Caring for friends children

Currently I only have a friends 2 children in my care. I will never do daycare for family or friends again. I’m having issues with the fact that she almost feels like she can do whatever she wants regardless of what was signed in the contract and I have let a few policies slide since we are friends and it really hasn’t been much of an issue until as of recently. For example on Friday she was 45 mins late for pick up. She thinks it’s okay to just send me a texts at 5:05 when pick up is 5:00 saying running late just leaving work now. I get things happen and I’m a very understanding person but we had a prior engagement which required me to be gone the moment they were picked up at 5 so I could make my appointment. They have planned a trip since the beginning of last year and I have been told numerous times that this week I would be off since they were gone. She then decides to tell me on Wednesday that they will actually be bringing the kids into care on Monday bc the flight isn’t until Tuesday night. I mean I’m not rocket scientist but if you’ve been planning to have this week off you’ve booked it off work so she isn’t even working today. I should have spoke up and said no but bc she’s a friend and I had a dentist appointment I could rescheduled so I just accepted. But after talking with a few friends and family they have all said she’s taking advantage of our friendship and using me and that wouldn’t be accepted at any other daycare. Which I agree. I’m just starting to feel used and that she feels she runs the show around here because I have let it happen out of care for our friendship but she obviously doesn’t respect me or the friendship enough if she’s doing the things she’s doing. Just wondering how I should approach this? Maybe refresh the contract and have her look over it again for a refresher?

I don’t do friends or neighbours or family as clients. The lines seem to get blurred too much. Usually the provider ends up getting taken advantage of. The same policies need to apply for all with no exceptions because of your relationship dynamics. It’s difficult to enforce as you often get the guilt trip from the other person.
Make sure you have a hefty late pickup fee in place, and that the hours of contracted attendance are clearly outlined in the contract. I charge $20 per each part of a 1/2 hour, so if the pickup was 45 minutes late, then late fees have now extended into the next 1/2 hour, so $40 late pickup per child.
There is no reason to be late, unless there’s a car accident or major weather event. I make all my parents have at least 2 backup pickup people, and I start calling the backups immediately.
As far as vacation, parents can book a vacation a year in advance, and plans may change. I ask for 24-48 hours notice if vacation or absence will occur( unless due to fast onset illness)
Make sure your contract is clear and outlines all policies/consequences. Then verbally go over it again and have her sign again if you revised policies. Make it clear that violating the contract will result in termination. You’ve got to put on your business hat and forget the relationship.
If it happens again, then terminate care.

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Originally Posted by momma2two

Just wondering how I should approach this? Maybe refresh the contract and have her look over it again for a refresher?

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You have to approach this as a business. This is not personal. With regards to you caring for her children, she is not your friend. She is a client and she has to understand that your policies will stand.

I will not take the child of someone I know personally. Period. While we hope things will be great, often times, with the lines blurred between client and friend, things do not work out.

Going forward, you have no option now but to sit down with her and be clear. Tell her that you really value her friendship but the lines are blurred between the hours of the day that she is a client. Tell her straight that it's not okay to message 5 mins after you have closed to say she is just setting out from her work place and that any other client would have been told to bring the late collection fee or to send an alternative adult to pick up before closing time. Be honest with her - tell her that due to this, you missed a scheduled appointment.

Review the contract with her, be clear that as a client, the contract does apply to her. And if she isn't able to follow the agreement, then like any other client, you have no option but to end the agreement for care.

In reality, this is going to destroy your friendship since you've been informed that she can take advantage of people. But it's not going to get better either. You either rip the band-aid off and have a painful conversation and minimize the amount of advantage she takes or you peel it off slowly, letting her continue to push the boundaries until you snap. Either way, the friendship is likely gone or at least damaged and you both withdraw from each other.

If you have to let her go - and it will come to it whether you do it now or later - it is not your issue if she won't be accepted at any other day care. Do not let her make you feel guilty about her parenting issues. If you think you feel used now, give it another 6 months and see how awful and resentful you feel because this will continue.

My late fees are $1 a minute and there is no grace period. If a client is 2 mins late, I want $2.00. I used to have my late collection fees as $15 for 15 mins late but then had someone come 13 mins late and claim not to owe anything because it wasn't a full 15 mins. So I changed it and made it clear it was by the minute.

Do you have late collection fees?

Hi. I have cared for neighbours and friends children. Never had a problem (and I have a very short point form contract:0). I personally think lines get crossed when we tell or show our work isn't important to us. I always treated both sides (friends/neighbours and my work) as two totally different things. My friends know how dedicated and seriously I take my job (never complied or told personal things of my clients, etc just for simply ethics, even when someone asks, I usually answer that due to my big responsibility towards families and their children I can't discuss or share).

My friends know how hard I work how I really put my 100% for my group of children. Therefore, they (my friends "wouldn't" trust anyone else, even when I told them that there are many providers that are trustworthy and care about their job seriously), the fact of me accepting their children into my care is basically taken under the concept that they have been really lucky to be chosen or privileged (they know I have a long waiting list) so, my experiences were absolutely different. I got respected first as professional in my field and second as a person.

I think the lines get crossed when we share either too much about our work or when we do not show seriousness in our job.