In my opinion, 4 months is plenty of time for a child to adjust to routines/eating etc.
The whole sharing concept is still a work in progress even for kindergarten children lol
It’s so much easier when they start at 12 months, as they learn the routine and you set the tone for the expectations at daycare.
When I interview, I make sure that they can feed themselves regular table food( not purée) and
drink from a sippy cup. By 15 months, they are all proficient with a spoon, and by 18 months they are using a regular open cup to drink.
We go for regular walks, and by 18 months they all do a bit of stroller and a bit of walking on each trip. By 2 years my kids walk holding the side of the stroller handle, and even stop and check for cars before we cross the street.
I’m assuming this is an only child at home? It’s difficult when it sounds like there are no limits/consequences at home. You’re fighting a losing battle if the child gets whatever they want at home, and the parents are reinforcing developmentally inappropriate behaviours/skills at home.
I wonder what happens at the well baby visits for 18 and 24 months? Are they honest with the doctors about the feeding routines?
How is the child’s speech? Often a child who hasn’t developed strong oral motor skills(chewing/swallowing etc) may lag in speech as well.
I do developmental screenings on all my daycare kids and present it to the parents. Ultimately it’s up to the parents to relay any delays to the doctors, but some may sugar coat it.
It sounds like the child hasn’t been given the chance to develop the appropriate skills at home.
If you’ve tried your best, and the parents aren’t buying in to the suggestions, then it’s difficult to move forward.
We all want a good outcome, but ultimately look at how this child impacts the flow of routines, and affects the mood of the group. If the child is draining you or impacting the other kids, then it’s probably time to move on, and issue a termination notice.
Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you just can’t meet the needs of all children.
Make a choice that’s good for you and the other kids, and don’t feel bad about your choice.
Good luck!