New Her with a Question

Hi everyone! I found this site a couple of weeks ago and have been looking around for all kinds of advice. I am new to the home daycare thing but I have been a teacher for a number of years, however we recently moved provinces and when we did, I changed careers.

My question is I just started a little guy (16mos) who has NEVER been away from mom and dad. He screams all day (so much that he makes himself gag on a regular basis). I can't hold him or sit with him without him screaming. It doesn't matter what I do. This is only his second day so I know I have to give it time, but just thought I would ask for advice.

The other thing is that he does not eat food, he gets formula bottles every three hours. I find this strange at 16 months, but I haven't had this age around the house for a while. Yesterday, he didn't nap AT ALL and he wouldn't take a bottle from me. So by the end of the day, we were all exhausted (myself, my son and my two other dc kids).

Any advice? Thanks for listening!

Sounds like he is not daycare ready. Have you talked to the parents about his crying or asked if there is a feeding issue?

Oh my! That sounds tough! I agree with the no food thing, so strange. Have you talked to the mom about it? Does he eat at home?

I find going for walks seems to help some kids, fresh air & distraction.

I had a child cry for almost 6 weeks, every single day...but she ate & slept, eventually the crying just stopped one day. I went about my day and reassured her regularly...she eventually adjusted and is now one of the easiest going children.

Earplugs maybe? :p

I am going to talk to dad when he picks him up about dcb eating with the other kids and bottles at bedtime (which is in my contract). There is no feeding issue, just mom and dad being first time parents and overprotective. Possibly a culture thing as well? I'm not too sure. My husband just came home for lunch and the little guy is sitting on his Lap - crying and gaging - with toys scattered around.

I guess I'm just hoping it get better . . . And soon cause I'm not sure my hearing can take it any longer. :unsure:

Holy frack! He just went to sleep! :woot: he was standing between my legs and I was rubbing his back while he laid his head on my lap and cried. I was talking with my husband and looked down to see that he was sobbing with his eyes closed! So I took him to his crib and managed to lay him down without him waking up! Success on a Friday feels so good!

excellent!! so glad he is going to sleep for you!

My advice is some kids will take longer to transition. I have usually had kids transitioned by 2 weeks. The last little boy I took transitioned for almost 4 weeks! The extra long transition was likely because not only was he transitioning into daycare for the first time but we transitioned him off soothers and bottles at the same time. I would have suggested that was done before starting daycare but it was a very short amount of time between my interview and them starting care.

It does get better it is just a matter of how long can you put up with the constant crying. I did terminate a boy once after the 3rd day of blood curdling screaming!

As for the eating this is something in my contract. I only allow bottles after mealtime and they must be weaned off by 18 months at the latest. There is no reason a child at 16 months should need a bottle every 3 hours.

I would let the parents know what is going on at daycare. I would let them know what I am doing here (not always holding him, letting him cry for a bit, encouraging him to play etc) and ask them how they do things at home. If they are doing things that are "babying" him, I would politely and kindly ask that they try to do things another way. I would let them know that if he doesn't settle within 2-4 weeks (whatever your tolerance will be) that they will have to find alternate care. I find parents are more willing to change their habits if they know that they will be faced with termination.

I used to try to work with the parents as much as I could. This worked for me for the first group I had, the 2nd group I had was unreal when it came to parenting and now I'm onto my 3rd group and am more firm about what goes on at daycare and letting them know that they need to work with me. My first group of parents consisted of "older" moms and they were fantastic, the 2nd and 3rd group is all new parents and I sometimes feel very frustrated with them. I definitely know that there are some things as a caregiver that I don't get a say in but I am being more firm on what I expect in my home and what I expect for them to do at home to allow their child a more enjoyable daycare experience.

Usually children are eating very small chunks of all kinds of food all by themselves by the time they are 10 months of age or so. This child is still having an awful lot of milk by the sound of it and needs proper nutrition. I've never had a 16 month old child on more than a very small naptime bottle and usually they are weaned to a sippy cup by a year of age. So all of that is very strange. Hopefully you can gently talk to the parents about changing all of this.

As for the screaming, talk to the parents about NOT picking up their child every time he makes a sound and giving him time to learn to self-soothe. It's very important. I'm so glad he napped for you and you found a little bit of progress!

16 months and no food ???? No child should be on a bottle after 12 months of age unless for a medical reason. Put his fluid (water/ milk ) in a sippy cup and give him real food on his tray .... It will take time for him to adjust but you should see some improvement with in two weeks as he become familiar with you and his new surroundings .... He will get used to your routine and it will get better. But really have a discussion with the parents and say he needs to be chewing his meals instead of drinking them and he needs to be on a sippy cup instead of a bottle ... It's poor for their teeth.

I do not get the bottle thing !! I have a dcg who came with 5 milk bottles , wouldn't eat at all ! Very undersized and under developed , bowed legs even !! Then dcm arrives and says dr instructed her to use allergy formula . Slowly but surely we have both worked on real food ( although mom send everything processed ) but she will now eat healthy lunches and snacks !! She is a horrid sleeper at night , took us quite awhile to get her napping here !! But today I put everyone in one nap room and have been laying her down when she gets up and she is asleep !! Yay !!
All of that to say , it takes time and oh so much patience !!!
I hope he transitions quick for you !!!