Teenage Daughter vent

This is just a vent because my normally good relationship with my teen daughter seems to be on thin ice lately and I can't stand the feeling. She recently decided to end a long relationship with a boy she loved a lot but she realized would not be right for long term.
I find when I say ANYthing she takes it the wrong way. For instance when she told me she decided to end the relationship (this past monday) I simply said that her dad and I were hoping she would. I meant it as a support and that we agreed. But she burst out crying that she isn't doing it for US. Good grief. If I open my mouth at all I have to be so careful. I'm glad she's had this experience tho to take with her to university in the sea of boys there. Teenagers can make us feel so crappy and I have trouble expressing my intent. Guess I'll just bite my tongue. It's her first break up and I know she still cares for him. Parenting is hard!

I called it off with a boyfriend years ago and I felt sooo GUiLTY I wished he had called it off as I would have felt better and have a I SHOW HIM sort of attitude

so maybe just nod a lot when she is talking to you about it as she is still raw from all the emotions .....Good Luck and hang in there she will come out of it :)

To her it sounded like an "I told you so" which no one ever needs. To her it made it sound like it was about you and not her and her feelings, and that you "knew all along". Teenage emotions are hard...maybe a simple "Aw honey, how are you feeling?" would be an empathetic response next time :)

PS I am so glad she has called it off too!!!! so nod for me too:)

The biggest piece of advise I can give to anyone and everyone is to NEVER respond in a way that tells them you are happy or with their decision to end a relationship. Doesn't matter how bad the relationship was you NEVER say I am glad, or I have been hoping you would, or good for you.

BECAUSE if they change their mind and are back together the next day, week or month they will remember that you did not like that person. You then have made it so you are no longer a safe person to consult if the relationship that ended but restarted goes bad.

As others mentioned the best thing to do is to nod, hug, offer to listen more. Nothing judgmental, nothing that says it was a good or bad move. Just be there to listen.

Now...if it is a teenager you need to tread even more carefully. They already feel like the world is against them and their defenses will be up. Best you can do is try and remember they are inexperienced, scared and dealing with a lot of emotions. Best thing to do if be a safe, nonjudgemental person to vent to. Try not to take it personally when everything you do seems like it was wrong (even when it wasn't).

Good luck!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Lee-Bee

The biggest piece of advise I can give to anyone and everyone is to NEVER respond in a way that tells them you are happy or with their decision to end a relationship. Doesn't matter how bad the relationship was you NEVER say I am glad, or I have been hoping you would, or good for you.

BECAUSE if they change their mind and are back together the next day, week or month they will remember that you did not like that person. You then have made it so you are no longer a safe person to consult if the relationship that ended but restarted goes bad.

As others mentioned the best thing to do is to nod, hug, offer to listen more. Nothing judgmental, nothing that says it was a good or bad move. Just be there to listen.

Now...if it is a teenager you need to tread even more carefully. They already feel like the world is against them and their defenses will be up. Best you can do is try and remember they are inexperienced, scared and dealing with a lot of emotions. Best thing to do if be a safe, nonjudgemental person to vent to. Try not to take it personally when everything you do seems like it was wrong (even when it wasn't).

Good luck!!

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I see that now. I wish I could filter my thoughts and then words when emotions run high. I'm a good parent most of the time my teens tell me but I suck some times too. She asked me to help her shop for dorm stuff so not all is lost. I actually miss his presence too even tho I know he wouldn't be a good life mate. I'm proud she made such a hard decision.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ebhappydc

I see that now. I wish I could filter my thoughts and then words when emotions run high. I'm a good parent most of the time my teens tell me but I suck some times too. She asked me to help her shop for dorm stuff so not all is lost. I actually miss his presence too even tho I know he wouldn't be a good life mate. I'm proud she made such a hard decision.

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Oh I was by NO means implying you aren't a good parent! I think most people's reaction is to say something that makes it sound like breaking up was a good idea. It just seems like the right thing to say. But I long ago read somewhere how it isn't a good idea. Especially in cases of 'bad' relationships because when they get back together (which often happens) you are no longer a person they can confide in...which they NEED.

Have fun shopping for dorm stuff! Life is hard, moms get the brunt of the attitude from teens in these situations because you are a safe person. Just try and muddle your way through and in time your relationship is grow close and strong again :-)

Hi!

Be Calm, she will outgrow this, do not worry :rolleyes: