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  1. #1

    Potty Trained DCB Pooping in Pants

    I’ve had this new DCB for a little over a month. He is 3 in a couple of months, & He is & was fully potty trained when I got him. Over the last 2-3 weeks, mom & dad have been telling me that he doesn’t use the toilet to go poop anymore & has been purposely going in his pants & he has not gone in the toilet for a few weeks now. He never had an accident like that here until today.

    When I noticed it, it looked like he had been sitting in it for a while because he was playing as he usually does & did not seem uncomfortable AT ALL or gave any clues that he had pooped himself. It’s like he was ok with sitting in his own poop. I also didn’t think to check him like I usually do often with my 2 diapered DCK because he’s already potty trained. A few weeks ago mom also told me that one time at home he made a comment how he “like to poop in my diaper”. I’m wondering if seeing his 2 daycare friends still being in diapers is making him realize he can just go in his pants & not have to go to the toilet. For some reason it’s only poops that he has been doing in his pants, not pee. He uses the washroom regularly to pee but won’t poop in the toilet anymore.

    Besides this, he has been his usual self. In fact, he loves coming here so I don’t think it’s stress from new environment causing him to have accidents. When he’s picked up he doesn’t want to leave. Normally for potty training I take kids to the toilet every so often to make sure they go, but I’m not sure how to handle or approach a situation where an already potty trained child that is reverting back to diapering. I know putting a diaper on him will just make it worse, but I told mom that I’ll try take him to the toilet every so often to make sure he goes but if after next week he’s still having accidents I have no choice but to put a diaper on him.

    Any insight as to why he’s been doing this & how it should be handled? I should add that this new family is great to work with & fully respect me as a provider so I know if/when I recommend something they would fully follow through.
    Last edited by wpgmomma0412; 04-11-2019 at 01:31 PM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    63 Times in 51 Posts
    I think I remember someone suggesting in a previous thread about a similar topic that a situation like this should have the child in the bathroom changing and cleaning themselves completely (although i'd check to make sure they don't come back dirty) and to have a fun activity going on with the rest of the group during the time they're are figuring our their own mess, so they miss out on the cool activity.

  3. #3
    Euphoric !
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    476 Times in 359 Posts
    If you/parents are cleaning him up afterwards, there's no incentive for him not to poop in his pants. He's clued in that the younger children don't have the inconvenience to stopping their play to go to the toilet and just soil themselves and therefore, he's up for that. It's way better than missing out.

    So while using the toilet is less convenient than soiling himself, you have to make it so soiling himself is the biggest inconvenience of all.

    He needs to retrieve his fresh clothing from his bag. He needs to undress himself. He needs to get cleaned up (with you help as is age appropriate). He needs to put his soiled clothes in whatever he's taking them home in. He needs to get his fresh clothes on, wash his hands etc before being able to rejoin the activities. You and parents need to limit the assistance you give with this to just what is necessary to ensure you don't have poop falling from his soiled clothes all over your house. Don't hold open his fresh underwear/pants for him to step into.

    No negative comments but you do need to have the conversation that going to the washroom is quickly than all the malarkey of cleaning up an accident. Make sure that the activity going on while he's getting cleaned up is something he would love to be participating in. He has to understand that the only reason he's not playing at the moment, is because he's soiled himself and so until that's sorted out, he isn't available to play. And it's his consequence - not yours, to freshen up. If he was fully toilet trained and if there hasn't been a major event at home (new sibling, parent working away) then it's fully a choice he is making and we all have consequences to our choices.

    Having Mom and Dad on board and taking the same approach will shorten the time it takes him to grasp the lesson. But if Mom and Dad and going to do all the clean up, which is faster than the child doing it and no effect on his part, the entire process of making an accident inconvenient will fail. It requires a consistent but kind approach.

  4. #4
    I’m coming back to ask for more advice. I’ve been using the suggestion that Suzie gave & it still is not working. After he realized I wasn’t going to clean it up for him like I do with the diapered DCK, he stopped pooping here entirely & saved it for home & let it out for his parents. His mom told me she thinks he’s doing it for attention at home, I told her why I think he’s doing it here. So far it seems like we are both on the same page about this issue.

    Today he pooped 4 times, none of those 4 times were fully in the toilet as it should be. He did once in the morning & this one I don’t even really count as a success because I noticed he was trying to poop where he was siting & I reminded him where he’s supposed to go if he has to poop. He just barely made it to the toilet & as the poop was coming out while he was pulling his pants down he got some on his underwear. This afternoon he pooped 3 times. The first time this afternoon he went in his pants, did the method Suzie recommended. Then afterwards he came back to play & went AGAIN in his pants. Again, I did the same thing Suzie recommended. The third time this afternoon was the same occurrence as this morning, just barely made it & I had to catch him trying to go in his pants again. The very last time he was telling me that he already knew what he was supposed to do “I know, I get the underwear in the bag & put it over there”. He was explaining to me the exact steps as he was doing them & didn’t seem to mind AT ALL, like it wasn’t an inconvenience for him at all. The very last accident the only thing that seemed to maybe get through to him was when he asked where the underwear was in his bag & I told him he has no more, he used up all his extras & they were now dirty.

    Today I would say I spent about 30 minutes in total on poop duty & that’s not even me doing the usual gathering of poopy clothes, cleaning, getting new ones, etc. (I did none of this, as Suzie suggested it would get through to him that it’s more of an inconvenience for him). I don’t know what to do anymore & this is so unsanitary. Today for his last accident another parent was picking up & I couldn’t even be engaged in our usual pick up interaction because I was secretly standing in the distance watching him making sure he was doing what he was supposed to. This DCP left without much of a conversation. Like I mentioned before, I don’t think putting a diaper on him would help in the long run. Yes, it would make my life easier but from what I’ve seen with this DCB so far, he would love being in a diaper & potty-training would have to begin all over again once he gets into one. At this point, I feel like a diaper is the best option & I really don’t want to do that.
    Last edited by wpgmomma0412; 04-29-2019 at 08:59 PM.

  5. #5
    Euphoric !
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    476 Times in 359 Posts
    It's a process. And while having 4 accidents in one day takes time, he's had a whole three years of being cleaned up. Three years of habit to break is going to take time and consistency for him to believe that you aren't ever going to be stepping in and cleaning him up. This is his responsibility now going forward, for ever.

    The fact he opted to not poop in day care and wait until he's home, should show you that he has full and total control over his bowel movements. Sure, this day he went 4 times but to be honest, he can only hold it so long!

    So what if another parent showed up during the last incident of the day? You were busy dealing with a child in the toilet which is higher priority than an adult hoping for a usual interaction with another adult. I'm sure that parent would prefer your focus to be on the child during business hours which means sometimes, the adults have to be adults and understand your priorities.

    At the moment, this is a power struggle. He knows you can't stop him pooping in his underwear. You know he has full control and he's just choosing not to use the bathroom and soil himself because he's not entirely convinced you won't clean him up as you would a diapered child.

    Be consistent and keep going. I've not lost a battle of will with a three year old yet. If you don't keep going, it's just geography in the sense you'll be going through it all from the beginning again, in 6 months time or in the future. It's going to be just as unsanitary then.

    Don't put a diaper on him. That's the adults making the decision that it's too inconvenient for them to follow through with teaching him something. Keep going.

    And since he clearly knows what he needs to do and was talking you though the steps, stop interacting with him so much during the process because you are rewarding the accident with your full attention. Once he's cleaned himself up to the point you don't need to supervise for hygiene reasons, walk away and leave him to redress himself.

    Focus on everyone but him as much as possible during the clean up. He's meant to be missing out. It's meant to be inconvenient. He isn't meant to have your full attention for the duration.
    Last edited by Suzie_Homemaker; 05-04-2019 at 01:53 PM.

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