Mom wants her potty trained... she does NOT want to!

Hi everyone! :)

One of my DCK is 2 and a half years old. Her mom has just started potty training her at home and been committed to it for about a week. She says her daughter will go on the potty at home no problem, and that she wants me to start putting her daughter on the potty here too.

To me it's no problem to potty train a child, I'm just about done potty training my own daughter, who is going to be three in August.

This one DCG wants nothing to do with the potty though. I ask her all the time if she'd like to sit on the potty, and she always shakes her head and says no (she doesn't say many words -- this could be due to the fact that mostly Spanish is spoken at home). I tell her that I will give her one of the Barbie tattoos her mom dropped off for her if she goes on the potty, but she is still in no way interested.

I know that this is a sensitive DCG and if I try to force her to sit on the potty she will cry, and I don't want to force it, you know?

Yesterday her mom asked how she did on the potty and I was totally honest, I said she wouldn't go on it at all. She wants me to keep trying though.

Any suggestions as to how to make going potty more desirable for this sweetie? Thanks everyone! :D

I never ASK a child if they need to go. I tell all my children (even the 4 year old) when to go. We have set times that we all take turns going potty. If they need to go in between those times then they go but I would never ask.

Just say - Potty Time in a singing voice. Sit her down and sit beside her. Play a game of this little piggy on her toes. If she goes great, if not then no biggy. Off you go and continue on with your day.

I won't force a child who is visibly upset at sitting on the toilet but I agree with mickyc. I don't ask a child if they want to go but rather tell them it's potty time. I have always had kids close in age so there are usually a few training at one time and I leave the hesitant one to last because by the time they have seen their friend(s) use the potty and how excited we get when they go, they want to participate too! In the beginning (the training part), I put them on the potty once every hour and gradually increase the time between. They are told all the time to tell me when they need to go because they are now a big boy/girl and we don't want to pee in our pants! Once they are trained and in underwear, I don't put them on the potty as IMO, that is me trained not them. If they are in underwear it is up to them to go on their own and they have to be able to pull down and up their pants as well. If they can't do all of this, than they are not trained and can not be in underwear at my dc yet.

Some ideas to make potty time more exciting.....have potty books out so they can read/see the process, have a potty dance/song, put food colouring in the bowl to make the water "pretty", use stickers/tattoos as an incentive. I didn't intentionally do this to make it exciting but the kids love it....I bought a family seat (the one that has a child insert that goes up or down on the regular seat) and the child insert is a colourful one with some sort of design on it, I'm blanking on the design, and they love using the big toilet with this colourful seat.

I also tell the kids when they are going to take a turn on the potty just as I call each of the toddlers for their turn for diaper changes. They are too busy playing to think about potty or the need to go. In most cases they prefer not to waste time going to the potty. This kind of distraction doesn't exist at home. When a child tells mom they have to pee she drops everything and goes with them giving child her undivided attention. When they say at daycare they have to pee we expect them to leave the toys, leave their friends, go to the potty and while I help them on as necessary I often have to scoot back to playroom to check on others, etc.

Again as I said in another toilet training post, if a child can not verbalize their need to go then they are not ready. Mom also needs to toilet train in English exclusively IMHO. If there is already a language barrier it's only going to make things harder so if she did it in English at home you may see a difference. Don't ask her to go, take her by the hand and lead her to the potty. Make sure that every success is praised and work on your potty dance ;)

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Originally Posted by luppernoodle

I always told my parents I DON'T FORCE kids to do what they don't want to do and if toilet training is so important to them, to take a week off work and do it at home, otherwise, nope.

Also, remind her that you forcing her child to sit on a potty can be inferred as child abuse and the law expressly prohibits you from using any form of physical force with a child and that INCLUDES making them sit on a potty when they don't want to. Centers don't do it for that EXACT reason.

If she insists you train her daughter, tell her that you will offer her daughter an opportunity to sit on the potty and if she says no, it's no so don't forget to send pull ups.

They are doing it only because they don't want to spend money on diapers after the age of two, not what's best for their child. Kinda eats into their wine budget. :laugh:

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Thanks for your reply but I honestly think that's such a bad attitude to have about parents. This girl's mom is a hard working lady, a great mom, and she certainly isn't trying to potty train her child so she can use the money spent on diapers on wine or other alcoholic beverages. I get that you were probably joking, but honestly it just looks snarky.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by luppernoodle

I always told my parents I DON'T FORCE kids to do what they don't want to do and if toilet training is so important to them, to take a week off work and do it at home, otherwise, nope.

Also, remind her that you forcing her child to sit on a potty can be inferred as child abuse and the law expressly prohibits you from using any form of physical force with a child and that INCLUDES making them sit on a potty when they don't want to. Centers don't do it for that EXACT reason.

If she insists you train her daughter, tell her that you will offer her daughter an opportunity to sit on the potty and if she says no, it's no so don't forget to send pull ups.

They are doing it only because they don't want to spend money on diapers after the age of two, not what's best for their child. Kinda eats into their wine budget. :laugh:

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How do you get through a day then? I force kids to do what they don't want to do all day long. They don't want a diaper change but they get one...even if I have to hold them down. They don't want to nap but they have too. They don't want to share, wait their turn, put the toy away, put their shoes on.

I think there is a huge difference between using physical force and forcing a child to do something. I hold kids down to change their diapers (put shoes on etc)...it's not child abuse. Children's Aid would have a bigger issue with my NOT changing the child's diaper all day (because they wanted to play) then making them lie down so I can. I am meeting the child's need by making them allow me to change them. They are kids they just want to play and get their way/ They should not to be in control of such decisions.

I'm not supporting forcing a child under age 2 to toilet train when they clearly aren't ready...but I see nothing wrong with making a child use the potty when I tell them too.

Hmm... I have a little guy who is almost three and has been ready to potty train for months but the parents didn't take the initiative until recently. Mom stayed at home with him for an extra long weekend (four days) and he picked it up super quickly.
When he came to daycare in his underwear he had at least one poop accident per day because I wasn't sure how much to force him to sit on the potty. After a week and a half of poop accidents every day I had to get firm with him. The first day I put him on the potty at the time he was having his accident. He cried, whined, insisted that he didn't have to go and put on a huge performance, but I told him he couldn't play with his friends until he pooped and you know what? He did! It took him sitting on the potty for a good 20 minutes going through his whole performance and me basically ignoring it and repeating at intervals that he couldn't play with his friends until he pooped. I had told mom the day before that I was going to get a bit less forgiving about his accidents and firm up in my approach and she was on board - but that's the kind of parent she is ... I have other families to whom I would never suggest that approach as I know they would think me a monster.
It has been two weeks since my new approach and he hasn't had any accidents (!!). He still protests when it's his poop time but he knows it's not negotiable.
I'm not suggesting that this approach will necessarily work for your little girl, but maybe talk to mom and see what she suggests you do? If the child completely resists potty training then it's because you were following mom's advice.
My point is that some providers have a black and white way of approaching potty training but most parents are just doing the best they can and I feel like it's my job to support them through the process by shadowing their approach but I also make my limits clear. In the case if the little guy in my example I told mom that if there was no improvement within a week he would have to wear pull-ups.
Good luck! I hate potty training!!!

I put the children on the potty before we go out in the morning, before and after nap and I call it TOILET PRACTICE. I agree with the ladies who said that once children know that they have to go to the toilet, then it's training and I'll give 100% to drop everything if they tell me they need to go. But I also demand that the parents do the work at home and the children remain in diapers or other coverage at daycare until they know what is happening for sure.