I really started to get confident in childcare lately. Even though I am a trainee, I felt I have been stepping up lately. Planning activities, remembering all the important things, talking to parents. I know I still lack experience, and I make mistakes. I beat myself up every time I make a mistake. I want to be perfect at my job and I care about the children so much. I want them all to be safe and happy.

Unfortunately there are some safety issues at my work. Some of it is due to management. Some of it is due to staff members. There are a few staff members that I have got to point of basically refusing to work with. They just can't wait to leave asap and they don't care about the regulations, child safety etc. I wish I was in a room so could only be responsible for a small group of children but I am float so I feel I have to pick up on every room's slack and also being a fairly new and trainee, I have to follow orders of people sometimes I feel are not knowing what they are doing. I was in a room and noticed a child had a really high fever. I was checking the temp. Within 15 mins it climbed to 38.1 degrees C. I told the one in charge of that room at the time as I am a trainee so mostly that's what I do with most situations. Next thing I know, she was gone and didn't communicate anything to the educator replacing her. Then, I was supposed to move rooms too as I was needed in another area, but as I had to sort out the child's illness, notify management, etc. I even had to tell the educator senior to me we need to call the parents. All the while, staff yelling at me because I am not coming straight away. I keep explaining, there is a child really sick but they don't listen. Other times, I have to explain senior educators our policies regarding injuries etc. Other times, educators can't even remember to all the children's nappies if I'm not in the room. Often educators don't position effectively. I have found i have to start telling more senior educators to move to another area where the children actually are. I will move from a high risk area cos another senior educator went in that area, only to watch that educator is not in control of the rough play happening there when I was fully in control previous to them taking over the area. I absolutely do not like working in the kindy. The ECT just make the children watch youtube videos most of the time and yell at the kids. Most of the time, a start in the morning. Sunscreen hasn't been applied. Yards not set up. Of course no nappies/toileting done. I am running around frantically trying to do everything. One team member has got enough on her plate. A few really not picking up the slack. Educators also don't think. In the morning/afternoons we will have one area completely overstaffed with floats. Another area is just in chaos. All it would take is an educator to think, 'oh this area is overstaffed, maybe we should check the other areas.'

Today, an educator who is highly experienced had several safety issues all while parents were coming in (due to bad practice) in the nursery with only three babies on her own but due to the safety issues, another team member and I had to keep stepping into her room. I constantly fear a serious incident or other bad things will happen at my work. I want to quit, find a new job. I'm not sure I am cut out for child care sometimes. I feel too highly strung. I also would like to be at a different centre but as i do my qualification through my work, I feel I can't easily leave. I want to finish my qualification quickly but sometimes feel I can't take another day.