Forced Potty Training Too Soon

[ebhappydc]

I appreciate everyone's thoughts about this.

I don't have a potty outline; in all my years, it has always progressed naturally when the time has felt right with the child/parents, without issues. This did take me aback, so today I asked the mom how she expects the child to tell me he needs to go, plus I asked how she is training him verbally, so I can mirror. She agrees it will be a challenge given his lack of expression and that she'll let me know how it goes at home. I reminded her it's group care, and she understands; said he will be in pull-ups at daycare for however long I wish. Not sure how confusing that will be between home and here, but I can't change what she does at home - he is already in underwear on weekends, training..... i didn't ask how much laundry she has been doing....

I do assist all my daycare children in the bathroom with wiping for thoroughness, and pulling up pants (who invented Skinny jeans for toddlers?). Luckily the bthrm is adjacent to daycare rooms and i can see all rooms easily.

I'm going to encourage him as much as possible to keep the ball rolling if she makes progress at home. I have a really great group of kids, but this guy has to put up with being pushed to the back of the line so to speak (survival of the fittest right?) in many cases. I've seen he does have patience and determination so who knows how his thoughts are with potty training. All i need is a great big point to his diaper and grunt and i'll stick him on the potty. If he has success, great, i'll build on that and I can wait for his coordination to catch up. If he doesn't after a few days, then it will become obvious it's too early.

Will keep you posted... not sure if it's next week or week after she's got him booked for potty boot camp....

[ebhappydc]

Child was picked up today and mom said "see ya after next weekend!" I told her if it turns out he's not ready to just bring him back any time during the week.... response "oh no. I'm not a quitter; this is totally happening."
And there you have it.
luckily she's a positive mom. I guess we'll see!

[ebhappydc]

Update: Little guy came back this past Tuesday (in pullups at daycare) and I’m happy to say he does have control over his pees on the potty during our washroom breaks, and stays dry until our break times. However, he does not tell me he has to go and I do have to help with his pants more than I normally would (the older kids just need help pulling everything straight so the pants aren’t off to the side) . I need to lift him to reach the faucet – there isn’t a footstool high enough…. He is wearing comfy pants now, so it’s all quick and he is trying so hard to help with his clothes. … When he’s done, he gives me a high-5 and looks very happy. No, the bms aren’t going in potty at daycare or at home. He doesn’t get that at all yet.

I’m going to continue to build with this child, however, to protect myself in future, I will be adding to my policies my definition of potty trained - i.e. child being able to tell me when they have to go and being able to handle their clothing. I got lucky in this case that the boy is easy-going, very light, and quite willing, and the parents haven't pressured me on how to be at daycare with him. I’ve also noticed the other kids in my daycare are pleasantly surprised that he is able to do what he can now.
Although his parents are positive people, I did sense a bit of disappointment from them in discussing his progress the day he came back ….I don’t understand how they could expect him to somehow understand the whole process in a week. I told them it’s quite normal for children to not be fully trained by age 2 and there’s a whole range of ages when it happens…. They don’t acknowledge that fact when I say it. I feel like there’s an elephant in the room when we talk about this little guy and I want to say ‘have you noticed that he is quite delayed in development?’ but I don’t…. They must know it, but perhaps are in a bit of denial. I hear mom telling him ‘you’re a big boy now’…. I imagine when at public play centers, the usual questions come up - how old is your baby, when did they start walking... blah blah… all the comparison questions. So at least now they can say he goes on the potty already.

[Peacefulbird]

Thank you so much ebhappydc,

It is amazing what he have achieved in just a week! You just made my day;0) in my experience I would say in another week or two he will be fully trained.

I usually ask parent to buy and bring easy pants (old pijamas bottoms work great). I do observations and check what the child needs in order to succeed at this tast I. E. A potty of his size, no long t-shirts etc.

As a mother I can tell you, my feelings go to them, imagine must be hard to accept that your must loved treasure will have a challenging life. And I'm sure they will want to push him up as much as they can so, he can gain independence and survive in this world. I admire his mother for loving him and making sure he doesn't get treated in any different way. A child that is looked for his virtues rather for what he can't do ;0)

Ebhappydc, I used to look the process of training the same way before, time, pulling pants up, washing hands etc. When I took to analize it actually worked in my favor.

1. Diapering, I need to wash my hands before, set the change table, lift the baby up to change, then again lift to put him on the floor, bag and dispose the diaper, wash his hands, disinfect the change table wash my hands.

2. Almost trained or in process, pants down they sit on their own, wipe pants up and wash hands. (I do wash hands at their level, no lifting involved)

About telling you or verbalizing. The expressive language develops slowly compared with the receptive language, he can clearly understand but not express yet. I have my little ones potty trained before their language, we just follow routines at first and then suddenly they find the way to let you know. If you observe their behaviour you will know.

And yes, if you want to change or clarify in your policy you should. I have friends who clearly explain that, they "do not potty train".

Anyway, thank you so much again. And good luck with that little angel:0)