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I have a 3.5-year-old DCK who hits more than once a day. Just starting out with him, so want to get it under control now. I think the causes vary somewhat. Sometimes it's because of frustration of not getting a toy from another child. But then sometimes he'll just walk past and hit or push another child. 50-50 on whether I'm right there or not when it happens (sometimes it seems to be attention since I'm right there and he looks at me for the reaction, but sometimes not). What to do?
Has he been at another daycare and was he terminated because of his bad behaviour? I would have asked those kinds of questions at the interview so I hope you know the answers. Our answers are always the same - talk to the parents and find out if he behaves this way at home and what kind of discipline or wording they use. I think it's really important for us to work with the parents as a team to correct behaviour. In fact, I insist upon it. But I'm the secondary caregiver and seeing things in a group setting so I explain that to the parents.
Has been at another daycare and parents chose to move him (other reasons as well). I have spoken with parents and they see some of it at home and are running out of strategies that work, so we're both looking for an effective approach.
Well, I can tell you what I do just as an example. A few minutes ago I had a 23 month old girl hitting a 2 year old boy (yes, she's feisty and tiny) because he was invading her fort. I made her stop and hold my hands and look at me and I told her that her hands have to be nice to her friends and she hugged him and said sorry.
Who knows what you little guy got away with at the other daycare or if other children were hitting him but you can probably get some hints about that from the parents. Maybe he's really confused and angry at the change and acting out and it will stop very soon. I hope so for everyone's sake.
Some children do not react well to big changes in their lives. If you put yourself at his perspective and think about how he must feel and try to talk to him at his level about being nice and having gentle hands with others hopefully it will help. Otherwise, you're going to be disciplining him until he gets it or you terminate but never cave in and whatever discipline you choose keep at it consistently. It's worked great for me for 5 years at my daycare.
As soon as a problem arises, like it is now with my spunky girl who just started hitting recently I nip it in the bud quickly. She's so done with the little boy who doesn't understand other people's space or socialize well. Whole other story!
I have a zero tollerance policy for violence so he would be out. I don't work with kids who are violent. He's WAY WAY WAY too old to have such a limited amount of self control. My other parents would be furious if a new kid came in and put their hands on one of my kids. I would loose my other clients so it wouldn't be worth it.
I am very specific when I interview that I don't tolerate hitting, fighting, biteing, etc. If the child has a history of it the parents just don't enroll them.
As a parent who has a child that hits (5 yrs old) I can tell you that years and years of trying to figure it out why, lead us to a issue of sensory and problems with personal space and autism. I WISH WISH my daycare provider would have been knowledgeable in sensing out the real root of the issue and not just that she is a violent kids CAUSE she isnt.
Hitting and lashing out at that older age is usually a sign of something else, not just violent behavior. My daughter was using it has a coping method to PURPOSELY get in trouble so she could be sent for a time out because she couldnt vocalize that she was feeling overwhelmed and pressure from people around her. Its a strategy she learned from a early age that if she does it, she gets removed and gets to have her breathing space.
We now have taught her that she must not lay her hands on anyone and if she wants space she has every right to take a 5 min cool down and step away to her special spot until she can regain composure and join the kids again.
I also have 0 tolerance for violence. At his age he is definitely able to know right from wrong. Few months ago I had a 3 year old boy start here. He lasted 2 days because he hit the other kids and didn't think he had to follow my rules and told me that he doesnt have to listen to his mom so he sure wasn't going to listen to me.
It's hard for parents to work on these issues at home when a lot of times they have no siblings where at daycare there more kids around. Good luck I hope you can straighten him out!
It's not the job of a child care provider to find out the real root of the issue. A child care provider should not be put in that position. It's the parents responsibility.Quote:
Originally Posted by MeMe
Now if a child care provider WANTS to provide the service of dealing with violence then YES. As long as she is upfront with all of her clients that she offers the service of dealing with violence so THEY know their child will have a high probability of being aggressed upon...
I don't offer that service. My day care parents really wouldn't care what the root of the violence is. They would want to know whether or not their kid was going to be hit. They are purchasing a "zero tolerance" service and they want that every day.
I'm not trained to manage violence. I don't have the skill set nor the desire to work with children who are violent. I know my limits and that is one for sure. A parent with a child who acts out physically would never choose me because I'm not equipped to manage it and I couldn't find a client base who would allow it.
Momof4, what forms of discipline have you tried / would you recommend in this case? Thanks!Quote:
Originally Posted by Momof4
DCMom, honestly, I would talk daily face to face with a 3.5 year old as problems arise because they are old enough to understand what you are saying and if they can behave well and don't have big problems they will behave better after learning that you won't put up with bad behaviour. CONSISTENCY & NEVER CAVING IN, that's the key!!!
I would put myself in the child's position right now as wondering why the heck everything in his life has recently changed and why he is with you and how to behave and what the boundaries are at this new place and how much he can push his limits, you know? Then I would be firm with him but with kindness and understanding and tell him that it is completely unacceptable for him to hit or behave badly at your home and encourage him to be nice to his new friends.
That's how I would start out for a few weeks with kindness and understanding and caring, then if he still acts out I would start worrying about a serious problem and begin to give him time outs for bad behaviour and punishments. Definitely talk to his parents and get their opinions on how they discipline him at home and if anything you see is happening a home. We see the children in a group setting and we are therefore preparing them to socialize when they start school and for the rest of their lives so what we observe is really important. If a child is the only one at home it's a completely different story and we have to educate the parents about that fact.