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  1. #1
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    WWYD? Mom Doesn’t Want Sunscreen

    I have a 21 month old girl in my care, & for the last while her mom has been really getting on my nerves. She’s the type of mom who asks for the most but has a problem paying what she pays (none of my other families ever have any issues). She’s the type of daycare family that is waiting in my driveway at 6:50am & one of the last to pick up when she isn’t working anymore & doesn’t need such excessive hours anymore.

    With the weather being so nice where we are, we are out as often as possible (within safe conditions of course), & this 21 month old DCG has VERY sensitive skin & burns very easily at the mildest of conditions. I usually go by UV index when putting sunscreen on. This particular mom had sent me a very angry text at 7:30 one evening telling me I put too much sunscreen on her (it’s really not THAT much, she just provided me with the most gloopiest slimiest sunscreen) & asked me if I COULD NOT USE IT ANYMORE unless it’s “extremely hot” because she “is too hard to bathe in the evenings” since it won’t come off. I politely reminded her that when it is extremely hot we don’t go outside & to clarify if she doesn’t want it being used at all then? She said yes, she doesn’t want me using it anymore. So I stopped using it, & the day after she picks her up & her DCG is red because she didn’t have sunscreen that day. This particular day was not even remotely hot, it was a nice 19 degrees Celsius, & the UV index was at 4 & we were out for only 30-40 minutes & she had gotten so red. Then mom asks me if we can limit our outdoor time to accommodate her sensitivity & I told her I unfortunately cannot. We are inside when the conditions aren’t safe for the children to be out & all she said was “ok” with a loud sigh & was avoiding eye contact.

    The day after she had ALSO sent another angry text asking if I could not take her travel wipes case out of her diaper bag because “I need it for when I’m out with all the kids”. So I again had to remind her that she didn’t send any wipes with DCG after I reminded her to send more & that case was the only one in her bag that I could use.

    For the last 9-10 months I’ve had DCG there have been some occurrences of these types of instances, but they’ve been really increasing over the last month. I’ve been cutting her lots of slack & been giving her the benefit of the doubt because she just had a baby last month so I know her hormones are probably all out of whack right now & she’s probably just tired & exhausted.

    What would you guys do?

  2. #2
    Starting to feel at home...
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    While the child is in my care, it is my responsibility to keep them safe. If the child gets burned in my care, I am the one to blame. I would explain that we as a group go outside, and sun protection is required in my program. Maybe suggest SPF clothes and a wide brimmed sunhat to decrease the amount on sunscreen needed. All exposed skin will still need adequate sunscreen applied. A thin layer will result in not getting the full SPF level listed on the bottle.

  3. #3
    Shy
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    Thank you, Discoveries. I have asked this DCM to also send a sunhat with DCG & proper loose fitting clothes to protect her sensitive skin & she has still yet to send any. She sends her in short shorts with shorts as an extra pair of pants, sleeveless tops, & no sun hats. One time she did send an extra pair of loose fitting pants but they were a size 8 & she’s only 21 months...

    Also, for the last few weeks she has had an awful consistent diaper rash that is breaking her skin & very rarely does she send diaper cream with her because she knows I have Vaseline here that I’ll use if I have to. I’m not sure if she’s just too comfortable knowing
    I’ll use extra anything I have here, but I’m getting a little tired of this.

    One time last week it was scheduled to lightly rain & I did inform parents the day before that we were going to go out & walk through the puddles for fun & to send them with appropriate clothing because it was going to be a cold day that day. She brought her in shorts, sandals, & a sleeveless top with no extra clothing in her bag. The day after that she also had 4 blowouts that day & there no extra clothes in her bag & I had to use my daughters clothes.

    It’s parents responsibility to send their children with proper materials & clothing that is required (diaper cream, wipes, weather appropriate clothing), it’s in my handbook that they’ve all read & agreed to.

    Later edited to add: another blowout just now with no extra pants or diaper cream for her horrible diaper rash. I had quickly texted to ask if there’s any in her bag that I’m not aware of & she says there’s a container in there & when I find it it’s an EMPTY container with nothing in it. DCG has been having gut issues lately & having awful diarrhea 3-5 times a day (doctors note provided to me confirmed it wasn’t due to a contagious illness but rather a reaction to medications she was taking for another non-contagious illness she was battling) & you’d think DCM would know to always send cream with her since she’s always been prone to rashes. Her rash is so bad right now that it is covering her ENTIRE diaper area & some of her top inner thighs. So I of course have to use my personal supply because there’s no way this poor girl cannot have her rash covered with something it’s that bad.
    Last edited by One&Only; 06-17-2019 at 11:26 AM.

  4. #4
    Expansive...
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    Oh my....
    Sunscreen and hats and wipes and diaper cream and appropriate clothing are all necessities at my daycare. If a parent can’t remember to send those things, I send them home to get them.
    If she can’t be sunscreened, then she needs UV clothing.
    When I worked in a centre, if we had repeated instances of necessary supplies missing from a child’s
    Belongings, then we were told to phone CAS to report neglect.
    If you have the time at drop off, I would look through the bag, and send mom back home to get them.

  5. #5
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    Wow!!! Poor dcg.

    Although I'm 120% sure I'll be bombarded for this but, here it goes.

    1. I think we are in the situation that we can develop a kind of more community support. And no, I'm not saying or supporting parents to be negligent. We are human beings and we are not perfect. We all learn as we grow everyday, things get easier and better as we support each other.

    2. Sunscreen insidents, I agree there are some brands that are awful, my solution: either guide properly parents and let them know our preference or best brands or as always i have a daycare sunscreen (makes my work go smooth no frustrations at all, if they still insist to use their own perfect they must put on their child before daycare hours other ways i'll use our DAYCARE SUNSCREEN:0) My main goal "protect the child.

    3. A child with delicate skin (I'm the experienced and I usually suggest to get the clothing appropriate for protection or I'll use from our DAYCARE DONATED STASH, color, size etc doesn't matter my goal is PROTECTION and parents know that.

    4. Sun hats, socks, pants t-shirts shoes etc. I have almost 20 hats many styles and sizes (somebody forgot that won'truin our day, not a problem we have extras;0)

    5. Wipes, it is builted in my rate they can bring it or not my job still gets done without any frustration.

    6. Appropriate clothing ( no problem I always keep an extra change each child, and then some more because clothing sometimes doesn't get returned on time)

    7. Diaper rash cream, if the child is very sensitive then I usually ask to buy two containers and I always keep one here and also I usually keep a DAYCARE one too. That way my day doesn't depend in a bag that might contain or might not what it's needed.

    8.
    She’s the type of daycare family that is waiting in my driveway at 6:50am & one of the last to pick up when she isn’t working anymore & doesn’t need such excessive hours anymore.*
    I think as you mentioned she had a baby, maybe she really needs your support. Maybe she is not even sleeping well most babies do not sleep through the night, I cannot even remember how I used to function normally with out my full night sleep. Maybe she really needs her older daughter under your care while she recuperates or even catch up with her sleep. As far as she is not dropping her off way before and after your agreed hours then I think it is all fine. Usually my mind isn't in what families do or not do with their free time. I'm open and work 8 to 5pm. I do my job and that's it. (No resentments or frustrations my mind is basically in doing my job the best I can)

    Acting emphatically has helped me to develop a tight community in my group. Parents constantly donate things and help each other, we share inf. The parents in my group are very thankful and support each other. We recycle lot clothing, diapers that kds had outgrown etc.

    Plus, I do buy things to make my job run smoothly. All TAX DEDUCTIBLE but my acc. Makes sure it is off 100% as business essential expenses like food.

    I know many will object the way I do things but, I have learned that making my job easy has made my days go stressless and focused on "quality" rather than resentment, frustration, blame and findING who's guilty. I enjoy my days and make sure my group enjoy every day spent here;0)
    Last edited by Peacefulbird; 06-18-2019 at 05:24 AM.

  6. #6
    Euphoric !
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    It's not okay in my mind for this child to be outside without sun screen. Even with clothing that offered more protection, I'd still expect for sunscreen to be applied. I read somewhere a long time ago that it only takes one instance of sunburn in a child under 5 years to create a significantly higher expectation of skin cancer in later life and that has always stuck firmly with me.

    For this particular child I think you have to first assess if you've reached your limit or not. Most of us aren't going to judge you if you are there and if dealing with this particular parent has just got to the stage where you are done investing your time, effort and worry in a parent who doesn't appear to even be trying to contribution to a solution.

    I personally think it's totally unreasonable for a parent to provide a sunscreen and then complain when it's used, to even consider that it's better for the parent that a child is outside without sunscreen vs the parent having to invest a little effort in bathing their child at the end of the day, for a child who is known to have digestive issues not to have spare clothing, or for a child is skin sensitivity issues to not have diaper cream.

    I don't think it's up to you to have solutions to all these issues and I certainly understand that you came here for support and not to be belittled. I don't believe a stash of hats and an investment in business deductible expenses will make you feel that the World is full of unicorns farting rainbows.

    I also understand that the objection of you posting wasn't to be told ways to turn your frown upside down but as to see if your requirements are reasonable.

    Your requirements are not unreasonable.
    You feeling frustrated that this parent is endlessly picking at your service even though most of these issues are of their own doing, is very understandable. You aren't a stepford wife with a fake smile and a pretentious faux outlook, you are a professional carer who sees that the level of care from this parent is lacking and you wouldn't be human not to feel some frustration at all these things.

    There absolutely is a point at which it's not worth it. I wouldn't buy car seats for a client because they are tax deductible and you shouldn't have to be put in a situation where you are making purchases specifically for one child whose parents are failing to provide the essentials.

    I imagine it's incredibly stressful dealing with this client and likely you are dreading her arrival time to see what crazy situation is coming to your door with this client each morning. The fact that on top of it all, she resents paying would be the icing on the cake for me.

    I choose to make my day home space calmer and happier not by aiming to fix my client's issues but by choosing client's who fit well. If you decide to replace her, don't feel like you failed.

  7. #7
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    Busy ece mommy,

    When I worked in a centre, if we had repeated instances of necessary supplies missing from a child’s*
    Belongings, then we were told to phone CAS to report neglect.
    i have worked in centres too and it seemed an issue. I was never told to report CAS unless I suspected child Abuse. I usually solved with them bringing extras so our days can run smoothly.

    Some centres (because it seems a common issue, have builted all this extras in their rates others just use the centre stuff and parents get billed at the end of the month with an extra amount I personally find this more effective), others just carry extra stuff (because obviously you might have families that are in real need and many non for profit centres, support their communities ).

    If I saw a child, dirty, starved, and improperly dressed obviously thst will rise red flags and CAS had to be involved but not for things that we know families easily forget, I was trained to slso train the parents and find together the best solution to protect their child.

    I saw a college centre teacher that during winter will send and message parents with the picture of their child and tell them why they aren't playing with the group or why they had to be left with the other group indoors and had no outdoor time. (Also effective it motivated parents to check their child's cubby to make sure they have all what is needed)
    Last edited by Peacefulbird; 06-18-2019 at 05:56 AM.

  8. #8
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    Thank you for your opinion, Peacefulbird. I do respect your opinion & the advice you’ve given. However, I have been VERY sympathetic over the last few months (she’s my first DCK I’ve had since I’ve opened) & there’s been nothing but issues with this family & in the beginning I was very lenient & understanding & now I am growing a little tired of the same old run. This is the family that would round payments down the lowest dollar & complain that its “only $4.00” when I would remind them on the following invoice that their payment was actually $274.00, not $270.00. This is also the same family who asked me to open at 6:30am one morning & made a huff when I said I would for an extra $10.00.

    You’re right, it is not my business what families do in their time that their child is here. They’re paying for the spot & can use it as much as they wish. However, DCG has always had sleeping issues at night & has problems getting a full nights rest & in the mornings she’s often very groggy due to this. I do know that mom still sets her alarm to bring her here right at 7am instead of just letting her sleep a little longer because she clearly needs it. The other day she mentioned how DCG barely got any sleep & she STILL set her alarm to bring her & was waiting in my driveway at 6:53am.

    As for the sunscreen, the reason I don’t use my personal stash (I buy the 2 pack for my daughter & the 2nd one is kept in my cupboard to be used as extras for children who don’t have) is because her mom has said she reacts to almost all sunscreens that are used on her & breaks out in an allergic reaction rash due to her very sensitive skin. The sunscreen she provided for her is the only one she’s found so far that actually works & she doesn’t react to & she does not wanting her wearing it.

    I have been providing plenty of extras over the last 9-10 months, & it’s becoming very frustrating to have to remind parents to provide for their own children. My other families are also noticing & wondering why this little girl is always coming unprepared. Yes, I do agree she is exhausted & tired, but that doesn’t excuse a continuous lack of parenting even after the first, even second time it happens. Mistakes happen & we’re all human, but at what point does the point get across to make some changes so the same mistakes don’t happen again? In the beginning I wrote it off to her just probably being forgetful due to pregnancy brain (because let’s face it, we’ve ALL been there), & now I’ve been writing it off to just being exhausted from the new baby.

    As for providing extras, my rate is considerably lower than most in my area & this is due to the fact that I won’t provide too many extras. I do provide food & that is it. I have an extra hat here, I will also lend it my daughters clothes but if this happens parents will be reminded that this is not acceptable & this is my last resort & I prefer not to.

    I do also carry an extra tub of Vaseline, but I will not provide an extra tub of diaper cream since it is expensive & medicating a child’s rash isn’t solely my responsibility. This DCG can only use a certain brand of cream on her skin & this brand is one of the more expensive brands (generic brands can’t be used on this girl). I will medicate a rash as often as needed if needed with the parents providing it for their own child. Since I have been caring for this girl I have gone through at least 5 tubs of the largest container of Vaseline because her mom just keeps forgetting to send. This little girl has had a rash MORE than 50% of the time I’ve had her in my care. Monday’s are the worst, she will come with an awful rash & by Friday it’s starting to look better with the frequent changes she gets here & then comes back on Monday with a brand new rash.

    If I have to start charging for extras or change my rate to reflect the amount of supplies I have to provide, families would leave to go elsewhere.

    The fact that I have had her for 9-10 months dealing with the same issues over & over again proves that I have been more than plenty sympathetic. The only reason I haven’t terminated at this point is because I really do love our DCG. She’s become a part of my family, & I kind of feel that DCM knows this & is taking advantage that I’ve grown to really become emotionally attached to DCG. She really loves it here & she started at 12 months (which we know is the worst time in their stage of emotional attachment to separate from mom), & it didn’t take her long at all to get comfortable.

    Edited: Now that I think about what I’ve just written I’ve realized that DCM could just be really comfortable knowing that I really do love DCG & figures I’ll have no problem providing things since I care about her so much. Taking advantage of the fact that she knows that I’m emotionally invested in DCG’s well-being. There’s no way that as providers we can prevent ourselves from being emotionally invested in the well-being of our children.
    Last edited by One&Only; 06-18-2019 at 08:02 AM.

  9. #9
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    Oneandonly,

    Thanks for all your explanation, now I can see it from your point of view.

    You have gotten some ideas and possible solutions to your situation. You can choose and decide what best suits to your situation, you're right the field of childcare do not only demands providing the basic needs for a child but also the heartship and emotionally involvement for the welll-being of each child and their families.

    With my experience I can tell you that you'll encounter many challenges, different families different believes and philosophies. I wish I could be certain and tell you that "choosing the perfect families" is a solution or writting a thight 50 or more pages contract will protect you from all this it might help to some extent but not 100%.

    I had to face the idea that no one in this world was born ready to be a perfect parent, many of us have learned with our first child, some lucky of us had the support of close relatives to guide us. But, as the society and generations keep changing families rely on us for our "experience".

    I had parents that admitted that they can be the best professionals in their fields but parenting was their greatest challenge. Many have admitted that bringing their children to my care made them feel safe because now they had an experienced woman that will guide them and support them and even if they had experience (because many were older siblings or for circumstances of their life had raised kids earlier in their lives), they felt that their child will be well cared and they knew why. No I won't say I'm a guru in this field, and I keep telling parents that I'm basically here also to learn from them and to support each other for the well-being of our future generation.

    I had to make big decisions while following this path, many times I had to question myself and became aware of my limitations and the potential lives I can touch.

    Humans are complex, parenting is complex to cater for all their needs is complicated but a single smile of a child can make fade all the complexity of the world we have created.

    More than ever now we have also to face and be aware of many challenges and mental issues keeps increasing (stress and depression mainly) it is not shown as my limited knowledge dictates (phisically seen someone acting different). No, mental issues are very well hidden.

    It all came to a point to question and ask myself what would make my job go smooth and enjoyable, obviously creating a world full of plastic toys or only means of entertainment for children would not do it. So I analized what and how these families needed my support, I'm very aware of what can be possible but also what can reach my limit.

    I fortunately have the situation to choose to stay or also go or move on from this field. Many don't, childcare represents the means of their live hood, and I only share what has been working successfuly for me. I've chosen NOT to give power to others and dictate my daily emotional stability (because my group of children deserve the best of me). I choose ME first and as every good professional does by choosing the right tools to do their work, I did choose the tools that best supported my commitment in this field, therefore I always try to suggest solutions rather than empowering negativity and resentment against each other. If a situation has reached your limit then without regrets it is time to admit it and let go (because I see you have done everything possible and this situation is affecting you emotionally)

    Charging low rates as you mentioned in your area plays a Double role, one that attracts families that aren't looking for quality but a cheap place or a desesperate woman that will accept anything, therefore test your limits and two you're letting a low rate dictate the quality of service you provide.

    So far as I can see your services reflect "excellence" then try to reflect that in your rates, you will see on how families will notice and figure it out. "Quality and excellence " comes with a price and only families that value that will join your group.
    Last edited by Peacefulbird; 06-20-2019 at 05:22 AM.

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