3 1/2 yr old can't recognize letters or numbers

[playfelt]

The "little hands" label is likely coming from the mom. Sounds like mom either thinks she can't do it or just can't be bothered letting the activity take the extra time.

For new activities like the puzzle do a backwards chaining format - make the puzzle except for one piece and leave it on the table with the piece right there and hope she goes to explore it or even ask her if she could finish it for you while you do something else. It has to become familiar to her. She may have been told she is too little so much that she lacks confidence. Then gradually leave more and more unmade till she is starting with you from scratch putting in most of the pieces.