Quote Originally Posted by Peacefulbird View Post
One&only,

I was about to shut and stay quiet but, I had to speak up because of your situation and that little girl makes me feel sad.

I understand that we need to do a living and we look for jobs that suit best our needs. "Every job comes with challenges". The childcare field is stressful you have to deal in a daily basis with the public but not only that, also as complicated human beings are, your job will demand to understand and guide them. At times its not enough to tell or say. It basically will demand from you to actually think and act proactively in every step.

Clearly, the little girl is going through an attachment stage (which is absolutely normal at her age), she just started and this will persist until she feels secure with you and slowly let the objects that brings her security go.

I believe it is not the child's fault to have been changed from one daycare to another, you do not have any precedent to determine or judge if the other provider allowed this or not, maybe the child felt fear starting in a new environment and her blanket only represents her security.

In general the bottles at your place or at home or at the other daycare, doesn't really matter. What counts now is that you have taken her in your care. My question is what are your goals with this child from now on?

You must understand that not all children come with rules and schedules set and ready to move forward, children are more complex to undetstand, a developING brain is complicated. I continuously keep reading and guiding parents "no body is perfect" neither do I, we all learn and guide to each other.

To my understanding and this is how I guide my business "a home daycare" resembles and operates most likely like being at HOME, many parents in my area have expensive daycares to choose from they're absolutely beautiful and have profesionales working in them but parents choose "homedaycares"; because it resembles to "home for their child" this also means in my view "love, flexibility, understanding, guidance, support, nurturing, patience, and so on" and that's what basically I make sure my space reflects.

Many would probably argue that my perception of "homedaycare" is wrong, but this is what has kept my spots filled and a waiting list. Parents see that, parents value that. And that doesn't mean that my place is a chaos where everyone does whatever they feel like, or I would do anything to keep a client etc. No, it actually it is the opposite. As soon as they get in the group, the group (parents) start supporting. I do my job the best I can and they appreciate that. They value all the knowledge you have.

It was addressed as "passive-aggressive " behavior when the parent of the little girl placed her on your couch with a bottle.

If your furniture is off limits then I believe you should focus on thinking where is the spot or place "childfriendly" for a parent to do a drop off. Think and place things in that space that will actually make easy for a parent to leave their child or cover to protect your couch.

To be honest, it would probably be easy to take the bottle and blanket in your view and also mine BUT, then you'll have to deal with a distressed and screaming child your days will get longer and rough. Try to be flexible and you will se on how that child moves on (make your days easy don't stress yourself).

If this is too much and disturbs your well-being then perhaps it is better to think in changing work fields. Because in the childcare field you'll meet many kinds of families some kids settle easy and some not(no one is perfect) Recognizing your limits and strengths is good and that allows you to broaden your view and perhaps find other job or work options that alines best with your view and expectations. It is your life and it is up to you, you have the choise and freedom.
I think when the provider who was present feels that an action was "passive agressive" then we should have the respect to accept that is how it made her feel, in her home. The fact someone is another part of the country feels sad reading the information, is not your responsibity or concern. It's the same concept of someone "feeling offended" - it's on them, not you.

There is nothing in the original post to implythat a child on the couch was off limits so I think the whole drop off zone is background noise of offering alternatives to a non-issue. It was clear that the agreed compromise with the parents about the habit of endless bottles at home was ONE bottle would be supplied to the child to have at the table before nap. Bringing the child with a bottle, allowing the child to keep the bottle, placing the child on the couch with the bottle, expecting the provider to leave the child with the bottle - were indeed passive agressive actions on behalf of the parent challenging the provider to enforce the agreement that clearly the parent had no plan on honouring. If they did, they would have taken the bottle from the child in the car.

I don't let children wander around my house with drinks, bottles, sippy cups, water bottles. I have no issue what so ever with a child sitting on my couch. The two issues are incredibly different.

This provider has reached out for HELP and advice. She hasn't reached out to be told to reorgianize her drop off zone to provide seating (!!!) or to change careers because child care is stressful. What a judgemental and terrible thing to say to anyone who you have never met. It was not a kind and loving response - it was a nasty underhand shattering of someone's confidence and a post that was intentionally worded to create self-doubt and deliberate hurt. And it's been a long time since I've witnessed such blatent cruelty and unkindness - thankfully.


One&Only - There is more than one way to run your day home and choosing a different way to Peacefulbird does NOT make you a poor provider, in the wrong field of work, and it does not mean you are only doing this to make a living and this best suits your needs. I know you are well aware that every job comes with challenges and I think it's great when we recognize we are facing a challenge and reach out for other opinions as to how to resolve it vs a lecture about the child's needs.

This whole issue is nothing to do with the child at all - it's all about the parents, their actions undermining your attempts for a successful transition, the need for you to make them understand that they aren't running the show in your home where their child is one part of a larger entitity and while you of course are going to ensure the individiual needs are met, you are not going to sacrafice the needs of the others so this parent to feel her child is the priority over the others. The mothers actions are indeed creating an expectation in the child which is not practical outside the home. While you are running a home day care that does not mean taking the bad habits from the client's home and replicating them in yours - and the goal will indeed be to set this child up for success outside the home with realistic expectations and the skill set to manage when things aren't alwlays driven by the wants and needs of one individual.

Since your questions were about how to manage the parent who was blatantly acting in a manner she had agreed not to, most of your answers will address your challenge and not go off at a tangent about things you, like any other provider, will know regarding a child transitioning and their emotions about it.

So again, I'll say :-

IF you have policies about children having bottles. drinking on your couch, jumping on your furniture and being RESPECTFUL of your home and belongings, and a parent isn't following them, I would address that promptly with the parent. It is wholly unconnected to the child's emotions, experiences in prior daycare, drop off zones and your ability to work in the industry you've chosen

The other thing I would say is - when you ask for advice, there will always be people who put you down. Often it's not you they are putting down but it's connected to their self-worth. The need to drag others down or to promote yourself by suggesting others offer a lower quality of service or care is reflective on them, not you. There's a lot of people like this - we had a heat pump guy come out the other week who spent the whole appointment telling us why he was so much better than his competitors and it left such a sour taste that we will not be going with him. He did us a huge favour by showing us the type of person he is and that nasty negativity backfired on him because while he thought he was showing up others, he was only showing up himself.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them. You'll get all sorts on the internet. You can skim by people who are only interested in self-promotion.

Running a day care is not solely about the child's needs and the transition from home to group care. It's bigger than that and encompasses adult interactions, managing client expectations, communicating with clients who trust us to care for their child while we are still strangers initially and many many other aspects. It's not always all about the children - that's the easy part most of the time. It's the adults who are jerks - parents, other provider's, etc. Like in life, learn to filter out those who don't contribute to solutions and just preach about how great they are.