Need advice on how to handle a mother of a child in my daycare please!

[Daniellesipes]

Hi I have been providing childcare in my home for 1 year now. I have over 10 years experience with children including my own 2 children. I have this little girl that is suppose to come to me 5 days a week. She has very bad separation anxiety from her Mother. The Mother is suppose to drop her off at 7am every morning and comes in at 6:20am! and sits on my couch with the little girl on her until 7am. She then leaves and the little girl cries all day. I have had her for 8 weeks now and I am at the breaking point. I have asked the Mother to come in and drop her off quickly and it will be easier for the little girl. I have also suggested she bring her on the weekends and stay with her so she know she is safe with me. Anyone have any other suggestions?

[waterloo day mom]

quick goodbye, kiss, and gone. Staying for any period of time suggests to the child that mommy staying while she is in daycare is an option. it's not. It also might make her feel that she is supposed to be uncomfortable. If mom leaves quickly then she will know that mom is comfortable with leaving here there and so the child will feel more at ease. It is not going to be an immediate fix and the first few days will be rough on both you and the child, but if mom keeps staying things will never change.

[Katskids]

Hi! Wow.....unless you are already open at 6:20, do not let her in!!!! My parents do not even come in the door, quick kiss and pass the kids over to me! One of my little guys has wicked separation anxiety but it would be much worse if Mom stayed. It's nice of you to offer time on weekends but really...you need your weekends off! The poor little thing just needs to spend time alone with you and the other kids. Let the Mom know that it is disruptive to your routine when she hangs around and suggest that she is welcome to call you during the day to see how her little one is doing.

[KingstonMom]

This is not a playgroup, I dont allow mom to stay with kids for any reason.
Tell her that it is confusing the kid more having mom present at the daycare and she should come at 7am and drop the kid off and leave. It will be hard at first, maybe a week or two, but the kid should come around.
Having mom stay is DOING MORE HARM THAN GOOD. There should be no link between Mommy and Daycare. Kid will realize this soon.
If nothing changes, and kid still has seperation issues than give notice. Lose the cryer because you should not have to put up with that. It makes your day more stressful and it's not fair.
Hang in there, don't waste your time on this one.
No more mom staying and give it a week, two weeks MAX then its bye bye time

[zen39]

I completely agree with the others. Don't allow the mom to come in early to hang out with the child. Prolonging the goodbye confuses the child and makes the next day even harder. Tell the mom to set a positive tone when leaving, kiss and hug and smile goodbye. Even little ones can tell when their mom is upset and this can cause anxiety in them as well. Some kids benefit having a special something from home, photo, favorite teddy and this can be used to distract them as mom is leaving.

Unfortunately however there are just some children who do not transition well and if you've already given it 8 weeks I would only give it a couple more and if it continues I would terminate.

Good luck!

[mom-in-alberta]

I would absolutely tell mom that even though her intentions are good, what she is doing is only making it worse. Chances are the anxiety is coming mostly from mommy, and the child is just sensing/feeling this.
Let her know that for everyone's sanity, you need her to arrive at the anticipated time (no earlier!), drop and go. Get her to use the same script daily, so little one knows what to expect. ie; "Mommy loves you, *kiss*, see you at x-o'clock!" (Happy, positive voice is super important here!!)
I would NOT be inviting them over on weekends, as it will only be confusing to the child. She will not understand why sometimes mommy can stay, and sometimes mommmy cannot. Not to mention, you put in your time. Early mornings, extra time on the weekends.... no way!!
As the others said, give this method a couple of weeks to see some improvement. If there is none whatsoever, then I would be telling mom that she has not adjusted and perhaps a different environment would be better suited to them.

[Sarah]

Integration with mommy around should not take 8 weeks. This doesn't make senseIt looks to me like "mom" has separation anxiety and his passing it to her daughter.

I really encourage integration with mommy spending time with me, so the child feels that mommy likes the provider, but within a week not over 8 weeks.

My suggestion is to sit with mommy and her daughter and present her with an integration schedule for this week, a firm one.

For exemple:
day 1 she comes 30 minutes before and leaves
day 2 she comes 25 minutes before and leaves
day 3 she comes 20 minutes before and leaves
day 4 she comes 10 minutes before and leaves
day 5 she comes and leaves right away

Good luck with this!

[clep]

I would not allow any parent in my home before I am open. I often let my parents know that drop offs should be quick like a bandaid. If the band aid is being pulled slowly for a long time things are only worse for the child. Mom needs to give a quick kiss, hug, I love you and have a great day with a smile. Bye bye. I have had this often with parents that think hugging the child while they are crying for twenty min is good for the child. Once I explain it quickly and then let them know how things will change for their child they try it every time. After things go well with that and a few other suggestions, they start to have faith in me and usually ask now how to go about bettering situations with their child. It just sucks when they ask and leave it cause my idea takes too much work.

[Daniellesipes]

This mother is a friend and when I suggested what you said that she leave right after dropping her off she took her out and started to bad mouth me to all our friends. Wow I am not impressed I helped her so she could finish college. Sorry I am a bit upset right now. At least my problem is fixed just hope the little one is ok with the next sitter.

[Sarah]

This is what you call a friend??? A friend don't badmouth a friend and a friend listens to a friend's advices!

At least you now know she IS NOT a friend