Parent Wants Short Naps

I have a 13 month old girl who is not a very good napper. I’ve recently got her sleeping in her own playpen in her own room away from everyone else because she is a screamer. This room has blackout curtains, & a white noise machine. When I put her down around 12:30-1, she sometimes screams for about 30 minutes, then only sleeps for about 30 minutes before she’s up crying again. I usually let her cry a bit after that & she does go back to sleep on her own. I have 3 Two year olds who also take some time to fall asleep, & usually fall asleep around 1-1:30. Lately I have been finally able to get her to sleep for about an hour & a half, sometimes 2 hours depending on when she falls asleep. We do have a strict nap/rest policy here, & for 45 minutes leading up to nap time there is also a consistent routine so everyone knows what to expect & what time it is. My other children don’t put up a fuss about having to “rest” because they know there is no alternative. Everyone rests.

This morning the mom of the 13 month old girl asked me if I could not let her sleep past an hour because she’s hard to put to sleep after. I didn’t really respond because I wanted to think of a reasonable response before I just agreed. The thing is, is that if I did do this she would just be coming out as everyone else is just falling asleep. Usually by the time everyone is all asleep at the same time I’m just getting a chance to eat my lunch & have my break. If I woke her up or let her out after her first sleep cycle, then I get about a 10 minute break (15 if I’m lucky). Also, when I used to take her out after only sleeping for 30 minutes she is quite cranky & makes the afternoon difficult for everyone because she is still tired.

I also know that there isn’t much of a routine at home & she “runs the show” at home from what I understand. I’m almost certain her lack of routine at home is the reason she’s hard to get to sleep at night because mom never lets her cry. She is picked up each time she whines, cries, or becomes remotely upset. She is not able to self-soothe & after having her for over a month I am just beginning to get her on a routine & begin to self-soothe (only a tiny bit, but some progress is better than nothing). I have also had problems with this parent expecting me to prioritize the needs of her one child over the needs of everyone which I did not put up with. I made it clear that this is a group setting & I will not prioritize the needs of one child over the needs of others.

What would you recommend I do/say here?

A simple "I don't wake sleeping toddlers. If she happens to wake on her own around that 1hr mark I will get her up but I cannot wake her up as sleep is a need, and is crucial to brain development and health".

Make it about why the CHILD needs sleep, not why you need her to sleep. Don't mention the other children, if this mom shows signs of her child being the only one that matters stick to reasons for the child.

13months is WAY too young to be depriving of sleep in false hopes of better night sleeps.

Just an update: I did text a long respectful explanation of why I will not wake children from naps & all I got back was an “ok”. 5 minutes later she texts back “what time are you putting kids for naps again?” She knows when, we talk about the schedule often so not sure where this is coming from.

I once had a family. Really sweet family but the child ran the show (14months old). The family never slept as the child never slept. One morning the somewhat proudly (???) Announced how the dad got NO sleep as the onky way the child would sleep was on dad, with dad sitting up in a chair with the childs finger IN his belly button). Sigh.

Anyways once adjusted this child SLEPT for me. Then they asked me to shorten her naps so she would sleep better at home. I merely, nicely asked "hmm do you find she sleeps better on weekends when she has not napped fpr you?" Pause. No not at all. "Ok, well I would be very concerned about cutting her sleep back here as she clearly needs the sleep and sleep is so crucial etc etc"

Later that night they messaged me asking me to push the sleep at my place so she was getting as much as she could. This child slept 45min after arriving in morning (2hr nap) then a 2-3hr nap after lunch. They were a smart family, but somehow trapped in a crappy sleep situation, but i did appreciate that they respected the childs need for sleep...even if they aid me to let the child sleep since they couldnt make it happen lol.

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Originally Posted by Lee-Bee

but i did appreciate that they respected the childs need for sleep...even if they aid me to let the child sleep since they couldnt make it happen lol.

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I wish I could have this type of mutual relationship between my little DCG’s parents & myself. I have 4 children during the day & she’s the one of all that needs it the most. I have a set of twins & their parents fully entrust me with caring for their children & never ask any special requests of me, as they know I know what I’m doing & don’t have a problem with the way I run my HDC. The DCG’s parents on the other hand want me to keep doing the same things that they do at home. For example, when she first started mom wanted me to rock her to sleep & hold her for a few minutes before putting her down. I have made some slight improvements with this family, but this one request just had me feeling like we’re back at square one. When mom picked her up the other day, I could tell that she was really PO’d with me as she barely looked at me or spoke to me. I told my husband yesterday over dinner that I have a feeling this is going to be an issue for her mom, & I have a feeling her notice is coming since grandma is fully willing & ready to take DCG whenever mom needs.

To view things better, I usually see it from both sides (that helps me to do an unbiased judgment) so, sometimes I think as a provider and sometimes as a parent.

And yes, I respect every child uniqueness (each develop differently, and some have more needs than others)

I have a good communication with the parents, which is really important in raising a child together. I everyday ask how their child slept (because that will help me to know , what kind of day I'll have ahead).

As soon as a parents tell me that a three year old is going late to bed then the naps get shorter aND eventually no nap (working towards transactionin to go to school), if toddlers are having difficulty going to bed at night then it is time to change the schedule and put them to nap earlier so they're tired at night bed time (usually 6:30 7:00 they're sleeping through the night).

If a baby finds difficult to sleep or is weating up at mid night full of energy, then is a sign to 1. Slowly transition to only one nap. Or 2. Suggest to parents to do it.

If only having one long nap interferes with their night sleep then definitely the schedule in daycare changes (putting then to sleep earlier).

My program is tailoring each child's needs not a parents demand or neither my own need. When everything goes smootH everyone is happy. And obviously there isn't a need to think that they will pull their child because parents request weren't followed. You did your best and that's what it counts.

Happy kids, happy parents.

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Originally Posted by Peacefulbird

I everyday ask how their child slept (because that will help me to know , what kind of day I'll have ahead).

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This is also something I ask both of my families on a daily basis. This is how I know the problem is most likely from a lack of routine at home. They brought her to the interview & told me flat out that she is in fact a “bad napper”. When she first started she didn’t nap long (which was also about an hour long) & mom would say she was having a hard time at night because she would be so tired when picked up that she would fall asleep on the way home & push bedtime back. I specifically remember one day where she had a very short nap & the next day mom was showing me a video of DCG hyper goofing around in her crib at 10pm unable to sleep, which also tells me it’s a lack of routine.

Also, while it would be great if every child that comes into my HDC could maintain their home routines here, that is not likely here. I cannot alter the schedule & routine for one child only. If I’m finding that what I’m doing is not working for everybody then yes of course changes will be made (as it would be clear that whatever it is I’m doing is not working). To put her for a nap earlier would mean the schedule for the HDC would have to be adjusted from 11-2, & would also mean changes for everybody.

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To put her for a nap earlier would mean the schedule for the HDC would have to be adjusted from 11-2, & would also mean changes for everybody.

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I know 11-2 is not your regular nap time but do you normally have a three hour long rest period? That's an awfully long time. Two hours is more common.

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Originally Posted by Suzie_Homemaker

Two hours is more common.

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We do have 2 hour test period. It is from 12:30/45-2:30. We have our lunch right at 12. I said 11-2 because around 10:45-11:15 we are outside before coming in to begin our lunch time routine. To accommodate an earlier anything between those hours, everything prior to that also has to change.

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Originally Posted by Suzie_Homemaker

I know 11-2 is not your regular nap time but do you normally have a three hour long rest period? That's an awfully long time. Two hours is more common.

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Exactly, 3 hrs nap seems too long. I have boys and we really do a lot phisical activities even so the toddlers just nap a max. Of 2 hrs.

I'm currently searching the nap regulations in the government documents. I just started with a preschooler who's past caregiver has convinced the parents that this child must remain in her cot for the whole time when the others nap. Isnt that inhumane? Poor child.

I remember the regulations (applied in centres) are that you can keep a child in her cot for a max. Of 20 minutes if longer then that's considered negligence and child abuse. A child cannot be forced to remain quiet, due to this abuse the poor toddler had been sucking her thumb and it has a big callous on it really big (imagine her anxiety for wanting to move around and had been not allowed:0 ( her thumb is damaged.

I think, I should pass this inf. To parents.

Children cannot be forced to sleep or stay still while others nap (there is a big misunderstanding, parents must know that, no child should be forced). It is ok to offer quiet activities. After 20 min. When the child coulnt sleep. (But also when this happens, it is a sign that the child is transitioning giving up their nap time, parents should be informed and we work towards making sure the child has enough sleep at night).

I'm not sure where or how originated the idea of "children staying in beds/cots while the others nap". I do understand we also need our break (which 15 to 20 minutes works perfectly) but, 2 hours (what kind of job allows that?). Maybe if you work only with babies and younger toddlers but, we all know the majority of us work with stagered or mixed ages.

Home childcare is changing and our programs need to step up. No longer it is considered "just a mom looking after kids while doing her house work too", now we have strong regulations, very well informed parents, the new generation of parents look for knowledgeable, experienced caregivers. The ministry of education is using every social media channel possibly to educate and inform new parents, many homedaycares now offer enriched programs, and proffesionalism is valuated.

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Originally Posted by Peacefulbird

Exactly, 3 hrs nap seems too long".

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You’re all correct, 3 hours is too long, & I like I mentioned above in my HDC it’s 2 hours, not 3.

Just let the child sleep as long as she needs to. Perhaps after 2.5-3 hours, I check on them and start making noise to wake them up naturally. Young children need lots of sleep for their developing brains.

Small children perfectly fall asleep to the monotonous sounds such as the hum of a vacuum cleaner, a hair dryer, to the sound of water or a lullaby without words.

Find the right music or sound and turn it on every time you put the baby on the bed. Only the sound should be barely audible so as not to interrupt children's sleep and not wake the falling asleep crumb.