My own daughter - HELP!!

Okay so this is a little OT but i guess not really as she is a child in my care!lol
My daughter will be 4 in june. She has been daytime toilet trained for 2 years now (still wets at night but comes from 2 bedwetters)
She pooped in her diaper in the mornings until december
At christmas I told her After Santa comes no more pooping in her diaper. prepped her for like a month with this and it worked!!!! Until 2 weeks ago. she started again.
I know she has difficult BM's and i suppose the position in her pull-up is more comfortable than a toilet but i am so tired of it. She still poops on the toilet occasionally if she has to go during the day.
I have tried every approach (as a mom some possibly frowned upon) Ive tried kindness, bribery, never anger or punishment but I've even let her stay in it for like 30-40 min and nothing is working.
I need advice please I know she CAN use the toilet but how do i get her to do it!!!!

Have you tried putting her in underwear at night and taking her for a pee before you go to bed? That way when she wakes up in the morning theres a good chance of her being dry and shes got no diaper to poop in.

oh yes we have tried no diaper at sleep and I've gone in at 2 am to take her pee , the potty is right beside her bed and she is just laying in her own pee fast asleep. apparently one either has the chemical to wake up you to pee or you don't. my hubby and i were bot wetters so i don't see her being dry for a while still and having DCK's in the am doesn't allow for bath and sheet chaining and laundry and all that....Thank you for your suggestion though it would make sense.

My son was a bad bed wetter and I do believe that when the odds are already against the child as you explained likely due to you and your husband, I think the pull up just makes it worse. It's already difficult for her but the pull up still gives her a free pass. Yes underwear is messy when accidents happen but by not allowing these accidents to happen I think it increases the problem.

Yes you have daycare kids in the morning but if you are organized then it's doable. It's a pain in the ass but I think it will probably help her more in the long run versus just waiting it out in the hopes she will just grow out of it I suppose. Have spare sheets ready next to her bed and the washer empty and ready to go, get her up 30 minutes earlier and shower her. My son had upwards of 6 accidents a day till grade 1 and 50% of the time had an accident in bed. You will very quickly be able to get her in and out of the shower cleaned in 5 minutes. Mornings are busy but with good planning is not that big of a deal just a bit more hassle but it is in the best interests of your child. I don't believe in telling a child off for accidents but don't down play it either. While she likely isn't doing it on purpose it still isn't okay so there needs to be some communication to her about this which is not "it's okay it's just an accident" if this is happening regular. She needs to be more concious of the signs that she needs to go. It's one thing not to wake up to pee due to what you were saying but pooping is not the same.

Is she waking up having already pooped, or waking and pooping? If it's the latter then I would go and wake her a few minutes before she typically wakes and put her on the potty and have her stay till she poops.

If she wakes with a poop, does she have the motor control to remove diaper and clean herself up? Right now the pooping in the diaper benefits her and leaves you with a mess to clean up. If you can take the benefit away and leave her in charge of the clean up she may soon learn it is easier to poop on the toilet/potty.

I have not had a chronic bed wetter so I am not speaking from experience just making a suggestion .... What about getting a large water proof pad (a change pad but a big one) and putting it in her bed on top of the sheet and put her in the thick underwear with a plastic pant over top ..... This way you can stop the leaks as much as possible but she can still feel the wetness in hopes of it beginnibg to wake her up and then no fluids at all after 6 pm and just a sip of water when brushing teeth and of course a pee before bed. This is what I would try.

According to my doctor (and personal experience with 3 kids), if her body isn't ready to hold her urine at night, it's just not going to happen even if you take her pull-up off. Why make yourself crazy dealing with the inevitable accidents? As for the poo, if she is waking up and then pooping try to get her up and on the potty to beat her to the punch. If she is pooping while she is still sleeping or groggy, maybe her BM are difficult to the point that only when her body completely relaxed is she able to go. If that's the case, I would speak to your dr about upping her fibre / water to make the stools softer and easier to pass.

So she is up and awake when she is pooping?

Maybe I am wrong in saying this but I think it is time to get angry and give punishment. If she is doing it in her diaper while fully awake and conscious of what she is doing then you need to get on her. She knows better.

Have you talked to the doctor about her peeing at night? I would limit fluids after supper and take her to the bathroom before bed. Also don't ask, just tell her to go. The second you get up in the morning it is straight to the toilet.

she is fully awake when pooping in the pull-up. She loves her chocolate milk as a treat and I have now told her that she doesn't get chic milk until she starts going in the toilet again. arghhh so frustrating

I would do as the other ladies suggested, wake her up a little early and sit her on the toilet. Also, the rest of the day I would sit her on the toilet after meals. When my son was having BM issues, the doctor told us to do this.