself and what's best for you. I understand that. However, I'm writing as a parent whose number one concern is first for her child and then secondly for the daycare provider. Attacking me for even suggesting that I might want to meet a potential daycare provider twice or assuming that I'm not giving enough notice to our current provider is not helpful. I signed up as a member today and this is the first time I'm posting. I was just hoping that someone might provide some support or tips about how to make this as stress-free as possible for my little girl, especially when it could still be a few months before she actually changes over to a next daycare (depending on how soon we find one and when a spot becomes available).

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I was not attacking you. I sorry if you took that way.

What you likely don't see is we get lot of people who make appointment and not show up. Or who come without child because there behaviour issues. Over time, we learn protect our family time. Unlike centre, we only one person and not able to have interview in business hours. This mean that interview happen in our personal time. To repeatedly see same potential client make no sense when we can just see someone else once. Time is most important thing anyone can give someone else. Many provider work 12 hour day = 60 hour week so the concept of initial interview and then real interview with child, not thrilling to many. You would HAVE to meet provider more than once if not bringing child to first interview because as explain, most of us won't sign contract without meeting child first.

And no assumes made about about not giving enough notice to provider. You stated that your preference being to line up replacement care and then give the 4 week notice. I explain why the min notice can be hurtful to a provider who feels you had established relationship with open communication.

How to make less stressful for child, is be open and honest. Let her know change is coming. Give her time adjust to that fact. And not be fearful about her telling provider. It not always possible to do that and keep provider in dark, so it would be best to be honest from get go, and then provider can help prepare child for coming changes.

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Originally Posted by lisapisa

I guess my worry is that if I give my current daycare provider a heads up now, can she then somehow terminate us if she finds a replacement before we have found a new daycare? After all, you'd think she'd want to look after herself and start looking as soon as she hears that we are planning to leave.

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Sometimes not always possible to control situation so all your preferences covered. It really tricky to leave carer in dark and leave child in dark until last minute when all your ducks in row. Especially as new provider will need meet child before agree to care for them.

If you don't mind me asking..."why are you looking to change your daycare provider"...I apologize if I missed the reason in your previous posts...otherwise I will assume it IS because of the daycare provider?????

I was wondering the same thing? Why leaving? If your little girl has already been there for two yrs and you are worried you are going to upset her by leaving then y? If it's issues with the provider, surely after two yrs U'd have the relationship to go talk it out and maybe fix things before thinking of leaving. If it's just because of hrs or location then be honest and let her know. Yes some caregivers will think of themselves and fill the spot if it comes along before u give notice but also there are a lot of caregivers out there that love their clients and will cherish the last days with the child and not fill the spot till an end date is given. Either way I don't think u have a way around this unless u lie to your little girl that you are just visiting new ppl. You need to bring ur daughter to meet the caregivers. Best of luck!

Most providers will not sign on a client before meeting the child. If your child is a preschooler, then she should be verbal enough, to be able to go on visits with you and give you feedback about which one she like best(in addition to your own impression of the providers) Be honest with your provider. Don't put added stress on your child to keep it a secret from the current provider.

To be honest, I didn't originally want to share why we want to change daycares because I didn't want it somehow turn into a "she's right, you're wrong" debate or to hear that we should be doing things differently. We're just really butting heads on a lot of different issues. And this is a case where there was no contract, so we didn't know going in that this was what to expect. We still respect her and wish her all the best going forward. We just realized that we need to find someone whose thoughts and way of doing things better align with ours.

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Originally Posted by lisapisa

To be honest, I didn't originally want to share why we want to change daycares because I didn't want it somehow turn into a "she's right, you're wrong" debate or to hear that we should be doing things differently. We're just really butting heads on a lot of different issues. And this is a case where there was no contract, so we didn't know going in that this was what to expect. We still respect her and wish her all the best going forward. We just realized that we need to find someone whose thoughts and way of doing things better align with ours.

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I respect you for not "bashing" your current provider and also for recognizing that it's best just to leave. Some parents try to get us to change our ways to accommodate them, not giving any thought to as why we do things the way we do and without thinking of the other kids in our care. Sometimes there isn't a right and wrong way, just different approaches and if you think finding a dc that better matches your approach is best, nobody can blame you for that!

You say there isn't a contract but also mention that you need to give 4+ weeks of withdrawal. If there is a bit of a contract, just make sure you follow the rules and the provider will just have to be okay with that. A month is typically plenty of time to find new clients but to be honest, it's not your concern anyways so don't worry. You are right that we all need to look out for ourselves first and in your case, it's your daughters best interest that you need to be worried about.

I would bring your daughter along and just call it a play date or meeting mommy's new friend. If you do find a better dc just be prepared that you may have to pay 2 dc's at once to guarantee the new spot and still adhere to your current providers contract/withdrawl notice. Good luck!!

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Originally Posted by lisapisa

We're just really butting heads on a lot of different issues. .

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Yes it is time to leave when butting heads so maybe hold off telling her till you do find a daycare you like and give your notice then
focus on finding one quickly as you don't need to drag it on and the stress that goes with it
Good luck

Not specifically daycare....but when I worked as a nanny, I was laid-off because they didn't need me anymore. (Kids were school aged when I started and I'd been with them for 2 years.) They also told me at the time that the kids had known for some time but asked them not to say anything to me. And they didn't. Honestly, that was the most upsetting thing. They wanted their children to be dishonest, and I think here, the best thing is to be honest all around. If you intend to honour the 4 weeks notice when the time comes, tell the DCP that. I believe, most reasonable people will appreciate the advanced notice.

There is nothing more upsetting than being blindsided by a family where you think everything is going great! I have had it happen a few times. I really can't say which way would be best. My guess is that because you are butting heads that she might see it coming and possibly be relieved if you go. It's hard to say but definitely telling your child to lie is not the best way. Just make sure and give your proper notice, even a nice card/gift when you leave, keep things on a positive note. Good luck!

i think you shoul just say to your child that your meeting a new friend and leave it at that...no point confusing or upsetting your child ..when you find the one you want to send your child to then give your notice ....

If I were the child care provider I appreciate the fore warning and would understand and respect ur choice. As for bringing your daughter with you . Why not involve the child in the transition. I'm not expert but hope that helps

This theme is so important that i actually want to take mt child back to the another daycare on Ontario